Honestly a lot of people don't understand transgendered people for what ever reasons. So I'd like to offer some help on the subject. I'll answer questions as I can, and as best I can. I also hope other transgender escapists will share their insight on the subject. The objective of this thread is to help everyone understand that as transgender people, we're still people, we're not really different from other people, and we're all individuals. By individuals I mean everyone is an individual and we're all different, that's okay. But as a class of people we are really misunderstood.
Before I, or any other trans person on these forums answers any questions there are are some things I'd like address.
Why not just be normal?
It's not that easy. Ask any gay man, lesbian woman, or pan/bisexual person you'll get a similar answer. Weather, or not we're born this way , it's not something we actively choose either. It's a part of our identity we can't control. Simply put you are yourself, and if someone asked, for example, you to not like video games, you couldn't do that. The same mechanic applies to transgendered people. You can't ask us to identify differently than what is natural to us.
Gender is a social construct.
Sort of. Gender roles are a social construct, but they also have a natural role. You can't expect a male lion to suckle the young, they don't produce milk. Similar can be applied to male humans. Human males can use formula to feed babies, but that's a technological ability. We can make formula. Gender roles are both natural and social. As humans we have more social gender roles. But they developed over our evolution. But identity is more than just roles. Gender identity is part of how we express ourselves and not everyone fits in the same categories. Not even all men and all women fit their birth gender roles, but for transgendered individuals we identify as the opposite sex.
Gender is genetic.
Genetics plays a huge role in the sex development of people. That said not everyone is born with physical parts their genes suggest. For example I have "XX Male Syndrome" which means I am genetically female, but I was born male physically. Some women have XY chromosomes, more surprising is some people have more chromosomes for sex than others. Chromosome. But that doesn't define how we identify. We're all humans, but some people identify as non-human animals, or objects, for example. While physical birth sex is often genetic, it doesn't control identity, or sexual preference for that matter.(Edit: Reference removed post research, thanks for correcting me peeps, but I did need to do my own research first. Best explanation I've seen on the subject in this thread. [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.875085-Having-difficulty-understanding-transgendered-people-Ill-try-to-help?page=7#22007822]]
You're trans so you must be gay(by either subjective definition.)
Not true. Having a gender identity doesn't directly affect sexual preference. Many trans people are attracted to the gender opposite their identity, but many are attracted to those who are the same as their gender identity. Some like myself are attracted to both, but put more value on the personality of any potential love interest. It's complicated for everyone, not black and white, we all have our personal preferences, sex based. or not.
How about terminology?
This is a complicated subject. Some see everyone with different gender identity than their birth sex as transsexual, others don't. For some people transsexual can be a dirty word, or it can apply exclusively to people who want gender reassignment surgery. Transgender is often considered the most acceptable term, trans is generally seen as fine as well. Some terms are absolutely not okay. For example; Tranny, Shemale, New Half, Trap, Dickgirl, and Cuntboy are generally considered unacceptable. One reason is those tend to be pornography terms, but they're also unflattering, and have negative stereotypes applied to them. Some people do own them, or find them acceptable, but generally they should be avoided. Aside from that there are lots of terms to identify how someone is transgender. If you're unsure how someone identifies them self as transgender it's usually smart to ask them. Just remember that each trans person might define them self, or like terms that are generally considered bad. They also might hate terms that are usually considered safe. So when in doubt, ask. Finally as a term transgender can be broad, including drag queens/kings, and part time cross dressers, but not everyone thinks as it as inclusive. So don't walk on eggshells, but try to be polite.
I don't believe that transgenderism is a real thing.
That's perfectly fine. At the same time; respect who people are, how they present themselves, and how they identify. If I tell you I like being refereed to as female, despite being born male, then respect my wishes. Doing otherwise isn't right, it's rude and insulting. Basically don't be an asshole about it. I'm not telling you that your identity is wrong, don't tell me mine is.
What about transphobia?
Well you don't need to be afraid of me, I like to think I'm a fairly nice person. Being trans doesn't mean I'm going to attack you by default. Some trans people have chips on their shoulders, but at the same time that doesn't mean that we're going to assault you. You don't have to be afraid of us. Also the more you learn the less threatening we seem. We just want to live our lives too, so lets all be neighborly. Now if someone tells you they found something transphobic and offensive, try to understand our position. You don't need to fix it, and if it was something you said we can discuss it. But writing it off is insulting and dismissive. We want to be as normal to you as you are to us. If you said something hurtful then apologize and if you don't understand why it's hurtful, ask about it. Learning to get along is our best asset, even amongst non-trans groups. We can disagree, still lets be respectful about it. Transphobia is using ignorance and fear against trans people, lets avoid that and be open minded. Alright?
I'm uncomfortable with trans people.
That's perfectly okay. I'm uncomfortable with some types of people too. All I ask is that you try to get past it, same as I try to get past the discomfort I have with other groups I'm uncomfortable with.
I think(for whatever reason) Cisgender is a bad/offensive term.
Simply put it's not. It's a way us trans people use to define people with a gender identity that matches their birth sex. I am not going to other myself by counting you as "normal" for being born and feeling one way, so don't do that to me. As for people who use the term as an insult? Well they're jerks, just like people who use the term "normal" to insult others. Don't be a jerk either way is all I ask.
So anything else on your mind? I'll do my best to help.
Before I, or any other trans person on these forums answers any questions there are are some things I'd like address.
Why not just be normal?
It's not that easy. Ask any gay man, lesbian woman, or pan/bisexual person you'll get a similar answer. Weather, or not we're born this way , it's not something we actively choose either. It's a part of our identity we can't control. Simply put you are yourself, and if someone asked, for example, you to not like video games, you couldn't do that. The same mechanic applies to transgendered people. You can't ask us to identify differently than what is natural to us.
Gender is a social construct.
Sort of. Gender roles are a social construct, but they also have a natural role. You can't expect a male lion to suckle the young, they don't produce milk. Similar can be applied to male humans. Human males can use formula to feed babies, but that's a technological ability. We can make formula. Gender roles are both natural and social. As humans we have more social gender roles. But they developed over our evolution. But identity is more than just roles. Gender identity is part of how we express ourselves and not everyone fits in the same categories. Not even all men and all women fit their birth gender roles, but for transgendered individuals we identify as the opposite sex.
Gender is genetic.
Genetics plays a huge role in the sex development of people. That said not everyone is born with physical parts their genes suggest. For example I have "XX Male Syndrome" which means I am genetically female, but I was born male physically. Some women have XY chromosomes, more surprising is some people have more chromosomes for sex than others. Chromosome. But that doesn't define how we identify. We're all humans, but some people identify as non-human animals, or objects, for example. While physical birth sex is often genetic, it doesn't control identity, or sexual preference for that matter.(Edit: Reference removed post research, thanks for correcting me peeps, but I did need to do my own research first. Best explanation I've seen on the subject in this thread. [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.875085-Having-difficulty-understanding-transgendered-people-Ill-try-to-help?page=7#22007822]]
You're trans so you must be gay(by either subjective definition.)
Not true. Having a gender identity doesn't directly affect sexual preference. Many trans people are attracted to the gender opposite their identity, but many are attracted to those who are the same as their gender identity. Some like myself are attracted to both, but put more value on the personality of any potential love interest. It's complicated for everyone, not black and white, we all have our personal preferences, sex based. or not.
How about terminology?
This is a complicated subject. Some see everyone with different gender identity than their birth sex as transsexual, others don't. For some people transsexual can be a dirty word, or it can apply exclusively to people who want gender reassignment surgery. Transgender is often considered the most acceptable term, trans is generally seen as fine as well. Some terms are absolutely not okay. For example; Tranny, Shemale, New Half, Trap, Dickgirl, and Cuntboy are generally considered unacceptable. One reason is those tend to be pornography terms, but they're also unflattering, and have negative stereotypes applied to them. Some people do own them, or find them acceptable, but generally they should be avoided. Aside from that there are lots of terms to identify how someone is transgender. If you're unsure how someone identifies them self as transgender it's usually smart to ask them. Just remember that each trans person might define them self, or like terms that are generally considered bad. They also might hate terms that are usually considered safe. So when in doubt, ask. Finally as a term transgender can be broad, including drag queens/kings, and part time cross dressers, but not everyone thinks as it as inclusive. So don't walk on eggshells, but try to be polite.
I don't believe that transgenderism is a real thing.
That's perfectly fine. At the same time; respect who people are, how they present themselves, and how they identify. If I tell you I like being refereed to as female, despite being born male, then respect my wishes. Doing otherwise isn't right, it's rude and insulting. Basically don't be an asshole about it. I'm not telling you that your identity is wrong, don't tell me mine is.
What about transphobia?
Well you don't need to be afraid of me, I like to think I'm a fairly nice person. Being trans doesn't mean I'm going to attack you by default. Some trans people have chips on their shoulders, but at the same time that doesn't mean that we're going to assault you. You don't have to be afraid of us. Also the more you learn the less threatening we seem. We just want to live our lives too, so lets all be neighborly. Now if someone tells you they found something transphobic and offensive, try to understand our position. You don't need to fix it, and if it was something you said we can discuss it. But writing it off is insulting and dismissive. We want to be as normal to you as you are to us. If you said something hurtful then apologize and if you don't understand why it's hurtful, ask about it. Learning to get along is our best asset, even amongst non-trans groups. We can disagree, still lets be respectful about it. Transphobia is using ignorance and fear against trans people, lets avoid that and be open minded. Alright?
I'm uncomfortable with trans people.
That's perfectly okay. I'm uncomfortable with some types of people too. All I ask is that you try to get past it, same as I try to get past the discomfort I have with other groups I'm uncomfortable with.
I think(for whatever reason) Cisgender is a bad/offensive term.
Simply put it's not. It's a way us trans people use to define people with a gender identity that matches their birth sex. I am not going to other myself by counting you as "normal" for being born and feeling one way, so don't do that to me. As for people who use the term as an insult? Well they're jerks, just like people who use the term "normal" to insult others. Don't be a jerk either way is all I ask.
So anything else on your mind? I'll do my best to help.