I messed up

[Booze Zombie]

A friend and I stayed up late talking about relationships, he had an attraction towards two girls. I spent about 30 minutes doing this sort of "how do you feel this" thing and at the end, something comes back to me, one of the girls displayed a distate for my friend's mood and sense of humour. I inform him of this and he says this would've come in a lot more handy earlier, I hahd forgotten it until that point but what I say is that I "didn't want to dampen his mood" and now he never wants to talk about this issue ever again.

I'm sitting here, adrenaline pumping through my body, my stomach tighter than a rubber band and feeling sick as hell because I just fucked up majorly, didn't I?
Anyone done something similar to this, how'd you deal with it?

 

[Jim From Accounting]

well yea same thing actually so i told him to man the fuck up and remember that he is 16 and has a whole ton of time to fined a girl. then he went all emo for a week and things smoothed over.

 

[katsumoto03]

I'm not really sure I understand what happened. Was the girl that didn't like your friend's humor present at the time?

 

[NinjaDeathSlap]

Trust me, when it comes to relationships, and particularly giving other people advice about relationships, that is actually quite a minor fuck up as fuck up's come. Just apologise to him, if he really is your friend he'll come round. Another thing that might score you some friend points is talking to the girl in question and try to show her another side of your friend's personality so she thinks about him more positively in future.

 

[Ratlover]

I broke up with a girl after 3 years of dating. Didn't want to go to this party one time, but my girlfriend insisted that she wanted me there. The party was okay until her ex boyfriend showed up with his new girlfriend. Guy was pretty nice, but I didn't shake his hand and I didn't want anything to do with him. He was sitting in a corner and I saw all of them talking and having a good time. There was no need for me to be jealous, but I couldn't take it. I went outside to get some fresh air and the guy's girlfriend went outside to have a cig. Came over to me and told me how lucky I was. Was telling me that my girlfriend was going on and on about how great I was. Was peering inside and I saw her laughing at his jokes and touching his shoulder in a friendly manner, nothing sexual. Said to the guys girlfriend that me and her are through, then I stormed off. Of all the stupid things I have said in my life, it has to rank up there. Theres my girlfriend crying to me over the phone and telling me to come back. Basically regret saying anything to this day because if I would of kept my mouth shut, I would still be with her.

 

[Rylot]

How dare you not remember every single interaction you've ever had with that girl

Okay, relax. It was an honest mistake. If he can't see that, well he's not really your friend.

 

[Booze Zombie]

I'm not really sure I understand what happened. Was the girl that didn't like your friend's humor present at the time?

No, it's just that we spent a long time talking and now it looks like I could've just pulled that little snippit out of my brain stem at any moment.

How dare you not remember every single interaction you've ever had with that girl

Okay, relax. It was an honest mistake. If he can't see that, well he's not really your friend.

I worded it so badly it looked like I had withheld that piece of information so as to not hurt his feelings, I'm afraid.

Basically regret saying anything to this day because if I would of kept my mouth shut, I would still be with her.

Sorry for making you recall that, many apologies.

 

[Rylot]

Question: Did he try and go for that girl when he should have tried to hit on the other one? I'm trying to understand the full situation here. Why would that info be important to him earlier?

 

[Rayne870]

Well just make it known that you did not intend to withhold the information and that you simply forgot. Remind him that there are other girls out there. You could also tell him to ask her out just to see what happens, and if she turns him down he can talk to her about it himself and either get some closure or get another chance. Sometimes first impressions really aren't the best or people get the wrong idea of someone when they don't know them fully. All is not lost, and to be honest I would try anyway just to see what happens.

 

[Booze Zombie]

Question: Did he try and go for that girl when he should have tried to hit on the other one? I'm trying to understand the full situation here. Why would that info be important to him earlier?

Oh, we just spent a long time with me going through how he felt about both girls, me questioning him and at the end of it all, around 2 hours, I remember that... brilliant timing.

It should be noted that neither of the girls know of his interest.

Well just make it known that you did not intend to withhold the information and that you simply forgot. Remind him that there are other girls out there. You could also tell him to ask her out just to see what happens, and if she turns him down he can talk to her about it himself and either get some closure or get another chance. Sometimes first impressions really aren't the best or people get the wrong idea of someone when they don't know them fully. All is not lost, and to be honest I would try anyway just to see what happens.

I was going to go ahead and explain that all to him, but uh, as I thought he might once I mentioned this, he had to go, though not exactly for the reason I was expecting.

 

[Rylot]

Oh, we just spent a long time with me going through how he felt about both girls, me questioning him and at the end of it all, around 2 hours, I remember that... brilliant timing.

It should be noted that neither of the girls know of his interest.

So he's mad that you talked for a long time before remembering that? Or is the issue resolved? What the fuck is going on?

 

[Booze Zombie]

So he's mad that you talked for a long time before remembering that? Or is the issue resolved? What the fuck is going on?

The first one, we spent a lot of time talking, neither of the girls knew about his interest, he was trying to decide on a girl to approach and I was talking with him. Then the detail about the one girl bluntly comes out... I really don't think much of my performance.

I'm assuming it's not normal to feel physically ill about stuff like this...

 

[Rylot]

The first one, we spent a lot of time talking, neither of the girls knew about his interest...

Sounds like your friend is just being a dick. There was no harm done. I find it rather hard to believe that his time is that precious. You sure he wasn't just giving you a hard time for not remembering sooner?

I'm assuming it's not normal to feel physically ill about stuff like this...

It's not good to get that worked up over something so small. Do you often feel a lot of anxiety in situations that don't necessarily call for it?

 

[Booze Zombie]

Sounds like your friend is just being a dick. There was no harm done. I find it rather hard to believe that his time is that precious. You sure he wasn't just giving you a hard time for not remembering sooner?

It's not good to get that worked up over something so small. Do you often feel a lot of anxiety in situations that don't necessarily call for it?

He never wanted to continue the conversation ever again, exact wording. I don't know exactly how he felt about it all or what particular thing pissed him off, but I... feel I did mess up.

Yes, lots of anxiety. I've developed quite an issue about losing friends over stupid small things, it seems like almost every friend I lose starts to drift away as soon as we have an arguement or something like this and I just can't handle it anymore.

 

[Rylot]

Yes, lots of anxiety. I've developed quite an issue about losing friends over stupid small things, it seems like almost every friend I lose starts to drift away as soon as we have an arguement or something like this and I just can't handle it anymore.

Does not compute. Arguments are going to happen in an relationship (friends, family, romantic, etc). It's bad if you're at each others throats all day every day, but arguing is a part of every relationship. And I'm still trying to find why this is such a big deal for your friend. If people stop being your friend over something so small (a two hour conversation that was rather pointless, but still had no negative affects for your friend is minuscule) then they really don't seem like your friends to begin with.

Also you might want to talk to your doctor about anxiety meds. If you're getting stressed out to the point that it's affecting your daily life it might be worth looking into. Hopefully your friend is just annoyed or giving you shit, best of luck.

OT: "The Holy Grail Of Pants" Is captcha trying to be funny now? Wait a min... Oh god! It's becoming self aware! Kill it! KILL IT NOW!

 

[rmb1983]

Sounds like your friend is just being a dick. There was no harm done. I find it rather hard to believe that his time is that precious. You sure he wasn't just giving you a hard time for not remembering sooner?

It's not good to get that worked up over something so small. Do you often feel a lot of anxiety in situations that don't necessarily call for it?

He never wanted to continue the conversation ever again, exact wording. I don't know exactly how he felt about it all or what particular thing pissed him off, but I... feel I did mess up.

Yes, lots of anxiety. I've developed quite an issue about losing friends over stupid small things, it seems like almost every friend I lose starts to drift away as soon as we have an arguement or something like this and I just can't handle it anymore.

Don't beat yourself up over it. Catch up to him and have a serious sit-down, and relate a couple things.

1) It was something you'd forgotten and thought of during the course of the conversation. Tell him to stop being pissed at you because you remembered that a cute girl said she doesn't like him.
2) Buddy up, do whatever it is you do with your friends to have a good time. He'll quickly forget that he's choked that some girl he likes doesn't like him. Plenty of fish in the sea, yeah? Unless he's got some grand delusion that he's running a ticking clock on some storybook romance, in which case, cut that down.
3) Tell him to man the fuck up and ask one of them out already! Give me strength.

If you're worried about losing him as a friend (and honestly, given the context of this thread, it sounds to me like you should cut your losses, but that's my personal opinion), you're only tempting fate. Apologize that you didn't recall it sooner, tell him to stop being a dick and to pull up his socks and ask a girl out if he likes her.

I forget shit all the time. Letting honest mistakes eat away at you is only going to cause you grief for no good reason, and no one else. People make mistakes: Forgive, be better, move on. If he can't accept that, he has no real interest in being your friend.

 

[SL33TBL1ND]

I see no major fuck up here. I'm a dick though. So...

 

[Booze Zombie]

Also you might want to talk to your doctor about anxiety meds. If you're getting stressed out to the point that it's affecting your daily life it might be worth looking into. Hopefully your friend is just annoyed or giving you shit, best of luck.

OT: "The Holy Grail Of Pants" Is captcha trying to be funny now? Wait a min... Oh god! It's becoming self aware! Kill it! KILL IT NOW!

Thanks for talking this through with me, it is most probably me just having anxiety issues and very little to do with my friend at all, really. I may have to give the anxiety meds a go, after all, what good is free healthcare if you don't take advantage of it in times of need?

Also, on the subject of funny captchas, I got one asking me to describe the brand name I saw in the box. It said Budweiser so I typed "piss water" and it accepted that as a descriptor... I was amazed.

I forget shit all the time. Letting honest mistakes eat away at you is only going to cause you grief for no good reason, and no one else. People make mistakes: Forgive, be better, move on. If he can't accept that, he has no real interest in being your friend.

I'm pretty sure he won't stop being my friend, we've been going a long time now... but I worry that he shan't allow me to talk to him about private issues such as relationships with him anymore and I'm not really sure why that bothers me, but... it does. Sort of like when you mess up in a role playing game and knock out a branch dialog for your character, only much more meaningful.

I see no major fuck up here. I'm a dick though. So...

Don't worry about it, my friend has a very strange outlook on life, he'd probably see it in the same way.

 

[Rylot]

Thanks for talking this through with me, it is most probably me just having anxiety issues and very little to do with my friend at all, really. I may have to give the anxiety meds a go, after all, what good is free healthcare if you don't take advantage of it in times of need?

Also, on the subject of funny captchas, I got one asking me to describe the brand name I saw in the box. It said Budweiser so I typed "piss water" and it accepted that as a descriptor... I was amazed.

No worries, venting helps a lot. Your captcha reminds me of a joke: What does having sex in a canoe have in common with American beer?

 

[rmb1983]

Also you might want to talk to your doctor about anxiety meds. If you're getting stressed out to the point that it's affecting your daily life it might be worth looking into. Hopefully your friend is just annoyed or giving you shit, best of luck.

OT: "The Holy Grail Of Pants" Is captcha trying to be funny now? Wait a min... Oh god! It's becoming self aware! Kill it! KILL IT NOW!

Thanks for talking this through with me, it is most probably me just having anxiety issues and very little to do with my friend at all, really. I may have to give the anxiety meds a go, after all, what good is free healthcare if you don't take advantage of it in times of need?

Also, on the subject of funny captchas, I got one asking me to describe the brand name I saw in the box. It said Budweiser so I typed "piss water" and it accepted that as a descriptor... I was amazed.

Even if your anxiety isn't that bad, go get it checked out, anyway. Always better to be on the safe side.

Off-topic: We have ANOTHER new Captcha system?

I'm pretty sure he won't stop being my friend, we've been going a long time now... but I worry that he shan't allow me to talk to him about private issues such as relationships with him anymore and I'm not really sure why that bothers me, but... it does. Sort of like when you mess up in a role playing game and knock out a branch dialog for your character, only much more meaningful.

Precisely why I suggested confronting him over it and dealing with the situation. If you don't, and he decides to go down the "I'm never telling you this kinda shit again!" route, then he's still acting like a child.

Granted that one would think none of my friends would bring their personal issues/problems/pasts/etc. to me given that I respond with "I don't care." followed by a shit-eating grin a good portion of the time, but I still manage. Then again, any of my close friends hold the standard "With friends like these..." relationship, so I suppose there is that.