I just don't think we should make the decision for them when we don't know them at allMazty said:
HELP! Is this 2 early?
- Thread starter Slashergirl
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I really don't think you should be asking people on the internet this sort of thing since they don't know you personally. It all depends on how you feel about it. If it feels right, then full steam ahead. If you're hesitant or unsure then maybe wait a little longer.
My mind screams: "Sure as hell it is too early!"Slashergirl said:
To quote a good friend of mine;
"It takes -max- (read; MAX, not necessarily that long at all) five years for the entire lovey-dovey, fluttering feeling to fade. Once that is gone, and you still enjoy each others' company more than anyone else's, it's a green light for marriage."
Otherwise it's a possible recipe for a money-drain, imo. Wait till the entire fluttering thing is over.
PS: Besides, you're only 18, woman, marriage is like the last thing you should worry about at that age!
EDIT: Sorry coming off as a complete dick, but I stand by that; I'd say no, it's way too early. Then again I've got no belief in marriage to be anything more than a religious tradition purely meant to fill commercial coffers in these days. : /
I don't think we should "help" at all, we don't know these people well enough to make an informed decision, and I would rather not influence her choice without knowing what I am doing.Mazty said:
It's like asking some guy on the street to help you keep your nuclear reactor from overloading, the guy doesn't have a f---ing clue how to work one and is just as likely to make it explode as to help
We just don't have NEARLY enough information, and even if we did, this is not something we should influence at all, it is a highly personal decision
You're right, lets all step aside and let you set e
YOU DO NOT KNOW THESE PEOPLE, you call me ignorant? Hey asshole, wrap your giant head around that one
Look, for what it matters, I don't think they should do it this quickly either, but stop simultaneously being an arrogant ass while at the same time stroking your ego by telling everybody how much you know about everything and actually think about this for a secondMazty said:
YOU DO NOT KNOW THESE PEOPLE, you call me ignorant? Hey asshole, wrap your giant head around that one
Wow, you really are an arrogant son of a b--ch, and yes, you did piss me off, because you called me ignorant while flaunting your "experience", what is this "experience" you have anyway? Did your parents run into marriage and divorce? Seriously, all of the experience in the world doesn't change the fact that you don't know these people, and thus cannot make an accurate judgment. I never said experience (which you still haven't elaborated on) doesn't matter, that was you putting words in my mouth, and then using the same words you put in my mouth to insult me.Mazty said:
You are acting like a spoiled child, so if it makes you feel better, pretend you matter enough to be able to make a clear judgment when none of us can because we don't know them. Hell, you have to cling to something right? Otherwise you might have to admit you aren't perfect, OH NO!
Not all marriages end the same way dipshit, and I WILL stop now, because I don't have enough insecurities to waste any more time with someone as intelligent and stubborn as a brick wall.Mazty said:
Some people can do it early like that. I tried it and, for the most part its been ok, but we have been having problems lately. Honestly, I think the best advice is to step back and take a long hard look at what you are about to do with your life. People nowadays just seem to rush into things without thinking, and end up regretting it later on. Stop and think about what is the best decision for you. I wish you luck.
Mazty said:
Swing and a miss! 35, stable job, happily married, but you cling to those stereo-typical social views. How the hell can anyone engage you in debate if you simply call anyone who disagrees with you a kid with insecurities? It just shows that you are insecure with your argument, so you have to personally brand a person inept (with no knowledge or evidence of who they really are) rather than argue your failing point. Do you think these stupid labels you apply with no evidence hurt me? Do you think they do anything other than make you like like a complete dumb-ass for tagging someone with a "15 and insecure" label with no evidence? Not only that, but they raise the question of whether your "experience" on this matter is real, after all, you made up a backstory for me, who's to say you didn't make up the whole relationship story you gave? Time for my guess.
Die hard Republican right?
Douchebag.
PS: See the difference? I say you are a douchebag because of the things you type, and you say I am fifteen because....hmm, well, nothing I typed here is indicative of age, so I guess you just like telling lies.
Well we've both been through some real shit together and I've known him for years. i mean he was there for me when we both were staring down the abyss of my own suicide(thankfully it never happened).Mazty said:
And it's always just been the two of us against the world.
Don't do it, you have no idea what each other are like until you really live with eachother.Slashergirl said:
Also, I am probably one of the worst people to ask due to my relationship record being roughly 0-100.
Additionally, take time for yourself. You are still in college, so this is a time to still do a lot of soul searching.
Here's my advice.
Read The Caine Mutiny and put yourself in Willie Keith's shoes in regards to May Wynn and regards to the Caine.
Next, read War and Rememberance I guarantee that after reading these two books you'll have a more level view on things. If not on your own relationship than about the world in general.
Plus, both the books are a good read. I read The Caine Mutiny about once or twice a year and it really helps put situations into perspective by just thinking about what state of Willie's stay on the Caine am I currently in? The childish days on DeVreiss, the rebellion of Queeg or the later on in the war.
Read The Caine Mutiny and put yourself in Willie Keith's shoes in regards to May Wynn and regards to the Caine.
Next, read War and Rememberance I guarantee that after reading these two books you'll have a more level view on things. If not on your own relationship than about the world in general.
Plus, both the books are a good read. I read The Caine Mutiny about once or twice a year and it really helps put situations into perspective by just thinking about what state of Willie's stay on the Caine am I currently in? The childish days on DeVreiss, the rebellion of Queeg or the later on in the war.
It really is your choice, Slasher.Slashergirl said:
Personally, I think getting married young isn't all that wise. You can run into trouble early on and get disheartened. That can be bad... /worse/ if you have kids early into the marriage. 'Forever' is a long time. And who knows if this is even the person you're supposed to be with. It sounds like you're young, so I'll put it to you straight... you haven't liven long enough to jump intot his yet.
If you're worried, then there's a reason (and frankly, I can see why you might be worried). Trust your instincts... not your heart. Right now you need to focus on College, not marriage. I know I sound cold, but take it from me... I know how this will turn out. And it isn't good, most of time.
If he loves you... TRULY loves you, he'll wait. If not, well then, you've found out exactly who he is and how he'd react to disappointment later on when you're married. Find out who he is and find out who you are first.
Who knows? For all the fire and romance right now, you may want to strangle him if you have to spend more than a day with him. Find out first.
As many people have said, ultimately the decision is based on how you feel. Since you asked though I would suggest to wait awhile. Based from personal experience, I have to say that taking things a bit slower for awhile at least would help your relationship. Marriage isn't something to just jump in to and the two of you should probably see how things go when living together in the home you spoke of. If things go well and you both agree that marriage is what you want then so be it. Just try not to rush this decision. Give it a lot of thought and talk with your boyfriend about how you feel on the issue.
im sorry thats way too early, you dont even know if you can live with him yet, and trust me feeling comfortable living with him and actually living with him are two completely different things.Slashergirl said:
what you should do is move in with him for a year at least, than decide if you are still ok with the idea.
How can anyone debate with me? Easy - If they take the time to read what I have said. However, after about 6 replies in, you still think that reciting similar occurrences is worth nothing, and therefore you are saying that experience in similar matters has no part in trying to help the OP make a decision. How you have figured that one out is beyond me.
The only reason I 'brand you with labels' is because your argument is devoid of logic, and therefore ultimately de-constructive. Your argument is: "I don't know you, therefore I can't help you, even I, or other people, have been through similar circumstances". Explain please how you came to that conclusion, and explain why similar cases are of no value whatsoever.
And no, what's the point in making stories up? And I'm not Republican, mainly because I don't even live in the US. The reason I said you were most likely 15 is because I find it worrying that a man claiming to be your age is so ignorant and naive as to think that teenagers, who are pumped full of hormones, whilst still changing as people, can get such a large decision, such as marriage, correct, after such a short time of knowing each other. Can't you remember back to your youth? I can, and after a few years I'm, certainly a different person, let alone who I'll be in a decade and so on. After all, marriage is best if it's for life rather than having to go through the emotional and financial mess of a divorce.[/quote]
I didn't even read all of this, but I did read your previous arguements, I didn't agree with them, and rather than rationally defending it, you label me as someone with a flawed character. Which basically says that you are so insecure in what you are saying, that instead of comparing your thoughts to mine side by side, you just attack me personally (which doesn't make my argument any weaker BTW).
Long story short, I am done, arguing with you is like arguing with a brick wall, and you actually manage to have considerably LESS intelligence than a typical brick wall.
So continue to rant if you want, loser.
The only reason I 'brand you with labels' is because your argument is devoid of logic, and therefore ultimately de-constructive. Your argument is: "I don't know you, therefore I can't help you, even I, or other people, have been through similar circumstances". Explain please how you came to that conclusion, and explain why similar cases are of no value whatsoever.
And no, what's the point in making stories up? And I'm not Republican, mainly because I don't even live in the US. The reason I said you were most likely 15 is because I find it worrying that a man claiming to be your age is so ignorant and naive as to think that teenagers, who are pumped full of hormones, whilst still changing as people, can get such a large decision, such as marriage, correct, after such a short time of knowing each other. Can't you remember back to your youth? I can, and after a few years I'm, certainly a different person, let alone who I'll be in a decade and so on. After all, marriage is best if it's for life rather than having to go through the emotional and financial mess of a divorce.[/quote]
I didn't even read all of this, but I did read your previous arguements, I didn't agree with them, and rather than rationally defending it, you label me as someone with a flawed character. Which basically says that you are so insecure in what you are saying, that instead of comparing your thoughts to mine side by side, you just attack me personally (which doesn't make my argument any weaker BTW).
Long story short, I am done, arguing with you is like arguing with a brick wall, and you actually manage to have considerably LESS intelligence than a typical brick wall.
So continue to rant if you want, loser.