Thedek said:
This is simply idiotic fluffy teenage girl magazine advice.
I.E. People talking out of their ass claiming they know what they are talking about when they clearly don't.
Lots of "normal" social people have this shit fairly easy, it's basically built into them, so they don't have much trouble. Half the people who have trouble are akin to myself. With massive mental and personality disorders that cripple the living shit out of their social lives, even when they do in fact wish for one (even if it isn't the clubbing drinking bullshit).
The people who have it easy act like it's easy, which to them it is, seeing as they are naturally at least half adept in these things. They then give half-assed unhelpful advice " be yourself!" to people who have this shit incredibly difficult because most people don't have the patience to put up with even a quarter of their issues. Often very valid issues at that.
In the end, to people like myself( I assume I can only speak for myself naturally) all of this bullshit comes off as incredibly condescending and insulting and makes me want to cuss and hit people who say this crap.
Quoted for absolute truth. This is the real problem i have with any "advice" column, because as i said before, it completely neglects the kind of demographic that would read and participate in such a column - people who are in some way unable to maintain a 'standard' social life in which 'normals' are able to thrive in and therefore stuff like sex and romance comes naturally. Not only that, but the 'normals' who give this advice are often terribly condescending. "Go do volunteer work!" or "Go down to the local rave / club / bar!" like women are going to suddenly surrender themselves to you like that insipid Lynx advert. No. It doesn't work like that. You don't just "make the effort" and are rewarded with boobies. Not only that, but i think a lot of 'normals' utterly fail to realise that making the effort is a big problem for people with social anxiety issues and anxiety issues in general. Does that mean they should accept a fate of loneliness? Hell no. It means they should be given appropriate advice in how to deal with and overcome these problems. Even something as simple as how to actually talk to a complete and utter stranger when you're at your job / club / whatever would be a start. Because if you don't have a clique of friends to take the heat off you, it can be an incredibly daunting task to talk to a complete stranger and it can make you feel like a bit of a creeper. The type of person who should be giving this advice are people who are perhaps introverted like the ones who have real troubles even talking to girls, let alone dating them, that are a success story. You know, advice from someone who's actually gone through this shit and was able to come out on top for once. Someone who can draw an genuine experience and be more relatable.
On the flipside i know this column isn't entirely about "how to get the girl of your dreams" and is more to deal with "problems you may have in exisitng relationships", but it doesn't change the fact this creates a pretty conceited first impression.
Abedeus said:
Sounds to me like you had the wrong kind of female friends in your life. I know 4 girls I can call friends, and nothing more, nothing less.
One of them, despite being into horses and shit, likes Lord of the Rings, went with me to a couple of karate matches (although she wasn't into it after all, she just wanted to learn a bit of self-defense). The second was probably manlier than me at the time. Though we both went frog-hunting and dragonfly-killing during summer. The third one was a bro, literally, we fist-bumped every day on sight, she wore male clothes (it was weird how one time I saw her in a skirt) and treated everyone like a buddy, even other girls. The last one was probably the most lady-like, but even she would punch me if I got on her nerves. Even if she knew it hurt her more than me (MUSCLES OF STEEEEEL also predictability + rigid body technique).
None of them acted like what you described.
I'm sorry, but i have to point this out. It's nice you have an almost caricature line-up of female friends, but the fact of the matter is that not everyone does. In fact, i'd wager very few people do. We don't all have the "token tough chick", the "token girly girl", or the "token geek girl". Especially ones that are the twofer "Well she's feminine and masculine! Your point is invalid." routine. I see this all the time, people get on their podium to talk about these people they know who seem to fulfil every single atypical stereotype that they end up becoming stereotypes themselves, like a line-up of every PC attribute you could ever want in a friend. It makes me wonder how many of these stories are fabricated, and if they're not, where can i possibly go to live in such a wonderfully diverse neighbourhood. Because i'll tell you something, where i live people (girls and guys) are incredibly shallow minded. The guys all pretty much want to hump anything with breasts and the girls are vapid and only care about maintaining their social status. For the record; i'm 20, so this is not high school drama. This is the general state of society. You might come across one or two individuals who are not so skin deep, but they aren't the sorts of people you're going to find when scouting a bar.
