How can I make friends?

[Drakmorg]

So about 7 months ago I moved away from my hometown to attend college. In the time I've been here, I haven't met a single person that I consider to be a friend.

After thinking on this matter I have come to realize that I don't actually know how to make friends with people. I am completely ignorant of the process that one undergoes in order to form a friendship with another human being. And so, in an effort to become less miserable, I need to learn how to make friends.

So, does anyone care to explain how they make friends?

 

[noxymoron19]

Ask them out on a man date. Like I love you man, Casual drinks or lunch only, NO DINNER haha.

 

[DefunctTheory]

Ask people out (Or in) to do things the both of you would enjoy.

Try to do it in groups (Ask two people to the same thing) so you don't seem gay (Unless you are, in which case... go nuts).

 

[Raven's Nest]

I find just associating with the same individuals, joining in conversations and getting involved in some social activities tends to lead to friendships forming naturally.

I don't think one can just decide to be someones friend by actively doing things. Friendships just kind of form naturally, but if you want them to last, that's where you put the effort in.

First just try seeing if you can find a bunch of people talking about stuff that you really like and try and join in their conversation. Rinse, repeat, and a new group of friends you may find... And dont worry, anyone who tells you to go away or ignores you at this point isn't worth trying to make friends with...

Good luck!

Edit: Also doing favours for people is a good way to show you would value a potential friendship, even if it's just a common courtesy like holding a door open, helping someone who is struggling with something or lending some class notes, everyone appreciates generosity and it says a lot about you if you enjoy doing this kinds of things anyway.

Having a good sense of humour never hurts either...

 

[Shellsh0cker]

OK, this is a bit weird. Earlier today (edit: yesterday, it's after midnight), I was going through one of my semi-regular bouts of "dammit, why don't I have any friends" depression, and it occurred to me that I might try asking you guys, because, hey, couldn't hurt. Lo and behold, somebody's already made the thread . . . and, if I'm not mistaken, at right about the time I was thinking about this. Creepy.

Anyway, my problem is similar, but with the added problem of not being in school, so I don't even have that point of social contact. Other than work, I basically have no reason to leave the house, and while I get along with my coworkers fine, I wouldn't really consider any of them friends. Basically all I've got is this vicious cycle where I don't have any friends, so I don't leave the house, so I never meet new people, so I never make any friends. Repeat ad infinitum.

The only real solution I can see is this:

Anyone in the Northern VA area want to hang out? PM me, let's see if we can set something up.

 

[Koroviev]

Talk to people in your classes. First try talking about the class, then perhaps venture a discussion about current events. If you and another person find common ground, then you are well on your way to making a friend.

Best of luck.

 

[similar.squirrel]

Join a society or five. That's what I did, before I dropped out. Every college [here, anyway] has a gaming society, for example.
For my part, I was a member of a gaming society, a graphic novel society, rock-climbing club, music society.. Shared interests make for good acquaintances.

 

[SturmDolch]

Thanks for the thread. All my friends from high school seem to be drifting apart, despite most of us going to the same university. It's hard to make new friends from classes since social interaction is often discouraged, and just being part of a group project usually just makes acquaintances; people you say "hi" to in the halls but don't hang out with.

Plus, I just don't have time this semester to join groups or even hang out.

It was easy in junior high and high school. You'd talk to someone who shares similar interests, then hang out at lunch with them and perhaps their group. Eventually, you'd be part of it, too. But now, everyone has different schedules, every meeting needs to be school-oriented, and it's tough to ask people to hang out without seeming stalkerish or creepy.

I'm just putting it off for now. I hope I move away from this city after University anyways, and my girlfriend is friends enough for now.

 

[lemiel14n3]

Aylane has posted, anything I can say will be pretty redundant.

Go hang out with people, find some clubs that share your interests. You need to go have fun.

Or talk to people in class, people who you think share your interests.

 

[KiraTaureLor]

OK, this is a bit weird. Earlier today (edit: yesterday, it's after midnight), I was going through one of my semi-regular bouts of "dammit, why don't I have any friends" depression, and it occurred to me that I might try asking you guys, because, hey, couldn't hurt. Lo and behold, somebody's already made the thread . . . and, if I'm not mistaken, at right about the time I was thinking about this. Creepy.

Anyway, my problem is similar, but with the added problem of not being in school, so I don't even have that point of social contact. Other than work, I basically have no reason to leave the house, and while I get along with my coworkers fine, I wouldn't really consider any of them friends. Basically all I've got is this vicious cycle where I don't have any friends, so I don't leave the house, so I never meet new people, so I never make any friends. Repeat ad infinitum.

The only real solution I can see is this:

Anyone in the Northern VA area want to hang out? PM me, let's see if we can set something up.

I am assuming that your are an adult there there is this neat little thing they invented called a bar, try it, I heard it was good place to meet/do people, in no real order

 

[bluepilot]

I did not make any friends during the four years while I was an undergraduate at University

In fact, I did not make friends until my postgraduate years when I met some like minded people

Those four years were really lonely and I was very sad but looking back the people that I met were snobby and I had nothing in common with them. Sometimes it really is not you, rather it is everyone else.

Now I have great friends and I feel really blessed. My advice to you is to just be honest and try to find like minded people. Avoid those who are judgmental and make you feel bad, avoid them like the plague.

I think that if you eliminate negative people from you life and stay optimistic then friends just come to you. I think it is important to be yourself and stick up a metaphorical middle finger to those who disapprove... I wish I had done that back then.

 

[PancakesSUCKTHEYDO]

Go to a thing you like doing (ie dancing etc.) and randomly talk to a person, or if you are a lazy randomly say hi to your neighbours often,start talking them more often etc.

 

[Aurgelmir]

I am assuming that your are an adult there there is this neat little thing they invented called a bar, try it, I heard it was good place to meet/do people, in no real order

Is it really though? I might go to the wrong bars, but most of the ones I have been to have mostly been clicks and groups at their respective tables

Bars is a great place to meet people you already know, and then hang out with them and their friends imo.

 

[merf1350]

Ok, you said "In the time I've been here, I haven't met a single person that I consider to be a friend." Friend is a deeper level of association. I assume by your statement you've met some people you associate with on a repeatable basis...class, work, dorm, etc. You don't consider them friends, but are any of them people you COULD be friends with? That you don't totally hate?

Try this then, worked for me at a job I had. Just ask. I know, counter-intuitive. No though I don't mean say "hi! *herp* cans i haz friends wit u? *derp*" Strike up a convo. When they talk about what's going on this weekend, or what they're up to tonight, say, "Sounds cool. Hey, I ain't doin nothin tonight/then, mind if I tag along?" Seriously it works. I walked my way into a whole group that way.

It's actually easier than one would think. Inn college, assuming dorm, room-mate or floor-mates should be a pretty easy in.

 

[SiskoBlue]

As said above, you sound like you know SOME people, but it hasn't progressed to friendship. Maybe you don't want it to but the first thing to consider if any of the people you do talk to or work with would consider hanging out. You might be putting too much pressure on what a "friend" is. Sometimes you can just have lots of acquaintances. People you see every few weeks. One of the easiest ways is to go to a movie with someone. That's what I've done before, discuss some movie that's coming out, say you want to go see it but seems a bit sad going alone and see if they want to see it to.

Also joining some casual group works even better... usually. Most groups want more members, so they'll go to an effort to make new members feel welcome. It doesn't have to be sport stuff. If you're in to games, there's probably one for that. I joined a "travel" group for a while. Basically the group would pick a trip to go on and all go together. The idea being you get group discounts on travel and you'll know a bunch of people, at least enough to eat and drink with, while holidaying.

The main trick is just to have the confidence to say "Do you want to hang out and get a coffee?" or its equivalent. Some people will say yes, some will say no, some will want to say yes but get nervous and say no. People are strangely paranoid and defensive these days. Maybe too many episodes of CSI and horror films. A stranger wants to be friends with you and for some reason people think Single White Female/Stalker/American Psycho.

Still, I'm no longer friends with a single person I went through Uni with. And I went for over 6 years? Most friends seem to come and go as your life changes. So my advice is stop looking for friends and look for acquaintances first. Probably not surprisingly most of the friends I do have I made through acquaintances. You hang out with someone, they bring their mate along. The two of you get on like a house on fire. You've just made a friend.

Good luck.

 

[Antwerp Caveman]

What are you into? You're on this site, so you are probably into films, movies, games.
Go to cons wearing your School shirt/sweater/jacket.
Post invites online to host some local games. Go to a movie theater see if you recognise people from classes and have a chat about which movie and why you are both visiting.

The fact that you're putting thought into this and dare to ask us, shows that you are serious, just don't overthink it, Keep It Short and Simple (the KISS method).

 

[CommanderKirov]

Become a Freemason.

You can find brothers everywhere in the world.