Greatest Quotes Ever

Nov 28, 2007
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English 101 Teacher: *trying to make some point about sexism* When a woman sleeps with a bunch of men, we call her a whore or a slut, but what name do we have for a man who sleeps with a bunch of women?

Me: *after a brief pause* James Bond?
 

Talisker

New member
Jan 31, 2008
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"Sure, you two could come at me right now and in the end you would probably get the better of me. But, one thing is certain, in the melee, one of you is gonna lose an eye. Now, who's it gonna be?"

How to get out of a fight you cant win.
 

Pingrash

New member
Mar 30, 2008
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"Wipe this pathetic planet from the face of the galaxy." -Darth Malak (Star Wars KOTOR)

A question asked by a mate of mine after we got our maths half-yearly exams back-
Spooky- Umm, was the average mark on or below 13 (out of 75)
Mr C- Ahh... no it wasn't
Spooky- SHIT!
 

MercurySteam

Tastes Like Chicken!
Legacy
Apr 11, 2008
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hmmmm let me think

"Nazi Bullet Bum Rape"
-Yahtzee

"War dosent show who's right, it shows who's left"
-Dont remember

"I am not original, I am a combination of the efforts of all those who have inspired me"
-Dont remember either
 

werepossum

New member
Sep 12, 2007
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AIMEE TEEGARDEN: "Recent polls show a fifth of Americans can't locate the US on a world map. Why do you think this is?"

MISS TEEN SC: "I personally believe that US Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some people out there in our nation don't have maps, and, uh, I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and, uh, the Iraq everywhere like, such as and I believe that they should, our education over here in the US. should help the US, er, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future for our children."

This is the actual answer given by Lauren Caitlin Upton, a lovely little hardbody who is or was Miss Teen South Carolina and who will no doubt go on to make gazillions on television, in some beauty pageant. (I'm assuming some non-US folks here haven't seen this, in which case it's worth searching out on YouTube.) Miss Upton is 18 years old and probably reasonably bright, but now has the distinction of having possibly the most stupid quote (or at least the most well known stupid quote, not at all the same thing) on YouTube.

So if you're ever feeling stupid about something you've done or said, just review this and be glad that when you said or did it, your senior moment wasn't on national television.
 

Easykill

New member
Sep 13, 2007
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"You're a monster."
"Thanks, does this mean I get a raise?"
"No, just a medal, the IF does have a budget to keep."

or

?There are maybe two or three thousand people in the world as smart as us, little sister. Most of them are making a living somewhere. Teaching, the poor bastards, or doing research. Precious few of them are actually in positions of power.?
?I guess we?re the lucky few.?
?Funny as a one-legged rabbit, Val.?
?Of which there are no doubt several in these woods.?
?Hopping in neat little circles.?


Ender's game. Great book.
 

Corsair256

New member
Feb 20, 2008
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Strangely, I don't seem to have many 'famous' quotes that I remember. None of those 'epic' statements. So heres some gaming quotes heh:


Micro Piglets stalk your dungeon. Beware!
Your dungeon is on a slant. Angry minions cannot play marbles.
Your nocturnal perserverance has earnt you a hidden gaming tip. GO TO BED!
Your dungoen has a disproportionate number of Mistresses. Theres a word for people like you.

-Dungeon Keeper 2


My mind is going... I can feel it... Only joking.
You remind me of one of my previous charges. I think his name was Dave. I can't remember much more than that, it seems my memory banks sustained some damage during that time.

-VAL, Startopia


Von Bolt: Whaaa haa haa haaa! Shut it, boy! Your inane hipster slang is an
affront to my ears and a waste of my time. Slink home while you can still
walk!
Jake: Oooh, snap! You showed me, meat bag! Consider yourself served with a
subpoena of pain! Yeah... that's lawyer style!

-Advance Wars: Dual Strike


That was left handed!

-Commando, Command and Conquer


And finally, a classic from IRC:

"Being vague is almost as much fun as doing that one other thing."
 

ThebigZ

New member
Apr 11, 2008
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The greatest enemy will hide in the last place you would ever look.

Movie: Revolver

Character: Jake Green
 

Juzari

New member
Jan 1, 2008
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"If at first you don't succeed, call in an airstrike"

Call of Duty 4 - if I remember correctly
 

Strafe Mcgee

New member
Jan 25, 2008
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Bill Hicks said:
By the way, if anyone here is in advertising or marketing, kill yourself Kill yourselves, seriously. You are the ruiner of all things good. Seriously, no this is not a joke. "There's gonna be a joke coming..." There's no fucking joke coming, you are Satan's spawn, filling the world with bile and garbage, you are fucked and you are fucking us, kill yourselves, it's the only way to save your fucking soul. Kill yourself, kill yourself now.

Now, back to the show.
And to further quote Henry Rollins on Bill Hicks...

"He was hilarious, brilliant, brave and right about everything."
 

MRMIdAS2k

New member
Apr 23, 2008
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HOST: "What is your advice to young Japanese guitarists?"
STEVE CLARK: "Learn to play drums"

"Look, I think we've all got something we can bring to this discussion. But I think from now on the thing you should bring is silence." - Arnold Judas Rimmer
 

Mr Scott

New member
Apr 15, 2008
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"Do I speak of dirty things? That does not seem to me the worst I could do."
--Thus Spoke Zarathustra, Friedrich Nietzsche
 

AndiGravity

New member
Apr 14, 2008
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There are just so many good ones. I'll start with some nice historical ones.

"True philosophy must start from the most immediate and comprehensive fact of consciousness: I am life that wants to live, in the midst of life that wants to live."
--Albert Schweitzer

"The church says the earth is flat, but I know that it is round, for I have seen its shadow on the moon, and I have more faith in a shadow than in the church"
--Magellan

"From what God gives you, take that which you need. The rest is needed by others."
--St. Augustine

"If the liberties of the American people are ever destroyed, they will fall by the hands of the clergy."
--General Marquis de Lafayette

Not to disparage pop culture, since there are some good ones there:

"Frank, do you know what a hero is? Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, he's somebody who's tired enough, and cold enough, and hungry enough not to give a damn. I don't give a damn."
--Hawkeye Pierce

"Fifteen hundred years ago everybody KNEW the Earth was the center of the universe. Five hundred years ago, everybody KNEW the Earth was flat, and fifteen minutes ago, you knew that humans were alone on this planet. Just imagine what you'll KNOW tomorrow."
--K

"What's true in our minds is true, whether some people know it or not."
--Chris Nielsen

"The next time some asshole says to you 'I have a right to my opinion' you say 'oh yeah, well I have a right to my opinion, and my opinion is you have no right to your opinion'."
--George Carlin

"The most depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I'll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once. They're relentless."
--Mitch Hedberg

And, though long, my second favorite quote of all time:

"We succeeded in taking that picture, and if you look at it, you see a dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it, everyone you ever heard of-- every human being who ever lived-- lived out their lives. The aggregate of all our joys and sufferings, thousands of confident religions, ideologies and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilizations, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every hopeful child, every mother and father, every inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every superstar, every supreme leader, every saint and sinner in the history of our species, lived there on a mote of dust, suspended in a sunbeam."

--Carl Sagan (spoken while he looked at a photograph Voyager took of the Earth as it was leaving the Solar System)
 

magicmonkeybars

Gullible Dolt
Nov 20, 2007
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"When beholding the tranquil beauty and brilliancy of the ocean skin, one forgets the tiger heart that pants beneath it and would not willingly remember that this velvet paw but conceals a remorseless fang."- Herman Melville Moby-Dick