Girlfriend Zone!

[Lilani]

Well I have already gotten 4 other messages about this. All I can say is that yours is probably no different than the rest of them.

Than the rest of whom? And in what way am I not different from them?

 

[Ratties]

Well I have already gotten 4 other messages about this. All I can say is that yours is probably no different than the rest of them.

Than the rest of whom? And in what way am I not different from them?

Do I really have to tell you. Ah christ on a cracker. Really don't need everybody's views showed down my throat. Most of you people just like to throw around insults and act like you are open minded. Most you are not. As for whom, the other people that messaged me.

 

[Lilani]

Do I really have to tell you. Ah christ on a cracker. Really don't need everybody's views showed down my throat. Most of you people just like to throw around insults and act like you are open minded. Most you are not. As for whom, the other people that messaged me.

I admit I may have been a bit pejorative in my wording, but that doesn't change the fact that your theory on female friendships is simply not based in reality. That type of female you described--the kind that "settles" on a friendship with a guy because she's ruled him out as a partner--does not exist. That simply isn't how females or people in general function, at the most basic sociological level.

 

[Ratties]

Do I really have to tell you. Ah christ on a cracker. Really don't need everybody's views showed down my throat. Most of you people just like to throw around insults and act like you are open minded. Most you are not. As for whom, the other people that messaged me.

I admit I may have been a bit pejorative in my wording, but that doesn't change the fact that your theory on female friendships is simply not based in reality. That type of female you described--the kind that "settles" on a friendship with a guy because she's ruled him out as a partner--does not exist. That simply isn't how females or people in general function, at the most basic sociological level.

Did meet 3 females in my lifetime that wanted to date me before they wanted to be my friend. All they wanted to do was date, so yeah....

 

[Lilani]

Did meet 3 females in my lifetime that wanted to date me before they wanted to be my friend. All they wanted to do was date, so yeah....

I don't exactly understand how this correlates with what you said before. The paragraph that set all this off is this:

Well I don't make friends with girls because I think it's pointless. Alright if I just want to hang out and have a good time, I will do it with other guys. Let me be blunt about this. Think girls can be fun to hang out with as well. Find the idea of a girl just wanting to be just a friend kind of harsh. Likes everything about me. All we do all day is joke around and have a good time. Know that there is a part of every guy that knows that she thinks you are not attractive enough to date. Never tell you that. If that is not case, heres another. If you are just a back up guy she has around in case all the other guys don't work out. Got to say that it makes me sound like a insecure asshole. A girl would just say, "hey I am not attracted to you, do you want to be friends?" Know it's harsh, the truth hurts.

What I'm reading here is, "I can't stand to be friends with girls because sometimes I like them and if they want to be just friends, that hurts, so I'm swearing off all of them."

The situation you just described is, "3 females in my lifetime that wanted to date me before they wanted to be my friend." That is the exact opposite of what you just said there. The problem there isn't that the girl wants to be just friends, it's that you want to be just friends. And apparently this didn't end well so suddenly those three females in your head represent all of the females in the world and you are doing your damnedest to make sure nobody brings you back to reality.

...I think, anyway. Re-reading this, I really can't tell what you're getting at.

 

[Smeatza]

Well, the desperate and social clueless who are upset that the universe hasn't made that girl they like fall in love with them. You can be as desperate and clueless as you like, but once you start getting whiny, entitled and/or creepy, pity is going to be outweighed by annoyance, at best.

Well I think that's callous and cold hearted.
Whiny and creepy are subjective terms anyway, I might think it's whiny and creepy for the person who wrote the article to feel so entitled to male friends.
And that term "entitled" get's thrown around so easily these days. Just because somebody is disappointed, it doesn't mean they felt entitled. Hopeful would be a fairer (but less sensational) word to use for many of these poor bastards.

I see from a few of your other posts that you're a bit of a feminist.
Surely you can't appreciate it when people call the feminist plight "whiny, entitled and/or creepy."
Yet you're so quick to dismiss the plight of others.
It's selfish.

 

[Use_Imagination_here]

I really don?t envy women . much more then guys you have to deal with never knowing if a relationship is genuine or if the guy is just trying to get into your pants. this obviously isn?t exclusive to you but guys much more often the initiators of these things. Having a lot of gay friends kind of woke me up to this, It?s not fun to realize that?s someone you thought was a friend you can talk to is just listening because he is expecting something at the end of it .

Well that's a bit of a generalization. Sometimes people just develope feelings when they shouldn't. Saying it's all about sex is inaccurate.

It's painful for everyone involved when someone develops feelings for someone else and they don't feel the same way, and it's no ones fault necessarily. All you can really do is be honest about how you feel. And if the friendship can't continue well, that's painful but it's how it has to be.

People who act like they're your friend partially or entirely because they expect to get something out of it and not just for the sake of friendship can go right ahead and fuck themselves though.

 

[Thaluikhain]

Well, the desperate and social clueless who are upset that the universe hasn't made that girl they like fall in love with them. You can be as desperate and clueless as you like, but once you start getting whiny, entitled and/or creepy, pity is going to be outweighed by annoyance, at best.

Well I think that's callous and cold hearted.
Whiny and creepy are subjective terms anyway, I might think it's whiny and creepy for the person who wrote the article to feel so entitled to male friends.
And that term "entitled" get's thrown around so easily these days. Just because somebody is disappointed, it doesn't mean they felt entitled. Hopeful would be a fairer (but less sensational) word to use for many of these poor bastards.

I see from a few of your other posts that you're a bit of a feminist.
Surely you can't appreciate it when people call the feminist plight "whiny, entitled and/or creepy."
Yet you're so quick to dismiss the plight of others.
It's selfish.

So...you're equating social problems and sexism faced by women, to a woman not fancying a guy? Those are not the same.

And "entitled" isn't an unreasonable word to use. There's a difference between someone disappointed that a woman didn't fancy them as they'd hoped, and someone upset that she didn't fancy them as they thought they were obliged to.

 

[Smeatza]

So...you're equating social problems and sexism faced by women, to a woman not fancying a guy? Those are not the same.

No two problems are the same.
So it's a good job I wasn't "equating social problems and sexism faced by women to a woman not fancying a guy"
I was equating the reactions to them.
And I was spot on.

And "entitled" isn't an unreasonable word to use. There's a difference between someone disappointed that a woman didn't fancy them as they'd hoped, and someone upset that she didn't fancy them as they thought they were obliged to.

How do you tell the difference? Especially over an internet forum? What qualifies you to make that call? Are you a psychiatrist? Do you specialise in psychiatric interpretation of online interactions?

For example, entitlement and confused arrogance would be entirely indistinguishable in the scenario we're discussing. But you would automatically assume it's the former rather than the latter.
Probably because it's easier to hate than it is to actually learn about others.

 

[ShipofFools]

There are no zones, man. It's all vibrations, dig it?
Friends are friends, lovers are lovers, and you got to know witch is witch before you make a mistake. If you want one and got the other, then you need to do something or try something new, because that situation does not work for anybody.

And women are individuals, you know? One of each, all different from the other, just like with blokes.
You, Smeatza, are seeing patterns that are not there. Groups that do not exist. It's ok, don't worry, that is a normal human reaction. But you must realize that it is not true. Go on, I dare you, meet new people, male and female, see what they are like. What makes them tick.

It's going to be ok.

[...]
Probably because it's easier to hate than it is to actually learn about others.

Well then tell them about yourself. Tell them what makes you tick, why you are who you are. Yeah.

 

[Vegosiux]

If you want one and got the other, then you need to do something or try something new, because that situation does not work for anybody.

No, if you wanted one and got the other, you need to suck it up and don't even dare to move on and find something new or you'll forever be labeled as the dipshit who's just butthurt he didn't get to stick his penis into her.

Even if you only walked away to lick your wounds and even if getting into her panties wasn't the point of it in the first place.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

I think this article is pretty spot on for many. Although I don't find that the men stop once you tell them that you consider them to be a brother, a family member rather than someone you are sexually attracted to. They often get worse, with leters, flowers and gifts like you are somehow going to change your mind. It isn't just a "girlfriend zone" they profess undying love, that you are their soul mate and the marriage proposals are unbearable. The worst part is they hang on to this idea that " maybe someday things will change" even while you are in relationship with someone else and the second a relationship doesn't work out you feel as though the vultures are swooping down on you. Literally the very same week you break up with someone you have every guy you know asking you out at once and telling you that they have all had feelings for you for a long time and it is just creepy to be honest that they were only trying to be close to you in hopes that you have sex with them some day.

This is one of the biggest issues with younger people and I bet it has something to do with movies and the ideal relationship bullshit they get people to believe. I don't expect someone I show interest in to think I want them for life and both sexes do this and it is equally creepy. Peoples assumptions of how to act or what is going on are what just create these issues. I have a friend who is female and sure she is cute but far different then me personality wise so I am not interested. She was super depressed for about 2 weeks so I made her some gluten free brownies(she has that thing where she needs gluten free) since she would kill for chocolate stuff then started to act weird like I wanted to get into her pants heck I ate half the brownies that was worth the time baking them. Like I said with my previous post if people would be more blunt and quit assuming stuff or in a guys case take a damn hint and move on these issues would stop turning into train wrecks. For me a woman who is stuck in the gender roles idea or thinks life is some movie/show romance it is a huge turn off I am not Romeo.

I don't know if it is an age issue, since I have had men do these things much older and younger than me, so I do not think it is limited to an " age group" moreso than it is a personality or mindset. What does "being stuck in gender roles" even mean? Coming from a maternal society myself, where it was traditional for the women conduct business and were the primary property holders, and the man takes the womans name when joined, it is always strange looking at how many consider certain activities to be considered " gender roles".

I also find the idea strange of a relationship developing after a long friendship, because to me, I know immediately if I am sexually attracted to someone or not, and can't see how my reaction to their smell/taste would ever change no matter how much time I spent with them or not. The chemistry is either there or it isn't. I can become less turned on by them by getting to know them better ( certain personality issues that I find extremely unattractive) but I can't imagine getting more. It is either there or it isn't. A relationship developing from that can have love, but I cannot imagine it would ever truly have the lust and passion of a relationship where you are immediately attracted to them.

As for your friends reaction, she probably over reacted due to her emotional state as well as possibly bad experience with people " trying to do nice things for her". I know from my experience, that usually doesn't turn out well.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

My entire life I have always had many male friends, many more than female friends and have found out that every damn one of them somehow thought I was " the one" the one person on the planet that was their "soul mate". It is very hard on a person to go through this so many times, I know people may think that unsympathetic to the guys being rejected here, but it is also hard on the person to find out that the reason they wanted to hang with you was because they wanted to have sex with you, not just because they enjoyed spending time with you and for no other reason. It is a matter of respect that they give their male friends, that you feel is lost just because they are sexually attracted to you. Honestly after so many guys doing this, it makes you just want to keep your distance from befriending them at all because it never leads anywhere good down the road. It makes you leary of becoming friends with guys at all because you don't know if they are somehow going to claim "you led them on" later on and just get hurt when they find out that you are not interested in a sexual relationship with them.

Now, while I'm not really the most experienced person when it comes to relationships, I've never had a girlfriend per se (hell, I've never really had any super close friends at all), but I'm going to try to put on my best pair of empathy trousers for this one.

In my experience, at least, I usually grow attracted to my female friends because I enjoy spending time with them, not the other way around. Still, I'm hardly a prime example of the typical male, but I still feel that this needed to be said.

Of course, on the other hand, one of my female friends seems to be in the exact same predicament as you, so... whatever.

I am either immediately attracted to someone or I am not, and that never changes. If it doesn't have the passion and lust from the begining, it never will, and I feel it would be forced to attempt it and lacking. Their taste/smell doesn't change just by spending more time with them, so I don't see how that it possible.

 

[ShipofFools]

If you want one and got the other, then you need to do something or try something new, because that situation does not work for anybody.

No, if you wanted one and got the other, you need to suck it up and don't even dare to move on and find something new or you'll forever be labeled as the dipshit who's just butthurt he didn't get to stick his penis into her.

Even if you only walked away to lick your wounds and even if getting into her panties wasn't the point of it in the first place.

It doesn't matter what others label you as, it's important that you know who you are. You are what you are in the dark, they say, and that's a good rule to live by.
I think it's not fair to both parties when is secretly in love with the other. But what can you do? The heart wants what the heart wants.
These are very difficult matters, and require a lot of thought.

I am either immediately attracted to someone or I am not, and that never changes. If it doesn't have the passion and lust from the begining, it never will, and I feel it would be forced to attempt it and lacking. Their taste/smell doesn't change just by spending more time with them, so I don't see how that it possible.

I am not sure if this is true for everybody, but I do think this is something you need to keep in mind.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

If you want one and got the other, then you need to do something or try something new, because that situation does not work for anybody.

No, if you wanted one and got the other, you need to suck it up and don't even dare to move on and find something new or you'll forever be labeled as the dipshit who's just butthurt he didn't get to stick his penis into her.

Even if you only walked away to lick your wounds and even if getting into her panties wasn't the point of it in the first place.

It doesn't matter what others label you as, it's important that you know who you are. You are what you are in the dark, they say, and that's a good rule to live by.
I think it's not fair to both parties when is secretly in love with the other. But what can you do? The heart wants what the heart wants.
These are very difficult matters, and require a lot of thought.

I am either immediately attracted to someone or I am not, and that never changes. If it doesn't have the passion and lust from the begining, it never will, and I feel it would be forced to attempt it and lacking. Their taste/smell doesn't change just by spending more time with them, so I don't see how that it possible.

I am not sure if this is true for everybody, but I do think this is something you need to keep in mind.

I agree this is not true for everyone, it really depends on how important sex is in the relationship. I do think that sex drive does play an important role in whether or not a relationship can be long term, because if you have someone with a very strong sex drive and someone with a low sex drive, one party is always going to be left unsatisfied or the other is going to feel it is a chore. It doesn't work very well, and will result in resentment long term.

To some people a high sex drive isn't that important to the relationship, but they will also not have the passionate wild sex that comes from a relationship where both parties have a very high sex drive as well. It is a matter of what you want from a relationship that determines how happy one will be with that relationship long term.

When the chemistry isn't there it is more " go through the motions" and seems lacking, leaving one or both parties unsatisfied.

 

[BanicRhys]

I am either immediately attracted to someone or I am not, and that never changes. If it doesn't have the passion and lust from the begining, it never will, and I feel it would be forced to attempt it and lacking. Their taste/smell doesn't change just by spending more time with them, so I don't see how that it possible.

Maybe things work differently for the beautiful people (or just everyone in general), or maybe I'm just mistaking some other emotion for love, but what I know is I can't become attracted to someone until I've grown to like them as a person first.

Maybe it's just because sex isn't very important to me, like you said.

 

[DayDark]

Once I started to inject flirting into my talk with newly met women that I find attractive, I had much better results. I didn't get friendzoned, because I wasn't acting like a friend, and I didn't waste time courting the women who were uninterested, because the disinterest would show up early in the interactions.

 

[Seydaman]

Alright...if you're not attracted to someone, you're not attracted. I have no idea how his became such a big deal, personally, if I express a romantic interest in someone and they don't return it, I isolate myself and consciously kill off the desire. It means I have no more prospects if they suddenly change their mind, but I'd rather that than be hung up on something that probably won't happen.

But people seem to have the inability to just let go, they get so attached to a fantasy that it becomes all consuming.

 

[Angie7F]

I know a lot of girls that actually think this way, and guys who think this way.
At the end of the day, it is just chemistry.
If the timing is right and people are interested in one another it become a relationship.
zoning this and that is making things more complicated

 

[AnarchistFish]

This may or may not be satire but the premise is true.


Anyway this kind of thread is what made me give up on this forum for a few months. I guess I'll see you all again in December then!