This is something that a friend of mine wrote and I just had to share it. Just for some background, we read an article in the Christian magazine Breakaway about a Christian rip-off of Guitar Hero called Guitar Praise... read all about that here: http://www.guitarpraise.com/
Anyway, this is a response to that. It's all a joke, so don't take ANY of it seriously...
Hey guys! If you thought "Guitar Praise" was a great Christian game why don't you try to screw up every popular franchise by trying to make them more "family friendly"! Here are some suggestions:
Holy Halo
Plot:
We find Pastor Chief in world where ruthless non-believers from another planet are trying to take over the universe! Instead of resorting to needless violence, Pastor Chief must use prayer and love to convert these atheistic creatures and from taking over the people of Preach through ungodly worldviews!
Features:
-Use Agape grenades spread the love to your foes.
-Get in a series of vehicles including the Heaven Hog and the Holy Ghost.
-Online multi-player includes several modes including Pray-back Time and Missionary Showdown.
Reviews:
"Wow! I thought that lame Bungie game was good! This is definately better!"
-www.what-would-jesus-play.com
"The story was been a little shallow and it is takes few hints from games like Halo, but I have to say that this is the best FPS I've seen... ever! Who needs games where you can shoot people?"
-Breakaway
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Banned Theft Auto
Plot:
You are a Yugoslavian immigrant who is new to Nice City and wants to be a successful drug-lord, but soon finds that Nice City doesn't allow people to do stuff like steal cars and carry guns. You soon find yourself surrounded by happy people who help you find alternatives to a sinful life-style.
Features:
-You can get a job without hurting anyone!
-Helping old ladies across the street and saving cats from trees boosts your Smile-Meter.
-Doing charity work and going to church are only a few ways to level up your character.
Reviews:
"Finally! This is the modern day role-playing experience I've been waiting for all my life! I've never seen a game quite like it. It's just too original for words..."
-God Games 2 U Know
"Wow! Games like Saints Row and the God father will be left in the dust! This tops them all! I can finally let my kids in to the TV room again."
-E Games Only
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Left 4 Behind
Plot:
During the rapture four god-fearing converts get left behind and have to find their way to heaven. They have to work together to overcome the terrible things mentioned in the book of Revelation. In other words: God left four behind!
Features:
-4 man co-op allows you and some buddies to read scripture together and talk over the meaning of revelation.
-Go around finding bible verses and applying to the things going on around you.
-Pray for your non-believing friends.
"It's nice to have another game where shooting praying for people is more effective then shooting them."
-Gunless Games
"A scary game about what happens to people who pair up in fours and don't believe in God very well."
-Live 4 Him
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
EDIT: Breakaway magazine called Guitar Praise "better than the original." LOL
Anyway, this is a response to that. It's all a joke, so don't take ANY of it seriously...
Hey guys! If you thought "Guitar Praise" was a great Christian game why don't you try to screw up every popular franchise by trying to make them more "family friendly"! Here are some suggestions:
Holy Halo
Plot:
We find Pastor Chief in world where ruthless non-believers from another planet are trying to take over the universe! Instead of resorting to needless violence, Pastor Chief must use prayer and love to convert these atheistic creatures and from taking over the people of Preach through ungodly worldviews!
Features:
-Use Agape grenades spread the love to your foes.
-Get in a series of vehicles including the Heaven Hog and the Holy Ghost.
-Online multi-player includes several modes including Pray-back Time and Missionary Showdown.
Reviews:
"Wow! I thought that lame Bungie game was good! This is definately better!"
-www.what-would-jesus-play.com
"The story was been a little shallow and it is takes few hints from games like Halo, but I have to say that this is the best FPS I've seen... ever! Who needs games where you can shoot people?"
-Breakaway
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Banned Theft Auto
Plot:
You are a Yugoslavian immigrant who is new to Nice City and wants to be a successful drug-lord, but soon finds that Nice City doesn't allow people to do stuff like steal cars and carry guns. You soon find yourself surrounded by happy people who help you find alternatives to a sinful life-style.
Features:
-You can get a job without hurting anyone!
-Helping old ladies across the street and saving cats from trees boosts your Smile-Meter.
-Doing charity work and going to church are only a few ways to level up your character.
Reviews:
"Finally! This is the modern day role-playing experience I've been waiting for all my life! I've never seen a game quite like it. It's just too original for words..."
-God Games 2 U Know
"Wow! Games like Saints Row and the God father will be left in the dust! This tops them all! I can finally let my kids in to the TV room again."
-E Games Only
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Left 4 Behind
Plot:
During the rapture four god-fearing converts get left behind and have to find their way to heaven. They have to work together to overcome the terrible things mentioned in the book of Revelation. In other words: God left four behind!
Features:
-4 man co-op allows you and some buddies to read scripture together and talk over the meaning of revelation.
-Go around finding bible verses and applying to the things going on around you.
-Pray for your non-believing friends.
"It's nice to have another game where shooting praying for people is more effective then shooting them."
-Gunless Games
"A scary game about what happens to people who pair up in fours and don't believe in God very well."
-Live 4 Him
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
EDIT: Breakaway magazine called Guitar Praise "better than the original." LOL
