"I'm An Asshole"

[PeePantz]

Oh you people are too nice....

I'm an asshole, and I'll admit it. I can't even think of where to begin or what aspect I should talk about. Let's start with girls, because, well, this is just the tip of my assholeness.

Disclaimer: I'm actually a great friend and in the past, I've been a great boyfriend. If you aren't too close to me, I can/will be an asshole without regard. Also, I do feel remorse for some things.

-I've broken off relationships (not necessarily girlfriends) by never calling or refusing to pick up the pone. This is when things are perceived as going "well". Several times.

-I had sex with a cutter (unbeknownst to me until we were naked) and laughed my ass off. I made jokes throughout intercourse about her scars. The sex was good, the only reason why she didn't storm off. I'm sure it was extremely awkward for her and probably derailed any progress with her life. My dog also ate her underwear during our rendezvous, and I made her take a cab home afterward.

-After showing a girl I was seeing a picture of the massive poop I had taken earlier, I then proceeded to see if she would.... well you know (it rhymes with limb bob). She did. I only did this to be a dick.

-I broke up with a beautiful and lovely girl (this girl I would have married. She was almost perfect - ALMOST) because I wasn't digging her vagina. Out of no where. No warning at all.

-While I was seeing above girl, I was also seeing another girl because I dug her vagina. I was a dick to her though because she wanted more than drunk texts to have sex. Also, she claimed to have been raped by a friend when she was passed out. I doubt it and was scared that if a someone is willing to "date rape", they might have an STD. Last straw was when I learned she was telling friends that we were together.

-On my birthday, a girl that I was seeing took me out to dinner and actually got me a really cool gift. She even took me to the strip club because she thought it would be neat. I ended up ditching her and going home with a stripper.

-I had sex with my friends gf only to prove she was not worthy of him and was promiscuous. I thought my drunken reason was sound and now realize that there was better ways of going about this. I also had a gf at the time, yet was willing to do this because I thought I was a Super Hero and the guardian of truth. I'm not.

In the middle of sex with a girl, I left because I had to "go to the bathroom". I was actually very hungry and started to slow cook a swordfish steak. When I was done (sex), I went to the kitchen stark naked and proceeded to eat the swordfish from the pan. She got curious and came out to see what I was up to. She pieced "1 and 1" together and wasn't happy with the "2". Also, my dog ate her underwear as well.

-I had sex with a girl in order to win a pool at work during a work party. I only had sex with her to win money because she was the name I pulled out of a hat. I also was the one who set up the pool.

-I lost my virginity to a girl at the beach who was actually hooking up with my friend. I was hooking up with her friend and decided I liked her boobs better. I then pulled a switch.

-I had sex with a girl under the pretenses that I would take her out to brunch the next day. After we were done, I made her take a cab home. The next day, I went to brunch with some other girl.

This is just a small tip of my assholeish behavior not only towards girls(women) but of other area of life. I truly feel bad about a lot. But hey, I'm happy.

 

[ChaosBorne]

hmmmm after reading through this thread i feel a lot better about the shit i've done.
(i'm still an asshole ofcourse, just not as big as some other people here)

 

[Colour Scientist]

Its cause shes hot now...isnt it....that would be hilarious.

I have no idea. I haven't seen her since, she lived on the other side of the country.

 

[Voidrunner]

When I was younger I actually had to make a conscious effort to be an asshole, now the behaviour seems to have just become ingrained and I now unconsciously found myself spewing out insults and threats whenever there's a lapse in the conversation. In fact these days I just have entire conversations that are just me spitting insults at people for no reason. My conversational skills are so poor I have nothing else to say and it really frustrates me because I have to live with constanly driving people away with my attitude.

Only solution I have is to not speak at all but then people believe the only reason I'm silent is because I'm in a homicidal rage at which isn't really what I'm aiming for.

 

[Dark Knifer]

We are all assholes

Damn beat me to it. That was the first thing I thought of when I saw the title.

OT: Well I told my mum when I was about 7 that her work was pointless because it didn't get us any money. She cried, I apologized profusely afterward and dad made it clear to me why what she does is very important, something I respect very highly now.

 

[TheLiham]

The Game.

That's how much of an asshole I am.

 

[the.gill123]

With a mate we farted, sneezed, spat and stomped on a housemates pizza after he had gone to bed, he completly deserved it, but still this is the one I am most ashamed of. In our defence, we had made our way through a litre of vodka, 2 bottles of wine and 8 cans of Stella.
I had to leave the living room the next day as I spotted him eating the pizza and it made me feel sick, I probably should have told him, but I was too hung over to care.

 

[FrankatronX]

OK please don't Judge me. But:

I once stoned a kid on a bike
and a woman on the beach
and I used water guns in snowball fights
and I stole a lot of toys from other kids
after I broke into their houses
then got away on their bikes
which I ditched in the swamp
on which I was trespassing
When I wasn't constantly lying to my parents about what I was doing I was making things up about other kids.

I wrote a whole chapter on being a little cuss.
All of this is true.
I am not proud of any of it.

 

[Dogstile]

Does messing with a girls relationships three times in the space of two years and breaking her heart twice count as being a massive arsehole? Especially if I knew I was doing it.

That's actually one of the nicer things. I'm not telling people about the others.

 

[SckizoBoy]

I was part of the ATC in my later teens, and once I became a senior NCO, I was a total arse. Not normal Sergeant level of dickhead, but almost pure unadulterated '****'. I look back on the three months I was a Staff Sergeant (left for uni) and my temper was thinner than a molecular film... I think I lost count of how many cadets were brought to the brink of tears because I was such a jerk.

 

[ChaoticKraus]

I had a viscious temper when i was around 6-10 and used to snap at people who bothered me, but i don't really regret that. I couldn't really help it.

What I am ashamed of is how ungrateful i was towards my family/relatives despite them helping me and treating me well. I was just an arrogant little shit. I feel really bad for that.

I come out swinging like Chris Brown at a Rally For Women concert.

That is one of the funniest metaphors i have heard. Thanks for making chuckle like a crazy person!

 

[electric_warrior]

Only really once.

A girl asked me to come and sit with her at our prom (it turned out a year or so later that she really liked me) and I said, "I'm sorry, but my friends are over there." She was great, and looked amazing that evening, and I wish I had just gone and sat with her.

 

[AugustFall]

Ah yes regrets. I feel like a protest the hero lyrics is relevant:
"Sometimes a knife right through your heart is exactly what you need. Sometimes the things that you're ashamed of make you who you're supposed to be."

 

[Kejui]

I wanted a battle troll when I was younger and my mother said she would buy one for me.

When she came home the night she said this, she stated that she forgot.

I threw a hissy fit.

Turns out, she bought me one, but was just having a little fun before she gave it to me...I felt like the biggest asshole ever.

 

[Magicmad5511]

I've got 2 that haunt my mind.

1.When I was in primary school I was in a group of friends and one of was sort of large girl. We were rolling down a hill in the school playground and I turned to my one of my other friends and whispered "Look, an elephant rolling down the hill". They then told her.
I'm not normally anything like that and always attempt to avoid insulting people. I have no idea why I did it. In my defense though she was a *****, constantly playing my other two friends against each other.

2.When I was much younger I went to Stibbington, a WW2 recreation thing, we were each given a fake identity of a real person of that time. When we found there actual graves I make an idiotic joke about dancing on my own grave. This still haunts me whenever we drive by Stibbington. I was too young to understand how offensive that was.

I regret these immensely and wish these had never happened but that's not going to happen so I'll just have to live with it.

Edit: I just remembered a third one.

3. In secondary school our group had a friend no one massively liked. He had an account on a website I will not name and I knew his account name, so I decided to troll him a little bit. New to trolling I went way over the line and ended up being one of those horrible insulting trolls. He sent me a message saying how I was wrong and I realized I had properly offended him.
I just apologized and said he could remove my comments if he wanted. He still doesn't know it was actually me and I am never going to tell him.

I have since given up any ideas of trolling. I'm just too kind hearted.

 

[Jnilzsen]

When I was about 9, I ditched my best friends to go hang out the so called 'popular group'. They're still mad at me :/ I wish I could fix things.