I think my boyfriend is developing a WoW addiction?

[Cowabungaa]

Thanks for all the replies guys I've read all of them.

I'd never dump him, no matter how bad this gets.
If I said it's me or the game I have no doubt he'd choose me but as some people have pointed out I don't want to take his game away from him completely.
Taking everything into account, I think I'm going to tell him I'm worried due to his previous addiction and make him see I'm not over reacting, then try and agree on some sensible time limits. If he needs further persuasion to log off then I may do as several of you have suggested and resort to something more crude lol.

Pleasantly surprised at the number of responses it's been a huge help getting some different perspectives

Good luck, but I'd look for professional help before you do 'something crude'. If he's a proper WoW addict time limits won't help that much, solving the underlying issues that make him play anything that much will.

I am neither. So have a lot to be affraid of.

Fair enough, and I'm sorry to hear that. Can't blame you from staying away from WoW then.

 

[emeraldrafael]

Well, ovciously you care for him if you are going this far and looking into his past.

No, i dont htink you're over reacting. but oyu need to set limits. and if he doesnt accept... it just not the one.

 

[Jesus123]

Sounds legit

 

[Anah'ya]

*snip*

... thought about playing with him? He seems to like gaming, so maybe he'd appreciate your company there. That, and you can manipulate his playtime easier that way.

 

[oplinger]

*snip*

... thought about playing with him? He seems to like gaming, so maybe he'd appreciate your company there. That, and you can manipulate his playtime easier that way.

Pretty much that. If you're dating a gamer, you may want to pick it up a little too.

He may get hooked playing with you, and the game loses interest without you. That's how it is for me anyway. >.> I don't even log onto WoW till my GF does.

 

[John the Gamer]

Just make sure he gets his 8 hours of sleep a day...maybe give him a curfew-like-thing...Otherwise dey him use of the computer untill he does chores aroud the house (30 min. playtime per chore or something)

 

[hazabaza1]

If you have your boobs out and he says wait a minute let me finish this quest, then you have a problem.

Ross, you have a solution to everything you wonderful bastard.
Otherwise, just talk to him about it. Ask him to cuts down by a few hours, tell him you're feeling like he cares about the game more, etc.

 

[SenseOfTumour]

I'd have to go along with people and say 'try it', if you can enjoy it at all, you may well find he finds playing with you in wow far more enjoyable than being solo, and it may cut down on his solo time. You don't have to go to his extremes, maybe an hour or two, two or three times a week, just to do some things together.

Of course, if this works, then he needs to comprimise and try joining you in things you enjoy.

I'm in agreement tho, Ultimatums are rarely a good choice, and finding a level where he can enjoy the game but not leave you feeling ignored would be sensible, and I am happy to hear you're not just going to dump him ...yet.

He definately needs to at least know how you feel tho, that you're feeling in second place to a video game, and that while you'd understand him obsessing over it in December when the new stuff is released, you want him to spend time with you, without feeling you're denying him wow time. HE shouldn't be feeling that girlfriend time is wasted WOW time anyway.

In short, I imagine he just doesn't feel he has a problem, and needs a wakeup call to let him know he's got someone important in his life who loves him and needs him, and he needs to remember to prioritise his free time to keep his relationship strong.

I hope this works out for you.

 

[Boba Frag]

Set some limits for him. If he can't follow them, then make him make the choice. The game, or you. If it's the game, I'm sorry.

Ultimatums like that are not going to exactly help.
All that's doing is creating a hostile confrontation!

If he's got an addiction then you need to talk to him about it, but at the same time you shouldn't go in making ridiculous demands.
I agree that he should probably cut down and that a limit is needed, but it'll go smoother for both of you if it's a limit he agrees to, not one that he feels you're forcing on him.
He'll just resent you treating him like a child.

Try to meet him half way, maybe?
Cut down his playing time, but allow him to make a character for you?

That way you can play together, and don't worry, you won't get sucked into it.

 

[Outright Villainy]

If you have your boobs out and he says wait a minute let me finish this quest, then you have a problem.

So you're saying unless she's bringing sex to the table, she shouldn't expect to get him away from the computer?

You're a dick.

That's the sound of the joke whizzing by your head.

OT: 4-5 hours isn't that bad. If he can't find time to fit the game around hanging out with you, and not the other way around, then you have a problem. Make a plan, something like lunch, but do it a few days in advance and say it'd be nice. If he ever blows you off, and says the reason was the game, then give him the talk. Otherwise it shouldn't be a problem. If it doesn't affect your relationship then it shouldn't be too worrying.

Oh, and an ultimatum should be the last resort. He probably very well would prefer you over the game, but forcing him to choose could leave a sour taste in his mouth. It hurts more often than helps.

 

[Kitteh]

Ever try going on WoW yourself and asking him to stop in-game?

 

[loremazd]

Give him two evenings for whatever he wants to do, then on free evenings he can play if nothing is going on.

I hate to say this, but you really need to plan stuff to do together. Start going on dates, get him out of the house. He's found a solution to his own boredom and you need to find your own and include him. The problem isn't so much that he'd rather play games than you, it's that he'd rather play games than sit around and watch tv.

You'll need to really get to know him and get involved in his life. Lots of WoW widows turn to anger against their spouse, calling them wierdos and further pushing them away. Essentially the problem is partly your responsibility and mostly his.

Note: these only apply if someone is actually addicted, 4 hours may well not be.
A: the guy isn't empathetic to your needs and wants
B: The guy isn't getting what he wants out of life and is basically doing something he things is easy and fun.
C: He might need some help, but it's difficult to confront him about that, he really has to trust you beyond his denial that he has a problem and needs to deal with it.

If I were you i'd start planning date nights that take you outside of your domicile. Talk to him honestly about the fact that you want him to spend more time to you, dont be judgemental, and ask him if he would like evenings that are just his time, and if so, which ones. There is nothing in WoW that cannot be accomplished with three hours, 2 days a week.

 

[HotFezz8]

Looked everywhere for a gaming addiction forum and they don't seem to exist, so you guys are my last hope
My boyfriend's had a gaming addiction in the past, his family have told me he used to spend around 18hrs a day gaming, I tolerate him playing games for a couple of hours a day otherwise he literally gets withdrawal symptoms.
When he bought WoW I was worried because I'd heard about it being extremely addictive and it turns out I was right to be worried I would say he spends 4-5, a day, sometimes more, playing WoW and when he's not playing it he just goes on about how much he wants to play.
I know 4-5 hours isn't anything too serious yet but he does have a past history of game addiction, so am I over reacting or not? If not what do I do?
Any response greatly appreciated

there are girls here? ;-)

yeah it something to be worried about, but how old is he? if he's 18+ its up to him really, and he won't appreciate you "butting in" or "trying to control" him, which is how you WILL come across if you start trying to control how much time he spends on his beloved pc.

if he's <18 this argument applies doubably.

besides he got a new game, he will want to explore and discover stuff on it for a week or two, thats not unreasonable.

ultimatly unless you two are living together i wouldn't be that put out by it, just agree he won't play it when you are around, and then accept you won't be spending every spare hour of every day with him.

 

[Jenova65]

Looked everywhere for a gaming addiction forum and they don't seem to exist, so you guys are my last hope
My boyfriend's had a gaming addiction in the past, his family have told me he used to spend around 18hrs a day gaming, I tolerate him playing games for a couple of hours a day otherwise he literally gets withdrawal symptoms.
When he bought WoW I was worried because I'd heard about it being extremely addictive and it turns out I was right to be worried I would say he spends 4-5, a day, sometimes more, playing WoW and when he's not playing it he just goes on about how much he wants to play.
I know 4-5 hours isn't anything too serious yet but he does have a past history of game addiction, so am I over reacting or not? If not what do I do?
Any response greatly appreciated

Is he playing it while your over?

is he turning down dates to play wow?

grades/job, RL buddys slipping(more then they should be)?

(if yes to any you have a problem)
if not 4-5 hours on games if your doing nothing else isint too bad. If your mad that he isint spending those 4-5 hours with you then give him some space to play his hobbys.

Quite right!

To the OP you say that you 'tolerate', him playing for a couple of hours a day, that's big of you :/
I play more than that and am not addicted! What do you do with your evening? If it is watching TV then you are being a hypocrite (not being horrible, honestly) It really chaps my khakis when non gamers go on about addiction and gaming for a few hours being unhealthy then they sit in front of the TV all night being drip fed entertainment without all that troublesome business of thinking!
You also say that he plays for 4-5 hours a day, but was previously addicted, well if he is playing that amount of time then it is no big deal, OK. If you are concerned that he will start to play for longer then talk to him and tell him what you are worried about he may be able to put your mind at ease, but it seems you are worrying about something he isn't doing now so move forward At the end of the day, you have to trust him, if you don't trust him, you aren't having a relationship!
I hope that you get some resolution soon with this
And welcome to the Escapist, unless you only signed up to pick our brains, in which case - get off our lawn..... ;-)

 

[loremazd]

Although to add, 4 hours a day isn't -horrible-.

The average person (without kids) works monday to friday 9-5, then from 6-11 or midnight they usually watch TV, with a little time in for cooking dinner. Nice thing about TV is that, people who live together can talk to each other while watching tv which makes it double as a social event.

Theoretically he substitutes TV for WoW, that's all. There's a ton of fun stuff out of the house and unless he's just a total jerk you should come up with stuff to do, and both of you will be happier for it.

If he is a jerk and wants to play every day, then yeah, he needs help.

The big, super important thing is to communicate -respectfully-. If you have preconcieved notions that video games are for losers and he should stop, that's basically communicating to him "I think you are a loser." And that wont end well.

Also note i'm certainly not attempting to put words in your mouth, it's just a pattern that is common that I wanted to warn you to avoid.