Fun ways to screw with Telephone sales people

[generals3]

You could just treat them like they're people.
While I'm not in the industry myself I work with some people who do Telesales and guess what, they're actually some rather nice people and try to be as polite as possible. They don't make a habit of phoning random people either, if you're on the list to call you're probably on there for a reason, they're not just trying to make a habit of annoying people.

Not all of them... i've had some rude cases on the line quite often. Like hanging up just saying "ok" when I tell them i'm not interested. Or the worst one was the one who just hung up on me after I told them I didn't have any connection problems with my current internet provider (Which is not an answer she expected/wanted apparently...). And i'd also say that those who are calling during lunch/dinner time clearly are trying to piss me off.

 

[Dalisclock]

I aced the ASVAB with a 99 in high school. Recruiters from all branches but the Coast Guard were calling me multiple times, every day.

The Army in particular just wouldn't fucking let me go, even a year after taking the test. I WAS IN AIR FORCE TECH SCHOOL and I was still getting recruiters all over my nuts.

Somehow the bit about the Army doesn't surprise me. They actually had a rash of recruiter suicides at the time because of the insane stress levels.

It doesn't make it right at all, and any sane recruiter should have taken you off the list the moment you said "enlisted in Air Force".

Hell, it's probably the easiest way to get a (sane) recruiter to never call you again, even if it's not true. There is no way for a recruiter to actually verify if you're enlisted/in service or not.

That or tell them you have a neck tattoo.

 

[Summerstorm]

Huh? Telemarketing is still a thing?

I got on the national no-call list about ten years ago, and since then I've had exactly two calls from telemarketers.
(last one was about four years ago)

For both of those I informed them that I was on the no-call list, and told them to never call me again.

The same person who told me about the no-call list also told me that if you tell a telemarketer to never call your number again it is illegal for them to call you again... don't know how accurate that is but it seems to have worked for me.

I had kind of assumed that with the advent of no-call lists telemarketing had become so unprofitable that no-one did it anymore.

Well i do work in a call center (Not an agent anymore... i am a system-administrator now) and yepp, just tell them: Remove me from your calling list. I revoke any opt-ins you might have from me via your client/customer.

(You can also ask them were they got your phone-number from - so you can track down which internet-based service sold you out *g*)

Or just tell them: "Put me on your global blacklist, your business may not call me again"

I can tell you... you MIGHT get one call the same day, if the system administrator is overworked and isn't fast enough to remove you, but usually you will never ever hear from them again.
The corporation REALLY doesn't like it if someone is pissed off enough to take legal action. If the courts shuts down your line for even one day ...thats a few tens of thousand euro down the drain and broken customer trust. If this happens you are probably done forever.

I would say: Don't encourage or buy from them (us?). This corporation IS mostly evil (We do some tech-support and a few needed and sometimes even "good" services too, but selling shit nobody needs is still huge) - but don't fuck with the little man who HAS to call you. He is WAY underpaid, stressed out, works a job NOBODY likes, is reminded by superiors of his faults, handling times, sales figures nearly hourly and is in a loud room with his headset up to maximum.

(Don't scream or use a "screamer")

Let me tell you: I have seen people rip their headset off in panic. (Someone use a loud, tuned device to "attack" them)
I have seen grown women break into tears and just fleeing their cubicle after being verbally abused.
LOADS of people can't get through a WEEK in this workplace.

Be polite, be efficient... have a plan to kill everyone you meet. (Eh, scratch the last part)

 

[putowtin]

I've worked there,
it's not pretty,
you do get abused alot,

But it was the only work I could find after my previous employer suddenly went bust

This was the track they played us to show how bad it could be

Very NSFW

 

[aegix drakan_v1legacy]

Normally, I just say "no thanks" and hang up.

I have one sole exception, however.

And that is the "Windows security services" scam. Where a clearly indian sounding guy with a huge accent tells you he's from microsoft, that they have detected errors from your computer caused by malware and he's going to show you the errors. He (or very rarely a she) will tell you that your antivirus isn't stopping it because your "liscence" is out of date, and then they either get you to hand over remote access of your computer, or they scam you into sending them money for a new "license code".

I have gotten about 8 calls from these people over the last 2 years. At least 8, maybe more, they call every 3-4 months. I used to just tell them I had a Mac only, or told them that they were scammers whose children should be ashamed, but now? Now I've had enough.

These days, when they call, I look up the "I'm gonna !@#$ you in the ass" song on youtube, plug in my headset, putit right next to the speaker and BLAST IT through the phone. If the poor sod is still on the line after that, I tell him I hope he enjoyed my wasting his time.

If anyone has any other explicitly offensive songs I can use, PLEASE let me know.

 

[aegix drakan_v1legacy]

Well i do work in a call center (Not an agent anymore... i am a system-administrator now) and yepp, just tell them: Remove me from your calling list. I revoke any opt-ins you might have from me via your client/customer.

I do that for actual telemarketers. The guys that keep calling me are illegal scammers pretending to be Microsoft. I've told them to take me off their call list, still got called. I told them I only have a mac, don't call back THREE TIMES. They still called back months later.

I have nothing but sympathy for survey people. I will grit my teeth and tolerate telemarketers and gently inform then that I don not want their product, do not call back please. But these scammers that just keep on calling me every 3 months? I have had enough of them and I will blast offensive music through my speakers at them and hope they quit associating with criminals. I will wage a goddamn war of attrition on their employees if I have to. >: (

 

[Czann]

Nuisance, at the very least. Harassment and annoyance, typically. Preying on instinctive politeness and, all too frequently, the elderly and/or befuddled. I don't reserve sympathy for "just doing the job" - especially when the job description includes "banal minion of evil" right off the bat.

I couldn't have said it any better.

 

[DoomyMcDoom]

Let's see...
-Scream, just scream and scream until they hang up, either a straight up scream, or just loudly yell gibberish at them, either or.
-Pretend to be having sex while on the phone with them, if you happen to have a friend over when they call this one is very possible, and quite funny.
-Pretend that you called them, and pretend to be a telemarketer yourself.
-Constantly try to sell them a goat, or other misc. animals.
-Start reading from the bible, and don't stop until they hang up.
-say something along the lines of "Shit, hold on a sec" put your phone down, and go do something else for awhile.
-Attempt to seduce telemarketer with "sexy voice" to make them uncomfortable, and thus hang up on you.
-Just ramble on and on about any subject in a voice that makes you sound like an 80-90 year old man, until they hang up, I tend to like to talk about The War (WWII in this case, it tends to work well, I don't know if it's because I impersonate a senile veteran well, or if they just know that I'm fucking with them, meh).

I've done all of the above and more over the years.