Fictional characters you wish you could punch in the face?


New member
Nov 1, 2011
Fassad from Mother 3. I don't have enough expressiveness to properly show how much I hate that bastard.

Anyone at all from the Walking Dead TV show, Larry from the Walking Dead game.

This one might sound a bit weird, but Raelynn from AwesomeNauts. Characters like her ruined every saturday morning cartoon they were in.

Any person that you have to escort in any videogame, ever (Escort being defined here as "they don't have a gun, die in nanoseconds, and the enemies will make a beeline straight at them whilst ignoring you").


New member
Apr 14, 2008
Not really a person.. But the bastard cheating AI from Mario Kart 64, cheat so damn bad and it's obvious.

Cerberus Phantoms in Mass Effect 3 multiplayer. Those little bitches are all squirrly and dodgy AND they can freaking cloak and put up barriers. And they can insta kill you by sneaking up and running you through with their sword. In addition, they have highly accurate little glove cannons that shoot from their palms. And when you get several of them in close proximity it's a nightmare. Anything above bronze difficulty and they are a pain.

Also Kai Leng from Mass Effect 3 single player. What a *****. Murders my buddy, then runs away like a *****.. Then I beat his ass a second time, he steals my stuff THEN runs like a *****. The most satisfying kill in the entire series and he was a somewhat minor character.


New member
Sep 3, 2010
God. I mean think of all the suffering he's caused! The locusts, a world-covering flood, Stephanie Myer...
I'll be here all week folks!

Seriously though, Alistair from Dragon Age: Origins. He's so whiny and wants everything to go his way without exception!

Canadamus Prime

Robot in Disguise
Jun 17, 2009
Rariow said:
Any person that you have to escort in any videogame, ever (Escort being defined here as "they don't have a gun, die in nanoseconds, and the enemies will make a beeline straight at them whilst ignoring you").
Don't forget how they also putz along at a pace that'd make a snail look like Speedy Gonzales.


New member
Oct 12, 2009
Liara from ME... if she isnt annoying she is manipulative. In ME 1 I turned down her relationship twice, in ME2 it felt like she kept assuming I was after her through LoSB, and finally in ME 3 I turned her down 3-5 times, she just wouldnt get the hint I was with Ash, and when I was on earth I was trying to be nice to people and I am fairly certain she raped my Shepard with that whole mind gift doohicky. Not to mention the whole face heel turn between ME1 and 2 I really got whiplash from how much she changed.


New member
Dec 8, 2010
Since everyone already picked Joffrey and/or Cersei, I'm going with Tywin Lannister. What a colossal scumbag he is. The guy treats Tyrion like shit and only seems to care about Jamie. A father isn't supposed to play favorites, even if his youngest child's birth resulted in his wife's death.


New member
Jul 11, 2010
I answer Rita from Tales of Vesperia. I simply loathe that character archetype. I would've marked the fuck out if Yuri dealt her a hearty pimp slap at some point during the game. Well, marked out more so at least. Yuri is already awesome.


New member
Mar 18, 2009
There are a lot of characters I hate. But I hate them because they're done well and are meant to be unlikable. Without them, their respective fictions would be worse off.

But there are two, just two, characters who I wish had never, ever, ever existed.

Amy Pond and River fucking Song. They overstay(ed) their welcome on a regular basis, became way too important for basically no reason, are generally unlikable and, frankly, aren't even written that well. Doctor Who would be in a much better place without them.

Half the time, River just seems thrown into a story because there was an opening. I'm convinced it's because of these characters that I really didn't like the Eleventh for a long time.

Also, I know she's not fictional, but I'd like to give JK Rowling a good right hook for writing Harry Potter books 5 through 7. Totally unnecessary and completely ruined everything.


Regular Member
Aug 25, 2010
Joffrey Baratheon

You cannot tell me you would not punch that cocksucker in the face with steel padded gloves until there was nothing resembling human complexions.


New member
Apr 17, 2011
Hmm, this is a good question. I'll go with the Bastard of Boulton in ASOIF. Theon may be a bit of a prick, a bit of a monster even, but no human being on earth deserves what you'll watch happen to him over the next few episodes.

And the runners up are

Fenris, the JRPG protagonist(but even darker) in a WRPG.
From the same game, Anders. He used to be so much fun, now he's just a downer with occasional roid rage.
The Turian Councilor, we all know why.
Booker DeWitt, though more of a slap, get a hold of yourself man, kind of way. I actually kind of liked the guy, but he needed someone to do that to him.
Fink, he's the only person in Infinite I was sad I didn't get to kill.
Littlefinger. I want to punch him in his smirking underage attracted face. He is a magnificent bastard though, and I'll give him credit as one of the smartest in Westeros.

Henrik Knudsen said:
And another would probably be Zanza (sp?) from GoT, based on the TV series. Haven't read the books.
Sansa. I would have put her, but I couldn't really put my heart in it. She's just had so much horrible shit happen to her in such a short period of time.


There's a principle in business
Nov 16, 2008
Fallout 3's Amata Almodovar.

I absolutely cannot stand the whiny dipshit.


New member
May 25, 2010
I would say Cartman but he already gets the shit beat out of him on a regular basis due to karmic justice so I think I'll go with Helga from the Ratchet and Clank series. Woman is a fucking ***** but seeing as how she's made of metal I suppose I would need something to protect my hand. I'll just use some sort of drill fist thing.


New member
May 25, 2010
Karthesios said:
I answer Rita from Tales of Vesperia. I simply loathe that character archetype. I would've marked the fuck out if Yuri dealt her a hearty pimp slap at some point during the game. Well, marked out more so at least. Yuri is already awesome.
So you're going to completely ignore the pirate chick that they threw into the PS3 version as a party member? Her existence makes me feel like the Xbox 360 version of the game doesn't matter.


New member
Feb 8, 2008
ObsidianJones said:
Oh, sure. I'll make some enemies.

Handsome Jack.

Yeah, I know. He's the enemy. And it's so hip to be sociopathic and witty and what not.

I'll state this. I have a problem finishing games. Especially if I love them. It's like closing a chapter, and since I remember most things, I'll never get the surprise back again.

I couldn't wait to rush down Jack's door and thunder down wrath upon his smug little ass. He was nothing but a smarmy, hiding little *****. He was so ineffectual that all he was reduced to was taunts and trying to make you feel bad for doing a fraction of the things that he brags about doing, gleefully.

When the choice to kill him or have an ally kill him came, the sentence wasn't even finished. I pulled the trigger and hoped there was a Devil in that world so he could see me towering over his body as he rocketed to whatever version of hell they had.

The point that his humor started to fade and my hate came along is when I realized that he was like every internet tough guy, or more over the "I love House because he hates everyone and I think he's so clever so I'm going to be that" douche that's taken over the world.

Then Overlook happened. Oppression incenses me. It was just all down hill from there.
Wow... it took 136 posts to get to this guy. While I loved the story and Jack was quite the entertaining villain, I think he was so good as the villain because I wanted to punch him in the face... repeatedly.

Also, I was a douche that hated everyone before there was a House. I'm pissed at him because now it seems like I copied him even though I existed well before 2004.


New member
Mar 15, 2011
Any villain who wants to "destroy the world so nobody would suffer", like that half-Guado (sp?) guy from Final Fantasy X.
Sophia Lamb, because she is a controlling hypocrite.
Sephirot, mostly because he is a smug poser. I don't like Cloud very much either but I cheered for him when he beat Sephirot up in "Advent Children"
Liara T'Soni from 'Mass Effect', because she is a such Mary Sue.
King Henselt and Prince Stannis from Witcher 2. They didn't survive in my playthroughs.


Black Rose Knight
Jan 19, 2008
Relish in Chaos said:
TrulyBritish said:
You just had to ninja me on everyone one of them didn't you?
Especially that goddam Near... grr.... Never mess with my L you copycat!
I seriously don't get why everyone hates Near. I think they're just pissed about what happened to L. I mean, I liked him, even if he wasn't as multifaceted as L. He was calm, calculating, had a bit of an edge to him...and besides that, I just loved Cathy Weseluck's performance as him.
To me, Near felt like more of a copy of L than his own character. Granted, I felt the death of L was a great plot point and crucial to the story's movements, but Near felt like they were saying "Well, L is dead but we can't do without an L character . . . so let's make a new character who's just like him but still different!"

I loved L, and I enjoyed Near's actions, and his final schemes that ended with Light getting what he's been told several times he deserves and is going to get no matter what . . . but he's still not L . . . he never could have been. It could be worse, not like they suddenly made Goku a kid again just to try and make a rehash of Dragonballl that takes place after the Buu Saga . . . oh wait

Xan Krieger

Completely insane
Feb 11, 2009
Seymor Quado from FFX, what a cocky bastard

Eric Cartman from South Park, I punch him till his facial bones have turned to dust

That sidekick ultramarine from W40K Space Marine that reports you to the inquisition, I would punch him then ram the codex astartes up his ass.

Moira Brown from Fallout 3, anyone who has played the game will understand

Zoey from Left 4 Dead, I would punch her in the face as she's standing on the edge of a roof and laugh as she falls into a zombie horde.


Neloth's got swag.
Aug 22, 2011
Let's see. Who would I go Red Lantern for?

1. Cersei Lannister, Joffrey and Robert Baratheon come to mind. Cersei needs no introduction, neither does Joff, and Bob here is such a complete and utter idiot for not realizing that his own wife was busy trying to backstab him thirty-six ways to Sunday.

"Yeah, you're right... The kid doesn't look much like me... Fuck it, who gives a shit? I'ma go hunt and stuff my face some more and generally land ribald comments that make my closest friend wonder what the flying fuck I'm doing on that throne. YOLO and forsooth and all that, eh wot?

Oh, fuck. I'm dead. Why don't you look into all this for me, Ned, ol' buddy ol' pal?"

2. Calvin Candie from Django Unchained. Kudos to Dicaprio for playing such an utter douchenozzle and having so much fun with it. Guy made me want to jab about twenty black male sexual organs down his deep South, so to speak. Django himself gets a special mention, for being able to reliably act like an utter tool to the same people you'd expect he would've ended up inspiring. As this was a Tarantino movie and not a Steven Spielberg production, no good feels would be had for the African Americans of this production. Ergo, even Django Freeman has a few dickish points in my book.

3. GLaDOS and Handsome Jack. I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO ENJOY BEING THE TARGET OF DERISIVE REMARKS AIMED BY MY INTELLECT OR MY WAISTLINE! I mean, goddamnit. I'd want to brofist Jack just so I could then shift my grip and turn it into an arm-ripping move à la Mortal Kombat. I would then proceed to fuck his face in with his own severed appendage precisely because he's a badass antagonist. Same with GLaDOS, but my display of devotion would involve flooding her metaphorical chambers with metaphorical deadly neurotoxin.

I mean a virus.

4. Wheatley. Same reasons. You gigantic, adorable, mentally challenged, hilarious, despicable, deplorable asshole. I hope Chell gets to back you up onto something shitty like a potato-powered hard drive, post-game, and subject you to hours upon hours of awful amateur porn. You deserve to be preserved, but you also deserve to suffer.

5. Cicero, from Skyrim. The guy never shuts up. He. Never. Shuts. Up. That and his creepy devotion to the Night Mother probably inspired one or two highly disturbing Rule 34 images, because people are sick and enjoy catering to other sick people. Also, I totally never honestly checked out Paheal to get some of my childhood memories violently obliterated. Never. For reals.

I'm just amazed by how a morbid loony bin case like him actually is classified by the game as a stealthy type. How does that even work? How can you be stealthy when you belt out the kind of ditty that would make the Cryptkeeper squeal in glee every five seconds?!

6. The Adoring Fan, from Oblivion. By Azura, by Azura, by Azura, by Azura, by Azura; I seriously hope you'll make a handy-dandy pilgrimage to the top of White-Gold Tower and see if you can fly on your own. Because the Grand Champion can totally do that. It's called noclip mode.

Oh, what? You can't? You're dead? Well, shit. I'm so not sorry.

7. Every advisor from every SimCity game ever. Yes, mister Someone McFinances, I'm well aware that I'm on my third bond and that things are spiralling out of control. Yes, I know I suck. No. I won't keep this town anyway, so I don't give a flying fuck.

As for you, mister Zoning O'Construction Hat from the latest game - I know I'm out of space. I know you want more medium-density residential areas, but what part of the sentence 'I'm full up, yo' remains out of your grasp? Please let me know, I'll be sure to rectify that. Preferrably with a fist of mine, shoved down your throat-hole.

8. Sam B., from Dead Island, for giving us the Grammy-nominated hit which was "Who Do You Voodoo, *****?". Hey, Deep Silver? MOAR STEREOTYPES. This is totally what this franchise needs and-

Oh. You added an Aussie. An Aussie that punches zombies in the face. Right. Okay, you're dead to me.

9. HK-47. You're awesome and I love you, but I also want to reformat your positronic brain or whatever it is you have, because I can't play Dark Side to save my life and you're not really willing to go the extra mile to help me out. You're like an amusing and less irritating version of Zaeed Massani from Mass Effect 2.

Seriously, fuck this guy.

My Shepard: "Hey, let's be responsible here, this is a volatile factory. Innocents could-
My Shepard, offscreen: "Could you accidentally land a headshot in this tool's head for me, Garrus? Thanks."

10. Bowser. Because his lack of self-esteem makes him think it's fine for him to stick in the realm of poorly thought-out antagonistic devices for the better part of thirty years. When he's not playing soccer or driving go-karts around. Or playing tennis. Or golf.

You look badass, Bowser Koopa, but you're honestly not reinforcing that badassitude with acts of equal strength.


New member
Apr 5, 2010
Going with Joffrey. I want to punch his smug face in...

Well when he was alive. I got great satisfaction in reading through his choking. I actually put the book down and clapped and cheered... I think I'm a bit messed up in the head


Cortana's guardian
Oct 22, 2009
Winnosh said:
Robot Number V said:
Abomination said:
Skyler White from Breaking Bad. Her moral compass points squarely in the direction of "what suits me best and fuck everyone else". Only reason she's still alive is due to Walter's charity.
Uh, dude...How exactly do you think WALT'S moral compass works? And anyway, that's not even true. The fifth season showed that she cared more about her children then herself.

Seriously, I find it baffling that people think Skyler is being unreasonable. It's like some people just think "Walt's the main character, and Skyler is making his life harder, so she must be the bad guy!" SHE'S MARRIED. TO A SECRET HOMICIDAL CRIME LORD. And he's basically holding her hostage. The unreasonable part happened when she DIDN'T just turn him in.

Anyway, it's a cliche to say Joffrey, so instead I'll go with...Ashely Williams, Mass Effect. I think she's the absolute worst kind human being. (In my game, anyway) See, I know people hate Tali because she's racist against the Geth, but Ashely's racism is worse for 2 reasons:
1. In my game, Tali eventually overcame her Geth-prejudice. Ashely did not. This is the more important reason of the two.
2. Tali's "opinion" is a bit more legitimate because the Geth actually murdered tons of Quarians. That's a pretty tough pill to swallow. Ashely just has a problem with all aliens because....They look funny. (As far as I could tell)

And of course....
She killed Wrex in my game, after I'd successfully talked him down. (or so I thought) He was seconds away from lowering his weapon when BAM! Dead. Maybe she can develop into a better person later, but she didn't get the chance in my game. I nuked her the first chance I got after that. I just wish she hadn't been asking for it.
Seriously, fuck Ashely.
You see I never got this attitude. Ashely was never anti alien. She just didn't understand them. When it came to actual racists in the game against aliens she always put those bastards down and put them in their place.
The way I saw it she was extremely hateful and resentful toward the rest of humanity or at-least Alliance Command over her family getting scapegoated because her grandfather surrendered during the First Contact War.

I wanna know his own stupidity did him in the end but but I seriously wanted to preemptively kill Joker for what he did to Talia Al ghul in AC's final act.