Girlfriend Zone!

[ShipofFools]

There are no zones, man. It's all vibrations, dig it?
Friends are friends, lovers are lovers, and you got to know witch is witch before you make a mistake. If you want one and got the other, then you need to do something or try something new, because that situation does not work for anybody.

And women are individuals, you know? One of each, all different from the other, just like with blokes.
You, Smeatza, are seeing patterns that are not there. Groups that do not exist. It's ok, don't worry, that is a normal human reaction. But you must realize that it is not true. Go on, I dare you, meet new people, male and female, see what they are like. What makes them tick.

It's going to be ok.

[...]
Probably because it's easier to hate than it is to actually learn about others.

Well then tell them about yourself. Tell them what makes you tick, why you are who you are. Yeah.

 

[Vegosiux]

If you want one and got the other, then you need to do something or try something new, because that situation does not work for anybody.

No, if you wanted one and got the other, you need to suck it up and don't even dare to move on and find something new or you'll forever be labeled as the dipshit who's just butthurt he didn't get to stick his penis into her.

Even if you only walked away to lick your wounds and even if getting into her panties wasn't the point of it in the first place.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

I think this article is pretty spot on for many. Although I don't find that the men stop once you tell them that you consider them to be a brother, a family member rather than someone you are sexually attracted to. They often get worse, with leters, flowers and gifts like you are somehow going to change your mind. It isn't just a "girlfriend zone" they profess undying love, that you are their soul mate and the marriage proposals are unbearable. The worst part is they hang on to this idea that " maybe someday things will change" even while you are in relationship with someone else and the second a relationship doesn't work out you feel as though the vultures are swooping down on you. Literally the very same week you break up with someone you have every guy you know asking you out at once and telling you that they have all had feelings for you for a long time and it is just creepy to be honest that they were only trying to be close to you in hopes that you have sex with them some day.

This is one of the biggest issues with younger people and I bet it has something to do with movies and the ideal relationship bullshit they get people to believe. I don't expect someone I show interest in to think I want them for life and both sexes do this and it is equally creepy. Peoples assumptions of how to act or what is going on are what just create these issues. I have a friend who is female and sure she is cute but far different then me personality wise so I am not interested. She was super depressed for about 2 weeks so I made her some gluten free brownies(she has that thing where she needs gluten free) since she would kill for chocolate stuff then started to act weird like I wanted to get into her pants heck I ate half the brownies that was worth the time baking them. Like I said with my previous post if people would be more blunt and quit assuming stuff or in a guys case take a damn hint and move on these issues would stop turning into train wrecks. For me a woman who is stuck in the gender roles idea or thinks life is some movie/show romance it is a huge turn off I am not Romeo.

I don't know if it is an age issue, since I have had men do these things much older and younger than me, so I do not think it is limited to an " age group" moreso than it is a personality or mindset. What does "being stuck in gender roles" even mean? Coming from a maternal society myself, where it was traditional for the women conduct business and were the primary property holders, and the man takes the womans name when joined, it is always strange looking at how many consider certain activities to be considered " gender roles".

I also find the idea strange of a relationship developing after a long friendship, because to me, I know immediately if I am sexually attracted to someone or not, and can't see how my reaction to their smell/taste would ever change no matter how much time I spent with them or not. The chemistry is either there or it isn't. I can become less turned on by them by getting to know them better ( certain personality issues that I find extremely unattractive) but I can't imagine getting more. It is either there or it isn't. A relationship developing from that can have love, but I cannot imagine it would ever truly have the lust and passion of a relationship where you are immediately attracted to them.

As for your friends reaction, she probably over reacted due to her emotional state as well as possibly bad experience with people " trying to do nice things for her". I know from my experience, that usually doesn't turn out well.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

My entire life I have always had many male friends, many more than female friends and have found out that every damn one of them somehow thought I was " the one" the one person on the planet that was their "soul mate". It is very hard on a person to go through this so many times, I know people may think that unsympathetic to the guys being rejected here, but it is also hard on the person to find out that the reason they wanted to hang with you was because they wanted to have sex with you, not just because they enjoyed spending time with you and for no other reason. It is a matter of respect that they give their male friends, that you feel is lost just because they are sexually attracted to you. Honestly after so many guys doing this, it makes you just want to keep your distance from befriending them at all because it never leads anywhere good down the road. It makes you leary of becoming friends with guys at all because you don't know if they are somehow going to claim "you led them on" later on and just get hurt when they find out that you are not interested in a sexual relationship with them.

Now, while I'm not really the most experienced person when it comes to relationships, I've never had a girlfriend per se (hell, I've never really had any super close friends at all), but I'm going to try to put on my best pair of empathy trousers for this one.

In my experience, at least, I usually grow attracted to my female friends because I enjoy spending time with them, not the other way around. Still, I'm hardly a prime example of the typical male, but I still feel that this needed to be said.

Of course, on the other hand, one of my female friends seems to be in the exact same predicament as you, so... whatever.

I am either immediately attracted to someone or I am not, and that never changes. If it doesn't have the passion and lust from the begining, it never will, and I feel it would be forced to attempt it and lacking. Their taste/smell doesn't change just by spending more time with them, so I don't see how that it possible.

 

[ShipofFools]

If you want one and got the other, then you need to do something or try something new, because that situation does not work for anybody.

No, if you wanted one and got the other, you need to suck it up and don't even dare to move on and find something new or you'll forever be labeled as the dipshit who's just butthurt he didn't get to stick his penis into her.

Even if you only walked away to lick your wounds and even if getting into her panties wasn't the point of it in the first place.

It doesn't matter what others label you as, it's important that you know who you are. You are what you are in the dark, they say, and that's a good rule to live by.
I think it's not fair to both parties when is secretly in love with the other. But what can you do? The heart wants what the heart wants.
These are very difficult matters, and require a lot of thought.

I am either immediately attracted to someone or I am not, and that never changes. If it doesn't have the passion and lust from the begining, it never will, and I feel it would be forced to attempt it and lacking. Their taste/smell doesn't change just by spending more time with them, so I don't see how that it possible.

I am not sure if this is true for everybody, but I do think this is something you need to keep in mind.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

If you want one and got the other, then you need to do something or try something new, because that situation does not work for anybody.

No, if you wanted one and got the other, you need to suck it up and don't even dare to move on and find something new or you'll forever be labeled as the dipshit who's just butthurt he didn't get to stick his penis into her.

Even if you only walked away to lick your wounds and even if getting into her panties wasn't the point of it in the first place.

It doesn't matter what others label you as, it's important that you know who you are. You are what you are in the dark, they say, and that's a good rule to live by.
I think it's not fair to both parties when is secretly in love with the other. But what can you do? The heart wants what the heart wants.
These are very difficult matters, and require a lot of thought.

I am either immediately attracted to someone or I am not, and that never changes. If it doesn't have the passion and lust from the begining, it never will, and I feel it would be forced to attempt it and lacking. Their taste/smell doesn't change just by spending more time with them, so I don't see how that it possible.

I am not sure if this is true for everybody, but I do think this is something you need to keep in mind.

I agree this is not true for everyone, it really depends on how important sex is in the relationship. I do think that sex drive does play an important role in whether or not a relationship can be long term, because if you have someone with a very strong sex drive and someone with a low sex drive, one party is always going to be left unsatisfied or the other is going to feel it is a chore. It doesn't work very well, and will result in resentment long term.

To some people a high sex drive isn't that important to the relationship, but they will also not have the passionate wild sex that comes from a relationship where both parties have a very high sex drive as well. It is a matter of what you want from a relationship that determines how happy one will be with that relationship long term.

When the chemistry isn't there it is more " go through the motions" and seems lacking, leaving one or both parties unsatisfied.

 

[BanicRhys]

I am either immediately attracted to someone or I am not, and that never changes. If it doesn't have the passion and lust from the begining, it never will, and I feel it would be forced to attempt it and lacking. Their taste/smell doesn't change just by spending more time with them, so I don't see how that it possible.

Maybe things work differently for the beautiful people (or just everyone in general), or maybe I'm just mistaking some other emotion for love, but what I know is I can't become attracted to someone until I've grown to like them as a person first.

Maybe it's just because sex isn't very important to me, like you said.

 

[DayDark]

Once I started to inject flirting into my talk with newly met women that I find attractive, I had much better results. I didn't get friendzoned, because I wasn't acting like a friend, and I didn't waste time courting the women who were uninterested, because the disinterest would show up early in the interactions.

 

[Seydaman]

Alright...if you're not attracted to someone, you're not attracted. I have no idea how his became such a big deal, personally, if I express a romantic interest in someone and they don't return it, I isolate myself and consciously kill off the desire. It means I have no more prospects if they suddenly change their mind, but I'd rather that than be hung up on something that probably won't happen.

But people seem to have the inability to just let go, they get so attached to a fantasy that it becomes all consuming.

 

[Angie7F]

I know a lot of girls that actually think this way, and guys who think this way.
At the end of the day, it is just chemistry.
If the timing is right and people are interested in one another it become a relationship.
zoning this and that is making things more complicated

 

[AnarchistFish]

This may or may not be satire but the premise is true.


Anyway this kind of thread is what made me give up on this forum for a few months. I guess I'll see you all again in December then!

 

[VanQ]

I am either immediately attracted to someone or I am not, and that never changes. If it doesn't have the passion and lust from the begining, it never will, and I feel it would be forced to attempt it and lacking. Their taste/smell doesn't change just by spending more time with them, so I don't see how that it possible.

So what you're saying is, you're extremely shallow and only care about a person's value as long as they're physically attractive?

 

[FoolKiller]

I really don?t envy women . much more then guys you have to deal with never knowing if a relationship is genuine or if the guy is just trying to get into your pants.

How is this not genuine? Just because the guy wants more doesn't mean he doesn't care. It means he cares too much and sees the girl as great and worth dating.

Basic Guidelines:

Girls, if the guy is acting like a friend, he is most likely into you.
Guys, if she doesn't continually flirt with you, she is most likely not into you.

There are always exceptions but...

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

I am either immediately attracted to someone or I am not, and that never changes. If it doesn't have the passion and lust from the begining, it never will, and I feel it would be forced to attempt it and lacking. Their taste/smell doesn't change just by spending more time with them, so I don't see how that it possible.

So what you're saying is, you're extremely shallow and only care about a person's value as long as they're physically attractive?

There is much more to sexual attraction than appearance. Whether people realize it or not, we are actually also attracted to others taste and smell.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_odor_and_subconscious_human_sexual_attraction

When you are naturally sexually attracted to someone your body prepares itself for sex, I prefer relationships where I am sexually attracted to them as well as attracted to their personality because I expect more from a relationship than just friendship or just passion. I desire to have both because I find those relationships much more fulfilling in and out of bed.

It is not " shallow" to desire to have a more fulfilling passionate " whole" relationship, rather than just pieces of one that are forced together.

EDIT: I also think that some people are more affected by this than others. I happen to be a "supertaster" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supertaster and have an enhanced sense of taste and smell, thus am more aware of how my partner tastes/ smells. This can be a curse and blessing. Although I can smell and taste things that others cannot detect, I also have had the unfortunate experience of finding a guy very attractive, and then the moment he got close to me and kissed me I was utterly repulsed. It was awful. His smell/ taste completely grossed me out. It was embarrassing, and totally not his fault, but I couldn't stand to get near him.

 

[WWmelb]

Me and my partner met as friends, talking online about our dogs. Talked about more things. Found out we share a lot of the same... lets say.. unconventional .. relationship ideals. Eventually shared photos. We started off as FWB.. and we both had, and still do have, other FWB outside of our relationship.. and sometimes within it.. it's all good with us. Screw this One Man - One Woman ideal for us, it just wouldn't work for either of our personalities. I'm off topic.

That was shit satire from a woman that seems to be an uncaring twat. Written about guys who are uncaring twats.

Communicate, don't be an asshole, and be honest with your friends.

That's the key to successful friendships most of the time, and strangely enough, the key to good relationships too lol.

Ahh well, men and women are different creatures, men and men are different creatures, women and women are different creatures and apart from those three basic principles i listed, everyone is different, experiences things differently, and reacts and behaves differently, so fuck generalizing anything for anyone.

I've been a "nice guy". I've been a twat at times. It's about learning yourself and your own emotions and how best to deal with them while trying to minimize harm to anyone including ones self. As you get older these things are easier to do, but shit. You can't victimize a hormonal youth of any gender for reacting strangely one way or the other.

Blah. Blahdy blah. I'm done because i am making little to no sense.

People are different. Communicate.

That's my advice to summarize.

 

[Strazdas]

If it only were satire. But instead it is the truth sadly.
Whenever i told people i got female friends it usually ends up in a hour long argument about how can it be a friend and not a girlfriend.....

 

[rosac]

If it only were satire. But instead it is the truth sadly.
Whenever I told people I got female friends it usually ends up in a hour long argument about how can it be a friend and not a girlfriend.....

Oh god, I hate those people. I know a LOT of the sports teams at uni, and have a lot of good female friends, and my mates keep saying stuff like "mate, she wants the D" "We all know why you're setting up a night out with her sports team" "Do you show interest in anyone? Like seriously?"

OT: This article was hilarious. Fair game it can be bad when you get rejected, but being a dick about it is no way to go about. It's the friendzone, so you should stay a friend rather than run away! Of course, it depends on the other parties reaction.

 

[A Weakgeek]

cant we all just finally understand that human relationships arent binary and that all this friendzone BS is just furthering everyone's conflicting expectations?

Thats how all these topics are though. Love and attraction are such a big part of peoples lives, that most people want to discuss it and try to understand it, because it brings people comfort. They also voice their opinions so others could agree, which would validate their views. Most of the time this means alot of bias, simplification etc.

In the end it doesn't really matter though, theres little telling how people will end up acting in the heat of the moment, especially when it comes to things like love and attraction. What people say prior, in this thread or anywhere else, won't have an effect either way.

 

[FieryTrainwreck]

Having someone view you only as a friend when you fancied a romance hurts, and is awful.

Having someone view you as a romantic prospect when you thought they were a platonic friend, and then that person disappears into the ether because their kindness was actually courting, hurts and is awful.

Alas, in neither situation does the other person OWE you anything. Friendships are not inherently more noble than romantic relationships, nor visa versa. Expecting someone to subdue romantic feelings for the sake of a friendship is silly (and unwise, if they say yes they are almost certainly lying and laying in wait for a later opportunity) and no less fundamentally unfair than expecting someone to abruptly find you sexually appealing just because you showed them basic human kindness.

Couldn't agree more. If the feelings aren't compatible, it's not healthy to be in a friendship or a romantic relationship. If you can just turn it off or forget about it or quickly move on, maybe you weren't as in love as you thought. And if you expect someone to hang out with you as a friend even when you know it's hurting him/her, you're not a very good friend.

I'll reiterate what a few people have said: poor communication causes most "friendzone" situations. A lot of guys struggle to recognize polite rejection, and a lot of girls struggle to broadcast definite signals. Really doesn't help that some guys enjoy the chase while some girls play hard to get. So many curve balls and bear traps to avoid. Is it any wonder people get so hurt and upset and whiny?

I think, as a guy, it should be your goal not to devolve into a obsessive stalker. If you love a girl who doesn't love you back, take your time or distance or w/e you need to get past it. If you can't really be friends with her anymore, tell her. Don't hang around forever hoping things will change because they won't. Period.

As a girl, it should be your goal not to become a toxic person who strings along every guy she meets. Be decisive and straight forward with your male friends. Be proactive establishing boundaries and expectations for your relationships. If a guy isn't getting the message, do the right thing and cut him off.

Unfortunately, there's no way to reliably enforce rational guidelines on a purely emotional phenomena. Guys are going to stick to girls they love despite having no chance, and girls are going to string along guys for attention.

 

[sky14kemea]

I loved this post when I found it. Sadly I relate to it almost word for word...

Everytime I make friends with a male, I always think "awesome, new friend!". I just genuinely enjoy the company of dudes more than chicks.

But then after some time, be it a few months or a few years, almost without fail. They will ask me out.

I know that most of them probably didn't just become my friend to ask me out later. I'm still friends with most of them even after turning them down. (And no, it doesn't mean I've "friendzoned them". Ugh)

The problem is, even after that I'm still paranoid that some of them are just waiting for me to "change my mind". I've actually had one guy ask twice. Within the space of a few months. Months.

Sorry, I'm venting a little now. All I know is whenever I see people complaining about how they've been friendzoned, it makes my eye twitch.