Funny things you've learned from games

[HSIAMetalKing]

Mass Effect: Alien chicks are total sluts.

 

[guyy]

UT2004: All aliens are humanoid and enjoy violent killing almost as much as humans.

 

[bigazn13]

World of Warcraft - there are lots of boars, bears, raptors, zebras, humanoids, wolves, murlocs, and other mythical creatures running around without hearts, heads, claws, livers, hooves, teeth, and eyes, but are perfectly capable of carrying weapons, armor, clothing, gold, food, patterns, schematics, and various pieces of cloth.

 

[CmdrGoob]

A variety of RPGs: No matter how pressing something might seem, you can procrastiate as long as you want and still get it done just in time, as long as you can't actually see a timer counting down.

A variety of FPSes: Jumping everywhere is faster than running.

A variety of RPGs: Serial killers and hunters must be hell tough, because killing things always makes you stronger.

 

[Nargleblarg]

Half Life-I can carry 20 guns......awesome
Oblivion-accidentally pick up a fork everyone screams like hell
Halo- Aliens have alot of blood
007 Nightfire-WTF the controls are inverted?
Fable 2-I've never known true love
Gears of war-gun+chainsaw= best thing since sliced bread
GTA4-Falling from helicopters is fun
My Wii-It hasn't been touched
Rock band-what did we do before it
Ninja Gaiden 2-Shit thats alot of blood
WoW steals peoples souls
Video Games do not = Good Movies
Good Movies do not = Good Games
Super Mario 64-We laughed We cried it was fun while it lasted
Dead Rising-YAY killing zombies

 

[The Iron Ninja]

This was done before a few months ago, so I'll just go through that thread and pick out the best.

-Freelance Journalists learn martial arts when they have killed enough zombies. (dead rising)
-Never pick up objects in a shop or house, however feel free to launch your body at the shelves. (Oblivion)
-Japanese feudal serfs (or whatever they were called) were trained to jump onto rooftops and dance whenever there is the slightest hint that a ninja may be present (Tenchu Z)
-Japanese port towns had battalions of trained bears that guarded the town from Ninjas, but somehow were able to curb their hunger and refrain from eating the populace (also Tenchu Z)
-It is perfectly plausible that a CIA agent could have an infinite number of parachutes (Just Cause)
-Your trusted advisor will not have his neck broken for repeatedly saying "Can't place that there m'lord" whenever you plot out the placement for your farms. (stronghold)
-Sherman tanks were certainly the most powerful tank in world war 2 and were not at all plauged with a high profile that left them more of a target, inferior armour thickness and a less powerful cannon to most German tanks or a tendency to burst into flames from glancing blows. (Any American made WW2 game)

If I step on the sand on a certain day, large bugs will come out and slaughter me. (HL2)
If I pick up a orange and white flower, I too will become orange and white and gain the ability to shoot out balls of fire. (Oh jeez I wonder? Mario perhaps?)
You can kill someone by jumping on them. (Duke Nukem and Mario based games)
If I take a large amount of bullets, my eyes will become bloodshot but I can just get in cover and eventually I will be fine. (the CoD games)
The Master Chief defies gravity and physics. (all Halo games)
When I walk through a radioactive fallout area, my vision will become blurred and really bright. (Stalker and Cod4)
If I become poisoned from radiation I can just eat some food or special medicine and the radiation goes away fine. (stalker)

you can find better guns in civilian homes than in military armories

As long as one takes cover every once in a while, one can take a near infinite amount of damage (does not apply if one is carrying a crowbar).
Be carefull when looking in your pockets while in parks (AitD).
You can learn Japanese in one minute by picking up a certain book, but forget it when you drop the book (Dead Rising).
Don't worry, you can't light your friends on fire (TF2).
You can be your own worst enemy (LoZ, SotN).
Evil villians will destroy the world for the sole purpose of being evil (almost any game).
Never drink out of fountains (Nethack).
People won't take notice until you kill at least two friends (Halo).
If you inexplicably become invincible, your pupils disappear (Doom).
The bigger your sword is, the bigger villian/hero you are (any RPG).
If you mess up, you can always try again (Braid, PoP)

Spikey Hair and huge eyes are a surefire way to be cool. (ANY jrpg.)

Nothing's too dangerous as long as you have enough sand.

boxes have fruit in it- crash bandicoot

1. although master chiefs armor weighs several tons... when he dies he floats in the water
2. You can be crouched indefinatly with no painful side effects
3. your weapon never jams
4. grenades are always underwhelmingly ineffective
5. you can use any gun/vehicle without training
6. using alien technology is easy
7. mounted weapons never run out of ammo
8. every human bodey holds 16 gallons of blood
9. snow does not impede movement
10. you either know how to swim... or you sink like a rock off a bottomless underwater cliff
11. assassins do not know how to swim
12. killing people at point blank range will not cover you in blood
13. your aim is better than every enemy in champaigne
14. bullets destroy everything
15. whatever bullets don't destroy explosives will
16. whaterever explosives don't destroy... you need to pull a lever
17. you run faster with a knife
18. zombie apoclypses happen every other weekend
19. eat all food on the ground
20. any woman can be impressed with feats of violence
21. there is no such thing as small boobs
22. any character that goes missing halfway through a game is not dead or is the main villan
23. you need the blue key... always

If I fish in the river Severn in the summer at night, I can find a Piranha or an Arapaima. (Yes I play Animal Crossing shut up).
If I want to kill someone it will take two or three shots to the head.
If a rock is in my way, I can play a certain song and it will move.
Humans can take 50+ bullets without dying.

pistol are shit
Hedgehogs will whoop you
plumbers are more likely to go postal then a mailman
Demons? no problem. Aliens? No problem, Ninjas? No problem. Wooden door? You worst enemy. Ever.

1. When you're about to beat someone in a fight, they will rapidly flash between red and their normal skin tone.
2. Chickens are easy to pick up.
3. Tennis is really easy.
4. Hockey is almost entirely about checking and fist-fights.
5. Most people don't say anything of interest.
6. On any given day, a 16-year old girl can beat up a gigantic bear, or an old man can beat up a robot.
7. The best way to open a container is to destroy it.
8. When you enter a town, the person closest to the entrance will welcome you to the town and tell you its name.
9. When driving, a full 360 flip is routine, provided you land wheels down.
10. Pay attention to shiny things.
11. All ninjas will try to kill you on sight. Unless said ninja is a super badass ninja who refuses to talk. That guy will run away after saying "..." But beware--he'll be back.
12. Parachutes are standard issue for all soldiers, regardless of what they're tasked with on the Battlefield.
13. Food heals all wounds.
14. Eating typically takes one or two seconds, and can usually be accomplished by standing on top of food.
15. If you run out of bullets, you die.
16. Everyone, everywhere, at anytime is capable of jumping at least 5 feet straight up.
17. Eating mushrooms can make you grow taller. Eating flowers let you shoot fireballs out of your hand.
18. Female martial artists are either little girls in Japanese school clothes, or scantily clad vixens with ginormous boobies.
19. The Web was basically built for people to play puzzle games and tower defense.
20. Windows sucks.
21. Your thumb is your most powerful weapon.
22. Pokemon, though vicious fighting animals, will only attack other Pokemon. Even the biggest, nastiest Pokemon won't hurt a human.
23. Princess Peach really needs a security staff.
24. And so does Princess Zelda.
25. Most people don't mind if you wander into their house unannounced. They also don't care if you go rifling through their chests and barrels looking for items.
26. A large number of doors and gates are controlled by elaborate pulley systems involving statues and clay tablets.
27. Barrels with radioactive signs on the side will explode if shot.
28. Hemorrhaging head wounds can be healed by standing on top of any box with the red cross symbol on the side.
29. Bad guys and monsters tend to enjoy carrying around the same types of bullets your guns use, even if they themselves are not armed.
30. Big ass boobs are great. 3D big ass boobs with a proper physics engine behind them are even better.
31. Massive boobs do not, in anyway, interfere with physical and athletic performance.
32. Most cities, though appearing large, are composed of small alleys and single streets blocked off at both ends by garbage, fences, cars, or mysterious invisible barriers.
33. 90% of all doors are completely fake. They're just painted onto the wall.
34. Solid Snake's co-workers are completely incapable of shutting the f**k up.
35. Turtles come out of their shells if you press down hard on them. Additionally, turtle shells are really slick on the bottom, and thus they slide around on normal surfaces as though they were ice.
36. For the most part, jumping on something's head will kill it. If it does not, then throwing a dead animal at the thing will do the job.
37. All adventures will take the protagonist through an "ice world."
38. If you get poisoned, you won't die as long as you stay still.
40. Grenades are easy to locate in major metropolitan areas. And in fields. And in suburbs. And in airbases. And in hotels. And on the bus. And in schools. But if you find grenades in a military base, they're probably fake and don't really exist.
41. 95% of all computers, desks, tables and chairs are exactly the same.
42. Killing people makes you stronger.
43. When someone dies, their body will decompose within 5 minutes of death.
44. Dead people, after decomposition, tend to leave behind weapons, food, or keys.
45. Bad guys like to build elaborate mazes around their headquarters.
46. The head guy involved in anything is usually trying to destroy the world.
47. Bad guy managers are usually far stronger than any of their underlings.
48. If a bad guy is really really big, you'll have to flip a number of switches in order to damage him. These switches will always reset within 30 seconds of being hit, making Mr. Big Baddy invulnerable again.
49. The more you kill, the better the stuff you get.
50. All store owners will buy any old crap you have in your bag, no matter how much of it you own.
51. If in combat, your enemies will usually stand around and wait patiently as you go through your rucksack looking for your rocket launcher.
52. A knife in the back beats three bullets in the face.
53. When you go to bed at an inn, a 3-second jingle will play before you go to sleep..
54. Hedgehogs do not have blood flowing through their veins, but giant gold rings.
55. The greatest of warriors often communicates in childish aphorisms.
56. Clothing only comes in one size.
57. If you come across a locked door, you have to find the key, even if it's a brittle piece of wood that a grenade should be able to obliterate.

If i die i can just restart

1. You shoot off-screen to reload
2. Explosive barrels are everywhere
3. When engaged in boss battles, shoot the glowing yellow part, or swollen member
4. Soviets, Nazi's and terrorists always get their ass kicked by Americans......always
5. Nobody likes a team killer
6. Their is no respawning in real life
7. You can't trust an army to accomplish a task so you need ONE special agent to accomplish the task for them.
8. Girls love misogynist wankers in games (Zero Punctuation)
9. You always fall down a cliff when you haven't quick saved
10. The force is always with you

-Ducking then jumping makes you jump higher (halo)
-a person with a gun instead of an arm can use that gun easily for some apparent reason (FF7)
-any appearance change makes you stronger even if you look weaker than before (quite a few games)
-battlefields are made up of many squares (tactics games)
-meeting an alien plant species will allow you to control them (pikmen)
-said alien plant species reproduce using pellets with numbers on them (pikmen)
-if you jump long enough you will be able to jump houses eventually or you could equip the boots of springhheel jack (oblivion)
-soldiers love to say MAGGOT! (TF2)
-a giant sword can kill anything (FF7 aswell as many other games)
-the crazier hair you have the stronger you are (many games and anime series)
-being part of the Earth Defense Force would kickass (Earth Defense Force 2017)
-you can fast forward life by pressing a button on a controller (sims)
-you always need a white mage (any RPG)
-Magic users are stronger at first but eventually it doesnt matter because everyone is hitting for 9999 (many games and series)
-trees are indestructible (GTA series)
-Fast food stands blow up when hit hard enough (GTA 4)
-jumping out of a helicopter is always fun to watch (GTA 4)
-the hero usually always uses a sword or swordlike weapon (too many games to count)
-every women who has some part of the story you will see her cleavage (shhh cleavage no talking)
-getting 3 of the same colored vitamin or half of vitamins will get rid of a virus of the same color (dr. mario)
-blocking causes a glowy circular shield to appear around you (SSBB series)
i have more if you are interested in having me post them just tell me

1.It's possible to carry swords the size of motorcycles (ff7)
2.Women have a better chance for working for the CIA if they have huge breasts.(Ninja Gaiden 2)
3.You can still get busted by the police for something they made up.(OblivioN,GTA 4)
4.Nobody makes the first jump.(COD4)
5.Corpsehumping is for losers.(Halo 3)
6.You can still sell the same product if you put a different number on it.(Rainbow Six Vegas 2)

Although countless buildings are visible, most are a facade, and don't actually contain interiors at all. (Just about any non-RPG game.)

All women are strong, agile, independent, and skimpily dressed. (DoA...)
Most can take sword strikes to the anywhere and survive. (Soul Calibur)
Several sword strikes. (Or Ninja Gaiden...)
And a grenade. (Unreal Tournament)

When all else fails, the pistol usually has unlimited ammo. (Just about any arcade shooter, be it lightgun or sidescroller.)

There are two types of food:
Instant Health foods.
Slow, Steady, and Ultimately more fulfilling regenerative foods. (Various MMOs.)

You can only die forever if it is scripted in the storyline, or until you restart the game.

Touching a star will not instantly sear off or destroy any part of you, it will instead render you invulnerable to all hazards except endless drops.
It also makes you run faster.

Despite creating countless super-killer robots, Dr. Light has yet to figure the exact metallic alloy that is immune to spikes, much to any of his creations' demises.

No matter what laws of physics need apply to humans, these physics will rarely, if ever, apply to martial artists and ninjas.

Even though it has molded to the point of having a fully grown mushroom, bread is still edible for up to 10 points. (Metal Slug series)

Helmets are easily penetrated by any caliber of bullet. However, the addition of a gas mask makes a helmet nearly impenetrable, and it will easily deflect sniper rounds. (Black)
The size of your armor doesn't matter, even in medieval settings. Ridiculously over sized armor is easy to move around in and allows for the wearer to run unimpeded. (Gears of War, Fable)
All incredibly large animals have big, flourecent weak spots (Probably why dinosaurs went extinct; also known as the Lost Planet syndrome).
No matter how immense something is, human sized swords/bullets will eventually kill it. (Any Boss Battle)
It is possible to be eaten by a large creature and survive, running around inside of it hacking away at nerves until you are eventually excreted. (Plenty of games)
Crowbars are an effective anti-alien/zombie/police/soldier/alien regime/etc weapon. (Half-Life 2)
The rival team always has very low intelligence and communicates entirely through 1337 sp3@k. Unless, of course, you join the server. Then everyone on the other team speaks in quaint British accents and has the coordination and effectiveness of a squad of SEALS/SAS soldiers while your entire team is off by themselves failing to be awesome. (Counter Strike, Halo, WoW, etc.)
White boxes with red crosses can fix any injury, no matter how grave. (Any pre-Halo 2 FPS)
It is easy for cooperations to get funding for potentially world-destroying projects no matter how many times they kill all of their employees (Resident Evil)
Safty regulations are for sissies. (Resident Evil)
There is nothing more satisfying than punching your opponent in the gut, grabbing his entrails, then forcibly ripping them out. (Dead Rising)

There we go.

[sup]I just realised how many people are going to get a system message from me quoting them. oh well...[/sup]

 

[Gxas]

Conker's Bad Fur Day - Squirrels have buckets of blood and teddy bears have radioactive piss. (god i loved that game... best game Nintendo ever made)

You do realize that rare made Conker's Bad Fur Day, right?

 

[Da_Schwartz]

Blaster Master: Contrary to popular belief frogs can be exciting and interesting pets.

Sims: never go into a hottub cause you could end up pregnant.

Baulders gate: squeaky wheels get the kick.

Holyfield real deal boxing: You can always win a fight simply by throwing a left jab to the stoamch then the face and repeat until victory.

NHL 93: Jeremy Roenick is the greatest hockey player of all time.

Tenchu: Rice is a ninjas greatest of weapons.

Top Gun: Flying a f-14, dogfighting and saving the free world is easy...Landing on the aircraft carrier is the trickiest part of being a pilot.

Powerpad track and field: You can run alot faster if you never lift your feet off of the ground

-If your going to sign up for the military, try not to go into any branch of "space marines"

 

[JFKdidntLoS]

WoW: Nothing can stop you if you know where your body is

 

[TheIr0nMike]

>Tony Hawk games: You can grind for ours on ends
>Various racing games: You can crash head on into traffic and your car won't even get a scratch on your car
>Various Japanese Action games: When you're not in control, you can do way more badass things
>Uncharted: Everyone hates whitie
>various FPS: You can enter a Matrx-like state in which everything becomes slower
>Peggle: the only purpose in life is to throw balls at various pegs in order to get a high score

 

[dukethepcdr]

if you kill something, it may drop money, items or a weapon

Yes, and isn't it weird how some games seem to have such items assigned to enemies or creatures almost at random? I've played games where you are being attacked by an ogre with a big axe but when you kill it, all you find to pick up is a little dagger or sometimes not even a weapon, just a weak health potion. I've wondered in games why more enemies you come across don't just back off and use their health potions on themselves instead of continuing to attack you headlong.

 

[Devil's Due]

That building Rapture underwater is not impossible, but building Rapture anyplace else is.

 

[dukethepcdr]

Lightsabers can cut through almost anything in the Star Wars movies, but only through specific things in games. They are about as deadly as a nerf baseball bat in Soul Calibur 4

 

[NinjaSkills]

Ratchet and Clank - A giant wrench can solve any problem

 

[gigastrike]

Bioshock: All of Earth's creatures understand and respect that hacking takes time.

Spore: All single-celled organisms have complex eyes.

Final Fantasy 7 (and probably a few others): Huge swords that are bigger than you are can be easily wielded if you look like a chick.

CoD4: Ppl die instantly from being stabbed, but can take mutiple bullets

Halo 3: AI can be completly repaired by referancing an earlier event.

Counter-Strike: A bullet moving fast enough can kill someone in one shot, even if it hits their toe.

 

[Lt. Dragunov]

kingdom hearts- disney characters can kick ass (but simba is a pussy)

any wwII game- everyone hates america (nothing new)

mercenaries 2- air strikes is the new duck tape (no comment)

silent hill 2- monsters like to rape each other (its called surprise sex)

cod4- shotguns can be used as snipers (who knew)

soul calibur 1-4- the bigger the weapon the blunter the attacks (also lightsabers lose the "saber" part)

 

[L4Y Duke]

Your odds of surviving in a war are greatly increased if you don't have a helmet on (Any FPS, Halo on Legendary)

 

[Reaperman Wompa]

The majority of games: Urination is useless for anything other than comical value.

Rts's: Elevation and cover have nothing to do with winning battles.

 

[Simalacrum]

virtually any game with biiiggg enemies: ALWAYS go for the eyes! the EYES!!!!!
Far Cry 2: people don't like full stops in Africa, and like talking as though they don't exist

 

[Tyranicus]

Fallout 3: Being a smoothskin is a good thing. Blowing the oversee's head off.