I AM TYPING IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!
YOUR VALUED EMPLOYEE BEN "YAHTZEE" CROWSHAW IS OBVIOUSLY FEVERISH AND DELUSIONAL!!! HE HAS SUGGESTED MAKING AN ENTIRE GAME OUT OF WHAT AMOUNTS TO GUITAR HERO BASED QUICKTIME EVENTS!!!
AS THE GOLDEN GOOSE WHO SUPPORTS THE ESCAPIST, YOU SHOULD GO MAKE SURE HE'S WELL. IF HIS BRAIN IS BEING HELD PRISONER ON PLUTO BY ALIENS, PAY THE RANSOM! PLEASE! WE NEED ZERO PUNCTUATION EVERY WEEK TO AVOID HORRID AND POTENTIALLY LETHAL WITHDRAWAL... NOT THAT WE'RE ADDICTS OR ANYTHING!!!
Hopefully that will get attention. Don't worry Yahtzee, I suspect paramedics are on their way right now. If not I'm sure the management on The Escapist will be sending someone with the ransom. I hear the natives of Pluto highly value those old weeble-wobble toys from the 1960s.
Besides I can't write a message in all caps non-stop, I just don't have it in me.