Favourite simpsons quotes

[Altorin]

We'll be safe inside our fortress when they come!
We'll be safe from thieves and killers when they come!
Unless they have a blowtorch and a poison gas injector
Then i don't know what will happen when they come!

 

[Xhumed]

"Thats where i saw the leprechaun. he told me to burrrn things"
"ah you done a grand job laddie. now you know what you have to do now? Burn down the house. BURN 'EM ALL!"

 

[littlelacysurprisepageant]

Computer: "For automated stock prices, please state the company name."

Homer: "Animotion."

Computer: "Animotion, up two and a half."

Homer: "Yahoo!"

Computer: "Yahoo, up six and a quater."

Homer: "Huh, what is this crap?"

Computer: "Fox Broadcasting, down eight."

 

[Lord Krunk]

Homer (Recording): Hi kids, I'm rzrzrrzttastyafsduasgygdihqudhqdhowdh!!!!!!

Kids: AAAAAH!

*Homer replica explodes, the glove hitting Bart*

Kids: AAAAAAAAH!!!!!

Also...

Homer: I get it! I get jokes!

 

[The Thief]

Marge: Homer, there's a man here who thinks he can help you!
Homer: Batman?
Marge: No, he's a scientist.
Homer: Batman's a scientist.
Marge: It's not Batman!

 

[ultra_v_89]

From my favorite episode, the Lord of the Flies spoof...

Ralphie: "Tastes like burrrning"

Ahh, you beat me, yeh thats mine too. Just to ellaborate
Ralph-"I eated the purple berries" (falls to ground, moans and clutches stomach)
Bart-"How are they Ralph? Are they good?"

 

[manicfoot]

"You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel." Homer on the phone

We have a winner Seriously, when hearing that line I always piss myself. Consequently, most of my pay is spent on underwear

 

[freakyHippo]

Homer: (reading a sign)" 'Don't Toutch - Willie'....good advice"

 

[ike_luv]

Moe: So what's this guy's name?
Homer: Err... Joey Joe Joe Junior... Shabadu?
Moe: That's the worst name I ever heard.
*Man gets up from bar and runs from the building crying*
Barney: Hey! Joey Joe Joe!!

 

[Russian_Assassin]

I have two:

-Homer: I'm smarter than the devil! I'm smarter than the devil!
-Devil: (Screaming in a hellish voice) NO you're not smarter than me! I'll see you in hell yet, Homer Simpson!


- Mr Burns: A dollar for eternal happiness? I think I'll be happier with the dollar...

 

[Ultrajoe]

I dance, i dance, i dance
Around the mexican hat
I dance, i dance, i dance
And thats the end of that
oooooorrrr Is it i guess ill keep singing!
My cell phone appears to be ringing...

 

[DevilSaint44]

I am smart.I am smart.S-M-R-T.I mean S-M-A-R-T S-M-A-R-T.
Homer singing
Im a brick.
Ralph Wiggum

 

[Ultrajoe]

"Do you really want to stay in a place where they vacuum you in your sleep?"
"They do what now?"

Oh, the hilarity.

 

[N.K]

Homer: Stupider like a fox!

Don't remember the context, but it has stuck with me for a while.

 

[The Thief]

Burns: I suggest you leave immediately
Homer: Or what? You'll release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you?

 

[M0rp43vs]

me fail english, that unpossible(ralph)

 

[mintsauce]

From the Lemon Tree episode:

Homer2: [chuckles] Don't you get it, Springfield? It's over. You lose!
Now if you'll excuse me, all this talk has made me hungry.
[bites into a lemon; his face contorts at the bitterness]

And from Burns Baby Burns:

Ned: Ho ho ho, suckin' down the cider, uh? Hey, word to the wise --
[shows Homer a card] season pass! It pays for itself after the
sixteenth visit. You know, most people don't know the difference
between apple cider and apple juice, but I do. Now here's a
little trick to help you remember. If it's clear and yella',
you've got juice there, fella! If it's tangy and brown, you're
in cider town. Now, there's two exceptions and it gets kinda
tricky here...
[Homer's brain gets bored]
Brain: [moans] You can stay, but I'm leaving.
[brain floats away; Homer is now staring blankly]
Ned: ... can be yellow, if they're using late season apples. And, of
course, in Canada, the whole thing's flip-flopped.
[Homer collapses]
Ned: Oh, my! I'd better get you some cider.

 

[anNIALLator]

SAVE ME JEBUS!!
'But Dad, if you're the police, who's going to police the police? I don't know.. the coastguard?'
'Comic Book Guy, have you seen our Mom?' 'A list of things i have and have not seen is on my blog, including a Star Wars film that was any good since the first 3'
The Flanders' house gets blown down in a tornado, and the sign at the church reads 'God welcomes his victims'
The episode where the power plant is bought by Germans, Homer imagines a world made out of chocolate. after running around taking bites out of lamposts and dogs, he presses up against a shop window and says, 'Mmmmmm, chocolates, half price!'
Reverend Lovejoy, about the bible, 'Have you ever actually read this thing, Marge? Technically, we can't go to the bathroom'

 

[Bob Loblaw]

One I love to use at work

Homer: Just because I don't care doesn't mean that I don't understand

 

[Ionami]

For some reason Homer decides to go to a different bar other than Moe's. He opens the door and the bartender whips out a shotgun and points it at him.

Bartender: WHADDYA WANT?!

Homer: Umm... a beer?

Bartender: *grumbling*

The bartender lowers the shotgun and Homer sits down. The bartender then picks up a grimy glass and pours beer into it and slams it on the counter in front of Homer.

Homer: Uhh... could I please get a clean glass?

Bartender: Yaarrrrrrgh!

The bartender grabs the glass and starts to clean it, he pours more beer into it and slams it on the counter again.

Bartender: *Super sarcastic* There you go, your majesty!