Funny Relationship Stories Thread
- Thread starter Shock and Awe
- Start date
Recommended Videos
DISCLAIMER***ummm, you guys have G rated stories, so I though I would spice it up with a bit of a more saucy story than innocently "kissing" So be warned that this story is of sexual nature. Prudes just keep scrolling down. *ahem*
whatever, kind of funny, "one night stand" relationship story. Just don't think less of me for it, mainly because that was the only one night stand I ever did, nor am I any type of skeeze ball looking to prey on drunk chicks.
So first year of university is as you guessed it, as crazy as the movies portray it. Booze, drugs, parties, and endless amounts of slutty women. Not being much for one night stands in my high school days, I felt this to be a venue in which I could actually do it considering I would probably never see the lady again anyways, and what the hell, first year university is about experimenting more than it is for grades.
on to a night of a house party and a few tequilla shots later, I find myself in the company of a mysterious woman. One thing leads to another and we find ourselves in a bedroom. Being slightly naive to the world of sexual wonderment, I find myself in a predicament of making out with a "freaky chick". Now just to clear things up, she was good looking, not some sea donkey I stumbled across passed next to the freezer. I feel that important to mention because I am vain. anyways, things progress to a sexual situation, and out of left field, she started dirty talking. And by this I mean the foulest smut that would make samuel L Jackson blush. Anyways, this is all new to me, and very seinfeld-esque, and she tells me that it turns her on when the guy dirty talks back and gets a bit rough. I am drunk, she is drunk, and shit is getting awkward as hell.
I feel as though to suit the moment I should partake in this verbal exchange, but am clueless as how to proceed. A few "ugh, yeah, that feels good", and "you like thats" with a slap on the ass, and my confidence goes up a bit. Apparently this wasn't good enough, and she wanted more, but I kind of ran out of material after the cliche bit I have seen on lame porns in the past. A few more lame lines and she is saying/yelling at me to get dirty, so I yell out "I want to fuck you sideways!!"....apparently this isn't a line that works, oddly enough (still don't know why I said it), because she started laughing hysterically, and we couldn't even continue on because I lamed out so bad and she couldn't stop laughing.
on to a night of a house party and a few tequilla shots later, I find myself in the company of a mysterious woman. One thing leads to another and we find ourselves in a bedroom. Being slightly naive to the world of sexual wonderment, I find myself in a predicament of making out with a "freaky chick". Now just to clear things up, she was good looking, not some sea donkey I stumbled across passed next to the freezer. I feel that important to mention because I am vain. anyways, things progress to a sexual situation, and out of left field, she started dirty talking. And by this I mean the foulest smut that would make samuel L Jackson blush. Anyways, this is all new to me, and very seinfeld-esque, and she tells me that it turns her on when the guy dirty talks back and gets a bit rough. I am drunk, she is drunk, and shit is getting awkward as hell.
I feel as though to suit the moment I should partake in this verbal exchange, but am clueless as how to proceed. A few "ugh, yeah, that feels good", and "you like thats" with a slap on the ass, and my confidence goes up a bit. Apparently this wasn't good enough, and she wanted more, but I kind of ran out of material after the cliche bit I have seen on lame porns in the past. A few more lame lines and she is saying/yelling at me to get dirty, so I yell out "I want to fuck you sideways!!"....apparently this isn't a line that works, oddly enough (still don't know why I said it), because she started laughing hysterically, and we couldn't even continue on because I lamed out so bad and she couldn't stop laughing.
whatever, kind of funny, "one night stand" relationship story. Just don't think less of me for it, mainly because that was the only one night stand I ever did, nor am I any type of skeeze ball looking to prey on drunk chicks.
I'm pretty sure I've told this story on these boards before, but oh well...
Lets go back many, many, many years to when I was 15. I was in Daytona and working for my dad. I worked with a guy who was in his late twenties, and the two of us use to go to concerts all the time, sometimes three or four a week. Well anyways, after one such Butthole Surfers concert, we ended up on the other side of town and my friend tripping way too much to drive, so we stopped by his dad's little establishment. A strip club. So I got to spend the rest of the night and early morning meeting his father, drinking free screwdrivers, and tipping strippers with the house's dollars. Wasn't that bad of a night at all!
Anywho, skip ahead many years. I'm 21 and dating a lesbian who's giving straightness a shot. She's a bit of a partier which is why we didn't work out, me being the 'good guy'. So anyway, one night we're heading out to one of her gay bars to meet some friends of hers, but when we show up, the place is dead. So she tells me she has a treat for me, a real surprise. She drives us to the other side of town to this little club and it's all I can do not to laugh. As we walked through the front door my girlfriend is like "Surprise! It's a strip club." But her words are drowned out by the bartender's jolly bellow of "Ryan!" as he runs around the bar to give me a hug. My girlfriend's jaw dropped and I had a fun time letting her live a night of confusion while I partied it up for a change.
Yup, same club. And those were the only two times I'd ever been there, though I knew the owner fairly well due to his son.
Lets go back many, many, many years to when I was 15. I was in Daytona and working for my dad. I worked with a guy who was in his late twenties, and the two of us use to go to concerts all the time, sometimes three or four a week. Well anyways, after one such Butthole Surfers concert, we ended up on the other side of town and my friend tripping way too much to drive, so we stopped by his dad's little establishment. A strip club. So I got to spend the rest of the night and early morning meeting his father, drinking free screwdrivers, and tipping strippers with the house's dollars. Wasn't that bad of a night at all!
Anywho, skip ahead many years. I'm 21 and dating a lesbian who's giving straightness a shot. She's a bit of a partier which is why we didn't work out, me being the 'good guy'. So anyway, one night we're heading out to one of her gay bars to meet some friends of hers, but when we show up, the place is dead. So she tells me she has a treat for me, a real surprise. She drives us to the other side of town to this little club and it's all I can do not to laugh. As we walked through the front door my girlfriend is like "Surprise! It's a strip club." But her words are drowned out by the bartender's jolly bellow of "Ryan!" as he runs around the bar to give me a hug. My girlfriend's jaw dropped and I had a fun time letting her live a night of confusion while I partied it up for a change.
Yup, same club. And those were the only two times I'd ever been there, though I knew the owner fairly well due to his son.