I need my best friend to realize his girlfriend is worthless

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

Good Lord... you;re friend must be mad!! Or lover her tons... same thing.

Honestly... if he doesn't see for himself, then he likely never will. You, sir, have lost a friend to an evil sheep/friend eating trollcreature.

 

[myogaman]

EDIT: This wouldn't show for a while so I thought the server burped or something. So I'm deleting this one because of the double post.

 

[Teh Magic Man]

Begin a long, slow, steady proses of subtly hinting that the girl is trash. nothing big, just small things. for instance instead of saying "OMG UR GIRL IS A TROOOLLLLL! SHE SOOO UGLY!", try "so i noticed a rather large mole on your gf face, might have her look at that. could be cancer".

ok so maybe thats not a good example. hopefully you get what i mean.

hopefully after a while all the subtle hints will build up in his mind and he will begin to be as unattractive to her as you are. and no one will suspect you at all!

 

[Mr Pantomime]

Is he happy? Cos thats the most important thing

 

[Boaan]

Personally, I'd suggest complaining to him about her in steps. What I mean is once she does something that is downright bothering like not cleaning up after herself and soon after the fact you catch your friend alone you can go: "You know, she'd be a much better person if she cleaned up after herself" but in normal human dialect, because my sentence is weird.

Small things like this don't come as spiteful because they're observable things by your friend and instead of telling him everything at once with the hopes that he suddenly has an epiphany he'll slowly see the hassle that she is. I'd leave the ugliness and breath/teeth aside, though, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

And regarding the mannerisms that he's inheriting from her, you can just flat out tell him "Dude... that's just lame" but in a serious way so it'll sink in.

I can't say don't interfere because, honestly, it's your apartment too and she seems to be a nuisance to you as well. And since basically you've now been dragged into the relationship she HAS to compromise with you too. This would also be a good point to make when mentioning the bad habits that she displays while living with you guys.

 

[myogaman]

So basically I have 3 options.

1. Wait until she's living with us, it's too late to reconsider anything, and voice my concerns as she does them but possibly come off as an asshole while they both do the fucking "pssst" thing at me. Then I'd have to pull out my ace in the hole, I own all the furniture...and that'd just be a jerk way to strong arm them into doing what I want...

or

2. Tell him now and hope he chews on it long enough to make a valid decision. The only problem with this choice is that it cuts her from the equation and it may end up sundering our friendship quicker. It would also make him seem like more of a parent figure than a lover and would make her feel more like a child, possibly provoking her behavior even more.

or

3. Tell both of them in some sort of conference call or group chat and hope they don't gang up on me. I know I can hold my own with text but I can see shit spiraling out of control with voice chat pretty quick (if they don't see my concerns as legitimate.)

I can make my concerns legitimately without sounding like an asshole in both cases.

Possibly #4. Group intervention. It's pretty obvious that everyone else is on the same boat as I am and the two are oblivious it. Perhaps the option of her or abandoning everyone would shock him enough to abandon her.

I think I'm going to do #3. It seems the easiest way for me to either explode into hateful rampage (it's those fucking "pssst" noises. It's like the most annoying diss ever, like spitting in my face. Goddamn I fucking hate the pssst.) or solving everyone's problems in one swift motion.

Also, on a further note with that Pssst. I already told her I hated it and she said it's become too much of a habit and she has no control over it...and I sounded like a whiny ***** confronting her about it too.

 

[Canid117]

Get video of her banging another dude. That should clear things up.

And if you can't find a video remember vodka is cheap and there are no shortage of hobos in the world... wow that has to be the worst thing I have ever typed on this site.

Also group intervention means that the fallout spreads among participants and not all of it shits on you.

 

[myogaman]

Personally, I'd suggest complaining to him about her in steps. What I mean is once she does something that is downright bothering like not cleaning up after herself and soon after the fact you catch your friend alone you can go: "You know, she'd be a much better person if she cleaned up after herself" but in normal human dialect, because my sentence is weird.

Small things like this don't come as spiteful because they're observable things by your friend and instead of telling him everything at once with the hopes that he suddenly has an epiphany he'll slowly see the hassle that she is. I'd leave the ugliness and breath/teeth aside, though, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

And regarding the mannerisms that he's inheriting from her, you can just flat out tell him "Dude... that's just lame" but in a serious way so it'll sink in.

I can't say don't interfere because, honestly, it's your apartment too and she seems to be a nuisance to you as well. And since basically you've now been dragged into the relationship she HAS to compromise with you too. This would also be a good point to make when mentioning the bad habits that she displays while living with you guys.

Man, that was pretty funny.

But you bring up a good point. I should point out that we share the apartment and compromises must be made.

 

[infernovolver]

Your description of the girl made me want to puke.

Gross.

Lol. I thought it was a good effort, and funny one at that. My impression is that Myogaman would excel at describing characters in a literary work, something like a fantasy, because he paints a very vivid description in the first post.

 

[Emissary Laito]

I think I'm going to do #3. It seems the easiest way for me to either explode into hateful rampage (it's those fucking "pssst" noises. It's like the most annoying diss ever, like spitting in my face. Goddamn I fucking hate the pssst.) or solving everyone's problems in one swift motion.

Ok, don't do this.
Seriously, if you're going to try something, make sure to do it calmly.

Its tempting to get angry, as you'll want to vent at this point, but it'll completely ruin any legit points you've made by making you seem like the bad guy.

 

[PrimoThePro]

1. Go to Oregon
2. Kill Lady
3. Tell him that somebody killed her
4. ???
5. Profit.
/thread

Fixed. Honestly, I don't see what the issue is.

Serious OT: Well I want to say just leave her be, it cannot be done under the circumstances you have said. You gotta tell your friend how much she has to do to live there, including helping to clean up. In that discussion, you can slip in as many points as possible as to why she is a terrible person, while still remaining on track about how much she will have to do while she lives there. If somehow he ignores all of this and she moves in, you take matters into your own hands. YOU confront her if she chooses to live there. YOU tell her she must pick up after herself. If your friend gets in your face about it, tell him how tired you are of her not picking up after herself/not cleaning/not being respectful to peoples belongings/whatever the fuck else she is doing. You both live there, you have set standards and lived by them, and she must live up to those standards, instead of lowering yours. Also, just for an hour, trying being as annoying to your friend as this Miranda chick is to you. When he gets all pissed off, you can "jokingly" say how you're being just like Miranda.

 

[Deviltongue]

Bad Girlfriends are like the flu. Out of your system after 2 weeks in bed.

 

[Infernai]

1. Go to Oregon
2. Kill Lady
3. Tell him that somebody killed her
4. ???
5. Profit.

...Are you a fan of Higurashi by chance? xD

 

[myogaman]

1. Go to Oregon
2. Kill Lady
3. Tell him that somebody killed her
4. ???
5. Profit.
/thread

Fixed. Honestly, I don't see what the issue is.

Serious OT: Well I want to say just leave her be, it cannot be done under the circumstances you have said. You gotta tell your friend how much she has to do to live there, including helping to clean up. In that discussion, you can slip in as many points as possible as to why she is a terrible person, while still remaining on track about how much she will have to do while she lives there. If somehow he ignores all of this and she moves in, you take matters into your own hands. YOU confront her if she chooses to live there. YOU tell her she must pick up after herself. If your friend gets in your face about it, tell him how tired you are of her not picking up after herself/not cleaning/not being respectful to peoples belongings/whatever the fuck else she is doing. You both live there, you have set standards and lived by them, and she must live up to those standards, instead of lowering yours. Also, just for an hour, trying being as annoying to your friend as this Miranda chick is to you. When he gets all pissed off, you can "jokingly" say how you're being just like Miranda.

I think this guy just won...well I mean a lot of others have said the same thing but this guy specifically wins.

1. List what I'd like her to do around the apartment if she were to move in.
2. Wait for her to move in. (gives me a good 6 months to cool down and strengthen the bro factor)
3. Kick ass and chew bubble gum.
4. ???
5. Profit.

 

[myogaman]

Your description of the girl made me want to puke.

Gross.

Lol. I thought it was a good effort, and funny one at that. My impression is that Myogaman would excel at describing characters in a literary work, something like a fantasy, because he paints a very vivid description in the first post.

Perhaps I should start posting my literary shit... >.> I need some real opinions.

 

[ninetails593]

Good venting session? I'd recommend therapy or watching shit you normally wouldn't, to get into a different mindset.

 

[Nouw]

She's not even cute

Enough said, bring in a new girl, possibly at a party, perferably with huge knockers.

Ah knockers. Listening to that in a British accent is priceless. The only way for him to realize is by time. Don't try and help him. If you do, he'll keep asking you in the future.

 

[myogaman]

Good venting session? I'd recommend therapy or watching shit you normally wouldn't, to get into a different mindset.

Yeah, I'm done.

Thanks everyone for the tips and advice. I'm going to wait until she moves in and let nature take its course. I'm good, I'm done.

 

[PrimoThePro]

I think this guy just won...well I mean a lot of others have said the same thing but this guy specifically wins.

1. List what I'd like her to do around the apartment if she were to move in.
2. Wait for her to move in. (gives me a good 6 months to cool down and strengthen the bro factor)
3. Kick ass and chew bubble gum.
4. ???
5. Profit.

Glad I could help. My brother and his friend were in pretty much the exact same predicament, except my brother's friend was gay so it was a man instead of a... girl? So my brother enacted this little stunt and it worked perfectly. I sincerely hope it works here too, as putting up with a chick for that long just to "get some" is a terrible idea.

 

[PrimoThePro]

Perhaps I should start posting my literary shit... >.> I need some real opinions.

Oh! And do that too. I as well thoroughly enjoyed your description of... (*Shudder*) Miranda...