I am a person who...

[Kwaren]

... always finds the best looking salami at the store, so the other costumers can fight over the ugly ones.

Who are you?

Ermm... `costumers'? What kind of costume requires salami? No... wait. Don't answer that; I don't want to know.

...and, to answer your question, I am a person who feels obligated to correct people on the internet.

Thanks for pointing that out. I swapped to o and u. There you go!

I suppose I'm the one who ignores everyone. I'm usually so lost in my own head that you need a vuvuzela to grab my attention.

... always finds the best looking salami at the store, so the other costumers can fight over the ugly ones.

Heh, I didn't know salami had different levels of attractiveness. (I kid, I kid...) Btw, where is your avatar from? It's just so hypnotic... O_O

Cheers and likewise! I honestly can't remember where it's from. I just know it's a TV-show. Thought it looked awesome, so I made it mine.

That is Jay and Silent Bob from Clerks.

... Is the guy who reads the whole magazine in the store then doesn't buy it.

 

[Section Crow]

I am a person who is coughing and spluttering out mucus and all sorts

sneezing aswell

 

[yellingatpixels]

the lady who can feed a baby and reply to threads on The Escapist

 

[Wildcard5]

...who simply is.

 

[adakias]

...loves to pull pranks on people, and then feels bad and apologizes afterward.
Most recently, I found a nasty comb outside the health department and I put it in a Christmas card to a friend. That was about a week ago. I'm sending him his real present later this afternoon.

 

[The Red Spy]

...should be revising
...is watching the "There she is!!!" videos instead
...needs to decide which of the following languages to learn; French, Chinese, Japanese or Korean.

 

[JRCB]

... will someday be beaten to death for things I say in public. And everyone who takes part will not be punished, and will probably receive awards.

Seriously, on numerous occasions people have said to me "John, you're a good friend and all, but one day I'm going to end up killing you for the shit you say". Such is life for me.

 

[CrashBang]

...loves Christmas way way way more than you do and still wakes his parents up at 6.30am on Christmas morning despite the fact that he's 20

6:30? That's late, I've been waking my parents up at 4:30-5:00 for 19 years now, and my brother's been a great cohort for 14 of them. I've hardly ever slept on Christmas night...

Are you arguing that you love Christmas more than I do? Good sir, I challenge you to a duel! ...somehow

 

[Flamezdudes]

I am the person who is incredibly paranoid and looks behind himself when he goes outside among other things.

 

[Saltyk]

...people constantly seem to think that I look a good 5 years or more younger than I actually am.

... will buy drinks for complete strangers for no other reason than they happened to be standing by the bar at the time.

I'm hanging around you at the bar.

 

[Freechoice]

..appreciates Machiavellian ideals.

Sehr gut mein Freund!

 

[Quaxar]

... is probably starting to get sick but is going to work tomorrow anyway because of his stupid moral codex. Oh, and also because he hates going to the doctor with only a cold.

 

[KindOfnElf]

...is always asked for an ID, despite the fact that she is 25. -_-

 

[Naheal]

..appreciates Machiavellian ideals.

Sehr gut mein Freund!

I don't speak German, but, taking a shot in the dark, you said something along the lines of "Me, too, my friend!"

Am I correct?

Edit: Damn. Close.

 

[Slenn]

The person who personified the four fundamental forces of nature in physics as anime maids:

Sara Strong: http://scisyhp.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d2id6gt
EMily: http://scisyhp.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d2wkgbt
Winona Weak: http://scisyhp.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d2lfu5i
Gwen Gravity: http://scisyhp.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d2wkghb

Who has proceeded to create a costume of EMily and then crossdress in it for halloween: http://scisyhp.deviantart.com/#/d33wsjr
Photo credits and costume go to my wonderful seamstress for helping me make it. A photo in there is also my current avatar.

Yay me.

 

[Yarpie]

...wrote an under-graduate essay about the Mass Effect books and received great feedback from his teacher, so much so that she started hitting on him. Was slightly awkward but not unappreciated.

EASY A!

Is your teacher good-looking?

Actually yeah, she looks good, best looking woman in her department. Married though.

 

[TAGM]

... Stalks in the night!
I am the fursuit in the bottom of your basement!
I! Am! Dar-

Oh, you ment ME. Sorry, got lost there... somehow.

... Is a mayn!

... is going to make another joke if he could just remember it!

Nevermind, I've got nothing.

 

[DefunctTheory]

I am a person who's balls hurt.

Metaphorically, and actually.

 

[keve4433]

... apparently smells really good.
...who would never wear pants if he didn't have to.
...can't think of anything clever to say.

 

[Niels Nugteren]

I am a person who needs to get his head out of his ass and get started studying for my exams instead of spending the night on this forum... cause seriously, I have a shitload of exams coming up in the next two weeks :S