If EA took over *blank*

[geK0]

We all know that EA has a habit of taking games and trying to "make them appeal to a wider audience" and by that, they mean more guns, more action, more cutscenes, more of the stuff that makes so many games the same old crap.
We also know that EA has a habit of buying out publishers and running them into the ground.

But I'm not making this thread to whine about EA, I just wanted to make a bit of a game. Pick a company that isn't owned by EA (yet) and predict what will become of that company's franchises once EA takes the reigns.

 

[skywolfblue]

EA takes over Valve.

- The internet explodes in rage
- Portal 3+, Left4Dead 3+, Half Life 3+ and TF3+ are made into bi-yearly big hit console releases. Milked till they're dry
- Steam... as if EA didn't have enough money to roll around in.

Dooooooooooooomsday!

 

[Blood Brain Barrier]

Frictional games

EA's new Amnesia 2 monsters and setting

 

[BLAHwhatever]

Frictional games

EA's new Amnesia 2 monsters and setting

too colourful
needs more grey and brown

 

[Vegosiux]

Frictional games

EA's new Amnesia 2 monsters and setting

too colourful
needs more grey and brown

"Ahhh, that is indeed so. Here, if you throw in another 5 bucks, you will get your very own brown-filter-glasses for a more realistic color experience while playing this awesome product!"

Also, EA takes over TTG.

In the next Sam&Max point-and-click adventure series, the solution to every puzzle is "use gun on the dude". The trial and error comes from figuring out which gun, because guns become the only items you can pick up.

 

[Alternative]

*insert random smaller game developer here* EA runs the company into the ground then disbands/merges/sells the empty husk of the company
uses money from sale to buy another small games company, cicle repeats itself

 

[lRookiel]

If EA took over Beamdog, we would have Baldurs gate games coming out yearly, I would fucking lose my mind trying to decide whether or not to buy them.

 

[Vault101]

The Witcher.

EA pumps out Witcher 3 in a year, splits the game up into 3 pieces of DLC. It's 10 hours long and [b/]theres a shit ton of gay sex that gets shoved in your face. [/b]
.

eh?...I don't get the connection with EA there

unless your talking about ME3...but come on...it wasn't shoved in your face, neither was it an EA marketeting decision...it was just a story desicion by Biowae

 

[Triforceformer]

EA takes over UberEnt:

-Prices in SMNC store jacked up. Ea justifies this by saying they need to "Assure their profit in the game."
-You only get one Pro for free. And EA intentionally makes them shit.
-Can't earn in-game content. Have to pay for everything.
-All new Pros are hyper-sexualized women with about 10 strings worth of fabric covering their body. Comes with equally obnoxious ad campaigns that do nothing but make people resent EA as said new pros's asses giggle like Jell-O.
-Game fails. EA blames "Lack of interest."

 

[Vegosiux]

What makes this doubly amusing is that the straight couples in the ME universe never got this treatment. Apparently heterosexuality is out of fashion in the future.

Well there was that "private con-vur-say-shi-un" on Illium...

But yeah. There were several things ME3 just tried too damn hard with...

 

[geK0]

EA takes over Mojang

-Minecraft has an always online requirement and mods are disabled
-EA sells mods and skins as DLC
-EA bans accounts at random
-Zombies are replaced with space grunts of some sort
-less emphasis is placed on building things, the point of the game is now to kill space grunts
-swords are replaced with AK47s
-EA launches an advertising campaign for the renamed "Spacegruntcraft" and loses millions of dollars in the process
-Minecraft servers are shut down because Minecraft doesn't appeal to a wide enough audience (any more)

 

[Vault101]

Pretty sure EA are back there rubbing there hands since they know Biowares habit of "embracing" (but really insulting) the gay community is selling 500.000 extra copies.

insulting? ok, I'm not gay so I can't really speak for them there...but the gay characters weren't exactly portrayed in a bad way

ok, I get the fact that you could say they were just put there for the sole purpose of being gay romance options...but they weren't bad characters, both (traynor and steve) had their role and were likeable enough (especially Traynor)

again by your logic how the hell could you not insult somone? make them overtly gay? INSULTING! tone down the gayness? INSULTING!

[quote/]Except it was.

I explore my ship. I reach the lower level, talk to the first person I see. He blurts out "BY THE WAY I'M GAY AND I HAD A HUSBAND AND HE DIED IN THE WAR DID I MENTION I'M REALLY GAY". Yeah, that's how homosexuals always introduce themselves to others, apparently. [/quote]

the fuck are you talking about? he says "I had a husband"...thats it, did you want him to say "my partner" to avoid hurting your sensitive ears? I don't know how you interpreted that...but I did not get I'M SO GAY! vibes at all

again I read somwhere the Idea was the in future "I have a husbad" as said buy a guy wouldn't bat an eye lid

[quote/]So after a resounding fuck that I take Shepard to the citadel. Yeah, this is pretty cool, just walking along... Suddenly, you overhear a LOUD AS FUCK conversation between a gay couple who just can't stop emphasizing how gay they are.
.[/quote]

I can't remember the one...you'll have to remind me

 

[DoPo]

EA takes over Activision. The world as we know it ends and we enter the Dark Age of Videogames?.

 

[Alternative]

I felt they handled Steve cortez bluntly
first conversation with him can be summerised as "im gay"
second converstion with him can be summerised as "im gay and my husband died while ago"

Traynor was also handled poorly
as in "im alluding to the fact im gay with barly disguised metaphores"
although she did become a slightly more fleshed out character, aslong as you took the time to converse with the character.

 

[Tallim]

EA takes over The Escapist!

There is a small fee of $1 to reply to this comment.....

*hides behind chest high flameshield*

 

[Lee Quitt]

No I shall not capitalize the word god. Honestly if you really believe the homosexuality was shoved in your face in me3, you really are retarded, and are holding back the human race, and as such should be removed.

 

[Alternative]

EA takes over Game Freak and start working on Pokemon.

You get your Starter pokemon for free and the first 30 of the pokedex, then have to pay an extra 20 dollars to unlock the rest of your pokedex, with the option to purchase Legendaries for 10 dollars each regardless of location in the game.

Instead of capturing pokemon in turn-based battles, you run from cover to cover and hit them with the 'poke-cannon' until they have no HP, at which point they are automatically captured.

And finally, instead of two 10 year old kids, the male character is a 35 year old veteran of the Poke-Wars with the emotional range of a stone and the female character is a 22 year old with a pair of Double-Ds and 15 different customizable skimpy outfits. While male children are still encountered, all females in game are 18-26ish, sexy and inexplicably attracted to both protagonists.

there are also 4 versions of pokemon released a year, also yearly releases.

 

[DoPo]

No I shall not capitalize the word god. Honestly if you really believe the homosexuality was shoved in your face in me3, you really are retarded, and are holding back the human race, and as such should be removed.

Funny you say that, because yours are the only posts I reported.

OT: I thought of another one, not as much of an apocalypse scenario but still: EA takes over Ubisoft. Now you have to pay to play your games. You will purchase the game, and then you'll purchase vouchers to play them for a limited time. Later on, the EAbisoft will release their own console that plays all their games but is coin operated, and you only buy coins from them. Also, it has three factor authentication, to prevent piracy.

 

[joonsk]

Snip

I disagree. When you meet Cortez he tells you that he lost his husband. That's it. If it were a straight dude he would have sqaid that he lost his wife. I am actually quite happy with what Bioware did with that. A lot of movies, games and comics, gay personages have one character trait, being gay, that annoys me, even though I am straight.

Hell, have you played DA:O, remember that dude named Zevran (I think that was his name), he was much worse than Traynor or Cortez.

 

[Shocksplicer]

Don't you worry about Blank. Let me worry about Blank.

But seriously, EA takes over the Coca Cola company. EA quickly realises that Coca Cola is the most popular brand owned by the company. In order to maximise profits, they take all other products owned by the company, such as Powerade, Fanta, Lift etc and make them the exact same.

When this plan fails spectacularly, EA is confused by this developement and decides that the best course of action is to discontinue production of all products apart from Coca Cola.