Frustrations with Internet Dating

[zelda2fanboy]

I'm about to go looking through other men's dating profiles just to figure what the hell they have that I don?t. Been hitting this dating site every day for a year. I mean, I can?t ask the few ?successes? I?ve had for help, since they obviously weren?t terrified by the picture I painted of myself on there. I?m not hitting people up for sex, nor do I go after people who I have nothing in common with. I don?t repeatedly bug people either. Just again and again - nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, and nothing.

I never had one woman on there message me that I didn?t respond to in some capacity. And if I didn't think any sort of relationship would work, I straight up (and very politely) told her. I thought that men just vastly outnumbered women and any female was just inundated with messages and couldn?t respond to everyone, but I don?t think that?s the case. I?ve looked at search results for guys and it?s pretty much the same amount when one breaks it down by area. It just seems perplexing and somewhat rude. If you don?t think we?re a match, you?re absolutely correct. However, I specifically asked you about something that I genuinely wanted your opinion about and you didn?t say anything at all.

So what's the deal? Am I a misogynist? If I were gay, would feeling this way make me a bigot or homophobe? Must I be a twisted and mutated freak?

 

[Christopher Burdohan]

Well I'd say the online dating sites don't work but I'd be a bold face liar. I have met a few girls off sites like plenty of fish. I also have met up with girls I've met in chat rooms and even World of Warcraft. I'm married now and I met my wife just walking to a store to buy smokes.

I think I have a friend with a similar problem and as I advised him and how I think you might be trying to solve this is. Something like this can not be approached as say a math or science problem you cant break it down like that there are simply just to many changing variables per person to approach it that way. He took this advise to heart and now I'm not saying you do this but we went out a few nights with me and a few buddies and we had drank quite a bit but him being buzzed and just relaxed and him self instead of calculated or worrying about it was able to pick girls up with no problem.

I think the lesson to learn from that is stop trying so hard and be your self and it will come. When I was single I'd have nights I'd go out where i knew single hung out and strike out constantly then when I'd say i don't care just gonna hit the store pick some stuff then go home play WoW suddenly id just notice a girl smiling at me and I'd go talk to her and boom I had a date for that night instead... less it was raid night lol.

Hope that helps any.

 

[Smooth Operator]

Look mate unless you are 50+, bald, fat, broke, fuck ugly and your dick stopped working then dating sites are the worst possible option mainly because your socializing skills don't improve staring at text, so you are getting less appealing by the minute.

Go out into the wild and mingle, I know it makes me a heathen to say this on a gaming forum but if you truly want to find girls then you need to explore the jungle.

And the old "just be yourself" bullshit, that is if and only if you are already successful with the ladies, which makes it advise for people who never needed it.
The actual advice for you is "get interesting and then be yourself".

 

[Christopher Burdohan]

Well what your implying that he has nothing to offer which just ins't true. Every one has something to offer some one. Statistically there is more the one person for some one regardless of interests or hobbies or life experiences.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

So what's the deal? Am I a misogynist? If I were gay, would feeling this way make me a bigot or homophobe? Must I be a twisted and mutated freak?

I have no idea what "the deal" is. From reading your post it seems that you're not getting a lot of action on your dating site of choice. This could be due to any number of reasons. Are you messaging lots of people? If you're messaging lots of people, and no one is replying, then the likeliest culprit is that something in your profile is spooking them. If you want, I can look at your profile and let you know if there's anything shady you need to be concerned about. That's assuming I don't need to pay to look at it, because to be honest I'm not feeling THAT helpful.

Look mate unless you are 50+, bald, fat, broke, fuck ugly and your dick stopped working then dating sites are the worst possible option mainly because your socializing skills don't improve staring at text, so you are getting less appealing by the minute.

And this is...terrible advice, really...don't listen to this. However, one thing you CAN take from this is that once you've met someone via a dating site, you need to take it off the internet as quickly as possible. No drawn out online flirtations. Talking to someone online can create a sense of false intimacy that becomes impossible to sustain face to face, leading to painfully awkward first meetings. If you find someone interesting, and they find YOU interesting, set up a first date ASAP.

 

[zelda2fanboy]

I have no idea what "the deal" is. From reading your post it seems that you're not getting a lot of action on your dating site of choice. This could be due to any number of reasons. Are you messaging lots of people? If you're messaging lots of people, and no one is replying, then the likeliest culprit is that something in your profile is spooking them. If you want, I can look at your profile and let you know if there's anything shady you need to be concerned about. That's assuming I don't need to pay to look at it, because to be honest I'm not feeling THAT helpful.

Thanks, but I think I'll pass on including a direct link. I still feel like it's a little embarrassing. I actually found an old friend's ex girlfriend on there awhile back and had a nice long chat with her. She lived too far away for any sort of dating situation to take place, but she seemed to think my profile was fine (or in her words "amazing"). I feel I have it set up to attract people who would "like" me.

Actually, I'll just copy and paste the body of the text in the message. For context, the pictures on my page include me doing dips on parallel bars at a public park (main profile photo), a reasonably close shot of my face, a "funny" photo of me holding a misshapen M&M, me with sun glasses, me on a tour group with my parents with a really insincere smile, and two pictures of me with my shirt off with a cutesy disclaimer warning beforehand that there will be two pictures of me with my shirt off. Also, the "My Self Summary" and "What I'm Doing with My Life" etc. are sections created by the website, not me.

Spoiler: Sadness and Desperation

My self-summary
If I had any idea how to date girls, I probably wouldn't be on this website.

What I'm doing with my life
Well, I have a degree in Business Administration, I work in retail, and I make $8.25 an hour unloading trucks and - wait, don't go!

On days I'm not working (most days), I listen to podcasts on smodcast.com (Tell Em Steve Dave in particular) while working out with Wii Fit. I can't claim amazing results, but when I started I was really skinny and today I remain really skinny. I'm at something like 250 hours now. Don't you just love it when people talk about exercising? It's so not fascinating.

I?m really good at
Getting women to delete their okcupid accounts just by sending a message to them. My sent messages folder is hilariously pathetic with blank account images next to (I swear) plutonic and innocent inquiries. I think my current official record is three (Update: more than five, I've lost track), and I'd be honored to be the last straw that convinces you to give up on internet dating.

And those Magic Eye books with the hidden 3D images. My eyesight is usually terrible, but I can go through and correctly identify every photo cover to cover within seconds. I understand if you're just too turned on to continue reading. Don't worry, I'll wait.
The first things people usually notice about me
"Hey, you look like John Lennon / Harry Potter / any thin white male celebrity that wears round framed glasses." The only two interested parties I've met so far just so happened to be big Harry Potter fans. This is probably not a coincidence.

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I spend a lot of time on the internet, but when I find the time to open a book, it's usually science fiction of some form (I loved Philip K. Dick in high school and college), or it's a book that's about movies.

I've tried to watch every Academy Award winning Best Picture. I'm currently at 60 winners out of 90 or so and 229 total nominees out of 400 or so (suddenly realizing that that's really unattractive). My current official five favorite films are Watchmen, Rachel, Rachel, A League of Their Own, Something Wild, and Death Proof. Movies that I do NOT like that everyone else does include Fight Club, Scott Pilgrim, Kick-Ass, and Lord of the Rings (boo, hiss, etc - sorry they just didn't do it for me).

I like intentionally weird and obscure music. If you play me something that you enjoy, I probably won't truly like it because I didn't find it myself or it doesn't have some bizarre story behind it. I like The Residents, an anonymous group of hippies from Louisiana, and I like Tonetta, a guy on youtube in his sixties who writes funk songs about screwing and dances around in a thong. (Again, I realize these are not selling points.) This is probably my favorite song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=filt0Y8G0Fs

I also have every CD by Warren Zevon, Nick Cave, and The Magnetic Fields. I enjoy normal things, too.

The six things I could never do without
(I left this blank because I thought it was dumb)

I spend a lot of time thinking about
- the flight patterns of seagulls in relation to White Castle locations
- video games and getting a different hobby
- why this site isn't called "really good cupid" or "very effective cupid"
- getting off the damn computer and actually living life
- if I've ever been favorited and how many times (hey add that as a v.i.p. feature)
- why (even though I've unsubscribed from their e-mail newsletter) Hormel is still sending me spam.

On a typical Friday night I am
(Left this blank because I do nothing but watch movies and play video games. I never go out and I don't have any friends that I hang out with regularly. That would tip my hand towards revealing how desperate I truly am for some human contact.)

The most private thing I?m willing to admit
There is literally nothing about me that I'm not willing to openly talk about, so this section might as well be called "What's the strangest and most personal thing you can think of to scare off any potential dates?"

I have a twitter account filled with the stupidest thoughts that have ever entered a human's brain. Follow me @ronheck. Why yes, that is my real name. I also google the names of your towns to determine how long/difficult the commute might be because I don't know where anything is, even though I've lived here my whole life. I'm learning more about geography than in the two geography classes I took in high school and college.

I'm the only person I know who liked the ABC series Cougar Town, Cavemen, and Miss Guided.

I?m looking for
Girls who like guys
Ages 19?30
Near me
Who are single
For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, activity partners

You should message me if
all of that information doesn't make you uncomfortable.

It would also be nice if you didn't have kids. Or sexually transmitted diseases. Thanks!

If I don't message you back or seem uninterested, it mostly has to do with geography than anything else - generally what okcupid considers to be 30 miles away equals about an hour. Going further than that for a date seems odd.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

Thanks, but I think I'll pass on including a direct link. I still feel like it's a little embarrassing. I actually found an old friend's ex girlfriend on there awhile back and had a nice long chat with her. She lived too far away for any sort of dating situation to take place, but she seemed to think my profile was fine (or in her words "amazing"). I feel I have it set up to attract people who would "like" me.

Actually, I'll just copy and paste the body of the text in the message. For context, the pictures on my page include me doing dips on parallel bars at a public park (main profile photo), a reasonably close shot of my face, a "funny" photo of me holding a misshapen M&M, me with sun glasses, me on a tour group with my parents with a really insincere smile, and two pictures of me with my shirt off with a cutesy disclaimer warning beforehand that there will be two pictures of me with my shirt off. Also, the "My Self Summary" and "What I'm Doing with My Life" etc. are sections created by the website, not me.

ROFLMAO.

MYSTERY SOLVED.

I was going to ask if you wouldn't reconsider letting me weigh in on your photo as well, but I'm going to go ahead and say that's unnecessary. I'll let you be objective about your own looks and decide whether you're passably handsome or not.

Oy, this profile.

Okay, first things first. Guy, I dig self deprecating humor. It can be endearing. I'm something of a MASTER at it. And you are doing it wrong. There are brief moments in your profile where it's charming, but most of it comes off like a raging Eeyore complex. You literally open up slamming yourself in multiple paragraphs. I'm skinny! I'm poor! I'm useless with women!

It doesn't matter if those things are true. There are some cards you need to keep close to your vest. This is about first impressions, and you always want to put your best foot forward. There's "being yourself" and "being yourself". You don't need to put on an act, but if you want to attract relative strangers, you do need to try and isolate your best qualities and put them on display. Let's say you had a tiny penis. You wouldn't put "Tiny Penis Seeks Love" as the headline for your profile. You'd keep that tiny penis under wraps, and only spring it after she'd had a few weeks to get won over by your many winning qualities. Make sense?

You need to go back to the drawing board with this. Self deprecation is like salt. A little bit can spice up a profile and give a sense of your personality/sense of humor, too much and it's completely inedible. Leave off that you're skinny, people can look at your photos and decide if you're too skinny. Leave off your wage, people don't need to know that. That you're EMPLOYED is sufficient, you can worry about whether or not minimum wage is sufficient for dating once you've actually got someone to date. For GODS SAKE leave out that you're "not good with women" and that you sit around lonely and sad playing video games all day. There are ways to leak the fact you're a gamer into a personal ad that don't involve you saying "I never leave the basement! Ha ha!".

Don't lean too hard on "top five" lists of films and games and music either. You can chat a little about what you want, but don't go too hard into it. And leave off the stuff you don't like, as once again negativity makes a bad first impression.

Figure out your best qualities. You seem like you've got a good sense of humor. That can be a winning quality. Put it on display in some fashion other than running yourself down (or, god forbid, running them or their interests down). You're smart, yeah? You're probably smart. Find some way to demonstrate it (other than saying "I AM SMRT"...show, don't tell). Talk about the stuff you like to do in ways that make it sound INTERESTING and AWESOME. Think about ways to describe yourself that make you sound INTERESTING and AWESOME. If you struggle, find some people who love you who can tell you WHY they love you and talk up your good points to give you ideas. You don't need to oversell yourself ridiculously, or misrepresent yourself, but you DO need to come off as a cool guy who would be interesting to spend time with for one reason or another. This is MARKETING. Confidence is NECESSARY. There's no getting around this. If you're not confident, learn to fake it.

Honesty and vulnerability and all that stuff comes later. You wear that shit on your sleeve, and no one is going to come near you. Everyone has baggage, everyone struggles with self esteem, everyone has personality warts and hurdles. The people who are successfully hooking up have learned how to keep it to a dull roar while making their first impressions. You're not trying to trick people, but you do need to be the best person you can be.

Capiche? Go fix that fucking profile ASAP. Internet dating can be a GOLD MINE of romantic possibilities if you're not shooting yourself in the dick with a horrible profile from the word go. I can look at it again when you're done if you want, but you're gonna want to take your time and do it right.

And don't ask your friend's ex-girlfriend for advice on your profile any more, she didn't do you any favors giving that thing the green light.

 

[zelda2fanboy]

Honesty and vulnerability and all that stuff comes later. You wear that shit on your sleeve, and no one is going to come near you. Everyone has baggage, everyone struggles with self esteem, everyone has personality warts and hurdles. The people who are successfully hooking up have learned how to keep it to a dull roar while making their first impressions. You're not trying to trick people, but you do need to be the best person you can be.

Capiche? Go fix that fucking profile ASAP. Internet dating can be a GOLD MINE of romantic possibilities if you're not shooting yourself in the dick with a horrible profile from the word go. I can look at it again when you're done if you want, but you're gonna want to take your time and do it right.

And don't ask your friend's ex-girlfriend for advice on your profile any more, she didn't do you any favors giving that thing the green light.

I still feel like being as upfront with people as possible works to my very limited advantage. I'd hate to go on a date and within five minutes of meeting seeing her realize "oh, you're poor as shit," "oh, you're a total nerd," and "oh, you have no idea what you're doing, do you?"

I will rewrite it, but I am in far too depressed a state right now to come up with something that people would like. (And I've already tried everyone who lives within reasonable distance.) So far from the site, I have met some people - one of whom I got a few dates out of. She basically jumped my bones within three hours of meeting me, but on all subsequent dates she was less and less enthusiastic for one reason or another. As much as I ran myself down in that profile before hanging out, I feel like I was still somehow disappointing to her.

Another facebook friend I made from this site said something to the effect of "so happy to have found another kindred spirit" on her facebook wall around the time we started talking. However, I haven't been able to secure any date from this person as of yet over the last two months. I get the impression that that ship has also sailed.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

I still feel like being as upfront with people as possible works to my very limited advantage. I'd hate to go on a date and within five minutes of meeting seeing her realize "oh, you're poor as shit," "oh, you're a total nerd," and "oh, you have no idea what you're doing, do you?"

I will rewrite it, but I am in far too depressed a state right now to come up with something that people would like. (And I've already tried everyone who lives within reasonable distance.) So far from the site, I have met some people - one of whom I got a few dates out of. She basically jumped my bones within three hours of meeting me, but on all subsequent dates she was less and less enthusiastic for one reason or another. As much as I ran myself down in that profile before hanging out, I feel like I was still somehow disappointing to her.

Another facebook friend I made from this site said something to the effect of "so happy to have found another kindred spirit" on her facebook wall around the time we started talking. However, I haven't been able to secure any date from this person as of yet over the last two months. I get the impression that that ship has also sailed.

Well, I ran your profile past a couple of ex-girlfriends to see what they thought.

. He definitely comes across as "I hate myself and I'm putting this out there to show I'm a loser, but since I know it and I'm making fun of it, you can't judge me because I ALREADY KNOW."

Poor guy.

You're totally right -- his sense of humour sounds hilarious, and if he straightened that up a bit to add only a leeeetle self-deprecating humour and remove some of the "I DON'T LIKE" stuff, he'd probably get a ton of hits.

The other one, alas, was sure that your profile was not real, and that you were trolling for laughs. She found it THAT UNBELIEVABLE.

I'm glad you got a couple of hits, but presumably the reason you posted this advice topic in the first place was because you were unhappy with your success rate, yeah? Advice is cheap and you're welcome not to take it, but I GUARANTEE you that profile is the source of your woes.

And before you suggest we're not pursuing the same demographic...that girl up there? That's a nerdy girl. She likes vikings and european history, and was a big Diablo 2 fan. The one who thinks you're faking owns a PS3 and recently bought a collector's edition of TOR.

I'd ask MY girlfriend what she thought, but there's no way she's even going to bother looking at email until later today because she's ass deep in Witcher 2.

Geeky girls are still girls. They're not any more turned on by self-sabotage or the pong of desperation than anyone else.

As for why girls hooked up with you but didn't like you, that's going to happen. Not every date turns into a relationship. Most, in fact, are going to fail. A couple of bad dates is not any indication that you're a failure at romance. It's just business as usual.

 

[Smooth Operator]

Well what your implying that he has nothing to offer which just ins't true. Every one has something to offer some one. Statistically there is more the one person for some one regardless of interests or hobbies or life experiences.

Never said he has nothing to offer, I don't even know the man.
But whatever he is doing is not interesting the ladies, now we can keep up the pretenses and to make him happy or alternatively we could tell him something isn't quite right and needs fixing.

Ignorance no doubt is bliss but it is never the way forward.

 

[mad825]

In line what BloatedGuppy said: get rid of that "Warning" picture as well.

 

[zelda2fanboy]

Well, I ran your profile past a couple of ex-girlfriends to see what they thought.

. He definitely comes across as "I hate myself and I'm putting this out there to show I'm a loser, but since I know it and I'm making fun of it, you can't judge me because I ALREADY KNOW."

Poor guy.

You're totally right -- his sense of humour sounds hilarious, and if he straightened that up a bit to add only a leeeetle self-deprecating humour and remove some of the "I DON'T LIKE" stuff, he'd probably get a ton of hits.

The other one, alas, was sure that your profile was not real, and that you were trolling for laughs. She found it THAT UNBELIEVABLE.

As for why girls hooked up with you but didn't like you, that's going to happen. Not every date turns into a relationship. Most, in fact, are going to fail. A couple of bad dates is not any indication that you're a failure at romance. It's just business as usual.

Thanks for getting some additional input. The part about "I hate myself and I'm putting this out there to show I'm a loser, but since I know it and I'm making fun of it, you can't judge me because I ALREADY KNOW" really hits home. I have no self esteem whatsoever and was bullied a lot as a kid, particularly by girls. I have this built-in mindset of being a twisted and sad little weirdo that I can't seem to shake, and getting rejected by even more women isn't helping all that much. I didn't even try to date at all until last year when I was 24. I know it's not their problem that I feel shitty about myself and I totally get why they'd be turned off by it.

Believe it or not, most of that was written while I was in what I would consider to be a "good mood." So I can't imagine when I'll have the proper brain chemistry in order to make it sound not messed up (and again it wouldn't matter all that much for awhile since I've struck out with just about everyone in the area.)

On an unrelated note, do any of these ex girlfriends live in Illinois? I swear I'm not this much of a miserable bastard in person.

 

[DrgoFx]

I've honestly never used a dating site, but most of the online relationships, for what they were worth, I can say I forged over social networks, not dating sites. Most specifically, a site called IMVU. Now granted, I've given up on internet dating because it really doesn't seem to work for me, though the fact I'm just now getting out of the house could have been a major factor in the past, it's not something you should just toss out of the window.

Don't go LOOKING for an internet relationship is all I can say. Let it come to you. If you really want to try your luck in the online world, do online activities you find fun. Try out MMOs, and you might just get interested in a guildie [Happened to me. Still good friends with her.] or you could join a roleplaying site and a similar event occurs. Or just use a chat system and just talk to random people until you find that one.

Again, this is what I did during my online dating phase. I don't suggest it as a first choice since relationships online are highly stressful and require to utmost dedication. At the same time, you need to remember that ironically, women care less for a relationship online. I don't know why or how, but men are the ones more dedicated to online relationships which is an interesting note.

 

[zelda2fanboy]

Now that he's commented on it you might want to remove it. It's um... actually possible to find your profile by that text and if you want to keep it private it'd be good to not post that.

...indeed it is. I've already started deleting chunks of it. I can also set it up so that the body of it is only visible to other members of the website, but I don't really care that much. Nice googling, though. I hope you enjoyed checking out my hot bod.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

Thanks for getting some additional input. The part about "I hate myself and I'm putting this out there to show I'm a loser, but since I know it and I'm making fun of it, you can't judge me because I ALREADY KNOW" really hits home. I have no self esteem whatsoever and was bullied a lot as a kid, particularly by girls. I have this built-in mindset of being a twisted and sad little weirdo that I can't seem to shake, and getting rejected by even more women isn't helping all that much. I didn't even try to date at all until last year when I was 24. I know it's not their problem that I feel shitty about myself and I totally get why they'd be turned off by it.

Believe it or not, most of that was written while I was in what I would consider to be a "good mood." So I can't imagine when I'll have the proper brain chemistry in order to make it sound not messed up (and again it wouldn't matter all that much for awhile since I've struck out with just about everyone in the area.)

On an unrelated note, do any of these ex girlfriends live in Illinois? I swear I'm not this much of a miserable bastard in person.

Your self confidence issues should be viewed as a prime culprit when it comes to the few relationships you have had not working out, as well. I had devastating confidence issues in my early 20's, and it was basically a long string of bad dates and short relationships that ended with a remorseful girl giving me my walking papers. You will need to learn to have a higher opinion of yourself, or...as earlier suggested...at least learn how to fake one...if you want to have any kind of lasting success romantically. A little self-doubt can be appealing...arrogance is not charming. Too much self-doubt is just exhausting. Having dated some girls with dangerously low self esteem, I now understand what everyone was complaining about with me. It's not a pretty picture.

You can always PM me with re-writes if you want help. I usually frolic on these forums at work, so believe it or not editing your personal ad is more entertaining than the alternative. Totally up to you, though.

As to the girls in question...Vancouver B.C., unfortunately.

Again, this is what I did during my online dating phase. I don't suggest it as a first choice since relationships online are highly stressful and require to utmost dedication. At the same time, you need to remember that ironically, women care less for a relationship online. I don't know why or how, but men are the ones more dedicated to online relationships which is an interesting note.

Oh LORD I'm not suggesting he have an "online relationship". Most internet dating sites are to meet people who live in your area so you can have ACTUAL relationships. I don't want to denigrate anyone's online relationship, but with few exceptions they're an utter waste of time.

 

[mad825]

...indeed it is. I've already started deleting chunks of it. I can also set it up so that the body of it is only visible to other members of the website, but I don't really care that much. Nice googling, though. I hope you enjoyed checking out my hot bod.

Setting it to "visible to members only" is really a minor inconvenience. Searchengines might be able to still spider but nonetheless, the information is going to stay there until they update.

To be honest, if you know how Google's search functions operators its isn't that hard to find out with the information you provided.

 

[VonKlaw]

Pretty much what everyone else has said about your profile - self-aware humour about your personal weaknesses is fine, but not if it's to such an extent that you begin to reek of it - if theres one thing women almost universally love in men, it's confidence.

Some self-deprecating humour = Fine, will show that you atleast have a sense of humour and aren't a narcissistic douchebag

Loads of self-deprecating humour = Bad, makes you look like a confidence lacking loner who is setting himself up to fail

 

[Powereaver]

tbh i found online dating pointless and i got out of it because had i have kept going i wouldve just felt worse and worse.. in the end i got over 230 denials over just saying hi in a chat window.. so yea im glad i stopped doing it because the feelings of rejection from it just sucked and i will admit openly that its definately NOT for everyone.. people are MUCH more judgemental online imo.

 

[manic_depressive13]

I thought your profile was adorable but I can see why it would make most people feel a bit uncomfortable. It reeks of frantic desperation.

 

[Batou667]

-snip-

Ye gads, man. Why not spray yourself with woman repellent and wear a T-shirt with "I'm Gay" emblazoned across it, if you're so hell-bent on self-sabotage?

Others have already mentioned this, but I'll say it again: your personal statement is very, very bad. At every opportunity you're being self-deprecating and selling yourself short. I get it; you're trying to prove that you're non-threatening and not an arrogant jackass and overall a "nice guy". In reality though it just makes you sound insecure, and like you're seeking sympathy rather than admiration. The only type of woman who I can imagine responding to your profile is one who is either blown away by your physical appearance, or a dominatrix, or a girl who is on the rebound and wants a nice sexless relationship with a doormat for a few months until she's ready to play with bad boys again[footnote]If I sound bitter it's because I've been there...[/footnote].

If this sounds negative it's because there's a lot of things wrong with your profile. I'll get onto some positive advice in due course, I promise.

1 - Cut it down. It's too long. I got bored reading it; I suspect girls would too.

2 - A good start would be to nix all the negative bits. Tell us you're a graduate. Don't tell us what you earn. Tell us what you enjoy, not what you don't enjoy or aren't good at.

3 - Make yourself come across as interesting. You don't consider youself interesting? Then become interesting. Nobody, least of all attractive women, are impressed by how many hours a day you spend watching films, playing Wii or levelling up your WoW accounts. Simple rule of thumb: make efforts to become the kind of guy you would admire platonically.

4 - Wii Fit is for housewives. Join a gym and lift free weights, don't use machines.

5 - Your photos sound horrific too. Awkward family pictures? "Zany" pieces of candy? A disclaimer that you're a gigantic prude with no confidence? You'd be better with no pictures at all. Let me guess, in the pictures are you making intentionally awkward or ironic faces, probably not making eye contact with the camera, as if to say "Lol I hate photos, that's how un-egotistical I am, oh no they're taking another one now, lol". Delete all those. Dress nicely, brush your hair and teeth, don't squeeze your zits, make sure the lighting is good (set the white balance if taking a photo indoors) and pose for a nice portrait picture. Look at the camera. Smile warmly and genuinely. Keep your hands by your sides. No ironic frowning or face-hiding or bloody duckface. Also, don't have a group photo as your only (or best) profile pic; your friends might be better looking than you and you don't need competition.

6 - Everybody listens to music, ony a jackass defines themselves by their musical tastes.

7 - Sod it, just go out and meet people in real life. This dating site is intended to bring people together in face-to-face situations anyway, so cut out the middle man. Get out more. Join some clubs and societies. Go to more social events with your work colleagues. Meet more of your friends' friends. Did Romeo and Juliet meet over the internet? They didn't need it and neither do you. Get out there and get some. That's an order.

[edit] You sound like a nice guy, but if you think depression is a problem, it's almost certainly more important for you to sort that out and be happy internally before you start adding external complications (i.e., women) into the mix. You mentioned changing your brain chemistry: good idea, exercise is superb at getting those endorphins flowing. Join a gym, start some martial arts, learn ballroom dancing, whatever. Many of these forms of exercise are also a great way of meeting women on a regular basis.