Fun ways to screw with Telephone sales people

[sidhe3141]

Normally I just say, "Not interested", but I totally want to try singing over the pitch sometime. Either that or act like what they're selling is a code word.

"Hello, I'm with Geico and selling insurance."
"Right. I'll send Kay over at 15:03 to pick up the insurance. You'll recognize her by her brown shoelaces. How are your rutabagas doing?"

---

Eventually, they stop. Looks like making masturbation noises with a can of paint and a plunger with Terminator 2 on with the volume at 100 was their limit.

I literally lold.

 

[kalakashi]

As mentioned above there are legal ways of getting rid of this. For scammers, play along; my dad once had the "your PC is broken" call, and he just played along, pretending to be completely technologically illiterate. String them along for as long as you possibly can, and let them see that by calling you they will mostly be wasting time they could be using to scam others.

For regular telemarketers, while I can understand the "they're just doing their job" point, pissing people off is essentially part of the job description, and it's unreasonable to expect people to politely refuse every offer. You're phoning people's personal home phones during their time of 'leisure'; maybe it's a parent who is rushing to make dinner for their children, perhaps somebody is expecting an important call that they may now miss, or perhaps two lovers are sharing a (not-necessarilly sexual) intimate moment which is now cut short.
Yes, people need to make ends meet, yes, the job market definitely is difficult, but if you are taking a job in which you must interrupt people who are not expecting it and have done nothing to deserve it (as opposed to the case of the traffic warden's difficulties), expect them to be pissed off. This is not unreasonable or unfair.

 

[Signa]

WAAAAY too many former telemarketers in this thread. What no telemarketer has realized is all they need to say is "I'm a telemarketer and I'm selling X, are you interested?" and after the "nope", they say thank you and hang up. You'll get through your calls far faster, and you won't be wasting anyone's time.

 

[TheEvilCheese]

If they're not being a dick, I politely but firmly tell them I'm not interested and say goodbye.

If they're a scammer it varies. Had a "Windows" (your PC has a virus) guy really worried when I repeatedly asked him where he was actually calling from and if I could speak to his manager.

"No I don't have a computer" works surprisingly well too.

WAAAAY too many former telemarketers in this thread. What no telemarketer has realized is all they need to say is "I'm a telemarketer and I'm selling X, are you interested?" and after the "nope", they say thank you and hang up. You'll get through your calls far faster, and you won't be wasting anyone's time.

Problem is, that's not getting the sales you need to eat dinner tomorrow. There's a reason a lot of cold callers (by no means all of them) are overly pushy and seem genuinely annoyed at your refusal to even consider the product they're selling. People can be talked into buying things and that equals getting paid.

 

[AuronFtw]

Politely tell them I'm not interested, say goodbye, and then hang up.

You know, because they're people, just like you and I, doing their job and trying to pay the bills.

This, spare a thought for the poor sod having to make those calls to make ends meet, likely on a not that great of a wage. Same as the sales people in shops that try to sell you something extra, if they don't do it they can get into trouble for it so spare a thought for them.

No, it really isn't the same. You actually went into that shop intending to buy something because you had need of it or were interested in it. You got the item and are paying for it, and then the person asks if you want something extra if they think you might also need or want that? That's somewhat logical, and sometimes can be seen as a courtesy. Even going to a fast food place and being asked if you want a dessert item after you order the meal is sorta ok - it could be seen as similar to a waiter at a sit-down restaurant trying to ensure your experience is fulfilling.

But calling someone, out of the blue, no regards to what they're doing (and sometimes with no regards to timezones, zz) and trying to sell them shit is NOT the same. That's just being a fucking pest, regardless if "it's your job hurr durr." It was the job of german soldiers to gas jews in concentration camps, but it doesn't make them less guilty just because it was "their job." It's a shitty thing to do to people, especially when you consider the shady bullshit companies do to actually acquire those phone numbers these days (buying numbers from social media sites without people's knowledge, wooo). I realize you need a paycheck - but don't expect pity when your job is nothing more than actively being a fucking nuisance to people.

 

[shootthebandit]

You could just treat them like they're people.
While I'm not in the industry myself I work with some people who do Telesales and guess what, they're actually some rather nice people and try to be as polite as possible. They don't make a habit of phoning random people either, if you're on the list to call you're probably on there for a reason, they're not just trying to make a habit of annoying people.

They might be nice people but at work they rip off the elderly and vulnerable. Im sure a lot of bank robbers and street hustlers are nice people. It doesnt excuse what they do

I'm glad you're aware of what every person whose job it is to phone somebody does. I thought that the people I work with were employed to phone businesses and work towards getting people Apprentices, but I guess I'm just flat out wrong.
Good to know that everyone whose job it is to phone somebody immediately laser-points themselves to old and vulnerable people, I'll remember to tell them that on Monday and compare them to criminals.

Oh wait a second that's a massive assumption and generalization, and actually flat-out wrong! Golly-gosh, I wonder how that came to be. Heaven forbid that maybe, just maybe there are certain people who do enjoy ripping off these people and are scumbags, but there are also some that are just working to get an honest wage and we should assume the minimal human decency (as most people are at least not openly shitbags) and reserve our judgement for when we realise the distasteful actions someone is taking.
Nah, that sounds silly. Let's just insult and annoy everyone.

Most (90%) of the telemarketers are a scam. Im sure there are some legitimate ones but they are vastly out weighted by the scammers. Even the legit ones are still unsolicited. If I wanted to buy a product I would buy it. People ringing up forcing me to buy stuff. Not only that but how am I supposed to know they arent a scam

I wasnt comparing them to criminals (I was but it was exaggerated). I was simply saying that they may be nice people but the profession is not nice

Most of the time its PPI vultures or scammers telling you that your computer is broken getting you to log into their website with your details

 

[Generalissimo]

One thing I like to do is answer "[Name]'s Crematorium, you kill we grill 'em" made a few people laugh

 

[Zipa]

Politely tell them I'm not interested, say goodbye, and then hang up.

You know, because they're people, just like you and I, doing their job and trying to pay the bills.

This, spare a thought for the poor sod having to make those calls to make ends meet, likely on a not that great of a wage. Same as the sales people in shops that try to sell you something extra, if they don't do it they can get into trouble for it so spare a thought for them.

No, it really isn't the same. You actually went into that shop intending to buy something because you had need of it or were interested in it. You got the item and are paying for it, and then the person asks if you want something extra if they think you might also need or want that? That's somewhat logical, and sometimes can be seen as a courtesy. Even going to a fast food place and being asked if you want a dessert item after you order the meal is sorta ok - it could be seen as similar to a waiter at a sit-down restaurant trying to ensure your experience is fulfilling.

But calling someone, out of the blue, no regards to what they're doing (and sometimes with no regards to timezones, zz) and trying to sell them shit is NOT the same. That's just being a fucking pest, regardless if "it's your job hurr durr." It was the job of german soldiers to gas jews in concentration camps, but it doesn't make them less guilty just because it was "their job." It's a shitty thing to do to people, especially when you consider the shady bullshit companies do to actually acquire those phone numbers these days (buying numbers from social media sites without people's knowledge, wooo). I realize you need a paycheck - but don't expect pity when your job is nothing more than actively being a fucking nuisance to people.

I think you should maybe get a little perspective if you are seriously comparing telephone marketing, which is at best an inconvenience to genocide and honorific war crimes.

 

[Little Woodsman]

Huh? Telemarketing is still a thing?

I got on the national no-call list about ten years ago, and since then I've had exactly two calls from telemarketers.
(last one was about four years ago)

For both of those I informed them that I was on the no-call list, and told them to never call me again.

The same person who told me about the no-call list also told me that if you tell a telemarketer to never call your number again it is illegal for them to call you again... don't know how accurate that is but it seems to have worked for me.

I had kind of assumed that with the advent of no-call lists telemarketing had become so unprofitable that no-one did it anymore.

 

[Lono Shrugged]

"It's okay that we're doing bad things, because we're just doing them for money!" Huh?

What job do you do that contributes so much to the good of humanity? Try paying the rent with good intentions.

All the more reason to be polite. If they are pushy with you, be firm and assertive. If you are not a complete fucking pussy, a stuck up dick or raging asshole you can deal with these exchanges without resorting to bloodshed.

 

[Knight Captain Kerr]

Sales? I'd tell them I'm not interested and hang up. Survey? I might fill it out, it depends. At the end of the day they're people trying to make ends meet and doing a job they probably don't like very much. Up until recently my brother worked at a place like that and he hated it, he hated doing that to people. Still if they don't do it someone else will, I'm not going to be a dick to them.

Scammers on the other hand, fuck them, don't have any issue wasting their time if I have nothing better to do.

 

[Flames66]

"It's okay that we're doing bad things, because nobody's getting killed by it!" Huh?

And yeah - bad things. Nuisance, at the very least. Harassment and annoyance, typically. Preying on instinctive politeness and, all too frequently, the elderly and/or befuddled. I don't reserve sympathy for "just doing the job" - especially when the job description includes "banal minion of evil" right off the bat.

Heaven's above... I can see the thread of logic, but that is just... Dramatic, I think is the word. But I get it. It's your opinion.

I agree entirely with that statement. Telemarketers rang my Grandmother who suffered from Alzheimer's on numerous occasions. This always left her confused, distressed and drained, and had we not been there, they could probably have scammed her out of most of her savings.

"It's okay that we're doing bad things, because we're just doing them for money!" Huh?

Just making you pick up the phone and listen for a minute? I don't think they are selling the services of a contract killer.

Yeah pretty much. While I respect one's desire to not wanting to be bothered, going in to try to ruin someone's day simply for the GREAT AND TERRIBLE offense of... calling your phone... is a fair bit worse to me. I live in a shitty little town in the north of Sweden, where the only real jobs for young people are telemarketing of customer support jobs. I can't see how we become horrible human beings for taking the only jobs we can get.

Calling my phone if I don't know you and haven't asked you to call me is an unacceptable invasion of my space. I have a poor short term memory, meaning that something as simple as the phone ringing at the wrong moment can ruin my day. I also have fond memories of my mother shouting at a telemarketer because the phone startled her, causing her to spin around and nearly crack her skull on the corner of a cupboard.

It's not a pleasant job and they aren't doing it for fun--but it's a job that needs to be done and they've got bills they need to pay.

No it doesn't need to be done.

 

[Callate]

I'm on the Do Not Call Registry, so... anyone who's calling me, that I don't have a pre-existing relationship with, is breaking the law.

I will be polite, with those who remain who do, up to a point. It's mostly charities, often good charities, and as some have said, they're just trying to do their job. I don't give anyone money over the phone, because it's not behavior I want to encourage, but I get it.

As for the people who call us about twice a month with the "...this is your credit card company..." robocalls, though...

No, you're f@$%ing not. If you were, you would know who my credit card company was. You are a willing accomplice to fraud, and no amount of "just doing your job" justifies that. Occasionally, I go through to a person just to talk to them about the federal penalties they can expect as an accomplice to fraud.

If those people go home and have nightmares, well, good.

But just speaking in general: when you call someone on the phone, you have a captive audience who really can't do anything else while they're talking to you. You don't know what you're interrupting. If you don't respect that, you're either abusing someone who was actually raised to be polite, re-enforcing behavior that causes people to be less courteous to strangers, or both. I know telemarketers are trained in all sorts of rotten behavior, from that false "How are you doing this morning/evening/afternoon" to refusing to give up before receiving a certain number of "no"s, but that doesn't change the fact that following that training is actively making the world a less courteous and more insincere place.

 

[Lilani]

No it doesn't need to be done.

Maybe not, but again, that isn't the fault of the person calling you. Those telemarketers didn't wake up one morning and say "I know what I'll do at work today--I'll harass a lady with Alzheimer's!" They have a list of numbers and sometimes names chosen at random that they're assigned to call. I understand it's annoying, but taking out your frustrations on the individuals doing the calling is pointless. And if you harass or berate them knowing it isn't their fault, then that just makes you a horrible kind of person who has no problem harassing people you know aren't the root of your frustration.

 

[QuietlyListening]

Be firm. Be polite. As many have said before, they're just people working a shitty job so they can eat and pay rent. Being mean to them is literally shooting the messenger.


If you're clever though, maybe tell them a good joke. Having to work in fields where it was my job to irritate people, finding someone with a sense of humor was practically like going on vacation.

 

[flarty]

I have a poor short term memory, meaning that something as simple as the phone ringing at the wrong moment can ruin my day.

So anyone who calls you at the wrong moment risks running the chance of ruining your day? My advice to you sir is not to own a phone at all in case it rings.

 

[Flames66]

I have a poor short term memory, meaning that something as simple as the phone ringing at the wrong moment can ruin my day.

So anyone who calls you at the wrong moment risks running the chance of ruining your day? My advice to you sir is not to own a phone at all in case it rings.

I'm alright actually because I only give my number to people I trust not to call me if it's not important. If someone calls me who I haven't given my number to, they will receive a tongue lashing and be told to never call again.

 

[Estranged180]

My absolute favorite, used recently. Got them to hang up on me. They'd been calling every day, around the same time (dinner time) so I think they had this one coming.

"City morgue. You stab 'em, I'll slab 'em"

 

[laggyteabag]

I keep on getting those prerecorded PPI phone calls, but other than that I hardly get any Telephone Salesmen.

My friend did get a phone call once from someone who was supposedly from "Windows", and needed his bank account details to verify his copy. He tells me that whenever the guy on the phone gave him an instruction, he would reply with the most enthusiastically sarcastic "yeah!", until it got to the point where he just burst out laughing, called the guy an idiot, and hung up. I want one of these phone calls.

 

[Nukekitten]

My absolute favorite, used recently. Got them to hang up on me. They'd been calling every day, around the same time (dinner time) so I think they had this one coming.

"City morgue. You stab 'em, I'll slab 'em"

"It's done, but there's blood everywhere."