Goofy Stuff You and Your Sig Other Do

[Johnny Novgorod]

My girlfriend writes embarrassingly porny fanfiction while affecting high literature for the standards of AO3. To prove the point that fanfic readers couldn't tell actual good, sincere writing from the trash they're used to I created an account and wrote an 11k word dumpster fire about her favorite character getting gang-raped over and over in a Die Hard parody. It proved popular and now I have this stealth competition with my gf of getting as many comments, kudos and bookmarks with the absolute least effort possible.

 

[Hawki]

How cute, you think I have a significant other...

My girlfriend writes embarrassingly porny fanfiction while affecting high literature for the standards of AO3. To prove the point that fanfic readers couldn't tell actual good, sincere writing from the trash they're used to I created an account and wrote an 11k word dumpster fire about her favorite character getting gang-raped over and over in a Die Hard parody. It proved popular and now I have this stealth competition with my gf of getting as many comments, kudos and bookmarks with the absolute least effort possible.

...God damn it, this is why I have fanfiction sometimes. I can spend years writing a story and barely get any feedback, but throw together anything resembling romance, and the little bastards demand moar.

 

[Xprimentyl]

Every weekday, we watch the NFL Network, and there's an obnoxiously long commercial for seizetheawkward.org that comes on every commercial break. We rush to mute it before the chintzy music starts and keep tally on who's more successful. She's winning...

 

[markgraham12]

My friends and I love to remove bg on our photos and do smth funny

 

[Xprimentyl]

My girlfriend and I have a friend (David) who comes to town once a year or so, and we call him "Shitty Mary Poppins," the point being that unlike the "actual" Mary Poppins who blows into town and fixes things, David comes into town and just fucks everything up. Also, he's gay and extremely conservative, so he's basically a walking contradiction. We love his visits as he is a lot of fun, but he is an extremely taxing diva.

Mostly, we end up drinking too much and buying too much food, so wake up each morning hung over and suffering indigestion, but he outdid himself this past weekend. It was just the two of us, and we got drunk, and he looked at me and said "let's go get tattoos!" I agreed; I've been wanting another for a while now, but we ended up passing out soon after. The following afternoon, he comes out to our patio and insists that we're going to get tattoos... like, NOW. I'd forgotten, and while I was trying to piece together the previous conversation, he tells my girlfriend we agreed to get tattoos the night before, and SHE was coming too. Now, my girlfriend has no tattoos, actually has a strict policy against them for herself; no one in her family has them. But like some incredible Jedi mind trick, she just responded with "well, if we're going, we better go now before I change my mind." A half hour later, we're in the tattoo shop; David got the Witcher wolf on his forearm, I got the 49ers logo on my shoulder, and God bless her, my girlfriend got her first tattoo, a small fleur de lis on her right shoulder blade. I tried to talk her out of it, but to call her stubborn is an understatement; in a weird "wabbit season/duck season" exchange, the more I insisted she NOT get a tat, the more she insisted she WANTED the tat. Went back home, got shit-faced, and every other sentence out of her mouth was "David, you made me get a tattoo!"

He left yesterday after a five-day binge, and as has become his signature, he walked out to his Uber holding an imaginary umbrella and said "Byeeee! I taught you nothing!" God damn David...

 

[ObsidianJones]

My girlfriend and I have a friend (David) who comes to town once a year or so, and we call him "Shitty Mary Poppins," the point being that unlike the "actual" Mary Poppins who blows into town and fixes things, David comes into town and just fucks everything up. Also, he's gay and extremely conservative, so he's basically a walking contradiction. We love his visits as he is a lot of fun, but he is an extremely taxing diva.

Mostly, we end up drinking too much and buying too much food, so wake up each morning hung over and suffering indigestion, but he outdid himself this past weekend. It was just the two of us, and we got drunk, and he looked at me and said "let's go get tattoos!" I agreed; I've been wanting another for a while now, but we ended up passing out soon after. The following afternoon, he comes out to our patio and insists that we're going to get tattoos... like, NOW. I'd forgotten, and while I was trying to piece together the previous conversation, he tells my girlfriend we agreed to get tattoos the night before, and SHE was coming too. Now, my girlfriend has no tattoos, actually has a strict policy against them for herself; no one in her family has them. But like some incredible Jedi mind trick, she just responded with "well, if we're going, we better go now before I change my mind." A half hour later, we're in the tattoo shop; David got the Witcher wolf on his forearm, I got the 49ers logo on my shoulder, and God bless her, my girlfriend got her first tattoo, a small fleur de lis on her right shoulder blade. I tried to talk her out of it, but to call her stubborn is an understatement; in a weird "wabbit season/duck season" exchange, the more I insisted she NOT get a tat, the more she insisted she WANTED the tat. Went back home, got shit-faced, and every other sentence out of her mouth was "David, you made me get a tattoo!"

He left yesterday after a five-day binge, and as has become his signature, he walked out to his Uber holding an imaginary umbrella and said "Byeeee! I taught you nothing!" God damn David...

... I thought he taught you guys not to make promises with people while drunk.

Or, you know. Not to honor drunken promises.

Or not to get drunk.

Like, there was so much. Am I the only one who sees this? Is this because I'm a Square?

 

[Xprimentyl]

... I thought he taught you guys not to make promises with people while drunk.

Or, you know. Not to honor drunken promises.

Or not to get drunk.

Like, there was so much. Am I the only one who sees this? Is this because I'm a Square?

You're not a square; you've just found other things in life to appreciate that the occasional buzz isn't appealing, and that's perfectly alright. As for drunken promises, I typically don't make or honor them, but I'd already been planning another tattoo; David's "suggestion" just happened to be perfectly timed. As for how my girlfriend got roped in, you'd have to ask her.

 

[Xprimentyl]

I wouldn't call this "goofy" per the spirit of the thread, but more "annoying." We spend a lot of time on our patio; my girlfriend has a penchant for saying she's getting up to do one thing, then finds herself doing 1,000 other things, then getting mad because I'm not helping, then she gets mad because I get mad at her getting mad.

Example:

Her: "Pause the movie; I have to pee."

*five minutes later*

Her: "I"M RE-PAINTING THE LIVING ROOM; YOU'RE NOT GONNA HELP?!?"

Me: "You said you went to pee; how was I supposed to know you started some other shit?!?"

Her: "Never mind." *Walks off in a huff.*

TL;DR? Stay single.

 

[Xprimentyl]

This really should be "STUPID Stuff My Sig Other Does," but that doesn't merit a whole thread. Unlike the rest of the functioning, timekeeping world that understands and agrees that one day changes to the next at the stroke of midnight, my girlfriend insists that it's the same day until the follow morning around 4-5am.

Let me qualify that by saying understands it's technically the next day at midnight, but in casual conversation, I've learned I have to be very specific when referring to days by name when talking about the early AM. Most recent example, the Formula 1 race this weekend in is Japan, thus we American fans have to stay up very late to watch. It occurs over a 72-hour period with three practice sessions, qualifying, and the race on the final day. I explained to her that the first practice was last night (Thursday) from 10pm to 11pm, and the second practice was Friday at 1am to 2:30am. We stayed up and watched the first practice and went to bed. When my alarm went off for the second practice a couple hours later, she was livid citing that I said it "wasn't until Friday at 1am." She begrudgingly got out of bed to watch, but we missed the first 5 minutes arguing about her unique perception of how time works.