Favorite Yahtzee Line on Zero Punctuation

[Tekyro]

"It's like walking down a road in the middle of nowhere and stopping every five steps to crack yourself in the eye with a hammer...and the road is a million miles long...and the hammer is made of wank."

This, and I don't remember what review this one was from, but it started "If you ground the corpse of J.R.R. Tolkien into a fine powder..." I don't really remember the rest of it, could someone give me a hand?

Also, definitely NOT pants-on-head retarded. I hear that one so much, it's really starting to get on my nerves. Half of the people don't even know what they're quoting it from.

 

[RN7]

Air Strikes 2! Hooray for Airstrikes!

that and pretty much the rest of the mercenaries two and halo wars review.

 

[vodkainferno]

I don't know the exact line,
But it was from mad world, and it was about having enough piss to drown even the most open minded hooker...

 

[Macgyvercas]

"It's like walking down a road in the middle of nowhere and stopping every five steps to crack yourself in the eye with a hammer...and the road is a million miles long...and the hammer is made of wank."

This, and I don't remember what review this one was from, but it started "If you ground the corpse of J.R.R. Tolkien into a fine powder..." I don't really remember the rest of it, could someone give me a hand?

Also, definitely NOT pants-on-head retarded. I hear that one so much, it's really starting to get on my nerves. Half of the people don't even know what they're quoting it from.

The line is from the Witcher, and it goes: "What would you get if you took the corpse of J.J.R. Tolkien, ground it into a fine powder and snorted it off the doughy breasts of a prostitute suffering from touretts syndrome? Well, first you'd get a throat-full of dead writer, then the police will probably want to talk with you and you'll no doubt make an enemy out of Mrs. Tolkien"

And "pants on head retarded" is from the Halo 3 review, I think.

 

[BigHandInSky]

My favourites......well:

pretty much most of the Halo Wars and all of Call Of Duty, but my favourite bit was in the Bionic Commando one when he goes on about the swinging bit and what made me piss myself was when he put up the picture of Isaac Newton yelling at the commando guy "YOU ****!!"

 

[Furyaki12]

Loved the whole Scribblenauts review!

"...But as I tapped on the [ice] block to break it and it shifted slightly and I clicked the background and it was like, Fuck, my character had been waiting all day for me to do that. He flung his pick into the air and started jumping up and down like he wanted to be a clown when he grew up. I'd call him a fucking drunken spastic, but apparently those words don't exist.."

Also ADORED the little Painkiller short that played after The Witcher Review...

 

[OccamsRazor3]

Gotta be:

"But all you need to know is that there is a gun that shoots shurekins and lightning. I wish I could make this up, it shoots shurekins and lightning! It could only be more awesome if it had tits and was on fire."

 

[Bofore13]

All of them ever.

 

[Arcane Azmadi]

From his review of ESS TEE AY ELL KAY EE ARR Clear Sky:

"You couldn't get away with releasing a buggy game in the cartridge and casette days, you'd get sentanced to trampling under the company brontosaurus. But I'll tell you the worst part abouworst part abouworst part abouworst part abouworst part abouworst part abou[EXPLORER This program has performed an illegal action and will be shut down. Angry policemen are en route and resistance will only make them angrier.]and whistled for a baboon!"

 

[James Rednok]

"Power-Armored FuckNuggets" or perhaps, "Bull-FUCKING-Shit!/What-Arbitrary-Silliness!"

 

[TehKnifeh]

The two that stick out in my head are not quotes, on was the explanation of his beloved QTE dodging when he is "speaking plainly with us a minute" and the other is the Little Big Planet goggley eye boxer dance.... oh and when he made me think my computer crashed "but you know what the worst part-worst part-worst part" error message

 

[TheSentinel]

Everything here. [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Funny/ZeroPunctuation]

[small]*sneaks away cackling* YOU WILL NEVER LEAVE![/small]

 

[ThePreshFrince]

Everyone who watches Zero Punctuation has to have a favorite line of Yahtzee's. Let's hear them.

Mine:
"All you really need to know is there is a gun that shoots shurikens and lightning, I wish I could make something like that up, it shoots shurikens and lightning it could only be more awesome if it had tits and was on fire."

-Yahtzee from Painkiller Review-

Yeah, you pretty much got it. Also "Basically, if I had access to a doomsday machine I'd reduce the entire population of the world to me, Tim Schafer and maybe a woman if she promised to wear a Tim Schafer mask."

Also "Yeah..It's pretty good"

"If I had Liam Neeson's phone number I'd tell you what I'd do; I'd nervously call him up and blurt out something about how Darkman was alright before slamming the receiver down and running away. But hypothetically if I wasn't an idiot and talked him into doing voices for my video game I'd have him voice a character named "Captain Dynamite", who has the face of Frank Zappa and nuclear missiles instead of legs. He'd fly around the player in a magic space buggy for the entire course of the game sprinkling rose peddles and friendship."

 

[Hephaesto]

I have to say the latest episodes':

- Baron Von Teapot's "fucking ludicrous" Adventure.

Not only made me laugh but made me want to play a game with that title.

- The whipped cream genocide Brouhaha.

- So here's Too Human; the game Silicon Knights have been making instead of Eternal Darkness 2. Possibly out of a crippling fear of money and success.

- Everyone makes submarines out of metal, lets make one out of bread.

EDIT: see also: Y. T. W. N. G. O.

EDIT 2: see also: ...and the hammer is made of wank.

Man alive the Too Human review was funny.

 

[Awexsome]

My fav has to be from the Darksider's review, "I am a Monster Truck that walks like a man."

 

[Arcane Azmadi]

Oh hey, I forgot this one and I can't believe everyone else has too- from his review of Darksiders:

"And what right does War have to be angsty about his life, he's fucking War, he's never had to queue up at the job centre or pine after ex-girlfriends who left him for a surfer, he just breaks things. If I were War and I'd just hoisted a seven-foot demon into the air and chopped him in half with a single swing I wouldn't stand there scowling, I'd go 'FUCKING HELL, DID ANYONE SEE THAT?! I AM SQUIRTING MACHISMO OUT OF MY NIPPLES OVER HERE! I AM A MONSTER TRUCK THAT WALKS LIKE A MAN!'"

Edit: eh, you only beat me to it because I stopped to type out and format the whole quote.

 

[The Virtuous Seraph]

"Your gun is, of course, your best friend
on which you must always depend.
When you get into fights, you can look down the sights,
and bullets come out of the end."

And the rest of the Wolfenstein review.

 

[Hothcliff]

" I'm not a fanbo- Yes you are!

If you put your dick in a phail of chocolate pudding, even as you continue to tell people it still perfectly good pudding NOBODY IS GOING TO EAT IT BECAUSE YOU PUT YOUR DICK IN IT!!!!!

yes!

"Ive always preferred Luigi to Mario
Hes usually made out as a coward but HEY
Falstaff was a coward
Show me a Shakespearean character whose sole defining feature is blindly following the instructions of some prissy royal ***** and a tendency to jump on things
Ok Macbeth perhaps"

Muddy-Menu-driven-micromanagement-motherfuckery.

Cant belive i havent seen this yet
"Its a fascinating voyage of pain and dispair that leaves you emotionally drained and satisfied like fucking a burning dolphin."

 

[glitch388]

"Hey", says god. "Ive made it so that it feels really really good to stick certain body parts together and jiggle them around and hard-wired your brain to pretty much want to do it 24/7 between the ages of 13 and 70. But if you do it without a special permission slip from the church than im going to light you on fire."
Dante's Inferno review

"I read in the gaming journals that the conduit uses special technology that makes it look as good as games on the xbox and ps3, then i waited a few minutes for the punch line, but apparently they were serious. To put it charitably, this game is f*&%$@# ugly. This isnt even because of the Wii. Ive seen better looking Wii games (LoZ:TP) and even Game Cube games (Metroid Prime). This is the level of a ps2 that someone has trodded on."
The Conduit review

"BULL F@#$%!&$ S$#@! (WHAT ARBRITARY SILLYNESS!)"
Halo Wars Review

"If youre a regular viewer, then you will realize how insane this sounds coming from me, but i cant think of any criticism for it. Seriously. This is the most fun that youll have with your pc until they invent a force feedback codpiece."
Orange Box (Portal) Review

 

[Anticitizen_Two]

"Right now you're probably thinking, 'Yahtzee, you charismatic stallion!'"

or

"Japanese RPG's and I have an agreement: I don't play them, and they can suck as much as they like somewhere far away from me."
I love JRPG's, but I still think that's hilarious.