Hypothetical: If you died, and (Let's Assume Christian) God is waiting for you...

[Arkhangelsk]

Where's my room? I want a nice view, and some sexy women. Chop chop!

 

[jubosu]

If it is soon I would ask him the ending to LOST
not even death can keep me from that damned show

 

[zehydra]

i'd ask him what the hell he's been doing all this time? srsly, has he just been sitting up in heaven playing uno with jesus, or did his clock break and he never noticed time passing? also, i'd probably wonder why i'm going to a plane of the afterlife that i don't believe in and thus can't go to. paradox FTW!!!

-this message brought to you by multiple_man, who thinks in plurals because they are

That's not a paradox.

 

[GreyWolf257]

I think I would just try my best to strike casual conversation with him and ask if he could spare a cup of coffee. I'm not really sure what people are really supposed to do for God once they reach Heaven, so I guess this would be as good of an answer as any that I can put up.

 

[Deviltongue]

First of all, I'ma live forever! But if I do die, I'm gon' smack God upside the head and gon' tell him to get me a grilled-cheese sandwich and some tacos! And I dare God to say somethin'! I'll be like 'Say somethin', God! Say somethin'! Yeah, I thought so! And if God say somethin' I'll be like this: *PUNCH!* Take that, God! I'll be beatin' God's jaw like: Pla-kow! Blaow!

 

[teh_gunslinger]

3 things I'd do in the very unlikely scenario where God is real (and even more unlikely that I wont end in hell if that is the case):

1. Ask why he hates amputees. I mean, as people point out, noone ever grows a new leg. God is supposedly this miracle worker that cures cancer and what not and people pray to him to get well. If you are an amputee you are bum out of luck. God hates you and that leg will stay of forever. The best you can hope for is us humans devising some way of fixing it, be it prosthetics or a new vat grown clone in the future. So that is one thing I would ask him.
I imagine the reason religious people often fail to mention this is the cognitive dissonance it creates in the image of god.

2. I'd point out he is a right bastard and is completely unreasonable for demanding faith in the face of a complete and utter lack of evidence. If it is a reason for punishment in hell to not believe then I'd rather take that punishment than suffer the whims of a tyrant in Heaven.

3. Walk away.

 

[TheLefty]

I'd ask him why he demands people believe in him with f*ck all proof. Talk about arrogance.

This.

Or maybe "Shit. Guess I was wrong. Sorry." Though that's just the conceded jerk in me, in reality I'd probably make some quacking sounds out of not knowing what to say.

 

[Jolly Madness]

"Oh, you exist. Sorry for all the blasphemism"

 

[veloper]

Say nothing.

If he's the God then he's omniscient, so he already knows all the things I might otherwise say or tell.

 

[Video Gone]

Assuming I die of old age, I'd thank him for my life, maybe ask him why he didn't intervene in all that suffering, and ask him where I could find the games room. Then I'd go about heaven generally having a good time and meeting people like, I dunno, Stephen Fry, or Avenged Sevenfold.

 

[Video Gone]

Say nothing.

If he's the God then he's omniscient, so he already knows all the things I might otherwise say or tell.

I know, right? At least Dr. Manhattan plays along.

 

[AxelxGabriel]

At first I might be angry as to how he could led bad things happen, but then I realize that to him, we're practically nothing. Like what ants are to us. If we own an Ant Farm, we could try our best to raise them, but in the end, Ants are going to die. It's just how the universe works.

Ants Die. People Die.

EDIT: Basically the same idea with any of the Cthulu Mythos.

 

[Nmil-ek]

Say fine I was wrong but your still a dick and no chance in hell I'm worshiping you.

 

[triplea]

Hahahaha. "Hypothetical: If God were real..." Excellent troll.

 

[InsaneOne10]

I'd probably look at him with a deadpan face and say "asshole" then move along

 

[Epicator]

Where's your noodley appendages? And your meatball eyes? Oh so you're not a flying spaghetti monster? Damn...well this place bores me, Hell is which way again? Down? Thank you!

 

[Lord Mountbatten Reborn]

Boy I'd be so red!

But I'm not one to go back on myself, so I'd look away and pretend He's not real. According to Terry Pratchett, Gods find Atheists that staunch interesting.

 

[DarkLordofDevon]

I'd confront him about all the evil in the world, and if he did not give a 'benevolent' answer that satisfied me completely I would seek to destroy him by any means possible. Unite the forces of hell against him again if need be, but injustice - in life or in death will be fought with all the strength I can muster.

If evil exists because he is not 'all powerful' then I will tell him to do more with the power he has. I'll even offer to do it myself if he'll provide a little 'divine aid'. Regardless, he will answer the reasons for all the suffering in the world. And 'it is a test' or 'they deserve it' will not be good enough.

 

[veloper]

Say nothing.

If he's the God then he's omniscient, so he already knows all the things I might otherwise say or tell.

I know, right? At least Dr. Manhattan plays along.

Like total silence.
Nothing useful I could say, since God would already know everything I know and nothing God would say, because if people aren't worth talking at while alive, they certainly aren't worth talking at when they're making themselves useless in heaven.