I need some advice

[NiceGurl_14]

ok, here's a little more info.

I've been with my current boyfriend for 9 months and things are going well between us. My friend I've known since I was 8 yrs old (keep in mind that I'm 20 now). Also, by a little awkward I meant that things felt different, not like they had been before. There was a lot more tension and we both seemed to have a hard time talking to each other. I always used to see my friend like a little brother (I've got 2 yrs in age on him). Not to mention that the two have already met each other.

 

[NiceGurl_14]

>.> No pervert comments though please. I'm asking for advice about this with all honesty.

Which in itself is a futile act. You're asking an internet gaming forum for advice on your love life when you've provided a single paragraph to describe the vast wealth of history between you, your current boyfriend and this friend you have a bit of a crush on.

Then! Then you think it's a good idea to ask us what you should do? Here's an idea: Go make out with your friend. If you don't feel anything, hey, your boyfriend is the guy for you. If you do, perhaps you don't love your boytoy as much as you think you do.

You want honest advice? We can't give that to you because we don't know you and any advice we gave would be terribly generic, general or ineffectual. This is the same for all relationship threads. We will never have any idea what's going on in the deeper reaches of your heart brain and often there isn't nearly enough information provided to even begin to get a proper understanding of what the two of you are like together.

And I do apologise for what it seems like jumping on you, but this thread just happened to be the straw which broke my camel's back, and I have no money to pay the vet to fix him up.

Saving this in a notepad document and/or bookmarking this page.

I hope you don't mind. I don't feel like trying to explain this any better than you would when what you said suffices fine.

So you pretty much sum it up. We know effectively nothing, and "it felt a little awkward" describes nothing about what OP is feeling towards this person.

I don't mind.

 

[ae86gamer]

You haven't been doing anything bad, so you don't have to tell your boyfriend anything. Decide whether or not you have feelings for the other guy. If you find out you do, and they're stronger for him than they are for your boyfriend, then tell your boyfriend and see where it goes from there.

Problem solved.

 

[DigitalSushi]

ok, here's a little more info.

I've been with my current boyfriend for 9 months and things are going well between us. My friend I've known since I was 8 yrs old (keep in mind that I'm 20 now). Also, by a little awkward I meant that things felt different, not like they had been before. There was a lot more tension and we both seemed to have a hard time talking to each other. I always used to see my friend like a little brother (I've got 2 yrs in age on him). Not to mention that the two have already met each other.

Sounds like something everyone has been through.

But we still can't give advice, its your life. Do what you please, it feels like its a big decision but in the grand scheme of things, its not.

Best of luck.

I know I sound like a douchebag and i'm sorry, but when your 40 years old you wont look back on this decision like it mattered.

 

[Valiance]

ok, here's a little more info.

I've been with my current boyfriend for 9 months and things are going well between us. My friend I've known since I was 8 yrs old (keep in mind that I'm 20 now). Also, by a little awkward I meant that things felt different, not like they had been before. There was a lot more tension and we both seemed to have a hard time talking to each other. I always used to see my friend like a little brother (I've got 2 yrs in age on him). Not to mention that the two have already met each other.

How would that mean that you like him?

If anything, that means that you two have drifted apart and have different interests, or just don't know where to begin when it comes to "catching up" (since you haven't seen each other in a long time.)

I actually do have a female friend who I am/was in a very similar situation with, though I haven't physically seen her since we started talking again. It sort of just made me feel sad and odd as if she was a totally different person, or if perhaps I was, and then I realized that we just really hadn't accomplished or changed much over the years, and neither of us ever recorded any of our music, or finished any stories we were writing, or entered those poetry contests, or whatever the hell we talked about and experienced together a few years ago.

She too actually saw me as a little brother, oddly enough. Coincidence I guess. We're both 19 years old, and we've known each other since 7th grade (around here that would be like 12 years old.)

I think she and I actually had a talk about this at some point, and that we sort of ended up on the conclusion that after spending so much time with someone, a type of familiarity is built with them, and events become routine and usual. When that kind of routine contentedness is broken, even if the person comes back (in 6 months, a year, 2 years, whatever) the habit and familiarity is broken and sort of needs to be built up again (if it is to be built up again.)

What I'm trying to say is that instead of focusing on it being awkward, try and remember what you guys used to do together, used to talk about, where you went together, what brought you together as friends...Or if your parents just sort of stuck you together when you were 8 and you're kinda still with each other because contact with another human being doesn't just "end" (since I have a couple friends like that too).

If you really think you're in love with the guy, well, then, shit, you're in love with the guy.

And that sorta changes everything, you know? Live a lie and become content with your current situation overtime, or risk it all for something you don't even know would work out, especially considering how you two act around each other. Maybe question why he's so tense/quiet around you now, if something happened, etc...

 

[NiceGurl_14]

ok, here's a little more info.

I've been with my current boyfriend for 9 months and things are going well between us. My friend I've known since I was 8 yrs old (keep in mind that I'm 20 now). Also, by a little awkward I meant that things felt different, not like they had been before. There was a lot more tension and we both seemed to have a hard time talking to each other. I always used to see my friend like a little brother (I've got 2 yrs in age on him). Not to mention that the two have already met each other.

Sounds like something everyone has been through.

But we still can't give advice, its your life. Do what you please, it feels like its a big decision but in the grand scheme of things, its not.

Best of luck.

I know I sound like a douchebag and i'm sorry, but when your 40 years old you wont look back on this decision like it mattered.

You don't sound like a douchebag, I'm glad that someone is thinking about it in the long run. I didn't think about it that way.

 

[Captain Pancake]

Everybody's got problems. What exactly makes your situation that much worse than mine? at least they know you like them. The difference, of course, being that I don't broadcast my social struggles on the internet for strangers to poke fun at. So just forget you made this thread, because you're not going to hear any good advice here.

 

[NiceGurl_14]

Everybody's got problems. What exactly makes your situation that much worse than mine? at least they know you like them. The difference, of course, being that I don't broadcast my social struggles on the internet for strangers to poke fun at. So just forget you made this thread, because you're not going to hear any good advice here.

That's not true, I've gotten some really good advice here already.

 

[DigitalSushi]

ok, here's a little more info.

I've been with my current boyfriend for 9 months and things are going well between us. My friend I've known since I was 8 yrs old (keep in mind that I'm 20 now). Also, by a little awkward I meant that things felt different, not like they had been before. There was a lot more tension and we both seemed to have a hard time talking to each other. I always used to see my friend like a little brother (I've got 2 yrs in age on him). Not to mention that the two have already met each other.

Sounds like something everyone has been through.

But we still can't give advice, its your life. Do what you please, it feels like its a big decision but in the grand scheme of things, its not.

Best of luck.

I know I sound like a douchebag and i'm sorry, but when your 40 years old you wont look back on this decision like it mattered.

You don't sound like a douchebag, I'm glad that someone is thinking about it in the long run. I didn't think about it that way.

I know it feels like a big decision now, but in a few years time you wont even think about this situation unless you try hard.

Just have fun, I wish you the best of luck, try not to sweat the decision too much because it'll take valuable time away from you being who you are.

 

[maddawg IAJI]

Well to be honest, you're stuck between a Rock and a Hard place. Just sit down for a second and think, who's the right one for you? Did you're friends possibly show signs of liking you back? Have you and your Boyfriend been fighting? Do you think you and your friend would even be able to make it work while he is at college?

 

[JanatUrlich]

You don't need to tell your boyfriend anything since you haven't done anything.

I'd say stick with the boyfriend coz you don't know if this other guy is even into you. Trying anything on with him could prove to be futile and pointless when you've already got a good thing going with someone else.

 

[Mewick_Alex]

I guess at the end of the day it depends who you have the stronger feelings for. I was in a very similar situation once, where I was with a girl but always had a soft spot for another. In my case, I ended up breaking it off and then made a point of waiting several months before I asked the other girl out (I didn't want it to look like a rebound of some sort, plus she had broken up with her boyfriend at around the same time so I wanted to give her some space as well). Turns out it was the best thing I ever did, we've been going out for almost 4 years and moved in together 2 months ago!

You don't need to tell your boyfriend anything since you haven't done anything.

This is a good point too, nothing ends a relationship faster than telling your other half you have feelings for someone else (unless, y'know, thats what you want).

 

[matsugawa]

Ok escapist community, I could use some help with a problem that I'm having right now. Here's the situation:

OK, I have a great boyfriend and he makes me happy but since I had hung out with a friend of mine that I hadn't seen since he went to college, I noticed that things were a little awkward. I think that I may have feelings for my friend but I don't wanna ruin the friendship that we have and I've known him for soo long that I'm pretty sure that things would be even more awkward if we ever did date. Also, I feel bad because now I feel like I'm not being truthful with my current boyfriend. What exactly should I do?

Any advice would be welcome.

I'm asking here because there seem to be some genuinely good-hearted people on here with good advice. I wouldn't have asked if I didn't think that.

Okay, so just to make sure I follow your situation: You have a boyfriend you really love (and loves you back, of course). Recently though, you've met up with an old friend and you start thinking about the feelings you have for him. You start wondering if there's more to THAT relationship than just a friendship between you, which is of course in direct conflict with the relationship you're in now. You feel like this is... well, not 'cheating' on him, but you're not discussing these feelings with him, and he probably senses you're holding something back, which doesn't help the situation.

Then again, if you're having doubts about your current relationship because of the prospects of another relationship with someone else, what does that say about your current relationship? Just how happy can you be in a relationship wherein meeting an old friend (whom you'd only ever seen as a friend up until now) makes you think, "Hmm, I wonder if we're really more than friends?"

Well, given that it can at times be really hard to tell the difference between infatuation and something more deep-seated (I've been there, myself), just remember that it's perfectly normal and completely healthy to fantasize about having other relationships despite current status. As long as they don't actually lead to infidelity, they're perfectly healthy and nothing to be ashamed of. If anything, it can strengthen a relationship because it shows you're not tempted. I mean, any guy who gets jealous over the objects of his girl's fantasies... well, I've met guys like that, and let's just say they deserve loneliness. What I'm saying is, if these feelings you have for this friend of 12 years (that you regard as a little brother) are just an infatuation, then they shouldn't hurt your relationship. If, however, they are in fact something more (which I can't tell, only you can know for sure) then maybe it's time to take stock of things and take a step back, which leads me to my conclusion/advice:

Okay, so my advice: keep things in perspective, and by keeping things in perspective, you need to take a good long look at what you HAVE rather than what you've HAD (and/or COULD have). It's like you've said:

I have a great boyfriend and he makes me happy

If your relationship is that strong, then it's strong enough to entertain the possibilities of breaking up (there should be no forbidden topics in any relationship). It's like the saying goes, "If you love something, set it free..." and so on and so forth.
Why ruin what you have now with what you had in the past or could have in the future? Your past will influence your present and future, it will never dictate it.

 

[Donbett1974]

Here are the choices I see:

Leave boyfriend, don't go out with friend.
Leave boyfriend, ask out friend.
Stay with boyfriend, cheat on him with friend.
Stay with boyfriend, stop talking to friend.
Stay with boyfriend, stay friends with friend.
Tell boyfriend, see what he thinks.
Tell friend, see what he thinks.

None of them are easy, or particularly pleasant because they all involve hurting or lying to someone.

What no murder suicide.

 

[The Rogue Wolf]

ok, here's a little more info.

I've been with my current boyfriend for 9 months and things are going well between us. My friend I've known since I was 8 yrs old (keep in mind that I'm 20 now). Also, by a little awkward I meant that things felt different, not like they had been before. There was a lot more tension and we both seemed to have a hard time talking to each other. I always used to see my friend like a little brother (I've got 2 yrs in age on him). Not to mention that the two have already met each other.

I'm smelling a whiff of nostalgia-based attraction here. You're realizing now that the little kid you've had affection for for years is now a grown man, and you're wondering if perhaps the affection has grown along with him (and you).

What should you do? Step back a moment and think objectively. It's possible that he's changed from the person you remember, or that you're viewing him through rose-colored glasses thanks to your memories of him. If you're not even comfortable enough with each other to converse normally, how can you be legitimately attracted to him? Why risk a known good thing (your current relationship) for something you've just stumbled over and are still completely unsure about?

I'd advise you to resume your friendship with this other guy, but keep it at that level. If your boyfriend is a reasonably secure person, he shouldn't be jealous that you want to catch up with an old friend. But I wouldn't suggest giving up what you've already got for something whose potential you can't even guess at yet.

[small]Jeez, listen to me dispensing advice like I'm not a monument to relationship failures myself. Ha![/small]