Female Perspective - Friend Zone

[artanis_neravar]

I was responding to a post about the Friend Zone in another thread and I was wondering what the women/girls/ladies on this site think about the whole idea. (I am male)
My thoughts are

Spoiler: friend zone

The friend zone is just something made up by guys when a girl they have liked for a while rejects them, they just don't want to accept that she doesn't like him that way. If a girl sees you as a potential partner then that isn't going to change just because you are friends with her, yes she may focus her attention elsewhere or give up hope but those things that drew her attention to you in the first place will always be there. So that "I don't want to ruin our friendship" line stems from one of several possibilities, either she doesn't have any attraction to you and never has, she is scared that a relationship with you won't last, she is more attracted to someone else or she is legitimately worried that a relationship would change everything between you.

How wrong/right am I?

Also I am aware that the thread title might draw guys here believing that this is a females perspective which is what I was hoping for, because the male perspective can be useful too.

EDIT:

"if a guy waits too long to ask you out, you will no longer consider him a possible romantic partner"

^This is what I am referring to when I say friend zone

 

[Calcium]

I havn't heard the expression 'Friend Zone' before, but I'm best friends with a girl and so I'd have to say that claiming to be friends with a girl is not ficticious. Not saying that this is your view - I get the impression I'm not fully understading the thread.

Other people I know go straight to dating, then end up awkward friends.

 

[Gxas]

As you saw in that other thread, OP, my opinion is that of whether it exists or not, if you care about the person, then it won't matter that she didn't choose you.

I may not be a girl, but the friends that I have agree with my opinion on this. The girl will appreciate you more if you stick around and don't just get hurt and give her up like a bad job when she turns you down.

Friends are more important than romantic relationships!

I would love to hear some female perspectives on this "phenomeneon" though!

 

[artanis_neravar]

I havn't heard the expression 'Friend Zone' before, but I'm best friends with a girl and so I'd have to say that claiming to be friends with a girl is not ficticious. Not saying that this is your view - I get the impression I'm not fully understading the thread.

Other people I know go straight to dating, then end up awkward friends.

The friend zone is when a guy waits to long to ask a girl out and she, from that point on, will only see him as a friend or brotherly figure

 

[artanis_neravar]

As you saw in that other thread, OP, my opinion is that of whether it exists or not, if you care about the person, then it won't matter that she didn't choose you.

I may not be a girl, but the friends that I have agree with my opinion on this. The girl will appreciate you more if you stick around and don't just get hurt and give her up like a bad job when she turns you down.

Friends are more important than romantic relationships!

I would love to hear some female perspectives on this "phenomeneon" though!

I do agree that if you get turned down by a friend you should always stay their friend and your personal feelings should never get in the way of the person you like being happy. My problem is with the idea that in the long run it really makes a difference when you ask someone out

 

[Micalas]

I was responding to a post about the Friend Zone in another thread and I was wondering what the women/girls/ladies on this site think about the whole idea. (I am male)
My thoughts are

Spoiler: friend zone

The friend zone is just something made up by guys when a girl they have liked for a while rejects them, they just don't want to accept that she doesn't like him that way. If a girl sees you as a potential partner then that isn't going to change just because you are friends with her, yes she may focus her attention elsewhere or give up hope but those things that drew her attention to you in the first place will always be there. So that "I don't want to ruin our friendship" line stems from one of several possibilities, either she doesn't have any attraction to you and never has, she is scared that a relationship with you won't last, she is more attracted to someone else or she is legitimately worried that a relationship would change everything between you.

How wrong/right am I?

Also I am aware that the thread title might draw guys here believing that this is a females perspective which is what I was hoping for, because the male perspective can be useful too.

What do you mean it's something made up by guys who are rejected? When a girl who likes you but doesn't want to have a relationship she says she just wants to be friends. You're out of the running for love interest, hence the friend zone. In fact, pretty much ever guy who's ever been friend zoned know there's little to no chance of that changing.

This is why I only have one female friend. I have enough friends, I don't need more. Especially not ones that expect from you the emotional support of a boyfriend without the benefits. (and no, I'm not just talking about sex...)

 

[Phlakes]

Nope.

I've been friend-zoned plenty of times, and it's not because I've been rejected. One time, a while ago, we both still had feelings for each other and admitted it, but she thought that "the high school drama could ruin our relationship" and friend-zoned me.

 

[Gxas]

As you saw in that other thread, OP, my opinion is that of whether it exists or not, if you care about the person, then it won't matter that she didn't choose you.

I may not be a girl, but the friends that I have agree with my opinion on this. The girl will appreciate you more if you stick around and don't just get hurt and give her up like a bad job when she turns you down.

Friends are more important than romantic relationships!

I would love to hear some female perspectives on this "phenomeneon" though!

I do agree that if you get turned down by a friend you should always stay their friend and your personal feelings should never get in the way of the person you like being happy. My problem is with the idea that in the long run it really makes a difference when you ask someone out

Well sure! It's always on my mind when I plan on going for it. But really, it shouldn't be. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. The worst that will happen is you're turned down. If you continue to let that get to you like I have all my life, you'll end up exactly like me; an empty, pathetic, shell of a person at twenty-one. Luckily, I've found a way to turn all that around.

But enough about my sadness! Back to the topic! It for sure factors in to every male's decision. And the funny thing is that I know a few who have let opportunities pass them by because they thought they were already there. They'll never know now.

 

[MoNKeyYy]

I am going to use my best friend as an example of the friend zone. Both her and I have both had romantic feelings for each other in the past (and at the same time) but never made anything of them. Now we're so close the thought of doing anything romantic with each other is just weird to both of us. I'm like that with a few other girls too. Only difference is that I quite like being in the friend zone.

 

[Flailing Escapist]

"HEY!...... Where are the breasts?" <- Only line worth mentioning

 

[artanis_neravar]

I was responding to a post about the Friend Zone in another thread and I was wondering what the women/girls/ladies on this site think about the whole idea. (I am male)
My thoughts are

Spoiler: friend zone

The friend zone is just something made up by guys when a girl they have liked for a while rejects them, they just don't want to accept that she doesn't like him that way. If a girl sees you as a potential partner then that isn't going to change just because you are friends with her, yes she may focus her attention elsewhere or give up hope but those things that drew her attention to you in the first place will always be there. So that "I don't want to ruin our friendship" line stems from one of several possibilities, either she doesn't have any attraction to you and never has, she is scared that a relationship with you won't last, she is more attracted to someone else or she is legitimately worried that a relationship would change everything between you.

How wrong/right am I?

Also I am aware that the thread title might draw guys here believing that this is a females perspective which is what I was hoping for, because the male perspective can be useful too.

What do you mean it's something made up by guys who are rejected? When a girl who likes you but doesn't want to have a relationship she says she just wants to be friends. You're out of the running for love interest, hence the friend zone. In fact, pretty much ever guy who's ever been friend zoned know there's little to no chance of that changing.

This is why I only have one female friend. I have enough friends, I don't need more. Especially not ones that expect from you the emotional support of a boyfriend without the benefits. (and no, I'm not just talking about sex...)

I am referring to the belief (or maybe just perceived belief on my part) that the timing of when you ask a girl out is what creates the "friend zone". That thought process that says if I don't ask her out right now she will forever see me as just a friend.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

I was responding to a post about the Friend Zone in another thread and I was wondering what the women/girls/ladies on this site think about the whole idea. (I am male)
Also I am aware that the thread title might draw guys here believing that this is a females perspective which is what I was hoping for, because the male perspective can be useful too.

Yeah... as a woman, I would say that the friend zone is a fiction. If we're attracted to you early on, we're just as attracted to you later.

When a girl says "I want to stay friends" - it's because we aren't attracted to you in the first place. The woman in question sees you as a friend, not because you "waited too long" but because you don't fit her ideal of a mate. Maybe you have the wrong hair color, or the wrong build, or the wrong ass. It doesn't mean you aren't attractive, just that you don't fit her particular desire or fetish.

To quote "Sex and the City" it just means "she isn't in to you".

Want evidence? My spouse and I were friends for three years before we had a one-night stand that turned into friends-with-benefits which turned into a relationship.

Happily married 7 years this summer.

So yeah, if a girl is attracted to you, it doesn't matter how long you've been "just friends" - things can work out. If she's not, she's not. Sorry.

 

[sharks9]

http://www.laddertheory.com/

Ladder theory here to save the day!

That is absolute genius!

 

[Hawknight]

http://www.laddertheory.com/

Ladder theory here to save the day!

That was pure genius right there. Thank you for the link.

Also, everyone knows that there are not girls on the Internet.

OT: I'd say the friend zone definitely exists. I'm pretty much agreeing with Micalas here:

What do you mean it's something made up by guys who are rejected? When a girl who likes you but doesn't want to have a relationship she says she just wants to be friends. You're out of the running for love interest, hence the friend zone. In fact, pretty much ever guy who's ever been friend zoned know there's little to no chance of that changing.

This is why I only have one female friend. I have enough friends, I don't need more. Especially not ones that expect from you the emotional support of a boyfriend without the benefits.

 

[artanis_neravar]

I was responding to a post about the Friend Zone in another thread and I was wondering what the women/girls/ladies on this site think about the whole idea. (I am male)
Also I am aware that the thread title might draw guys here believing that this is a females perspective which is what I was hoping for, because the male perspective can be useful too.

Yeah... as a woman, I would say that the friend zone is a fiction. If we're attracted to you early on, we're just as attracted to you later.

When a girl says "I want to stay friends" - it's because we aren't attracted to you in the first place. The woman in question sees you as a friend, not because you "waited too long" but because you don't fit her ideal of a mate. Maybe you have the wrong hair color, or the wrong build, or the wrong ass. It doesn't mean you aren't attractive, just that you don't fit her particular desire or fetish.

To quote "Sex and the City" it just means "she isn't in to you".

Want evidence? My spouse and I were friends for three years before we had a one-night stand that turned into friends-with-benefits which turned into a relationship.

Happily married 7 years this summer.

So yeah, if a girl is attracted to you, it doesn't matter how long you've been "just friends" - things can work out. If she's not, she's not. Sorry.

No need to apologize you are backing up my point, thank you

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

No need to apologize you are backing up my point, thank you

The apology was directed at all men, rather than just at you. ^^;;

The friend zone is a defense mechanism. Don't worry, women have a whole pile of our own defense mechanisms for when the guy we like doesn't like us back. The Sex and the City quote is actually "he's just not that in to you" - and is the "male perspective" on women and their defense mechanisms. I just reversed it for a similar situation.

 

[gallaetha_matt]

Friend zone. Pffft. I'd kill to be in the friend zone. All my old love interests just called the police on me when I tried to ask them out. I don't mind though, I'm an animal lover and since my ex-girlfriend rejected me she's adopted over a dozen rottweiler puppies that otherwise would've been destroyed.

 

[artanis_neravar]

The apology was directed at all men, rather than just at you. ^^;;

The friend zone is a defense mechanism. Don't worry, women have a whole pile of our own defense mechanisms for when the guy we like doesn't like us back. The Sex and the City quote is actually "he's just not that in to you" - and is the "male perspective" on women and their defense mechanisms. I just reversed it for a similar situation.

Oh OK then. I agree, but i prefer the defense mechanism of not letting anything that I can't change affect me, although that train of thought put me at odds with my ex, and may have been one of the factors leading to our break up, but it's worked out well for me otherwise

 

[Kahunaburger]

Yeah... as a woman, I would say that the friend zone is a fiction. If we're attracted to you early on, we're just as attracted to you later.

When a girl says "I want to stay friends" - it's because we aren't attracted to you in the first place. The woman in question sees you as a friend, not because you "waited too long" but because you don't fit her ideal of a mate. Maybe you have the wrong hair color, or the wrong build, or the wrong ass. It doesn't mean you aren't attractive, just that you don't fit her particular desire or fetish.

To quote "Sex and the City" it just means "she isn't in to you".

Want evidence? My spouse and I were friends for three years before we had a one-night stand that turned into friends-with-benefits which turned into a relationship.

Happily married 7 years this summer.

So yeah, if a girl is attracted to you, it doesn't matter how long you've been "just friends" - things can work out. If she's not, she's not. Sorry.

^This. The concept of the "friend zone" is what happens when people turn what is essentially a tactful way of turning someone down into a theory of relationships. The whole concept basically disappears after high school, too.