I did somehing rather dumb

[TheCommie12]

ok, a few weeks ago I went to Norway, on the first night there I went to a metal gig. I had two or three beers(Guinness) combined with being jet lagged I could make no logical decisions. A 20 year girl started hit on me. I unthinkingly agreed to go home with her. I woke up, according to her we had sex. I left in a fit of anger and confusion.

Later when I got back, a very good friend of mine told me that she loved me, so we started dating. I thought that is was better to just tell her what I did in Norway. She got angry at me, I felt so bad about my self, I knew that she was going to be mad at me, but I just bit my teath and we are working our way through this hard time.

what's your opinion?

 

[Tiger Sora]

Ahh I'd bet my hand that she's had sex before. If not, she has no right to be mad at you. It was before you were goin out like said before. She's not one of those religious can't have premarital sex types?

If she really cares for you though, she'll drop it. If not, well you sir have a big issue to decide on.

 

[WolfThomas]

I don't see anything wrong with what you did. In fact I'd probably never told her unless she asked about previous partners and then I'd have been quite terse.

 

[CthulhuMessiah]

It will be bad, but not nearly as bad as hiding this secret, just for her to find out about it in a few years.

 

[Shadowhawk77]

why is there 2 threads of this???

 

[Smooth Operator]

And why would those two girls have anything to do with eachoter?
You were with other girls before you were with your current one, end of story, if she can't grasp that then you might reconsider being with someone so jealous.

 

[tharglet]

As long as you learned from your mistake, then I don't see any problem with it. I'm guessing she fears you will cheat on her (even though you weren't cheating at the time) after getting drunk at a later date. Or that you might have something.

Tbh, I think she should get over it - you're obviously affected enough by what happened to admit to it... which to start with might be kinda hard for her to deal with if she believes there's implications, but seeing as you're open, then I'm feeling that you are going to avoid said activities in the future.

If she doesn't drop it, she's constantly suspicious of you and cannot trust you, then I'd call it off tho.

Good luck ^^.

 

[Doctor Panda]

I've been in this situation, from the other end. Yeah, it hurts to know that somebody you were obsessed over let themselves that... loose. She has to realise that you two weren't in a relationship. You have to realise that it hurts somebody that you (presumable) care about a lot that you've done this, and that even though she probably realises that you didn't owe her anything because she didn't make herself known.

Ultimately, you don't owe her an apology. But it sounds like you feel like it was a mistake, or maybe felt she was into you or i don't know.. SOMETHING. I mean, it felt like you needed to confess something to her, right? Why did you feel that way? Did you realise she was into you. Honestly, let her know you feel it's a mistake. Let her know that she can trust you and that she's means a lot you you. Or fuck it, dump her if she doesn't mean anything you you. I don't care, but in the end she's a person who feels uncomfortable with your past that you love or you don't. You either are sorry she feels that way or you don't. You can't change things, and she can't change the way she feels. But you can decide to work past it or you can decide it's not worth it.

 

[SillyBear]

You should hold no moral responsibility to what you did before you were with her. She certainly has the right to be uncomfortable with your previous actions, and if that's the case - she can leave. But she doesn't have the right to act like you hurt her.

 

[Wintermoot]

first of fix the grammar
second tell her you could have lied about it.

 

[Vivi22]

OT: You only started dating after you got back. I don't understand why she would be angry.

Indeed. You owe her no explanation or guilt for something you did with another woman before the two of you got together. If you actually feel guilty, then you shouldn't you did nothing wrong. Now I realize maybe you like this girl and don't want her to be angry at you, but that's her being an idiot if she is. You still shouldn't have told her though for the record. It didn't concern her, and shit like that can only stir up trouble.

 

[Astoria]

I...don't understand why she's angry. Did she tell you she liked you before you left? Then I'd understand why she's a bit annoyed but it's not something worth staying angry about, especially when you feel how you do about it.

 

[JoesshittyOs]

There's much more to this story that you are telling us.

My guess is she presumably had the impression that you had similar feelings for her before you did this. And seeing how you started dating her, it looks like you did.

She's jealous because it looks like an act of betrayal on your part. Is it logical? Not really. But humans and relationships rarely are.

My advice would have been to not tell her in the first place. You were an adult and you were just having fun. I'm curious as to why you got angry with Ms. One night Stand in the first place. But seeing how that's out the window, make sure she knows it meant nothing. Because in reality, it really did mean nothing.

 

[Tanakh]

As long as you're truly sorry and trying to work it out with you girl (which it seems like you are so- props to you!) then it's all okay.

Why should be he sorry?

OT: Anyway, it is obvious that she would be mad, why did you even told her? To create drama? As some other people have pointed out, you were not in a relationship and you were free to be dumb, but unlike them i find pretty evident that she would be mad and why, what i don't understand is why you told her.

 

[Liberaliter]

Tell her that she needs to grow up and that you owe her nothing. You saw that other woman before dating her, there isn't a problem here.

 

[Idsertian]

first of fix the grammar
second tell her you could have lied about it.

The irony. It's killing me.

OT: Sounds like she's a bit of a headcase mate, unless there's something you're not telling us, like how you said it maybe. Otherwise, she sounds like your archetypal jealous control freak. If she can't, or refuses to get over it, then you're probably better off leaving her, only going to cause trouble in the long run.

 

[Bobbity]

So it happened before you started going out, and before you actually knew she had a thing for you?

I can see why she might be upset, but angry with you?

 

[Jamash]

ok, a few weeks ago I went to Norway, on the first night there I went to a metal gig. I had two or three beers(Guinness) combined with being jet lagged I could make no logical decisions. A 20 year girl started hit on me. I unthinkingly agreed to go home with her. I woke up, according to her we had sex. I left in a fit of anger and confusion.

Later when I got back, a very good friend of mine told me that she loved me, so we started dating. I thought that is was better to just tell her what I did in Norway. She got angry at me, I felt so bad about my self, I knew that she was going to be mad at me, but I just bit my teath and we are working our way through this hard time.

what's your opinion?

Wait, so what you essentially saying is that you got yourself date raped after only 2 beers?

If you told your now-girlfriend this same excuse, then it's no wonder she's mad at you.

She's probably more upset by your reasoning for the act than the act itself.

Blaming beer and jet lag for having sex with a woman who hit on you seems dishonest, it's like you know what you did was wrong but you're trying to absolve yourself from all responsibility by citing external factors.

Instead of saying you couldn't make logical decisions (which by the way, a single man sleeping with someone who it hitting on them does seem like the logical decision), you should just admit what you did of your own volition and apologise properly (if you really think you acted wrong).

Sorry if this seems harsh, but it's what immediately sprang to mind when I read the "beer and jet-lag" part of your story. If you hadn't included those details, I would have a totally different opinion, that opinion probably being something along the lines of "I can't understand why she would be angry, as you weren't dating at the time".

 

[Illithidae]

I have a slight feeling that you broke it to her kinda badly; I do hope, though, that this came from active discussion and not just a "_____, I have to tell you something.." moment. Because there's no reason she needed to know about an event that had nothing to do with her and never will, in my opinion - it happened as a mistake.

If you told her the whole story, I can understand any she feels that way. A bit angry, slightly irritated - if you weren't too close beforehand it probably left an imprint that you aren't who she thought you were. Prove her wrong by sticking with her, because right now it seems more like jealousy than anything else.

You did the right thing by apologising for it, in my opinion. Well, it's what I would've done if I felt a bit guilty and she asked. Besides, we all make mistakes, including your (seemingly) overreacting girlfriend.

 

[The Artificially Prolonged]

I don't see any problem with this. All that happened before got together so its a none issue that you shouldn't feel guilty for. In hindsight you should not have mentioned it to her unless she specifically asked you about it and definately not the so soon after the event in question happened.