If you were an evil overlord, who or what would you use for henchmen?

[JoJo]

[HEADING=1]INJUSTICE LEAGUE[br]ASKS[br][small]If you were an evil overlord, who or what would you use for henchmen? [/small][/HEADING]​

Welcome to 2014 Escapists, a hypothetical scenario to start off your year! Imagine that you are the dark lord of your respective universe and your perfect scheme is falling into place. The only thing left which you need is a bunch of loyal henchmen, workers who will carry out your evil plans and help dispose of your enemies without complaint or moral quibbles. Who or what would you designate for this important task? You can choose anything within reason, real or fictional.

Spoiler: My answer

Who else?

The almighty Big Daddy, they'll give their lives for you without a moment's thought and carry you to the ends of the Earth. Sentient enough to know how to do their duty but generally simple-minded enough not to pose moral questions to you. The perfect henchmen? Perhaps, if only their weakness to young tattooed men wielding odd powers was fixed...

[HEADING=3]TLR: So Escapists, who or what would YOU use for henchmen?[/HEADING]​

[hr]

[small]-JoJo-[/small]
[small]-Captain of the Henchmen-[/small]

THIS THREAD APPROVED BY THE INJUSTICE LEAGUE

 

[tippy2k2]

Yeah but can you get enough Big Daddies? They seem pretty rare and when the US Army comes crashing down on you for trying to blow up the East coast, will you have enough of them to fight?

As for me...

I'm so very boring. I would never ever be an effective bad guy because I feel kind of bad killing a spider, let alone trying to take over the world. Therefore...

Spoiler

Pretty much my evil in a nutshell; inept, useless, but good for a cheap laugh

 

[JoJo]

Yeah but can you get enough Big Daddies? They seem pretty rare and when the US Army comes crashing down on you for trying to blow up the East coast, will you have enough of them to fight?

I've got enough Big Daddies for now, and anyone who disagrees with that is welcome to challenge them to a henchmen showdown! Mr Bubbles and friends, assemble!

 

[kailus13]

Spiders. All of the spiders in the world. Aside from instantly conquering perhaps 5% of people with the phrase "submit or I'll send spiders after you", I'd also have the perfect assasins.

Thinking about it though, Big Daddies might be impervious to their attacks.

 

[Elfgore]

Vorcha from Mass Effect.

They will rape your shit, they breed like rabbits, they are aggressive, and they have difficulty speaking English.

The perfect minions.

 

[Barbas]

Well, I would have to say that it would be a difficult decision between the reanimated dragon priest ranks of the Draugr...

Spoiler

...Or those cruel and efficient denizens of Oblivion, the Daedra...

Spoiler

Perhaps we shall have try-outs.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

I'd use a batch of sexy Poison Ivys as my hench-women.

 

[BathorysGraveland2]

Probably the Orcs from the Gothic trilogy, specifically the third game. I just fucking love the guys. They're not only badass warriors, many of them are fucking hilarious as shit (always a joy to converse with!). Would I achieve anything as an overlord with these guys as an army? Probably not, but I'd enjoy myself quite well along the way!

Spoiler

It's hard to show in screenshots, but they're the most lovable badass evil Orcs ever.

 

[Diablo1099_v1legacy]

This thread has a disturbing lack of Killer Robots.

Spoiler: Lets Fix that

Fulgore: The Terminator, Robocop and The Predator all rolled into one package.
Laser swords, Eye lasers, Machine guns and all remotely controlled.
The intimidation value alone makes them worth it.

Spoiler: I mean, Look at it!

The only way that could be more terrifying if the world was burning around him and if he was covered in blood! IT'S PERFECT!

 

[Tireseas_v1legacy]

This thread as a disturbing lack of Killer Robots.

Spoiler: Do the Borg count as robots?

But, yeah, coordinated, effective, massive numbers, no free will, neigh indestructable, etc. One Borg Cube takes almost an entire fleet to destroy, so I'll send 8 Cubes, several scout ships, ten Spheres and a Diamond just in case. And while they tend to move slowly, Queen Borg and other types suggest that it is possible to develop fast moving drones as well. Theoretically, you could implant nanoprobes into a captured subject that would only effect the brain, making them good covert operatives for scouting.

 

[Diablo1099_v1legacy]

Spoiler: Do the Borg count as robots?

But, yeah, coordinated, effective, massive numbers, no free will, neigh indestructable, etc. One Borg Cube takes almost an entire fleet to destroy, so I'll send 8 Cubes, several scout ships, ten Spheres and a Diamond just in case. And while they tend to move slowly, Queen Borg and other types suggest that it is possible to develop fast moving drones as well. Theoretically, you could implant nanoprobes into a captured subject that would only effect the brain, making them good covert operatives for scouting.

...Hmmmm...Good point, though I think they are more Bio-mech Cyborgs then actual Robots

But would you be able to control them or will they assimilate you too?...

 

[ClockworkPenguin]

Kittens! Genetically modified so they don't grow up, and so that they can walk bipedally and hold things, but still look adorable. They are naturally evil, and no hero would ever be able to harm them. It is foolproof, FOOLPROOF! Mua Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!

 

[Tireseas_v1legacy]

But would you be able to control them or will they assimilate you too?...

The best of both worlds: I would be a Borg Queen. All the fancy hardware of assimilation and the autonomy necessary to effectively coordinate the sector. Plus, if her (well, technically hers because there are dozens of them) appearances in the cannon is any indication, you get to keep most of your humanoid faculties in the process (although you only get to keep your head, neck, and spine).

 

[omega 616]

Easy!

The most evil force the universe! Lawyers!

Who needs to rob a bank when you can use the law the rob them? Hostile take overs and constant deals would ensure I would never be opposed! Plus you don't to worry about those pesky kids, the batman or any other kind of hero wannabes. You're just being a dick, not a criminal ... although our practices should be!

 

[CrazyGirl17]

An army of mutant animals, of course! Maybe with a few cyborgs thrown in for flavor...

 

[SilkySkyKitten]

A massive hivemind horde of killer gerbils.

They look cute and fluffy and adorable, and they're rather small too. Thus, no one would expect that the last thing they would ever hear before their doom is the pitter-patter of thousands of tiny paws.

 

[Vegosiux]

What do you mean "if"?

My army of rogues from various elven sub-races are working on my plans for world domination as we speak!

Whoops, did I say that out loud? Well...

You did not just witness me saying I would use elven rogues as my henchmen.

 

[Imp_Emissary]

Spoiler: I'll take an army of Dragons.

[https://imageshack.com/i/mr1tjvj]

Think about it.
In stories, the hero's sometimes have to set up a whole army to take down one dragon.

I will have nothing to fear if I have a whole army of them.
And they come in so many different types. I'll have a dragon for every needed task.

Spoiler: Also, her.

[https://imageshack.com/i/jltiamatsp]

 

[KefkaCultist]

A massive hivemind horde of killer gerbils.

They look cute and fluffy and adorable, and they're rather small too. Thus, no one would expect that the last thing they would ever hear before their doom is the pitter-patter of thousands of tiny paws.

Well damn, there goes my answer basically. I was going to go with cute, fluffy kittens that are trained to maul the face off of anything that moves (other than myself), but it's pretty much the same concept: something cute and unassuming that is trained to be a killing machine with the bonus of having a ton of fluffy animals to play with afterwards. lol

 

[Mangod]

I'll make a clone army of myself!

Spoiler

The best part is that if one of them rebels and overthrows me, I'll still, technically, be the ruler of the Empire