Fuck beef jerky

[Jonluw]

Can't be bothered to now that Fenrizz reminded me of Fenalår.

See, what you do is you rip the thigh off a sheep, then you salt it and dry it and let it hang in a cottage for somewhere between three months to three years.
Then you cut off thin, delicious, slices of awesomeness.

Spoiler: Amazing food. And salty.

That does indeed sound delicious, and that's pretty much the same process for making some good jerky, just different meats.

And less salt, from the taste of Jack Link's at least.
The salt level of Fenalår is closer to potato chips.
Best enjoyed with some good old traditional rice porridge.

 

[martyrdrebel27]

Well, there's different types of beef jerky...

"Jack Link's meat snacks
Beef jerky
original
Family quality guaranteed"

Is what the bag says.

Well there's your problem, Jack Link's tastes more like cow shit than beef jerky...and no, I don't know what cow shit tastes like, but it can't be pleasant. If I had to imagine, I'd guess it tasted like...well...Jack Link's beefy jerky. If you want "brand name" beef jerky, grab yourself a Slim Jim (if you can find'em in your country).

Though I'm here to tell ya that the best beef jerky is home made by an actual hunter, and in most cases isn't really "beef" (deer jerky, for instance, is fantastic ).

whoa whoa whoa.... what's wrong with you? slim jims are processed "meat" sticks wrapped in wax paper, literally. pick at a slim jim's surface, you can literally peel the entire layer of wax paper off the damn thing. besides that, its just flavorless grease. jack links is actual chunks of meat seasoned and jerkied. there's no comparison. that would be like comparing Yoo-hoo (Chocolate Flavored Drink) to chocolate milk... one is disgusting Americana, the other is edible.

 

[RJ 17]

Well, there's different types of beef jerky...

"Jack Link's meat snacks
Beef jerky
original
Family quality guaranteed"

Is what the bag says.

Well there's your problem, Jack Link's tastes more like cow shit than beef jerky...and no, I don't know what cow shit tastes like, but it can't be pleasant. If I had to imagine, I'd guess it tasted like...well...Jack Link's beefy jerky. If you want "brand name" beef jerky, grab yourself a Slim Jim (if you can find'em in your country).

Though I'm here to tell ya that the best beef jerky is home made by an actual hunter, and in most cases isn't really "beef" (deer jerky, for instance, is fantastic ).

whoa whoa whoa.... what's wrong with you? slim jims are processed "meat" sticks wrapped in wax paper, literally. pick at a slim jim's surface, you can literally peel the entire layer of wax paper off the damn thing. besides that, its just flavorless grease. jack links is actual chunks of meat seasoned and jerkied. there's no comparison. that would be like comparing Yoo-hoo (Chocolate Flavored Drink) to chocolate milk... one is disgusting Americana, the other is edible.

Well the OP and I are in agreement that Jack Links tastes like crap, so you're out-voted 2 to 1.

 

[Xeraxis]

You probably didn't get a good kind of jerky. I always get the Jack Links kind. Almost every other beef jerky I tried didn't taste so well though.

And you hate root beer? Complete madness. (Although I can kind of understand why.)

 

[Jonluw]

You probably didn't get a good kind of jerky. I always get the Jack Links kind. Almost every other beef jerky I tried didn't taste so well though.

Read the rest of the thread. Jack link's is what I got.

 

[kortin]

You're really bad at food, OP. You need to reroll a better class, because your class just isn't good at food. :\

edit: Wait, it might just be because you guys eat salty candy. The whole double-negativeness of that must be destroying your taste buds. :\

 

[Quaidis]

I have tried jerky before. It depends on how it's prepared and what animal it comes from. Venison jerky is better than beef jerky.

The best thing to do, if your culture does not sell it, is to make your own. Jerky is only dried and salted meat. This is not a USA only affair. Ancient tribes from the beginning of time ate it as it was a great way to ration the kill without the meat going bad quickly. Buy some meat, slice it thinly, coat it with salt (how much salt effects taste) and dry it out. If the jerky is too salty, wash it off before eating.


Wait, there was a topic to this thread besides dried meat? Crud, I lost my train of thought.

 

[Da Orky Man]

snip

I don't get the hate for salted candy though.
Everyone I've met outside of Scandinavia hates salty candy.
What? Are you saying you don't like crisps either?

And licorice. Sweet licorice is bullshit. It needs to be salted to be interesting in the least.

Crisps are different, they're meant to be a savoury snack. Liquorice (and the rest of what I'm gonna call the 'Haribo' family), are not meant to be savoury snacks.

Don't get me wrong, I love Scandanavia, and Scandanavian people are lovely (well... the Finns I've met were a bit off, but hey ho), and pretty much everything I've ever read or seen about Sweden, Norway and Denmark indicate that they're 3 of the finest countries in the world, from Economic viability to Human rights to Gender equality...

But... and this is a big but... You suck at sweets. And, as a cultural-linguistic set of nations characterised by a common ethno-cultural heritage, no one will take you seriously until you sort it out. (This is all very tongue-in-cheek by the way, in case there was any confusion)

If you really think about it, we have nothing to say. Us Brits created this:

 

[Jonluw]

The best thing to do, if your culture does not sell it, is to make your own. Jerky is only dried and salted meat. This is not a USA only affair. Ancient tribes from the beginning of time ate it as it was a great way to ration the kill without the meat going bad quickly. Buy some meat, slice it thinly, coat it with salt (how much salt effects taste) and dry it out. If the jerky is too salty, wash it off before eating.

I don't see any reason to do that. There are plenty of other kinds of dried meat I can get a hold of in my country.
Fenalår (as mentioned above) being the most awesome kind.

There's also a tradition for dried and salted fish.

 

[TheLastSamurai14]

Now you want something delicious?

Fried.
Octopus.
Tentacles.

Yes. Yes yes yes. ALL OF MY YES.

Escapist, lend me your ears: This dish is GODLY.

Captcha: change yourself

I think I might just have to, Captcha.

 

[Dags90]

I don't see any reason to do that. There are plenty of other kinds of dried meat I can get a hold of in my country.
Fenalår (as mentioned above) being the most awesome kind.

There's also a tradition for dried and salted fish.

Yeah, but salted fish is gross. Seriously, lutefisk? It looks light someone already ate it.

I'm not a particular fan of beef jerky. It's OK as a snack in small amounts with something to drink, but eating lots of it makes me feel like I'm eating dried rations.

Also, prosciutto > whatever that gross lamb thing is.

 

[Sovereignty]

I don't get the hate for salted candy though.
Everyone I've met outside of Scandinavia hates salty candy.
What? Are you saying you don't like crisps either?

And licorice. Sweet licorice is bullshit. It needs to be salted to be interesting in the least.

Lawl, OP is clearly on a rant, hates Beef Jerky for no real reason, uses excessive swearing to emphasize unfounded hate, and magically can't grasp someone else thinking salty candy is a BAD idea?

Good job OP, good job.

 

[Jonluw]

I don't see any reason to do that. There are plenty of other kinds of dried meat I can get a hold of in my country.
Fenalår (as mentioned above) being the most awesome kind.

There's also a tradition for dried and salted fish.

Yeah, but salted fish is gross. Seriously, lutefisk? It looks light someone already ate it.

I'm not talking about lutefisk though.
Lutefisk is dried fish that's been soaked in NaOH and then cooked. Dried fish is just dried and salted.

Also, prosciutto > whatever that gross lamb thing is.

Parma? Hah! Don't make me laugh. You know pig's meat will never live up to the quality of lamb's meat.

 

[Jonluw]

Lawl, OP is clearly on a rant, hates Beef Jerky for no real reason, uses excessive swearing to emphasize unfounded hate, and magically can't grasp someone else thinking salty candy is a BAD idea?

Good job OP, good job.

Uh, yes I am ranting? What did you think I was doing? And you get that the overblown hate and animosity is all tongue in cheek, right?
When people are using words like 'poo' to describe something, they're normally joking around.

The aversion to salty candy is not something I understand though. Potato chips are arguably a kind of candy, and they're salty. You don't see people hating that.
The best response I got to that was "Potato chips are snacks, not candy", to which I say "Well view the salty candy as snacks instead of candy then. They're basically the same thing."

 

[Sovereignty]

Uh, yes I am ranting? What did you think I was doing? And you get that the overblown hate and animosity is all tongue in cheek, right?
When people are using words like 'poo' to describe something, they're normally joking around.

The aversion to salty candy is not something I understand though. Potato chips are arguably a kind of candy, and they're salty. You don't see people hating that.
The best response I got to that was "Potato chips are snacks, not candy", to which I say "Well view the salty candy as snacks instead of candy then. They're basically the same thing."

So what you're saying is it's okay for YOU to 'hate' something, but when someone else dislikes something it makes no sense at all?

I got nothing from your poorly written explanation of why you hated beef jerky other than it was dried and, 'tasted like shit'


You think beef jerky sucks, because it doesn't fit your tastes.
Other poster thought salty candy sucked.


You should be more understanding if you're going to wave your hate around so openly.

And for the record; "Chips" aren't produced in the same fashion as "Candy" so while you could easily say both are snacks they both appeal to a different set of taste buds. (Sweet and Salty)

Your argument for just calling them snacks doesn't work because you refer to them as Candy. You wouldn't call a stick of celery and a pint of vanilla both ice cream would you?

 

[Jonluw]

Uh, yes I am ranting? What did you think I was doing? And you get that the overblown hate and animosity is all tongue in cheek, right?
When people are using words like 'poo' to describe something, they're normally joking around.

The aversion to salty candy is not something I understand though. Potato chips are arguably a kind of candy, and they're salty. You don't see people hating that.
The best response I got to that was "Potato chips are snacks, not candy", to which I say "Well view the salty candy as snacks instead of candy then. They're basically the same thing."

So what you're saying is it's okay for YOU to 'hate' something, but when someone else dislikes something it makes no sense at all?

I got nothing from your poorly written explanation of why you hated beef jerky other than it was dried and, 'tasted like shit'

I'm going to quote myself. See if you get it this time.

And you get that the overblown hate and animosity is all tongue in cheek, right?

You think beef jerky sucks, because it doesn't fit your tastes.
Other poster thought salty candy sucked.


You should be more understanding if you're going to wave your hate around so openly.

My tongue is practically located inside the flesh of my cheek trying to convey what's actually going on in this thread.

And for the record; "Chips" aren't produced in the same fashion as "Candy" so while you could easily say both are snacks they both appeal to a different set of taste buds. (Sweet and Salty)

No, salty candy appeals to salty tastebuds.
Not that hard to figure out.

And your little lecture on semantics is missing my point entirely. My point was that the guy clearly enjoys the taste of salt, so it's strange that salty "candy" (because candy only applies to sweet tastebuds?) doesn't fit his tastes.

 

[Codeknight]

There are some terrible jerkies out there, but there also some really good ones. Like jerky made by people instead of cheaply mass produced crap that only makes a profit because of how little time and money they spend on making the overpriced flavorless stuff.

What really gets me though is your attitude. From what I've read your view can be summed up with "I tried one flavor of one brand out of hundreds if not thousands and didn't like it. So fuck everyone who says they like it because the are dumb and have no taste." This may not be your intention but that's basically what I see when I read most of your messages.

Don't know why you are reacting so strongly. I imagine you're probably used to hype not living up to your expectations being on a gaming forum and therefore most likely being a gamer and constantly having publisher's/developer's promise and advertise stuff that is either cut completely or dumbed way down to meet deadlines.

 

[Jonluw]

What really gets me though is your attitude. From what I've read your view can be summed up with "I tried one flavor of one brand out of hundreds if not thousands and didn't like it. So fuck everyone who says they like it because the are dumb and have no taste." This may not be your intention but that's basically what I see when I read most of your messages.

Spoiler: I'm just joking, dude.

Basically, people who actually think that others are stupid for liking something they don't like rarely word themselves in such an overt manner.
Something along the lines of "What you like is poo and what I like is awesome and you are all morons for having different tastes from me." should only be taken as a serious statement when coming from children and/or mentally challenged people.

I don't like beef jerky, and I'm disappointed because it was hyped like the second coming, so after tasting it I decided to make a hyperbolic rant.
That's all there is to it.
I don't give a toss if other people like beef jerky. Hell, other people like raisins for gods' sakes.

 

[Codeknight]

OK, read your previous post (I was actually going to edit my original post when I saw the message indicating you quoted me) and I guess I get that it's for you it's meant as a joke. but I don't think it's coming off that way. Perhaps it's because you are constantly shooting down other people's opinion in a manner that isn't completely over the top. It's hard to infer sarcasm with text unless you go above and beyond. Believe it or not, wording like yours is very commonly used by people who are serious on the internet.

 

[Vivi22]

You probably didn't get a good kind of jerky. I always get the Jack Links kind. Almost every other beef jerky I tried didn't taste so well though.

Read the rest of the thread. Jack link's is what I got.

Xeraxis' opinion aside, I'd say the fact that it was Jack Link's was the problem. I eat it occasionally for a snack here and there if I'm traveling or something, but it's really not that great. Too dry and the flavour isn't great. In fact, the only Jack Links I really didn't mind was the peppered variety, and only because it's so damn peppery you can't taste the meat.

The stuff in my earlier post is far and away better. It's not really even that dry despite that being a required part of the process to make jerky, and the spices used are absolutely delicious. I'm not joking when I say that you will not find Jerky in a store that tastes better. No idea if you can order it from your country though.