I'll probably catch hell for this, but screw it, I'm venting.
Honestly, I can't say I blame people for committing suicide. I get depressed. I get depressed to the point that my wrists ache. I can't afford psychiatrist visits, or the pills that they'll shove down my throat to try and fix me, that'll likely just make me gain weight. Been there, done that, pills failed.
Having someone reliable to talk to, and keep me happy helped way more. The internet helped way more. Not saying it's a magical cure all, but I'm happier being able to talk, and vent than getting doped up. Hell, I blame Ritalin(sp?) for grinding my imagination into dust back in the day.
I've considered suicide a great deal in my life, but I've talked myself out of it every time, obviously.
People act like there's some great fucking reward for toughing it out, and dying some other way, which may well be bullshit. What do people going through never ending pain getting out of going on, here? Who's going to guarantee life'll get better and worth living instead of worse? Why force people to take that gamble, and suffer years of pain, and maybe the rest of their life because life won't get better?
What if life doesn't get better for the people you talked out of it? How will you feel, then? What're you doing to make life better for the people you're talking out of it?
Sure, that might sound selfish, but you're asking people to put up with a hell of a lot, and for what? Possibly selfish reasons of your own, with little to no investment of your own?
What, in return for living in a private hell, do people get, here? If it ain't worth it, it just ain't. Remember, they're the one going through hell, not you. Sometimes because people say so, so what are you doing to make it worth their while?
I gotta figure out how to word what I'm about to say next. It's not easy, you see.
When dealing with someone that's suicidal, I gotta wonder, why do you want them to live? Especially if they're someone you've never personally met? Someone you don't know, or know what they're going through?
What gives someone the right to drag someone through hell on the off chance that something good will happen, and demand that the person trapped in depression suffer, potentially, for the rest of their lives in ways that the person who's had it good will likely never?
Not everyone wins at life. Not everyone gets married, has kids, has friends, a thriving social life, or any of that "good" stuff, aka normal shit people expect out of life.
Not everyone has it great in life. Hell, not everyone even makes it to normal, or average.
The way I see it, miracles are for the fortunate, and not everyone's fortunate.
Some people are burned, scarred, and hurt to the point they can't deal with other people. There's nothing that'll magically fix that for some.
I speak from experience on a lot of this, myself. Most everyone I've ever met, even just, just wanted to use me, abuse me, and/or give me hell. It was a relief, at times, when I moved to another state, another school, but that was short lived as the cycle just re-fucking-peated. And that was just growing up. My teen, and adult life's not a whole lot better. Something about me just screams to people that I should be made more miserable, and I don't exactly get repaid for my misery. There's nowhere enough good to put this crap into balance. There's definitely not enough people in my life to really improve things on a social level. There's assuredly no reset button to make me forget it all.
No, my soul is a ball of scar tissue, right now, and it has been for a very long time.
When someone gets treated badly for so long it can create a real fear of being social. Especially when it's often justified because, well, people just want to take, and belittle, and generally give someone hell and little, if anything else.
People wonder why I'm so negative. Ignorant, often dumbass, people who don't realize I'm often surrounded by people being negative to me, including themselves.
Treat someone like a monster, and you shouldn't be surprised they start acting like one.
I'm not looking for any pity, or crap like that, I'm just trying to offer some insight into what it can be like for people with depression. It's not something that magically gets fixed. In fact it often doesn't get fixed, just subdued, and it's often not cheap to do this.
In closing, I wanna say this with all sincerity, here:
Depression is a prison. A prison we all don't get to leave. Worse, yet, we're often in this prison for no particular reason. Basically, we're in jail and no crime was committed.
Or
Maybe think of it as being trapped in a crappy hospital room with the terminal disease called Life.
Honestly, you don't know what private hell people with depression go through. Some of it's bad enough that they have to escape hell. And believe me, I don't use the term "hell" lightly. If you can't understand why people want to get out of hell, then, well, that's on you, but I just ask that you try and understand they sought escape for a reason.
That ends my vent. I don't know, or care if it makes sense.