I Wrote That Crap (For America!)

[WanderingFool]

No Bob, we won't stop you; You want to tell us about terrible screenplays and we enjoy hearing about them. If you want to tell us about someone else's work, we won't mind.

On the other hand, I wouldn't say you're poisoning your chances at making real movies: Warlock sounds like a possible C-movie.

You would have to get me drunk to even think that last one was a good idea...

Bob, I think the first one would be an awesome movie (save the grenade roundhouse kicks and such in Kabul). But yeah, the other two kinda sucked. I think its manly because they were a combination of two things that should have never gone together...

 

[Malty Milk Whistle]

Not gonna lie, I really wanna see Sleeper.
It sounds amazing.
Make it bob.
Make it now.

 

[Seventh Actuality]

On the bright side, Icebreaker was a good enough idea to be a gag in Frasier one time.

 

[Chrono212]

I can see this on a business card:
Bob 'MovieBob' Chipman
something is profoundly wrong with me
555-1234

Back on topic; are these screenplays fully fledged scripts or just treatments/pitches?

 

[coheedswicked]

I would absolutely watch Sleeper.

 

[LadyRhian]

#3 sounded interesting. But...having been Pagan/Wiccan at one point, DON'T call the movie "WarlocK." A male witch is still a witch. Warlock comes from Scottish Gaelic and means "Oathbreaker". Not the kind of thing you want to imply...

 

[K12]

I think the sleeper definitely has potential.

I'm pretty sure you'd have to abandon the karate kicking grenades action B movie stuff near the end though. I think the subject and tone would conflict too much.

I think having a Muslim American hero is a fantastic idea but you'd probably need to avoid it being too campy, it'd seem insincere.

 

[Gordon_4_v1legacy]

I'm not gonna lie, I reckon American Warlock has potential to be a great action-comedy or even modern action-fantasy; sure it needs to be tightened up and tweaked but I think it has a solid baseline to work with.

Sleeper would likewise be awesome, but I'd eschew the roundhouse kicking grenades for a lengthier montage on the hows and whys of him rejecting his old ideology and embracing his new one, but having the climactic battle happen around an actual military engagement would be an interesting twist.

 

[Mr. Q]

Honestly, Bob, your ideas have potential if given the right frame of mind. Your Sleeper concept would work best if played straight rather than an 80s action flick. Some like your killer Beavers pitch would work best as a dark comedy like Black Sheep.

 

[Baresark]

Haha, the sheer amount of military pole jocking in these movie ideas is pretty funny. I guess that you had a lot of friends in the military at the time of this and I notice you still have a bit of that hero worship going on in some of your other reviews. Keep 'em coming, fascinating stuff.

 

[Sylocat]

Well, after having read your pitch for Icebreaker... Sheesh, no wonder you've gone so far in the opposite direction now.

Now then... the full treatment for the Warlock movie is, well, every bit as awful as you realize it is, but the core concept actually has some promise.

 

[The Grim Ace]

Definitely liking 1 and 3 probably more than I should. Teenage me would have been all over 3 if for no other reason than hot goth girl.

 

[The Random One]

Icebreaker kinda sounds like if Hideo Kojima made Catherine.

Metaphor of the year, right there.

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

No Bob, we won't stop you; You want to tell us about terrible screenplays and we enjoy hearing about them. If you want to tell us about someone else's work, we won't mind.

On the other hand, I wouldn't say you're poisoning your chances at making real movies: Warlock sounds like a possible C-movie.

yeah what this fellow said. Some of the these have a real shot at being "Sci-Fi channel original movies"

 

[angel85]

you know what, minus the terrorist thing I feel like I've heard of a movie just like "Icebreaker..." Also the first and last ones could actually work as B-movies.

 

[Azure Knight-Zeo]

"The Sleeper" sounds pretty good actually (except for maybe him being a terrorist), the other two need quite a bit more work on them to receive the same praise.

 

[metal mustache]

Just saying, i want to see all of moviebobs theoritacl movies
edit - i mean actually watch them on bigscreen, not read them

 

[linforcer]

Wow. You really left the best/worst for last, huh, Bob?