Daystar Clarion said:
Rule the first: The fish & chips must be placed in a holding device made completely from paper, not a polystyrene carton, for that way leads to madness. Newspaper is the material of choice, for it is said that the ink of British newspaper preserves and enhances flavour (scientific fact proven through methods of science).
Unless you're eating while walking along the beat the beach, in which case you'd appreciate the extra support.
Daystar Clarion said:
Rule the second: There are only two condiments worthy of such an honour of being dispersed on the holy meal of holiness, salt & vinegar. Only a trained fish & chips fryer knows the perfect method of applying these condiments, but our trained scientists (in the method of science) have an idea.
And maybe Curry Sauce or Gravy, or even Mushy Peas if you're into that.
And hell, go with ketchup if you've got a sausage (Obviously not for the chips).
Or, if you're going for a Chip Butty, ketchup is practically necessary.
And the perfect method is to have the fryer add liberal amounts, AND THEN add liberal amounts yourself.
Daystar Clarion said:
Rule the third: The fish & chips must be consumed with the use of a two-pronged wooden fork. This is non-negotiable.
I'm actually with you on that. Best get two if you're going for Saveloy or Battered Sausage.
Honestly, the only rule (if that can be called such) that need to be remember are: In souther coastal towns, the further from the beach you are, the better the chips (something to do with seagull protection rackets). This multiplies enormously once you hit, say, Newcastle. And B, for all foreigners out there, no one outside the UK sells fish and chips. If your excuse for hating them involves, at any point, the word "Disneyland", you will be executed.
