Girlfriend Zone!

[VanQ]

I am either immediately attracted to someone or I am not, and that never changes. If it doesn't have the passion and lust from the begining, it never will, and I feel it would be forced to attempt it and lacking. Their taste/smell doesn't change just by spending more time with them, so I don't see how that it possible.

So what you're saying is, you're extremely shallow and only care about a person's value as long as they're physically attractive?

 

[FoolKiller]

I really don?t envy women . much more then guys you have to deal with never knowing if a relationship is genuine or if the guy is just trying to get into your pants.

How is this not genuine? Just because the guy wants more doesn't mean he doesn't care. It means he cares too much and sees the girl as great and worth dating.

Basic Guidelines:

Girls, if the guy is acting like a friend, he is most likely into you.
Guys, if she doesn't continually flirt with you, she is most likely not into you.

There are always exceptions but...

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

I am either immediately attracted to someone or I am not, and that never changes. If it doesn't have the passion and lust from the begining, it never will, and I feel it would be forced to attempt it and lacking. Their taste/smell doesn't change just by spending more time with them, so I don't see how that it possible.

So what you're saying is, you're extremely shallow and only care about a person's value as long as they're physically attractive?

There is much more to sexual attraction than appearance. Whether people realize it or not, we are actually also attracted to others taste and smell.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_odor_and_subconscious_human_sexual_attraction

When you are naturally sexually attracted to someone your body prepares itself for sex, I prefer relationships where I am sexually attracted to them as well as attracted to their personality because I expect more from a relationship than just friendship or just passion. I desire to have both because I find those relationships much more fulfilling in and out of bed.

It is not " shallow" to desire to have a more fulfilling passionate " whole" relationship, rather than just pieces of one that are forced together.

EDIT: I also think that some people are more affected by this than others. I happen to be a "supertaster" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supertaster and have an enhanced sense of taste and smell, thus am more aware of how my partner tastes/ smells. This can be a curse and blessing. Although I can smell and taste things that others cannot detect, I also have had the unfortunate experience of finding a guy very attractive, and then the moment he got close to me and kissed me I was utterly repulsed. It was awful. His smell/ taste completely grossed me out. It was embarrassing, and totally not his fault, but I couldn't stand to get near him.

 

[WWmelb]

Me and my partner met as friends, talking online about our dogs. Talked about more things. Found out we share a lot of the same... lets say.. unconventional .. relationship ideals. Eventually shared photos. We started off as FWB.. and we both had, and still do have, other FWB outside of our relationship.. and sometimes within it.. it's all good with us. Screw this One Man - One Woman ideal for us, it just wouldn't work for either of our personalities. I'm off topic.

That was shit satire from a woman that seems to be an uncaring twat. Written about guys who are uncaring twats.

Communicate, don't be an asshole, and be honest with your friends.

That's the key to successful friendships most of the time, and strangely enough, the key to good relationships too lol.

Ahh well, men and women are different creatures, men and men are different creatures, women and women are different creatures and apart from those three basic principles i listed, everyone is different, experiences things differently, and reacts and behaves differently, so fuck generalizing anything for anyone.

I've been a "nice guy". I've been a twat at times. It's about learning yourself and your own emotions and how best to deal with them while trying to minimize harm to anyone including ones self. As you get older these things are easier to do, but shit. You can't victimize a hormonal youth of any gender for reacting strangely one way or the other.

Blah. Blahdy blah. I'm done because i am making little to no sense.

People are different. Communicate.

That's my advice to summarize.

 

[Strazdas]

If it only were satire. But instead it is the truth sadly.
Whenever i told people i got female friends it usually ends up in a hour long argument about how can it be a friend and not a girlfriend.....

 

[rosac]

If it only were satire. But instead it is the truth sadly.
Whenever I told people I got female friends it usually ends up in a hour long argument about how can it be a friend and not a girlfriend.....

Oh god, I hate those people. I know a LOT of the sports teams at uni, and have a lot of good female friends, and my mates keep saying stuff like "mate, she wants the D" "We all know why you're setting up a night out with her sports team" "Do you show interest in anyone? Like seriously?"

OT: This article was hilarious. Fair game it can be bad when you get rejected, but being a dick about it is no way to go about. It's the friendzone, so you should stay a friend rather than run away! Of course, it depends on the other parties reaction.

 

[A Weakgeek]

cant we all just finally understand that human relationships arent binary and that all this friendzone BS is just furthering everyone's conflicting expectations?

Thats how all these topics are though. Love and attraction are such a big part of peoples lives, that most people want to discuss it and try to understand it, because it brings people comfort. They also voice their opinions so others could agree, which would validate their views. Most of the time this means alot of bias, simplification etc.

In the end it doesn't really matter though, theres little telling how people will end up acting in the heat of the moment, especially when it comes to things like love and attraction. What people say prior, in this thread or anywhere else, won't have an effect either way.

 

[FieryTrainwreck]

Having someone view you only as a friend when you fancied a romance hurts, and is awful.

Having someone view you as a romantic prospect when you thought they were a platonic friend, and then that person disappears into the ether because their kindness was actually courting, hurts and is awful.

Alas, in neither situation does the other person OWE you anything. Friendships are not inherently more noble than romantic relationships, nor visa versa. Expecting someone to subdue romantic feelings for the sake of a friendship is silly (and unwise, if they say yes they are almost certainly lying and laying in wait for a later opportunity) and no less fundamentally unfair than expecting someone to abruptly find you sexually appealing just because you showed them basic human kindness.

Couldn't agree more. If the feelings aren't compatible, it's not healthy to be in a friendship or a romantic relationship. If you can just turn it off or forget about it or quickly move on, maybe you weren't as in love as you thought. And if you expect someone to hang out with you as a friend even when you know it's hurting him/her, you're not a very good friend.

I'll reiterate what a few people have said: poor communication causes most "friendzone" situations. A lot of guys struggle to recognize polite rejection, and a lot of girls struggle to broadcast definite signals. Really doesn't help that some guys enjoy the chase while some girls play hard to get. So many curve balls and bear traps to avoid. Is it any wonder people get so hurt and upset and whiny?

I think, as a guy, it should be your goal not to devolve into a obsessive stalker. If you love a girl who doesn't love you back, take your time or distance or w/e you need to get past it. If you can't really be friends with her anymore, tell her. Don't hang around forever hoping things will change because they won't. Period.

As a girl, it should be your goal not to become a toxic person who strings along every guy she meets. Be decisive and straight forward with your male friends. Be proactive establishing boundaries and expectations for your relationships. If a guy isn't getting the message, do the right thing and cut him off.

Unfortunately, there's no way to reliably enforce rational guidelines on a purely emotional phenomena. Guys are going to stick to girls they love despite having no chance, and girls are going to string along guys for attention.

 

[sky14kemea]

I loved this post when I found it. Sadly I relate to it almost word for word...

Everytime I make friends with a male, I always think "awesome, new friend!". I just genuinely enjoy the company of dudes more than chicks.

But then after some time, be it a few months or a few years, almost without fail. They will ask me out.

I know that most of them probably didn't just become my friend to ask me out later. I'm still friends with most of them even after turning them down. (And no, it doesn't mean I've "friendzoned them". Ugh)

The problem is, even after that I'm still paranoid that some of them are just waiting for me to "change my mind". I've actually had one guy ask twice. Within the space of a few months. Months.

Sorry, I'm venting a little now. All I know is whenever I see people complaining about how they've been friendzoned, it makes my eye twitch.

 

[SsilverR]

I keep females out of my social group for these very reasons ... better to avoid potential awkwardness ... if you want a mate, go out on the pull, if you want a friend, find someone in the same gender

 

[mecegirl]

I loved this post when I found it. Sadly I relate to it almost word for word...

Everytime I make friends with a male, I always think "awesome, new friend!". I just genuinely enjoy the company of dudes more than chicks.

But then after some time, be it a few months or a few years, almost without fail. They will ask me out.

I know that most of them probably didn't just become my friend to ask me out later. I'm still friends with most of them even after turning them down. (And no, it doesn't mean I've "friendzoned them". Ugh)

The problem is, even after that I'm still paranoid that some of them are just waiting for me to "change my mind". I've actually had one guy ask twice. Within the space of a few months. Months.

Sorry, I'm venting a little now. All I know is whenever I see people complaining about how they've been friendzoned, it makes my eye twitch.

That's happened to me a few times as well. The most transformative case for me was in ninth grade. One friend kept asking me out. And he did so three times over that school year. The first and second time I turned him down. I wasn't even offended when he didn't talk to me for a bit after each time. I figured that he needed some time because we always need time after rejection. The third time I decided to give him a chance, and we didn't last a week. I just didn't like the guy that way. We got along fine. I didn't think he was ugly or anything. I just didn't like him. He tried to kiss me during that week and I just couldn't go through with it. After that experience I made the choice to go with my gut. I'm sure that just giving someone a chance works well for some, I'm just not wired for it.

 

[Toy Master Typhus]

I loved this post when I found it. Sadly I relate to it almost word for word...

Everytime I make friends with a male, I always think "awesome, new friend!". I just genuinely enjoy the company of dudes more than chicks.

But then after some time, be it a few months or a few years, almost without fail. They will ask me out.

I know that most of them probably didn't just become my friend to ask me out later. I'm still friends with most of them even after turning them down. (And no, it doesn't mean I've "friendzoned them". Ugh)

The problem is, even after that I'm still paranoid that some of them are just waiting for me to "change my mind". I've actually had one guy ask twice. Within the space of a few months. Months.

Sorry, I'm venting a little now. All I know is whenever I see people complaining about how they've been friendzoned, it makes my eye twitch.

If you "know" they just want to be your friend then why are you paranoid they will ask you out? Honestly it sounds like your in this terrible delusion like most friendzone posts that the world should work for you not with you.
Really it makes you upset that someone complains that someone doesn't feel a certain way about themselve, when you are essentially doing the SAME THING! Nobody see the irony in that? The feeling of attraction(/or lack there of) is not something you can really fight, if you honestly believe otherwise then go tell the next homosexual couple you see and say that "they should just learn to stop being gay" and see how fucking stupid that sounds. Is it his fault for wanting to be honest?

No it is not wrong to not have affection for someone. But it is wrong to talk down to someone for having/wanting affection from you. And frankly if you are so sure that all your friends are lying in wait to ask you out then I have some news for you: You don't like men, You like the way they act towards you when they find you attractive. That isn't them being a friend as you think, that is them trying to make you like them. If that were the way they nromally act the thread title wouldn't be "Why do guys put me in the Girlfriendzone" It would be "If guys want to be friends why do they refer to me as '*****'?"

 

[sky14kemea]

If you "know" they just want to be your friend then why are you paranoid they will ask you out? Honestly it sounds like your in this terrible delusion like most friendzone posts that the world should work for you not with you.

Because I'm not all knowing, and the fact that I actually have had someone ask me out more than once? I don't assume every single one of them is that way, and I didn't say that either.

Really it makes you upset that someone complains that someone doesn't feel a certain way about themselve, when you are essentially doing the SAME THING! Nobody see the irony in that? The feeling of attraction(/or lack there of) is not something you can really fight, if you honestly believe otherwise then go tell the next homosexual couple you see and say that "they should just learn to stop being gay" and see how fucking stupid that sounds. Is it his fault for wanting to be honest?

Uhh, what? When did my post suddenly make me sound homophobic? What do gay couples have to do with my post at all?

I also never claimed that I wanted control over it. Yes, My paranoia is a bit unwarranted, but paranoia isn't always logical anyway.

No it is not wrong to not have affection for someone. But it is wrong to talk down to someone for having/wanting affection from you. And frankly if you are so sure that all your friends are lying in wait to ask you out then I have some news for you: You don't like men, You like the way they act towards you when they find you attractive.

Haha, you clearly know nothing about me (Well, obviously you don't, this is a big forum and all.) I'm not talking down to any of them, I even said I'm still friends with most of them.

I don't like men? Probably not. I don't like women in that way either. But I definitely don't enjoy being "doted" upon or whatever you're insinuating.
I hate being flirted with, it's awkward and it kills the conversation. I don't like compliments because whenever I disagree with it, people assume I'm just fishing for more compliments.
I don't like being offered gifts. It makes me feel like they're trying to buy my attention, and that's the opposite of what I want.
I don't want to be called "pretty" because honestly, I'm not all that fussed. I'm fine with how I look at the end of the day, and I don't need to be reassured about it by anyone.

That isn't them being a friend as you think, that is them trying to make you like them. If that were the way they normally act the thread title wouldn't be "Why do guys put me in the Girlfriendzone" It would be "If guys want to be friends why do they refer to me as '*****'?"

I never said they act that way all the time, either. I only said that I've been asked out at least once by around 90% of all my male friends. It probably has nothing to do with me, either.

I wouldn't be shocked if it was just a social pressure on them to have a girlfriend, and they thought "Well Sky is always nice, I'll give it a shot". That I can understand.

Does that clear things up a bit?

 

[Toy Master Typhus]

Because I'm not all knowing, and the fact that I actually have had someone ask me out more than once? I don't assume every single one of them is that way, and I didn't say that either.

Nobody gets scared without reason to be, that is what I base it on, you wouldn't act that way if there wasn't something that gave you reason to believe that.

Uhh, what? When did my post suddenly make me sound homophobic? What do gay couples have to do with my post at all?

I also never claimed that I wanted control over it. Yes, My paranoia is a bit unwarranted, but paranoia isn't always logical anyway.

I was drawing connection that it follows the same logic, I asumed that you weren't homophobic and would see the connection that in both cases you are telling people how they should feel about people they have affection for.

And Paranoia is illogical but it doesn't happen without reason. There was a sexual assault victim the local news once who was assaulted by a black man and developed a paranoia to them because of it. It is indeed illogical but it doesn't start without reason.

No it is not wrong to not have affection for someone. But it is wrong to talk down to someone for having/wanting affection from you. And frankly if you are so sure that all your friends are lying in wait to ask you out then I have some news for you: You don't like men, You like the way they act towards you when they find you attractive.

Haha, you clearly know nothing about me (Well, obviously you don't, this is a big forum and all.) I'm not talking down to any of them, I even said I'm still friends with most of them.

But didn't you just say that your paranoid they just want to get with you?

I don't like men? Probably not. I don't like women in that way either. But I definitely don't enjoy being "doted" upon or whatever you're insinuating.
I hate being flirted with, it's awkward and it kills the conversation. I don't like compliments because whenever I disagree with it, people assume I'm just fishing for more compliments.
I don't like being offered gifts. It makes me feel like they're trying to buy my attention, and that's the opposite of what I want.
I don't want to be called "pretty" because honestly, I'm not all that fussed. I'm fine with how I look at the end of the day, and I don't need to be reassured about it by anyone.

But can you honestly say that you would have been friends with them if they acted differently. Majority of people change the way they act to become more appealing to the people they are attracted to. The fact that you decided to befriend someone who acted like that only justifies the action.

Though you may not like it(/and I agree it is sick only be offered things in an attempt to force the feeling that you owe them upon yourself), you can't honestly be mad at them for doing something that works. If you still feel that way then stop being friends with them. The only way to delegitimize their acts.

I never said they act that way all the time, either. I only said that I've been asked out at least once by around 90% of all my male friends. It probably has nothing to do with me, either.

I wouldn't be shocked if it was just a social pressure on them to have a girlfriend, and they thought "Well Sky is always nice, I'll give it a shot". That I can understand.

Does that clear things up a bit?

I apologize I went a bit personnel on you I just find it painfully ironic that both sides of this argument are exactly the same. And nobody wants to even entertain the idea that their wrong. It is just a match of who is the most butthurt

 

[sky14kemea]

And Paranoia is illogical but it doesn't happen without reason. There was a sexual assault victim the local news once who was assaulted by a black man and developed a paranoia to them because of it. It is indeed illogical but it doesn't start without reason.

Alright, that's fair enough. Paranoia does usually need a starting point. However I'm not sure what mine was, my memory is kind of crap, to be honest. All I know is when I start to recognize the same sort of behavior from people I'm friends with, I'm usually right about it, and they do usually ask me out, even if they hadn't been acting that way when we became friends beforehand.

No it is not wrong to not have affection for someone. But it is wrong to talk down to someone for having/wanting affection from you. And frankly if you are so sure that all your friends are lying in wait to ask you out then I have some news for you: You don't like men, You like the way they act towards you when they find you attractive.

Haha, you clearly know nothing about me (Well, obviously you don't, this is a big forum and all.) I'm not talking down to any of them, I even said I'm still friends with most of them.

But didn't you just say that your paranoid they just want to get with you?

Yes I am, mostly. I know that my "fears" are not true, though, and I try to not let it affect my friendship with people that I've become pretty close to.

But can you honestly say that you would have been friends with them if they acted differently. Majority of people change the way they act to become more appealing to the people they are attracted to. The fact that you decided to befriend someone who acted like that only justifies the action.

Though you may not like it(/and I agree it is sick only be offered things in an attempt to force the feeling that you owe them upon yourself), you can't honestly be mad at them for doing something that works. If you still feel that way then stop being friends with them. The only way to delegitimize their acts.

If they'd acted the way most people do when they're trying to get someone to like them in a romantic-y way, I probably wouldn't be friends with them.
Things like gifts, and over-complimenting people can sometimes be really obvious. If people start doing that all the time, I usually either tell them it's making me uncomfortable (Admittedly after tiptoeing around it a bit.) Or just distance myself until I know whether or not it's just my brain messing with me, or actually legit.

I apologize I went a bit personnel on you I just find it painfully ironic that both sides of this argument are exactly the same. And nobody wants to even entertain the idea that their wrong. It is just a match of who is the most butthurt

It is ironic, and I won't deny that I'm probably pretty damn bias on the other side of this. When you only see things from one point of view most of the time, it is hard to see it from way over on the other side.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

I'm just curious Sky, and please tell me to butt out if I'm overstepping any boundaries or just plain making you uncomfortable, but have you ever told your guy friends, "Hey, I like you. I enjoy our friendship. By the way, I will never date you."

As in, said those exact words?

Perhaps that's way too harsh to say exactly that. Is this something an asshole would do? Is it going way too far? Yeah, I guess. Maybe. I don't really know who you are or what your relationships are like, so really I'm not really addressing you, I'm just addressing a projection in my mind. Or the plural "you" in general, to anyone who is reading my ramblings.

But I get the feeling (from reading a few hundred words of text on an internet forum, so I know I'm onto something) that you have never explicitly stated with no uncertainty or room for doubt who you will and will not date among your close friends. There might have been assumptions about the boundaries of your friendship. If your expectation is that absolutely zero of your guy friends will ever ask you out, you have nothing to lose by telling each of them, to their face, that you are not available for dating. If you expect that some of them will ask you out, and you don't want them to, why shouldn't you communicate it explicitly? Why leave it open to interpretation? Why leave yourself open to unwelcome solicitation if you are certain you will take no one up on their offers?

Do you think your friendships would suffer by setting such strict boundaries? Do you think you'd lose something? Would you suffer from lowered esteem among your peers for asserting yourself? And if you lost a guy friend because you were so clear, so unambiguous, and so direct about it, would it have been alright to instead just let the friendship to continue without correcting his thoughts and feelings toward you?

I don't know what's going on in your life, so I won't pretend to know I'm speaking directly to you. But you are someone who can answer those questions.

A lot of guys deal with rejection in different ways. Some guys, after being rejected or breaking up, will take stock of all the available women in their life. Or rather, "available" women, which is to say desirable women they know. And if their female friends are on that list, some guys will roll the dice.

If I'm coming across as rude, or presumptuous, feel free to say so, in as many words. I'm not here to sap away your time or harass you if I find your answers disagreeable. I'm genuinely curious, and I promise to not to drag you into a multi-post conversation if you're just not feeling like obliging me.

I think you fail to understand the position this puts women in when they are CONSTANTLY surrounded by this. When you are talking about guys who are your friends, you care about their feelings and value their friendship. I was told by a another guy that I was " a heartless *****" for telling my friend after he expressed strong feelings towards me that he was like a brother to me, like family and a sexual relationship was just not possible. Yet, I was trying to be sensitive to his feelings and let him know that I do care about him and love him like a brother, just that I did not share the same sexual feelings he had towards me. I have had to deal with a counselor calling me in and telling me that a guy who had a crush on me attempted suicide and that for the time being, I should be nice to him for the sake of his treatment. It is a very difficult position it puts women in when these things happen, and we can't really win here. It is a lose-lose situation. No matter how we respond it is going to be viewed as wrong by someone. If we try to be sensitive to their feelings, we are not assertive enough. If we assert ourselves, we are heartless bitches. If we just try to ignore it and not return the affection and hope it goes away, we are "leading them on" We really can't win here. We can either not be friends with them and lose what we consider to be valuable friendships, or we can try to be friends with them trying to make the right choices and use the " right words" and catch hell for doing so. These expectations are not placed on male/ male friendships, I am not sure why we should be expected to come out and beat down their self esteem from the go by telling them "I will never date you" upfront when that is not also expected of men. Besides, the truth is, when you tell a guy that you will never date them, they often take that as a challenge and make them try twice as hard to prove you wrong. Ugh when guys say things like "I will make you fall in love with me." It starts to get really scary.

 

[Toy Master Typhus]

I think you fail to understand the position this puts women in when they are CONSTANTLY surrounded by this. When you are talking about guys who are your friends, you care about their feelings and value their friendship. I was told by a another guy that I was " a heartless *****" for telling my friend after he expressed strong feelings towards me that he was like a brother to me, like family and a sexual relationship was just not possible. Yet, I was trying to be sensitive to his feelings and let him know that I do care about him and love him like a brother, just that I did not share the same sexual feelings he had towards me. I have had to deal with a counselor calling me in and telling me that a guy who had a crush on me attempted suicide and that for the time being, I should be nice to him for the sake of his treatment. It is a very difficult position it puts women in when these things happen, and we can't really win here. It is a lose-lose situation. No matter how we respond it is going to be viewed as wrong by someone. If we try to be sensitive to their feelings, we are not assertive enough. If we assert ourselves, we are heartless bitches. If we just try to ignore it and not return the affection and hope it goes away, we are "leading them on" We really can't win here. We can either not be friends with them and lose what we consider to be valuable friendships, or we can try to be friends with them trying to make the right choices and use the " right words" and catch hell for doing so. These expectations are not placed on male/ male friendships, I am not sure why we should be expected to come out and beat down their self esteem from the go by telling them "I will never date you" upfront when that is not also expected of men. Besides, the truth is, when you tell a guy that you will never date them, they often take that as a challenge and make them try twice as hard to prove you wrong. Ugh when guys say things like "I will make you fall in love with me." It starts to get really scary.

Let me start by saying being sensitive with guys is a lose-lose scenario, and no lie of a "Friendship" is worth forcing yourself and the other down a road of pain and misery dragged on by his hope that maybe you will like him and your hope that maybe he will stop expecting that of you. It is not a friendship by any means, it is a willing prison that you bring yourself and force him through.

You have to be cold callous, you won't have many male friends, if any, by the end of it but it is better for yours and his feelings. That sensitivity shit will land you in an abusive relationship one day that you won't leave because you think dragging the dead corpse of sensitivity along will make it better. You are better off cutting it at the head, stop being friends with him, cut all non business contact with them. They will get butthurt; NOTHING you do will prevent that but, he will be able to let go and, move on.

Having been on the other side twice I can tell you that dragging it out will only make them hate you more.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

I think you fail to understand the position this puts women in when they are CONSTANTLY surrounded by this. When you are talking about guys who are your friends, you care about their feelings and value their friendship. I was told by a another guy that I was " a heartless *****" for telling my friend after he expressed strong feelings towards me that he was like a brother to me, like family and a sexual relationship was just not possible. Yet, I was trying to be sensitive to his feelings and let him know that I do care about him and love him like a brother, just that I did not share the same sexual feelings he had towards me. I have had to deal with a counselor calling me in and telling me that a guy who had a crush on me attempted suicide and that for the time being, I should be nice to him for the sake of his treatment. It is a very difficult position it puts women in when these things happen, and we can't really win here. It is a lose-lose situation. No matter how we respond it is going to be viewed as wrong by someone. If we try to be sensitive to their feelings, we are not assertive enough. If we assert ourselves, we are heartless bitches. If we just try to ignore it and not return the affection and hope it goes away, we are "leading them on" We really can't win here. We can either not be friends with them and lose what we consider to be valuable friendships, or we can try to be friends with them trying to make the right choices and use the " right words" and catch hell for doing so. These expectations are not placed on male/ male friendships, I am not sure why we should be expected to come out and beat down their self esteem from the go by telling them "I will never date you" upfront when that is not also expected of men. Besides, the truth is, when you tell a guy that you will never date them, they often take that as a challenge and make them try twice as hard to prove you wrong. Ugh when guys say things like "I will make you fall in love with me." It starts to get really scary.

Let me start by saying being sensitive with guys is a lose-lose scenario, and no lie of a "Friendship" is worth forcing yourself and the other down a road of pain and misery dragged on by his hope that maybe you will like him and your hope that maybe he will stop expecting that of you. It is not a friendship by any means, it is a willing prison that you bring yourself and force him through.

You have to be cold callous, you won't have many male friends, if any, by the end of it but it is better for yours and his feelings. That sensitivity shit will land you in an abusive relationship one day that you won't leave because you think dragging the dead corpse of sensitivity along will make it better. You are better off cutting it at the head, stop being friends with him, cut all non business contact with them. They will get butthurt; NOTHING you do will prevent that but, he will be able to let go and, move on.

Having been on the other side twice I can tell you that dragging it out will only make them hate you more.

I agree it is a lose/ lose scenario however, I feel like it is a lose/ lose scenario no matter how you look at it, being upfront and trying to spare their feelings. I actually had a guy physically pick me up in the air and put me over his shoulder trying to carry me off when I told him, "It's not going to happen." When he said "Baby imma rock your world." yes that is exactly what was said and his reaction. Not everyone acts the same when you assert yourself, and I find that the more aggressive males do not take no for an answer, instead they see it as a challenge.

Due to this happening repeatedly, I distance myself from male friendships because I have never had one that did not end up going south due to this. As I stated in this other thread on the issue:
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.409175-Girlfriend-and-her-close-Guy-Friend?page=2

I think it is just easier for females to have plutonic friendships with males than it is for males to have plutonic friendships with females. (In person)

This is also why I feel it is easier for me to have male "friends" ( I use that term loosely because even there it can go very wrong) on the internet vs in person because boobs don't seem to get in the way there. My boobs can't "stare at them" if they can't see me. LOL!