FAQ writing and why you suck at it

[gallaetha_matt]

This is going to be one of these citation needed threads where you'll just have to trust me. I don't want to post anybody's FAQ's because I don't want to embarrass them (even though I'm about to make it abundantly clear why certain FAQ writers need to be dragged out into the streets in stocks and pelted with rotten vegetables). I'm about to discuss the problems that I've seen in FAQ's and you'll just have to trust that I have actually seen them.

Before we start I'd like to thank the good FAQ writers for helping me out of my myriad gaming jams. But, much like the prostitute I've been dating for the past five months, I can't acknowledge you publicly. But unlike with Shawna, this is through fear of losing my gamer cred, and not my fear of going to prison for crimes against humanity.

Ahem...

Anybody who has ever played a Final Fantasy game will know how important FAQ's are. Sometimes when you're playing a game you just get stuck. You keep smashing against a brick wall and you need some guidance to show you where the door is. FAQ's for games (note how I didn't say Game Faqs there) are an indispensable last resort for frustrated gamers.

I was recently stuck on a game (this is where the citation needed stuff comes into play because I forget which one). I mean I was really stuck. I was trying to same mission every single way that I could think of. I was testing the very limits of the control system just to find alternate ways around this particular problem (which I don't remember, but trust me, it happened). I decided to bite the bullet and go to a certain website most known for providing FAQ's for games.

I found the game I was playing (whatever it was), used CTRL-F to find the section I was stuck on and then read what I hoped to be my salvation.

What I got instead was this (paraphrasing here, but trust me, it happened) - "This bit's really easy. If you get stuck on this section then I don't understand how you even got this far."

Which was like a slap in the face. I was treading superglue on this game - I had literally exhausted my not inconsiderable video game knowledge on this mission, and this little FAQ writing shit was insulting me?

But that wasn't even the worst part, the FAQ then used up a single line describing a strategy I'd already tried ten times before, then swiftly started spoiling the cutscene that follows the mission.

Now that shat in my breadbin, make no mistake.

So I decided to do some petty internet revenge and describe some of the most annoying things I've seen in videogame FAQ's (libel is getting harder to avoid with each sentance). If you're thinking of writing an FAQ for a game, please see blow for what not to do...

Don't insult your reader or spoil things without fair warning - A person is coming to you for advice. Knowing most gamers, they're probably also coming for you in the same way a 19th century cockney urchin will beg for scraps in the street, twisting their farmers flatcaps and feeling politely defeated. Insulting a person when they're this low is a bit of a dick move.

Also, if you haven't said SPOILER WARNING in massive, easily readable letters (possibly flashing in alternating bursts of green, red and purple) then don't just start giving away plot points.

Example: See my rant above

Don't try to be funny - Because you're not. Or rather, we, the weak, huddled masses of gamefailures aren't coming to you for jokes. It's a bit like climbing a tibetan mountain range to seek a mystic who knows the meaning of life but is choosing to relay this information via knock-knock jokes.

By all means write in an entertaining way, but don't strongarm jokes into your FAQ, and especially don't strongarm these jokes into your FAQ if you've just ripped them from south park, the internet or are just trying to tell us that the cake is a lie.

Example: "This bit is super, super serial. It is SERIOUS BUSINESS! Press the jump button twice, and make sure to time it right otherwise the boss's club will smash you into pulp. MESSEH!!!! DERRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPP

If you're going to offer advice, make sure that's what you're offering - I've said that gamers are coming to you for help. That means that you need to be qualified to help them. I.E You should have actually completed the game that you're writing an FAQ for, at the very least you should've at least played it. I've seen plenty of FAQ's that just described the blunderously obvious and the only help that they offer are with things that the player can figure out on their own.

Example: Follow the yellow arrow out of the rom, turn right when the corridor turns that way, kill the boss in this room, watch the cutscene, then proceed out of the room and then kill the next boss. Follow the yellow arrows out of the base before the time limit runs out.

Don't drivel on about unrelated issues - You are not a novelist - so don't make the first five pages of your FAQ about the origins of it, or why you decided to write an FAQ, or thanking everybody that helped you. You need to understand the mentality of the person that's reading your FAQ. They're probably feeling pretty stupid, or frustrated and possibly a little bit angry. If nothing else, they probably have the game paused in the background - they probably just want to use your work as a point of reference, like a text book for an essay. They want to get in and out, and usually close the browser and delete their browser cache so nobody will know they've looked for outside help. Keep it streamlined.

Example: Wow, I've had over 1,000 views of my FAQ for Bible Stories 2: The Life Of Christ and I'd just like to take this opportunity to thank everybody that has read it. I first noticed that Bible Stories 2: The Life Of Christ needed an FAQ when I played the hard mode, and I noticed that this wasn't as easy as normal mode. Or easy mode. I made it my life mission to ensure that no other gamers lost their messiah points in the boss battle with Pontius Pilat. In many ways, and all ways: I am a hero.

Now that that's out of the way, some acknowledgements. I'd like to thank my parents (because without them, there'd be no FAQWRITERBOOBFARTZLOL here today) and almighty God for bestowing upon me this earth shattering talent. I'd like to thank faqsforvideogames.com for posting my FAQ, and CAPTAINOBVIOUS for his FAQ (and before you flame me, I didn't copy and paste his FAQ into mine and just change a few of the words, that would make me a thief anyone who knows me knows that I'm not a thief, I'm a christian). I'd also like to take this opportunity to condemn the oil industry. NO BLOOD FOR OIL! Finally I'd like to thank my girlfriend for her input, good humour and rocking titties - we did it babe! We're on the internet!

Now before I get to the FAQ I just want to say that the main character of this game dies at the end. DERRRRPPPP!!!

Discussion Value: Anything annoy you about FAQ's? Post them here and we can all have a great big moan.

 

[Broady Brio]

Sadly, I haven't really seen a bad FAQ...

As of yet.

 

[shootthebandit]

Example: Wow, I've had over 1,000 views of my FAQ for Bible Stories 2: The Life Of Christ and I'd just like to take this opportunity to thank everybody that has read it. I first noticed that Bible Stories 2: The Life Of Christ needed an FAQ when I played the hard mode, and I noticed that this wasn't as easy as normal mode. Or easy mode. I made it my life mission to ensure that no other gamers lost their messiah points in the boss battle with Pontius Pilat. In many ways, and all ways: I am a hero.

i agree, its usually a quick google search then you realise thats its something really obvious

but can i just say i really want to play bible stories 2, it sounds like a great game.

 

[gallaetha_matt]

i agree, its usually a quick google search then you realise thats its something really obvious

but can i just say i really want to play bible stories 2, it sounds like a great game.

The first Bible Stories was great. It had that massive Prince of Persia-esque platforming section inside that whale, and that bit in the Job chapter where you try to go about your life while God slowly destroys you. Some tense stuff.

 

[shootthebandit]

i agree, its usually a quick google search then you realise thats its something really obvious

but can i just say i really want to play bible stories 2, it sounds like a great game.

The first Bible Stories was great. It had that massive Prince of Persia-esque platforming section inside that whale, and that bit in the Job chapter where you try to go about your life while God slowly destroys you. Some tense stuff.

sounds brilliant, ive heard theres a bit where youre on the cross and you repeatedly tap X not to die for 2 hours BUT you cant pause or use a modded controller (god can sense these things) it really creates a feeling of pain

once youve leveled up to walk on water its so much easier to beat the whale

edit: im going to look like a douche if this is actually a real game

 

[MurderousToaster]

I'm far too lazy to look through FAQs so haven't really used them. I normally just use Google and find random forum posts with the answers. I can understand your issues with them - if you actually find people with those problems, Jesus, they must be complete pricks.

 

[Onyx Oblivion]

I've seen tons of FAQs for Morrowind telling me how Medium Armor was shit, go Heavy or Light.

They fail to consider the weight of Heavy Armor bogging down your inventory. Fucking 15 for a base level Iron Shield? Merely caring about the protection.

Maybe I'd like to carry more than just my weapon, armor, and a few potions!

Maybe I want to bring back some loot to sell.

Medium Armor is more than adequate. Especially since the expansions added much needed variety to the selection.

 

[xdgt]

You read FAQs to pass games? Back in the day we just beat our head into a wall untill we came with a new way to pass the obstacle, sometimes for weeks or months at a time, either that or accept defeat and never ever play that game again.

 

[freedomweasel]

"shat in my bread bin" is hilarious.

One of the first things I learned about teaching was to never say 'it's really easy'. Whatever you say before or after 'it's easy' will of course confuse someone, and they will then feel like a total dumbass.

Usually when I get stuck I'll just google: *name of game* *general problem or level* and click on the first 3 results. Generally they're a faq, youtube video or a forum thread. I use full faqs on later playthroughs of RPGs to max/min a bit sometimes, or when trying to find those useless collectables I occasionally become inspired to 100% when I'm bored.

You read FAQs to pass games? Back in the day we just beat our head into a wall untill we came with a new way to pass the obstacle, sometimes for weeks or months at a time, either that or accept defeat and never ever play that game again.

And the game store was on the top of that snowy hill over there?

 

[Limie]

I hate when they explain the buttons on the controller and the basics controls for the game. These are in the instruction manual and most games have tutorial levels that will tell you what button does what. Failing that pressing buttons will immediately tell you what they do. You would't go on a Faq to fing out that the left analog stick is for character movement /rant

 

[Wolfram23]

I heard you like FAQs, so I made a FAQ about FAQs so you can read about FAQs in a FAQ.

*ahem*
I tend to agree. I've been to many good FAQs and Wikis but boy, some are just TERRIBLE. Although, you do seem to be referring more to the Walkthrough than a FAQ, but I guess at times it's interchangeable.

As a side note, I've read some really bad FAQs about upcoming games. I have tried in vain to figure out how Co-op is going to work on the PC version of Fable 3. Official FAQ sucks balls. It says yes, there's co-op. Next question? I know on console it's played on a single XBox but for the love of shit, I don't own a stupid XBox! How can I do it on PC!? GAH!

 

[xdgt]

You read FAQs to pass games? Back in the day we just beat our head into a wall untill we came with a new way to pass the obstacle, sometimes for weeks or months at a time, either that or accept defeat and never ever play that game again.

And the game store was on the top of that snowy hill over there?

Yes! How did you know? Also we had to go uphill both to the store and back home from it.

 

[omega 616]

Hey, I have some advice for you.

Don't try to be funny - Because you're not. Or rather, we, the weak, huddled masses of game failures thread readers aren't coming to you for jokes.

Just look at another FAQ, it doesn't matter what game it is, there is always another FAQ. I usually have 3 or 4 open, so if one doesn't work I have a few alternatives.

 

[freedomweasel]

You read FAQs to pass games? Back in the day we just beat our head into a wall untill we came with a new way to pass the obstacle, sometimes for weeks or months at a time, either that or accept defeat and never ever play that game again.

And the game store was on the top of that snowy hill over there?

Yes! How did you know? Also we had to go uphill both to the store and back home from it.

The convoluted routes you old farts took.. I'll never understand.

 

[Owyn_Merrilin]

I hate when they explain the buttons on the controller and the basics controls for the game. These are in the instruction manual and most games have tutorial levels that will tell you what button does what. Failing that pressing buttons will immediately tell you what they do. You would't go on a Faq to fing out that the left analog stick is for character movement /rant

Really? There have been several occasions where I've found that useful, almost all of them involving used games whose previous owner lost the manual. It's especially helpful when the game has important actions caused by button combinations that are not immediately obvious, like Mobile Suit Gundam: Journey to Jaburo, which is the game that most recently did this to me.

OT: I'm sorry to hear that you had such a bad experience with a faq. In my experience, the stuff on gamefaqs is top notch, and usually even better than the official guides by the like of Prima and Bradygames -- much better, actually. You do have to sift through the crap to find the good ones, but that generally means clicking on the one with the highest rating, out of a fairly small selection of faqs for an individual game.

 

[Ironic Pirate]

I'd submit a commet to this thread but sadly the OP is WAAAAAAY too long.

Then don't comment. It's well written, and not every thread is going to be a quick zombie apocalypse scenario.

Honestly, in the few seconds it took you to type that, you could have skimmed the post long enough to understand it.

It's like waiting in line for an hour at a store, only to complain that the line is too long.

 

[aseelt]

Stats. I don't want stats of the items in game.

E.g. Mammoth tank, 6,500hp, range 10, armour 5 etc. etc.

Hate that. It's just filler.

EDIT: Also I don't think it is libellous to mention GameFAQs or whatever. They just host the content, they don't generate it nor take responsibility for it.

 

[xdgt]

You read FAQs to pass games? Back in the day we just beat our head into a wall untill we came with a new way to pass the obstacle, sometimes for weeks or months at a time, either that or accept defeat and never ever play that game again.

And the game store was on the top of that snowy hill over there?

Yes! How did you know? Also we had to go uphill both to the store and back home from it.

The convoluted routes you old farts took.. I'll never understand.

You had to be there to understand. It built character you know. If you don't pass a game on your own then why even bother? Where's the satisfaction of beating a challenge and making it your own personal experience? If you go through a game listening to someone else's instructions how is it different from watching a movie?

 

[irishstormtrooper]

Generally, I stick to IGN for my game guides. Say what you will about their reviews, but their guides are definitely helpful.

 

[Limie]

Really? There have been several occasions where I've found that useful, almost all of them involving used games whose previous owner lost the manual. It's especially helpful when the game has important actions caused by button combinations that are not immediately obvious, like Mobile Suit Gundam: Journey to Jaburo, which is the game that most recently did this to me.

I can understand the lack of an instruction manual making those sections relevent and the longer combo suggestions are useful at times, however what I was trying to get at is some people include a diagram of say a ps3 controller with labels "this is the analog stick" which I find highly unnecessary and slightly patronising.