I cant feel...

[Revnak_v1legacy]

I'm no expert, but i had a similar experience with my grandparents. I knew it was sad, but it didnt seem to affect me in any way. i just got on with my life. i just put it down to the fact they wern't my imidiate family. It didnt DIRECTLY affect me, there wasn't a sudden hole in my life. So it never hammered home. Which i guess is good, and bad. My parents were going banana's though.

Eh, people deal with problems different ways.

Well I suppose it also depends on how much money your grandparents gave you. I mean, if they're not going to write you in the will, why should you care? They're not giving you any money, so it sort of works out in the end, good call.

Well Regnes, there are certainly other things that family members can offer other than money. As a comparrison, I certainly don't know how I would feel were I to learn that you were banned and you delightful wit lost to me forever. If we look at death as a seriously hardcore ban then we can insert any desirable posting pattern into the analogy.

 

[Jaeke]

Let me give you the story: Recently my 86 year old grandfather was diagnosed with cancer, the whole family is kinda riled up about it and my dad looks gloomier than usuall. Now, doctors say he will be fine and all but still, its cancer, and hes 86. Odds are he doesnt have very long to live. And yet... I find myself not really caring.
Dont get me wrong here I love my family and I have too many happy memories from my childhood at my grandparents place to ever be able to count them all but for some reason I hear the news "Son... your grandfather, he was diagnosed with cancer..." and go "Oh... that sucks..." then turn right back to whatever I was doing and it somehow slips out of my mind.

Its not an isolated incident either. It was exactly the same for when my cousin got diabetes, my uncle got into serious problems because of his drinking, my other grandfathers dog who has been a good friend and trusted companion for 20 years died, when my grandmother forgot she was at home and went looking for her husband - walking straight out on the street ect. All stuff I bloody SHOULD care about, I should feel SOMETHING! But I dont... nothing. Not even that famous "Empty" feeling where you cant feel anything at all. Its like when you read a sad story on the internet; you go "Aww... how horrable... Oh! Hey! Puppies! Yay!".

Not sure if there is something wrong with me or what but... lots of bad stuff has happened in my family, and never have I cared once beyond looking sad and be quiet while others talk about it, but in my mind think about what game Im going to play after dinner or something...

Whats even worse is that I dont even seem to care about not caring. Took me two weeks to deside even this post was worth the hassle (hell, I spent 7 min hovering over the post button considdering deleting the whole thing and go back to Civilization5...), let alone actually talk to someone about it.

Guess what I want to know is if anyone else experience the same? Or am I the only one thats this cold and heartless? Im genuinly concerned but for some reason all I can seem to do is ask a bunch of strangers online about it... (no offence)

Well... on the brightside, I guess its better to just not feel anything at all instead of wallowing in depression. I'd be devastated if my grandparents died, not to make you feel bad .

 

[Wyes]

This is something I've confronted a fair bit (in myself and I've seen it in plenty of other people). The problem is most likely not you. The problem is that you've grown up being told that people should feel certain ways when certain things happen. This is especially true for people raised on books and films.

The truth is that everybody goes through these things differently. Maybe you find it hard to be sad for your family, but if something were to happen to your significant other maybe you'd be distraught. It's bit of a crapshoot.

Overall, just noticing it is a good sign, but I don't think it's really a big deal.

 

[Soviet Steve]

I don't get overly affected by the elderly dying. My grandparents died off when I was young but they've always seemed considerably less miserable than I was feeling at the time. They had a good, long run, and I'm sure they'd hate for me to lose mine over their end.

 

[Zeckt]

I can almost garuntee that I am more emotional then any guy here, and I find feeling upset for someone who has had a long and fulfilling life as doing them a diservice. I feel we should celebrate their longetivity and good life by toasting to it. What more could they of possibly wanted?

If someone were to die prematurely, thats different completely. But accusing someone of having a lack of empathy for the elderly dying is wrong in my eyes. I see nothing wrong in celebrating it.

 

[kommando367]

Maybe you just weren't that emotionally attached to those family members at the time of said tragedies.

I know when my favorite cousin died, I was really sad and crying. It just takes a lot to bring feelings like that up when you're not used to expressing them.

 

[V TheSystem V]

Some people just aren't used to feeling that sort of emotion, so it's not as if you're a bad person. If you were a bad person, you'd be like 'HA! YOU HAVE CANCER AND I DON'T!'. Not being able to cry or be upset about it kinda makes me think you've come to terms with it. That's not necessarily a bad thing.

 

[killerguythefox]

Snip

I'm going to say this now: If you'd like to talk, and have someone listen to you- please hit me up in a PM. I know I am some stranger to you, but I like helping people and though I can't fully ensure I can resolve this conflict you're having.. it's always nice to have someone wanting to support you with a helping hand. Cheesy I know, but I only got one life... need to make use of it right?

OT: It's tragic, but true for a majority of people. They feel something, slightly.. but it doesn't bring them into depression or tears. Personally it's not a bad thing but you will set some people off being very concerned about you (especially family members, if you didn't see all that hurt to see grandpa pass away.) For me, I am to emotional or soft. I feel guilt easily and really sensitive to how people live out. Can't stand if one person is suffering, I have this urgency to help no matter what. It's how I was born my parents say, but really I just see to much negativity in the world and it brushes me off to not care if that makes sense.

Gotta say thats how i feel mostly too with the feel something only slightly.
Kinda how i am after growing up it's next to impossible to make me feel a emotional response of course i socially mask it but will i feel anything just slightly from this type of thing? no it's maybe hurtful to some if you can't show emotions in sad moments,
Still for me it's more of a thing thats grown on to me rather then a burden that plagues me
Ps. I can feel for people and what not but i only reserve it for someone i know by heart and i love more then i could speak of it,

 

[Wierdguy]

Though if what I just suggested offended you, you probably do care for him. So go spend some time with your Grandpa, he deserves some respect...from you, not me.

Actually, if anything it slightly amused me. Ofcourse I would never considder doing it, but the thought and the image was funny.

The question is partly a personal one: are you asking if there's something wrong because you feel inadequate, or are you asking this because, deep down, you know you don't care, and this is just what people who do care would do?

I know I care about all my family, I love going to my grandparents place and me and my cousins have so much in common its scary, but whenever something bad happens... I dunno, it simply doesnt affect me.

Rather, this sounds like schizoid personality disorder (not to be confused with schizophrenia). People with schizoid tend to keep to themselves, have little to no emotional responses of any kind, but still are very high functioning in society and hold jobs, get married and all that stuff.

Funny... all those personality quizzes and tests that tend to get posted on this forum occationaly all usually say the same thing. Was even one specificly for what mental disorder you were likely to have and schizoid was on top of the list for me... always dissmised all those tests though since they were more entertainment than serious.

I'm going to say this now: If you'd like to talk, and have someone listen to you- please hit me up in a PM. I know I am some stranger to you, but I like helping people and though I can't fully ensure I can resolve this conflict you're having.. it's always nice to have someone wanting to support you with a helping hand. Cheesy I know, but I only got one life... need to make use of it right?

Thanks for the offer, but Ill pass. Mostly because IF I end up wanting to talk about it to anyone itll be a month from now and Ill have forgotten I even made this post.

Don't really feel empathy for anyone except for kids.

Old guy dying of cancer? He's lived his life.

Just the way I'm wired I guess.

Eh... coulnt care less about anyone I didnt know dying at all, including kids. But this is my family, and I find myself as uncaring as if I heard some child in Africa had starved.

All in all; thanks. Reading this thread have (in the lack of a better wording) calmed me down. I guess Im lucky none of my family have died as of yet, but when they do I suppose Ill find out if I would care then or not. Heres to hoping thats going to be a few years more.

 

[Tanakh]

This is actually pretty common. If unfortunate things happen to people you have limited interaction with some people don't really give it much thought. Blood relation doesn't have to be a factor and its actually a lot more likely that you feel bad for your father (who you likely see a lot) rather than feeling bad for grandfather (who you may not see all that often).

What the cat said, what you are experiencing it's totally run off the mill, chill and get back to Civ IV (not civ V). I do not even see the issue, though i am not a psychologist, if someone you see daily and it's close to you die in front of your eyes and you still feel nothng there might be something wrong; relatives that you see twice a year and even then you don't interact much with? Nahh.

 

[Kintobor92]

To beat a dead horse in the knee with an arrow, I had a close friend kill himself and didn't really have more of a reaction than you have. And in other situations, I can be a very emotional person. Sooooo. Eh.

 

[Starik20X6]

Meh, that's kinda normal. Either that or we're both weird. My grandmother died a couple of months ago, the emotional toll of that being a big fat next-to-nothing. Around the same the girl I'd been seeing left me, and I'm still not over her, and we'd only been dating a short while. Point is, sometimes things that 'should' bother you don't. Doesn't mean you don't care about them or anything, just means it doesn't bother you that much.

 

[The Funslinger]

snip

chances are you're a sociopath

Hey, lets not throw around that word around just yet...

Agreed. I'm a diagnosed sociopath, and I've formed emotional attachment to my family. Don't lump us together!

That said, OP might be repressing his emotions subconsciously to avoid dealing with them. In which case, boy, watch out for that midlife crisis!

 

[luna_moth]

I don't know, when my grandpa passed away I didn't really care honestly. It's not that I wanted him to die, I just wasn't exactly close to him and he had all sorts of medical problems...
I think as long as you care about something it's fine

 

[the darknees abyss]

no i get like all time emotionless you know but deep down i still care

 

[DrgoFx]

I find a general lack of empathy and an utter contempt for other people's sorrow usually provides a good laugh for myself, though chances are you're a sociopath, when my Grandma died it was very sad.

LET'S JUMP ON THE BANDWAGON!

Ok, so having studied psychology, false. The fact he is acknowledging that he feels nothing and acknowledges it as wrong, he is not a sociopath. Sociopaths suffer from Anti-Social disorder, which means against-society, not that they don't socialize. Anti-Social disorder patients often feel no conscience or no form of judgement of right or wrong. Most patients aren't even aware of their actions, let alone the ability to judge them.

I also don't see him harming animals or stuffed animals, which would be another sign.

I'm unsure if this would help, but a study has been done based around internet trolling. Unfortunately, the researchers do not understand the concept of trolling, so a wide amount of the research have been done with cyber-bullies. In relation to the topic, the study shows that the more time one spends on the internet, the less emotion they feel towards serious topics. I'm unsure if this is the case, but do you perhaps laugh at politically incorrect and cruel jokes? Like a joke about cancer?

 

[theCOLONEL]

snip

chances are you're a sociopath

Hey, lets not throw around that word around just yet...


Eh, people deal with problems different ways.

This, So much this.

I had a similar experience, I lost a very close member of family to me, practically raised me up and the second they died i felt something in my head just.. snap.. but since then nothing has ever bothered me. Maybe it's simply because nothing will ever be "THAT" bad for a very long time.

But even so I know people who get upset about everything, even other peoples problems, when my aunt was diagnosed with cancer, my entire family cried around me while i had to try and FORCE myself to so I didn't look like an emotional deprived wierdo.

I know people that feel the way how you explained, I myself do, but I wouldn't call myself a sociopath, people just deal with things differently, its part of who you are.

Quick Edit:

Also if you feel nothing now, maybe you are just holding it all in, and one day it will probably explode out of you in a quite terrifying manner. No pressure ..again from personal experience.

 

[Rastien]

Well heres the deal with me, both my grandads died in the same year i didn't shed a tear i could appreciate the situation was sad but logically it didn't impact me directly everything would go on as normal i just wouldn't see them anymore and they had a good innings.

I wouldn't worry about it just get on with it, my current gf is trying to get her around me and is dismayed im not really upset as my dad has a form of terminal cancer, when the day comes i may well be upset but right now i see no point ill just spend time with him and chat and do the usual shit we do.

I'm not sure what i am, it would waste time picking it apart i have other things to do. So i guess my advise is don't worry about it, just get on with it and do your own thing. If in time you find yourself regretting you didn't moarn well theres plenty of time to cry your heart out at a later date.

Off topic: i cant feel my stomach nerve endings are trashed from major operations if im not careful i can really injure myself x)