I like you, but I don't want to go out with you...

[GwydeanRunix]

Okay, in case you hadn't guessed, this is another thread asking for "relationship" advice. I don't want to get to far into the story, so I'll just tell you the basics: I've had a crush on a girl for a while now (she also happens to be my best friend) and just the other day I was on the phone with her; we've been talking for about an hour and a half, when she asks me if I like her. Naturally, I panicked. I'd been backed into a corner, and I had no choice but to admit it. So I told her yes. After this, she just kind of said "Okay." So I'm naturally suspicious, so I asked her if she liked me. To which she responded, "Yes." This obviously caused copious amounts of over-joyous celebration. And then things went downhill from there. Apparently, she has a list of "requirements" and I don't meet all these requirements. The biggest factor? Religion. She's very Christian, and I'm just nothing. I don't really believe in anything, although I guess you could call me Agnostic. Holy crap, this is dragging on, let me finish this up. She basically said after that, what the title says. "I like you, but I don't want to go out with you." And I'm just confused about that, because that's a contradiction. You can't say you like someone, but you don't want to date them. I mean, we both like each other, so the next logical step is to try it out. If it doesn't work, so be it, we'll still be best friends. Eventually, we both decided to just leave it for now and come back to it at a later date. But I can't just leave it alone. I've already gotten advice from friends, and they basically said to kind of ease into things. They said I should like ask her to go somewhere with a group of friends, and then gradually lessen the amount of friends until it's just the two of us. And that sounds like sound advice, I just want to hear from my fellow Escapists.

Sorry for the minor wall of text, but I just need some more advice. And I know people are probably sick of seeing threads like this, I'm sorry.

 

[Julianking93]

She has a list of requirements?

And if someone doesn't meet those requirements, she won't date them?

Sorry to say this, but she sounds extremely immature and very superficial. Why would you want that anyway?

I mean, I know everyone has certain things they like in a romantic partner but going so far as to having an actual list?

Besides, two opposing religious views don't mix well in a romantic relationship. You don't want that anyway.

 

[Instant K4rma]

Requirements? Look, if she's telling you that you aren't good enough because you don't meet her list of demands, I think you should look around for a new girl. This is just my opinion, but telling you she likes you, then not going out with you because you don't meet her pre-requisite standards? That seems a little arrogant to me. Actually, that seems very arrogant. Well, that's my take on the whole situation. My opinion, of course. As for if it helped or not, well, that's your call.

 

[KoolKomedian]

See you can be really into someone and not want to date them. That makes sense to me. So just ask her for a quick session of happy go lucky fun time and don't bother with the annoying relationship crap. At least thats what I'm getting from that statement.

 

[Scarecrow]

All I can tell you is too find a girl who's standards are not so high.

 

[presidentjlh]

People aren't often that attracted to those who have starkly different religious views than them. It's not that unusual.

 

[Dags90]

Many people have people they like but don't wish to date, they're known in common parlance as friends, acquaintances, and even some family members sneak in there. She likes you, but she doesn't see a long term relationship working out because of religious differences and is therefore not going to romantically invest. It's not particularly uncommon and many would advise against either one of you changing to be with the other.

Welcome to the world where love like doesn't conquer all.

 

[TheComedown]

I mean, we both like each other, so the next logical step is to try it out. If it doesn't work, so be it, we'll still be best friends.

No, no matter how much you would want it to end that way, it won't never happen. If you value that friendship don't push it. Anyway unless you want to get all religious or get lucky and she backflips I don't think its something to worry about.

 

[BrownGaijin]

So basically she gave you the okay to date other girls... ROLL WITH IT PLAYA'

Edit: Alright fine I'll be more mature about it. If you really want to ease into it then one of three things will happen. One: you will eventually meet her requirements and she goes out with you, Two: she lifts the requirements that are keeping you from dating and she goes out with you, or Three: she keeps her requirements and you never meet them, hence you never end up dating.

In the end don't worry about it. You're still in your teens so chances are there are you're going to come across plenty of other girls. IMHO, there are two schools of thought about girls with requirements:

Thought 1: Every person has a right to be choosy about who they want to spend their time together...

Thought 2: If someone pass up a good thing because of their requirements, well sucks to be them.


Edit 2: Why oh why can't I tipe type tongit tonight?

 

[Paulie92]

I would just hang out with her one on one and see if anything happens and after a couple of outings like this say something along the lines of "Look, I really like you." (this part is assuming that you're both pretty young ) "I'd rather give something a go than have a bunch of what if moments, I mean if it doesn't work out we could always still be friends."

The last bit is probably bullshit and this approach may not work but hey, I know I'd rather give it a go than not

 

[QCX]

She's clearly a complete fucktard.

Anyone that has a list of requirements to enter a relationship, does not understand what a relationship is or how to build a connection.

Sounds to me like this ***** is just looking for a way to say no without hurting you. Really she's trying to be nice. But its obvious that shes not interested in you in that way.

She's asked you if you like her, she already knew the answer but wanted to her it from you. This is classic manipulation.

She is going to attempt to manipulate you using your feelings towards her. In fact I bet she already does. Small things she'll ask you to do, get her a drink, line up for her in the cantina and so on.

My advice; Tell her that if is not interested in a relationship then there is no point take your friendship any further and walk away. Forget about her shes a waste of your time.

 

[SimuLord]

This just in: She's uber Christian. You're...not. You do not want to be with that kind of girl anyway.

Now it falls to you to keep her from wrapping you around her finger like the manipulative little shrew she no doubt is.

Seize the upper hand, friend. And don't give her an inch.

 

[presidentjlh]

This might even be a case of "friend zone", a place where I find myself in 100% of my attempts to start a relationship with a girl.

Being the nice guy sucks, but, damnit, I feel terrible any time I'm a jerk to a woman.

 

[Yureina]

Okay, in case you hadn't guessed, this is another thread asking for "relationship" advice. I don't want to get to far into the story, so I'll just tell you the basics: I've had a crush on a girl for a while now (she also happens to be my best friend) and just the other day I was on the phone with her; we've been talking for about an hour and a half, when she asks me if I like her. Naturally, I panicked. I'd been backed into a corner, and I had no choice but to admit it. So I told her yes. After this, she just kind of said "Okay." So I'm naturally suspicious, so I asked her if she liked me. To which she responded, "Yes." This obviously caused copious amounts of over-joyous celebration. And then things went downhill from there. Apparently, she has a list of "requirements" and I don't meet all these requirements. The biggest factor? Religion. She's very Christian, and I'm just nothing. I don't really believe in anything, although I guess you could call me Agnostic. Holy crap, this is dragging on, let me finish this up. She basically said after that, what the title says. "I like you, but I don't want to go out with you." And I'm just confused about that, because that's a contradiction. You can't say you like someone, but you don't want to date them. I mean, we both like each other, so the next logical step is to try it out. If it doesn't work, so be it, we'll still be best friends. Eventually, we both decided to just leave it for now and come back to it at a later date. But I can't just leave it alone. I've already gotten advice from friends, and they basically said to kind of ease into things. They said I should like ask her to go somewhere with a group of friends, and then gradually lessen the amount of friends until it's just the two of us. And that sounds like sound advice, I just want to hear from my fellow Escapists.

Sorry for the minor wall of text, but I just need some more advice. And I know people are probably sick of seeing threads like this, I'm sorry.

As "unfair" as this sounds, honestly she does have a point of sorts. I know several people that I like that I would never consider dating, often because there is something very dear to them that I personally would not be able to deal with well. Ironically enough, my biggest deal-breaker is religion as well, except that I have a natural dislike for deeply religious, and especially Christian, people. I could find a very good person that I would love to spend time with, but... I could never see myself being with someone who took Christianity very seriously, because my strong opinions mean that it probably will not go over well.

Its unfortunate, but... she does make sense, to a degree. You may be ok with her in every other way, but if religion is a big deal for her and you don't fit what she is seeking, then its not going to work. Minor differences on small things are usually ok, but... its no good if the disagreement is over something that one of the people involved considers a very important part of their life. I am sure that many people on this site would say the same thing if they met someone who was fine in every other way, but did not have any taste for gaming. That relationship just would not be "great", you know?

So... as sad is it may seem, you might just want to drop this and move on. She seems like she could be a good friend, but... would you really want to date someone with such a serious difference like that?

Hope this helps, even if its probably not what you really want to hear.

- Rei

 

[Lyri]

"I like you, but I don't want to go out with you." And I'm just confused about that, because that's a contradiction.

Ok first of all, this is not a contradiction. It's her choice, she may think you're good looking but she wouldn't date you for whatever reason she has.
There is nothing wrong or contradictory about it.

You should also read this thread back to yourself, it sounds to me like you're over reacting. If you really want to get with the girl then just carry on being friends for now.
Play it her way.
If you try the "ease into it" approach you'll just make it obvious and probably weird her out. You're not going to fool her into it.
It just reeks of the "yawn and put your arm around her at the cinema", she'll just end up rejecting you more because she's coming out with her friend and you're taking her out to hit on her.

It won't work, never does.
You'll end up ruining your friendship when it all goes south.

 

[Priddo]

She's not worth liking.... List of requirements? wtf..... Tell her to go ask God to make you a christian for her.

 

[Daden]

Contrary to popular belief, everyone has expectations or "requirements" when it comes to a significant other (usually minimum levels of attractiveness, motivation, etc.). It's probably for the best that she is up front with this religion thing, honestly. It would have just come to bite you in the ass later otherwise.

If you're kind of a lazy agnostic, like, say, my father, you can probably put up with a lifetime of being dragged to services and the occasional awkward conversation. So, I suppose you could show interest to "get in there," so to speak, though it's certainly disingenuous.

I will warn you, though, that religion seeps into almost every facet of life, and if you disagree with something that "God disagrees with," you will never have your opinion so much as respected. Trust me.

You know your situation best, but bear in mind that a failed relationship will probably result in a failed friendship as well. It's a big risk when you already know you aren't totally compatible.

 

[Chewster]

Well, if religion is the only thing holding her back, then you ought to ditch her. People, over the course of relationships, often make sacrifices for the other person and there is no reason why this couldn't be the case too.

For example, last girl I dated was very religious, so I played nice for her and her parents but didn't give an eff about it otherwise, and was honest about that with her and she seemed OK with it. In turn she sacrificed some things as well. That is the way relationships work.

In any case, I say fuck it. Screw her and her list of requirements, if she thinks they are too troublesome. Go find someone else who is less picky and more open to trying new things.

 

[BiggityB05]

See you can be really into someone and not want to date them. That makes sense to me. So just ask her for a quick session of happy go lucky fun time and don't bother with the annoying relationship crap. At least thats what I'm getting from that statement.

Exactly, I have plenty of female friends I like/have liked but still dont want to date them. Her requirements are no different from any other person in the world. The difference is she is straight up and honest about it. Religion is a huge deal to some people, I wouldnt want to date a girl thats very religious because im not and it would create conflict.

Everyone has some version of this:
Attractive
Sense of Humor
Religious Beliefs
Music likes
Movie/TV likes
Desire of children
Intelligence
Career
Wealth
Etc.

Some are more important than other depending on each person. You cant tell me you yourself dont look for certain features in a person before you consider dating them. You just dont meet her requirements, thats just life.

 

[SwagLordYoloson]

Go after one of her best friends......
Steal her mail.....
read her text messages.......