I need some 'intimate' advice.

[Zantos]

I had this problem with my last girlfriend. She got a little insecure but we eventually worked around it. Not using condoms if possible is a good solution, along with changes of position to more flexible ones. A few times we'd have sex and then when she was satisfied she'd "finish me off" (I had no way of knowing how to not make it sound weird) using other means which was pretty much, ya know, the bomb.

If you're really worried go see a GP (or whatever they call them in other countries), but until then I'd say best solution is to experiment. Don't go full karma sutra, just keep an eye and an ear out for any ideas that you'd like to try.

 

[Darwins_Folly]

In my experience, this problem has always been related to stress and/or tension. Its especially been evident when I haven't been with a girl long, or am nervous about it for some reason. The only advice I can offer is relax, have fun, do what come naturally. Worrying, tension and stress are the biggest orgasm/erection killers there are.

 

[Evidencebased]

I'm a bit nervous about posting this, but it seems to be bothering my girlfriend so I hope I can find a solution. Basically, I seem to be having the opposite problem that many men have in intimate situations. It takes me a very long time to.. do the deed. I know that probably doesn't sound very bad, but it has her feeling like she's not performing well or doing a particularly good job. She's not very experienced, this is true, but it still feels nice, it doesn't hurt or anything. It just takes a while.. And yes, I can get and maintain an erection rather well, I've never had any problem with that. It's just the amount of time that it takes for me to do the deed, so to speak, that's the problem.

So basically I'm asking for anyone to give either of us any tips or advice to help speed up the process.

Thanks in advance.

If there are some things you know you like, or that reliably get you off, you could tell your girlfriend about them and let her practice on you. Even if it seems like Captain Obvious stuff to you, it might not be obvious to her and she might really appreciate some coaching and tips (girls don't exactly get a detailed tour of the penis during sex ed class!) Having a few tricks up her sleeve might make her feel a little more confident and sexy. Or you could try adding stimulating lubes, toys, new positions, porn, more blow jobs... even if it doesn't speed up the process it might take your girlfriend's mind off her worries.

Also, to be blunt: is your girlfriend usually finishing before you? (Or usually orgasming at all?) Because I could interpret "doing the deed" as getting her off, not yourself, and that's just as important -- if you do that reliably then she might want to consider reframing "doing a good job" in her own head as "personally having a fantastic screaming time" and letting herself just relax a bit and consider how much fun it is for you to drive her crazy even if you follow at a slower pace. She can practice being a teeny bit more selfish in bed if that would make her feel better.

 

[nunqual]

Also, to be blunt: is your girlfriend usually finishing before you? (Or usually orgasming at all?) Because I could interpret "doing the deed" as getting her off, not yourself, and that's just as important -- if you do that reliably then she might want to consider reframing "doing a good job" in her own head as "personally having a fantastic screaming time" and letting herself just relax a bit and consider how much fun it is for you to drive her crazy even if you follow at a slower pace. She can practice being a teeny bit more selfish in bed if that would make her feel better.

Yes, she almost always 'does the deed' much earlier than I do. Most of the time she even does so more than once. I mean, I guess I wouldn't have thought of it as a bad thing until she brought up that she thought she wasn't doing well.

And I did educate her a bit on what I like and kind of gave her a tour of the penis, like you said. She said that was very helpful, so thank you.