Night falls on the Roncevaux Pass as the Holy Roman Emperor Charlemagne's rearguard lead by his almighty paladins sets in behind the main force as they travel back from Spain. Little did they know the dastardly snitch Ganelon told those dirty Spanish-muslim goons about their march. As the moon swept by overhead, the muslims struck. Roland, the chief paladin of Charlemagne set up his forces to buy his majesty Charlemagne time to get away from the ambush instead of calling for help.
The twelve paladins by themselves fought tooth and nail against the evil Franks, until the last man. Roland himself slew 1,246 warriors with his holy sword Durendal, said to be passed down from Hector of Troy and made from stardust, unicorn bones, and the blood of Caesar's foot-washer. As he leaned up against a rock, 34 arrows in his chest, hundreds of stab wounds decorating his extremities, he used his very last breath to blow his enormous oliphant horn to signal Charlemagne to avenge this despicable deed. With his 10 million troops, Charlemagne decimated every enemy within 10,000 miles. And thus the great Roland and his noble paladins were avenged.
