Extra Punctuation: New Team Fortress 2 Classes

[ERROR989]

Awesome.

 

[TwistedEllipses]

I wasn't sure if Yahtzee was kidding until he got to the pilot...I had my doubts from the beginning, but I think the propaganda artist started off as a serious idea before he thought "sod it!" and just went for laughs...

 

[rickynumber24]

Still, if you're resigned to getting compared to Team Fortress 2, I think you should go in the other direction. Don't have less character classes than TF2

.

Fewer.

If you're going to boldface a word, Yahtzee, make sure it's the correct fucking word.



Sincerely,
The Propaganda Grammar Tiger Nazi

While the OED notes that this usage is `Freq. found but generally regarded as incorrect', it also points out that the citations for its usage as such actually go back to c. 888. I think after that amount of time it can be claimed as valid.

Valid? I disagree. Forgivable? Certainly.

EDIT: For a little more content... I've studied enough linguistics to understand how, no, actually, natural language is as natural language does, but I'm still a prescriptivist at times. There are things that are grammatically incorrect. On the other hand, humans butcher grammar all the time, and generally butcher it more, at least relative to what they should be doing, if it's their mother tongue, I'd guess.

 

[DevilWolf47]

True a fucking tiger would pretty much fuck the sniper and the scouts shit up since by the time the scouts shotgun is effective the tiger is already biting his balls off and the tiger would move too fast for a sniper to get an accurate lock, if the Heavy Weapons Guy gets a good enough leeway then he could potentially kill the fucking tiger. Soldier... hardy maybe. Obviously a fucking tiger would be hard to hit with a relatively slow moving projectile, but at the same time the fucking tiger might try to catch the rocket rather than evade it and get blown the fuck up. Medic's syringe gun might be capable of killing the fucking tiger with an item tailored for human physiology but not fucking tiger physiology, and the fucking tiger would have a sensitive nose and not want to go anywhere near the drunken demoman. As for how the spy would handle the fucking tiger, it's a little tricky. To backstab the fucking tiger he would have to jump onto the fucking tiger's back or get the fucking tiger to stand on it's hind legs. But even if he does manage to backstab the fucking tiger, how can he imitate the fucking tiger? Well maybe the red spy learned to imitate the fucking tiger while fucking the blue scout's mother, but still, the blue spy doesn't get to deal with the fucking tiger so easily.
Oh, one more thing, maybe you can balance the snipers weakness against the fucking tiger with the jarate. Make the jarate act like the bile bomb with the fucking tiger and make the fucking tiger attack anything under the effects of jarate, regardless of affiliation!

Okay, i'm done with the fucking tiger jokes. Besides, is Team Fortress 2 really in need of more classes? And if it were, how would they go about implementing them without fucking the current balance?
...i wonder how many times i used the word "Fucking" in this post alone...

 

[Lukeje]

Still, if you're resigned to getting compared to Team Fortress 2, I think you should go in the other direction. Don't have less character classes than TF2

.

Fewer.

If you're going to boldface a word, Yahtzee, make sure it's the correct fucking word.



Sincerely,
The Propaganda Grammar Tiger Nazi

While the OED notes that this usage is `Freq. found but generally regarded as incorrect', it also points out that the citations for its usage as such actually go back to c. 888. I think after that amount of time it can be claimed as valid.

Valid? I disagree. Forgivable? Certainly.

EDIT: For a little more content... I've studied enough linguistics to understand how, no, actually, natural language is as natural language does, but I'm still a prescriptivist at times. There are things that are grammatically incorrect. On the other hand, humans butcher grammar all the time, and generally butcher it more, at least relative to what they should be doing, if it's their mother tongue, I'd guess.

I was going to point out that you have to question what makes something valid in a language if not how it is spoken and written by its native speakers but you seem to have presaged this comment with your edit. So... yeah.

 

[Puzzlenaut]

I lolled all over the inside of my pants when I read the Tiger one

 

[Dragonpit]

A Crime Scene Investigator? In the middle of a war zone? Really? Points for the creativity, Yahtzee, but you already fail on the concept. Now, if you could play as an Assassin of Optic Camo...

 

[TriggerHappyAngel]

Team Fortress 2 is way better than Brink, because in TF2 I can buy all my items, in stead of having to earn them by actually playing the game :')

I see what you did there, assuming that was a joke.
But as far as actual game changing weapons(as in NOT useless hats) go, you can earn them all without having to buy them. Getting all the weapons are fairly easy, or at least they would be if they stopped fucking making so many all the time. Weapon collecting in TF2 is a small hobby of mine, even if I don't use all of them.

It definetly was a joke (I almost have all TF2 weapons myself, none bought).
I'm just getting a little tired from all the Brink~TF2 comparisons, they are both totally different games.

 

[RIOgreatescapist]

I cannot wait for the next article's japes. Japes that is, not any form of review or introspection bearer of any depthness whatsoever.
Besides, the game's production team was the very same responsible for enemy territory therefore any comparisons to enemy territory as instead of team fortress 2 would have much much more intellectual value.

 

[internetzealot1]

This article obviously isn't meant to be taken seriously, but the mundane-sounding Pilot class got me thinking. What if there was a class that was necessary for a team to succeed, but was completely devoid of any kind of cathartic gameplay. A class that basically required the one person playing it to do nothing more than be in the game? Could that work? Could people derive enjoyment from being the most important part of a team if they weren't allowed derive enjoyment from anything else? Could the implied gratitude from teamates be enough to sustain someone through an utter absence of fun? We can look to the popularity of medic classes for answers...but those classes still get to do something.

BTW, didn't get the Dr. Who reference.

 

[SamuelT]

So I'm guessing this if anything is to take the piss out of things, isn't it?

 

[SkyHawkMkIV]

Team Fortress 2 is way better than Brink, because in TF2 I can buy all my items, in stead of having to earn them by actually playing the game :')

You can get them in drops and craft, too

 

[Ibanez887]

.....I want a tiger class in TF2 now...

 

[Infernai]

Why not throw in a jedi class?

Jedi: One of the most powerful classes of the game, but also one of the most difficult to unlock and learn. Wielding the power of the force, this class gains access to a variety of different powers depending on whether they utilize the dark-side or light-side tree's. Unfortunately, they only have access to a single uncustomizeable weapon: The Lightsaber, which is available in three different colors: Blue, Green and Red. However, the unlock for this class is randomized for everyone and each person must do different things, unlock different classes and skills, and earn different achievements in order to unlock it. As well as this, the players must find a certain number of holocrons that are scattered across different maps and are randomized each match. (And if you actually get this reference and what I'm mocking, congratulations..you get a cookie!)

 

[Xman490]

I can only seeing the tiger being implemented, since it's the easiest to make, what with only a slight change in perspective.

 

[DethKid]

the first line of this article is so convoluted, yet hilarious. Such an unnecessary addition. But yes...Blink is my favorite Doctor Who Episode.

Yahtzee always goes deeper into useless tangents

 

[2012 Wont Happen]

Having extra classes in TF2 would completely upset the balance of the classes. They all do their thing and have their weaknesses and strengths.

Yeah. Yahtzee's entirely serious article in which he suggested a class where you play as a tiger and pee on things to claim territory is definitely flawed in that regard. I'm surprised more people didn't realize this and call him out on how much his suggestions that were not at all done for entirely comedic purposes but were obviously very serious business would ruin such a great game.

Bravo. (Okay, I'm done with this bit now and I apologize for any possible offence)

OT:

Good piece as always. I liked the wacky class suggestions. Especially pilot. Great parody of the modern "realism" movement in the gaming industry.

 

[Boxinatorizore]

I am Tiger, fear my teeth of justice.

 

[Ashcrexl]

I got some ideas

Cook: You can drop tasty treats over the battlefield, if your team eats them they regain health over time. However you can also drop poisoned treats and if the enemy eats them, they lose health, however you got to make sure your team doesn't eat them

Builder: You can build cover for your team to hide behind, not the best class as a lot of people would aim for you, but good for objective based gameplay

cook: so sort of like The Fear battle from MGS3? no? not really? never mind.

builder: like bigger better version of those weird levers in the Underground in Gears 2? no again? man, i'm terrible at this.