Girlfriend.

[Kortney]

So I was wondering: Is a girlfriend something that needs to be worked at, or does it just happen?

That would depend on case to case. Some people are in relationships who had work behind them, and an obvious "I'm going to make this girl my girlfriend!" mentality, whilst others are in relationships that just happened naturally.

My advice to you would be to don't go out searching for a girlfriend just for the sake of having a girlfriend. If you find a girl who you would love to be in a relationship with, then you can start trying to make it work. But don't just do it for the sake of it - that's what too many people do and it's stupid.

 

[hummingbird]

Speaking as a high school girl in a happy relationship, we're not all ridiculous, immature morons! though, um, yeah, a lot of us can be, especially about guys.

but honestly, the best thing you can do is to just go for it! I know it's hard- the girl I'm dating right now had been one of my best friends for months before I realized I liked her and asked her out, and I was literally shaking when I finally did... but it was so worth it.

Good luck, man.

My advice to you would be to don't go out searching for a girlfriend just for the sake of having a girlfriend. If you find a girl who you would love to be in a relationship with, then you can start trying to make it work. But don't just do it for the sake of it - that's what too many people do and it's stupid.

also, this is so, so true.

 

[ryuutchi]

I have been a long time observer of escapist forums and have finally decided to jump on in.

I am seventeen and I've never had a girlfriend (I'll take a moment to wait for the gasps to subside). None of my friends can see any obvious reasons why I have never managed to have one--I have many friends and frequently associate with members of the female variety--but I think I know why. I am a generally passive guy and I've always believed that relationships just 'happen.' Like you run into some girl, start talking, this leads to that, etc. However, I am always stuck with the same group of people... So I was wondering: Is a girlfriend something that needs to be worked at, or does it just happen? I'm inclinded to believe it happens both ways, but when does working at it too hard become creepy? I'm not totally naive, I know things don't 'just happen,' but I think you guys know what I mean.

I figured escapist is one of the most mature forums on teh interwebz so i figured I'd as you guys. Sorry for the long post...

Hold on a second while I try to contain my giggles at "the most mature forums". Hee. Okay. Done.

The honest answer is that for there to be a relationship ONE of you has to take that first, scary step and say "I like you. No, I LIKE you, like you." A relationship can "just happen" but let's be honest here, it "just happens" to only one of you, because the other one has manned up and said "I want to be in this relationship." Couples can fall into a place where they are pretty much in a romantic relationship without trying, but someone has to acknowledge that the feelings are there for it to be solidified. Someone has to be the first to introduce their partner as "my boy/girlfriend".

Now, you can be that person. You can take the chance that the other person likes you back. Or you can wait and see if they're willing to say it to you. I pass no judgement on either end (god knows, I'm usually the passive partner), but if you actively want a relationship, then you have to acknowledge that you have to choose a role.

 

[Shrix157]

I'm trying to wait for the right girl, at least i don't think i'm being to antsy (altho my family and u guys seem to be hinting otherwise). But i don't no who the 'right' girl is unless i get out there right? or i can take the easy way out and wait for MORP (prom backwards) where the girl asks the guy out =D... if that doesn't amount to anything, perhaps i'll do the asking... as i said b4, homecoming didn't do me much good, altho it was the first time i had asked a girl out

 

[Woodscare]

I am nearly 22 and never had a girlfriend

 

[TagDaze]

I'm 24, and I'm in my first relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together now for five months. Yes, it's late, but I have no regrets. He's an awesome guy, and there's a great support thing going on. Being late is fine because you get to enjoy love in a much more sincere, unspoiled way.

There are three reasons I'm comparatively late:
* As a homosexual the litter you can pick from is a lot smaller, so it's more difficult to find someone relevant.
* A lot of gay profile sites contain profiles geared towards getting sex. If you're looking for a relationship, don't look for people who just want sex.
* I'm picky. I have certain demands. The person I am with must be intelligent, a non-smoker and be a complete and utter ass the way I am.

Yet despite these blockades I found someone. How?
I browsed around a website, talked to a guy without any pressure at all, and things just go from there. Here's some advice for you. I'll start out simple and continue with more complicated tips.

- Mingle. Get out there. Make friends with males and females. Also, the people in-between aren't necessarily scary. Have you never noticed that gay people have a lot of female friends?
- Stop trying. You'll make yourself nervous and everything you do will fail.
- Relax. If your conversations constantly die off, this person might not be for you. Move on.
- No pressure. You've got all the time of the world, she's got all the time of the world.
- Personality. Don't go for a specific person because she looks hot. Have something in mind you'd like, personality wise. Think about what you'd want your girlfriend to be like and keep an open mind.
- The Beauty Cliche. It's a cliche, but beauty is only skin deep. You don't want a beautiful but arrogant *****. Even if her cheeks are slightly chubby, she's probably awesome and she'll surprise you in many ways.

Once you've found someone, once you've become interested, once you know what she's about, there's the golden rule, especially for teens: SHE KNOWS. Some women are not stupid. They know when you put spies on her. They know when you stalk her. They know you like them by virtue of you being worse at hiding your feelings than you'd like to think.

Hope it helps.

 

[archvile93]

I wouldn't know, I have very little interaction with the oppasite sex, or people in general. It's not that I can't interact with them, it's just a concious choice. The less people I know, the less pain I'm in.

 

[Hithlain]

I'm 20 going on 21 and I've had only one serious boyfriend which I had for 5 years. Really, I met him by accident in my high school science class and he was a really cool guy and I really liked him.

So I suppose my answer is yes to both. Yes, I found someone amazing randomly and amazing people aren't going to keep crossing your path constantly waiting to ask you out, so in that way, relationships do have a degree of naturalness to them.

On the other hand, he had to ask me out in the end which probably wasn't the best plan because we could have had more fun if I wasn't so nervous. A little confidence in going for what you want can bring you a long way. As a girl, I can tell you that any guy who asked me out got at least a first and second date before we decided if there was something there or not. The worst thing that will happen is that the other person will say no, and that's never killed anyone that I know of XD



I guess in summary my #1 tip would be: Relax and be yourself. If you can't find someone who likes you for you then it's not worth trying to make yourself different just to have a relationship. Join clubs that you are interested in. Get out there and be yourself and some lucky person will be able to see how amazing you are

I have a Zelda ringtone, a eevee figurine collection, and every phoenix wright game and anyone who can't handle that doesn't belong with me

 

[President Moocow]

I have been a long time observer of escapist forums and have finally decided to jump on in.

I am seventeen and I've never had a girlfriend (I'll take a moment to wait for the gasps to subside). None of my friends can see any obvious reasons why I have never managed to have one--I have many friends and frequently associate with members of the female variety--but I think I know why. I am a generally passive guy and I've always believed that relationships just 'happen.' Like you run into some girl, start talking, this leads to that, etc. However, I am always stuck with the same group of people... So I was wondering: Is a girlfriend something that needs to be worked at, or does it just happen? I'm inclinded to believe it happens both ways, but when does working at it too hard become creepy? I'm not totally naive, I know things don't 'just happen,' but I think you guys know what I mean.

I figured escapist is one of the most mature forums on teh interwebz so i figured I'd as you guys. Sorry for the long post...

There's no clear-cut answer. Depends on who you are and what you are looking for. The more you know about yourself and what you're looking for, the more likely you'll find it.

You have to at least put yourself out there. If you don't talk to girls, you sure won't get a girlfriend. If you don't ask a girl out, nothing will happen. But at the same time you can't really talk to girls with the specific intention of finding a girlfriend or you reek of desperation. Or actually sometimes that can work. It depends on a million different things. Nobody on this forum will be able to give you a clear-cut reason. Nobody on this forum will be able to give you advice on what steps to take on how to get a girlfriend (those who try will just describe what worked for them, where many things were very different). There's one thing that actually can help you:

Be yourself. It may sound cliche, but it's true. If you genuinely know who you are and you genuinely know certain specifics that you want (what kind of looks, what kind of personality, what kind of relationship, etc...), you'll be fine. Also, put yourself out there. So many people cry about how they will never find true love but they never even try to go out the fucking door.

Also, 17 and no girlfriend? Big fucking deal. It's a lot more common (and not just in this depressing shithole of a forum) than you'd think.

 

[Mr.Black]

You're 17.

 

[JamminOz07]

well i might be an idiot but im not going to date anyone who i dont think ill be with for a while because i feel that would be a waste of money.I think that if you like someone go for it but dont break your back trying to please someone its not worth it

If you have to spend money on her to make her want to be with you, then she's not the one.

That said, practice makes perfect. You should date as many people as you can, else how are you going to know if she's the one for you?

I went out with this girl once. She asked me out, I wouldn't have asked her out cause she was a lot younger than me. I went out with her, no expectations, just thought that she was cute and slightly interesting. We're now engaged and will be married by the end of the year.

 

[Captain23222]

my method is to find a pretty girl, run up and say to her "I don't want to die alone, will you go out with me"

it hasn't worked ye but when it does, oooooh boy

 

[akapellah21]

had my first 'real' girlfriend at 16. i just fell into it when i hooked up with her after 'semi-play-wrestling' with her. others were just girls that i really didnt like. just the type of guy that enjoys companionship from the opposite-sex.

waiting for it to just happen never worked for me. i always acquainted myself with the girl and developed something of a relationship with her before anything.

lower your standards and work your way up. try to build your social life with women. work on it like an attribute/skill/stat/perk. kinda like game.

club over the head works too, i guess

 

[Deadman Walkin]

For me it really just...happened. The funny thing is, a year before me and my girlfriend started dating, she absolutely hated me. Now me and her have been dating for 13 months on Friday

 

[Hulyen]

I wouldn't worry about it too much. I didn't start dating until after high school, and even then it just sort of happened. Well, as someone pointed out, it happened for me - he was the one working on it, heh. I was (and still am, probably - haven't had a second boyfriend yet!) very passive, but I did show interest back when he was flirting with me which is probably why we ended up having a date.

Looking back, I see that I DID get hit on in high school, I just never noticed it at the time - and if it was blatant enough for me to notice, I'd be offended. I was also fairly messed up in high school and super shy about talking to guys that interested me, so I'm not surprised I never ended up with anyone in that time period.

But yeah...I suppose my point is that if you don't show interest, the women you're interested in might never know about it. I sure as heck wouldn't!

Edit: Just a note to add that I'm probably not the most credible of sources. I accepted the date a bit over 6 years ago and have never actually ASKED anyone out. Eheh.

 

[Cosplay Horatio]

I remember one time a lady friend told me during an X-mas party when I was with my wife. "I worried about him because he was too nice." So I realized being a nice guy all my life though worth it would never get me a girlfriend because the same though was in their mind and the red alarm of can-he-keep-me-safe or is-he-strong-enough went off and became an automatic deal breaker. So whether or not your strong it matters if your attitude shows it.

You have to be three things first in order for a girl to be interested;
1. Strong Attitude
2. Appealing (this basically means she likes how you look no matter how bad or good it may be)
3. Funny

Then the right girl will be interested and you'll soon find that girl that has the same interests as you provided you go to social gatherings based on your interests. Good luck!

 

[Thaius]

I think the best approach is to wait for a girlfriend rather than actively trying to find one. Of course, once you know a girl and really like her, actively pursue her, but until then, looking for one just ends in disaster. The best relationships are the ones you wait for.

 

[Nalarion]

im going to give you a very helpful warning.... do not put all your trust in a girl... not right away... i was a broken man... because i trusted a girl with so much... and she left me for someone else... not even someone better... but some stoner with no plans in life, its her loss yes, but dont let yourself be heartbroken with TRUST built on it

 

[Umberphoenix]

A real relationship will blossom in time.

 

[Deef]

You can't be passive. That works with some girls, but with most you're the one who is gonna have to make the first move. It really is a valuable lesson to learn.