"I'm married, not dead."

[Helios_(DEL)]

all im gonna say is this, do you need a contract to show you love someone?

 

[rupyTN]

wow, wow, and wow.

Some very interesting commentary from all.




THIS guy: [teh lurker], takes the cake though with his contribution:

There's times when I think that, speaking as a married man, that the dead are better off. At this specific point in my life, I can hardly stand to be in the same apartment as my wife, let alone in the same bed. Unfortunately for me, but fortunately for her, it's cheaper to keep her rather than trying to go through a divorce.

There's very few things in life that I absolutely cannot tolerate. I can't stand useless people. By useless people, I mean the ones that constantly procrastinate, secure in the knowledge that whatever it was that they were supposed to be doing will be done for them by someone else if they wait long enough. My wife is very good at procrastinating, or at least working at a pace so slow that she may as well not work at all.

Case in point, we had to clean our apartment from one end to the other, since we were having people over. In the time it took me to clean the bathroom, the kitchen, and the living room, she had cleaned half of the bedroom. Then, she complained that she was tired and needed to take a nap. There's times when I want to just change the locks on the front door and tell her to go live with her parents again.

"it's cheaper to keep her" ... KEEP her, FFS you married her not purchased her, she's not a chattel.

The 'case in point' ... she's clearly moving, working, slowly. She's not inspired, she's depressed. She probably didn't particularly want 'the people' over, who were probably YOUR friends, and to be friends with you they would have to suffer the same narcissistic and egocentric personality disorder you clearly have.

Perhaps you should discuss your feelings with your terrible, lazy, and procrastinating wife/property, who knows, she might opt out of pursuing any financial compensation, just to get you the FO of her life. Poor *****.

Perhaps you just need a bigger mirror.

 

[AnnaIME]

There's times when I think that, speaking as a married man, that the dead are better off. At this specific point in my life, I can hardly stand to be in the same apartment as my wife, let alone in the same bed. Unfortunately for me, but fortunately for her, it's cheaper to keep her rather than trying to go through a divorce.

Staying married because it is "cheaper"? Is your life worth so little to you?

Do you really think it is more "fortunate" for your wife to be tethered to someone who hates her than to be free to make her own way in the world?

Mate, the courts would more than likely bend him over and take him for a spin on old rusty the spiked bat. Courts are still heavily biased towards women in terms of settlement, custody and property.

Let's see... wife + money = miserable. No wife + no money = a chance to start over. I know what option I would choose. A chance at happiness is better than certain misery and eventual bitterness.

 

[teh lurker]

wow, wow, and wow.

Some very interesting commentary from all.




THIS guy: [teh lurker], takes the cake though with his contribution:

There's times when I think that, speaking as a married man, that the dead are better off. At this specific point in my life, I can hardly stand to be in the same apartment as my wife, let alone in the same bed. Unfortunately for me, but fortunately for her, it's cheaper to keep her rather than trying to go through a divorce.

There's very few things in life that I absolutely cannot tolerate. I can't stand useless people. By useless people, I mean the ones that constantly procrastinate, secure in the knowledge that whatever it was that they were supposed to be doing will be done for them by someone else if they wait long enough. My wife is very good at procrastinating, or at least working at a pace so slow that she may as well not work at all.

Case in point, we had to clean our apartment from one end to the other, since we were having people over. In the time it took me to clean the bathroom, the kitchen, and the living room, she had cleaned half of the bedroom. Then, she complained that she was tired and needed to take a nap. There's times when I want to just change the locks on the front door and tell her to go live with her parents again.

"it's cheaper to keep her" ... KEEP her, FFS you married her not purchased her, she's not a chattel.

The 'case in point' ... she's clearly moving, working, slowly. She's not inspired, she's depressed. She probably didn't particularly want 'the people' over, who were probably YOUR friends, and to be friends with you they would have to suffer the same narcissistic and egocentric personality disorder you clearly have.

Perhaps you should discuss your feelings with your terrible, lazy, and procrastinating wife/property, who knows, she might opt out of pursuing any financial compensation, just to get you the FO of her life. Poor *****.

Perhaps you just need a bigger mirror.

I wasn't completely clear when I posted. The "people" I mentioned were her family. Besides the people at work, I have literally no friends that live within 70 miles of our apartment. I said that it was cheaper to keep her because if I was to get divorced, I would have to take over her car payment, her monthly cell phone bill, as well as pay off her medical bills, in addition to paying her alimony. I already pay the rent, utilities, car insurance on both our cars, as well as doing all the automotive maintenance out of solely my income. She doesn't help me with any of that. We were separated for a while about a year and a half ago. Happiest 6 months of my life in recent memory. She came back to me, and I'm too soft hearted, or soft headed, depending on how you look at it, to tell her to get out. She knows how I feel already. We've discussed it, at length. She cries and says she'll start helping out around the apartment more, that she'll try and learn how to cook so that I don't have to do it when I get home after a 14 hour shift at work, how she'll do this, that and the third to actually become a functioning adult. She and I both know it's nothing but a bunch of lies and yet I sit idly by and let it happen. Not because I'm scared of being alone, I prefer it when she's not here. No, I let it happen because I don't want to have to pick up her slack because the courts forced me to. If that makes me narcissistic and egocentric then so be it. She knows that she's free to leave whenever she wants and I won't try to stop her. That's the problem. She won't leave.

She's admitted to cheating on me once, and I forgave her. I know she'll start crying if I cheated on her, and I don't like seeing people cry, no matter how much I don't like them. That's why I've been faithful all these years. Have I looked at other women? Absolutely. Have I considered cheating on my wife? I'd be lying if I said no. Have I ever cheated? No, never. I've been cheated on before by other women, and it tore my heart out. I could never do that to someone.

I guess I still have a narcissistic and egocentric personality disorder huh?

 

[NewClassic_v1legacy]

My opening post was pretty light-hearted, especially give the zombie theme, but my opinion on long-term anything is actually more complex.

Part of the problem I have with things like this is that people so rarely examine how they're being herded, so they don't really see it coming until they already feel like they're in bureaucratic hell, or some derivative thereof. Marriage is just an extension of that, people finding themselves making more and more concessions to wife, husband, children, church groups, neighborhood standards committees, PTA, and so on. Really, it's not any one part that causes the "problem," so to speak, but rather the implication that the jobs, relationships, or memberships are the problems.

Instead, it's to focus on what part of the machine is a problem. Personally, I have no issues with long term relationships, so that's not my personal zombie.[footnote]Let's shamble with this metaphor. Helps keep my joke consistent.[/footnote] I find that my membership with any group is pretty naturally forming and breaking. If I'm unhappy with a group or idea, I'll usually step away from it. That particular zombie doesn't haunt me often, or at all if I've got good presence of mind. My particular zombie comes from the routine. Juggling school and work, at one point, was so naturally ingrained that I felt my schedule needed to conform strictly to job and academia. It ended p burning me out pretty quick, and was a great way to collapse my mood consistently, and for days at a time.

My zombie comes from too much routine. Even the days where I convinced myself to go for a run out of the blue, or drove around just to get lost, or decided to try something I'd never done before was enough to get me out of my funk, and prepared for a long shift or the next day of classes. The routine was my personal zombie, and one I had the hardest time seeing before it was practically chewing on my neck. So, should I ever find myself shambling down the road on the hunt for tasty, gooey, delicious brains, this will probably be why.

I'm the best at what I dooooo.

 

[FamoFunk]

There's times when I think that, speaking as a married man, that the dead are better off. At this specific point in my life, I can hardly stand to be in the same apartment as my wife, let alone in the same bed. Unfortunately for me, but fortunately for her, it's cheaper to keep her rather than trying to go through a divorce.

Staying married because it is "cheaper"? Is your life worth so little to you?

Do you really think it is more "fortunate" for your wife to be tethered to someone who hates her than to be free to make her own way in the world?

Mate, the courts would more than likely bend him over and take him for a spin on old rusty the spiked bat. Courts are still heavily biased towards women in terms of settlement, custody and property.

Only if there's children involved they are. And rightly so, if the Woman is going to be the main career for the children she should have the house. Or should she go on the streets with the children? I'm not too sure a man would want that for his children.

 

[Gordon_4_v1legacy]

There's times when I think that, speaking as a married man, that the dead are better off. At this specific point in my life, I can hardly stand to be in the same apartment as my wife, let alone in the same bed. Unfortunately for me, but fortunately for her, it's cheaper to keep her rather than trying to go through a divorce.

Staying married because it is "cheaper"? Is your life worth so little to you?

Do you really think it is more "fortunate" for your wife to be tethered to someone who hates her than to be free to make her own way in the world?

Mate, the courts would more than likely bend him over and take him for a spin on old rusty the spiked bat. Courts are still heavily biased towards women in terms of settlement, custody and property.

Only if there's children involved they are. And rightly so, if the Woman is going to be the main career for the children she should have the house. Or should she go on the streets with the children? I'm not too sure a man would want that for his children.

No, but the bias can be dangerous and even blind judges/magistrates to the faults of the mother. And why should the father in turn be turfed out on the streets? As long as they're not abusive to one another, they can sleep in separate rooms until they've sorted it out.

Being the mother is not an automatic pass mark as a parent above the father.

 

[Kpt._Rob]

I disagree. There are plenty of married couples who don't end up falling into the zombie like category you describe. Sure, if people are wrong for each other and they try to make a lifetime commitment work, then yeah, the zombie scenario is just about the only defense mechanism they can use. But I've seen couples who were genuinely in love, and so being involved in that lifetime commitment doesn't change them at all, they were right for each other to start with and they don't have to pretend to be different.

 

[Evil the White]

If your marriage is feeling like death then it isn't a very good marriage.

 

[SuperUberBob]

Seems that OP is trying to create a marriage pity party with his depressing comments.

Boo-fuckity-hoo. Marriage is intended to be lifelong commitment, not a long-term girlfriend. Each partner has to work hard at keeping it fresh and exciting. If you start getting bored with each other, then it shows that marriage was a bad decision at the time or that you decided to go on auto-pilot after a few years with the idea that your partner is too old to get anything better. Either way, tough luck on you.

Marriage is a lifetime coinflip. 50% of the time, you have a loving and fulfilling relationship. The other 50% of the time involves custody battles, alimony payments and long divorce hearings.

 

[FamoFunk]

There's times when I think that, speaking as a married man, that the dead are better off. At this specific point in my life, I can hardly stand to be in the same apartment as my wife, let alone in the same bed. Unfortunately for me, but fortunately for her, it's cheaper to keep her rather than trying to go through a divorce.

Staying married because it is "cheaper"? Is your life worth so little to you?

Do you really think it is more "fortunate" for your wife to be tethered to someone who hates her than to be free to make her own way in the world?

Mate, the courts would more than likely bend him over and take him for a spin on old rusty the spiked bat. Courts are still heavily biased towards women in terms of settlement, custody and property.

Only if there's children involved they are. And rightly so, if the Woman is going to be the main career for the children she should have the house. Or should she go on the streets with the children? I'm not too sure a man would want that for his children.

No, but the bias can be dangerous and even blind judges/magistrates to the faults of the mother. And why should the father in turn be turfed out on the streets? As long as they're not abusive to one another, they can sleep in separate rooms until they've sorted it out.

Being the mother is not an automatic pass mark as a parent above the father.

It would be lovely if people could work it out like that, I'm a Mum (happily still with the Dad, btw) And see all to often how bitter and nasty people get when there's Children involved.
And it's very unfair to take children from what they feel is their safe, familiar surroundings.

And being a Mum pretty much is a pass mark, as 99.99% of the time, they're the main carer for the kids, they're the ones who're at home with them (even when working come home and do all the parent things)

OT - If I was in a shitty marraige acting like a Zombie with the same crappy routine everyday and unhappy. I be gone, even if it ment I had to start from scratch with no money etc.
I wouldn't throw away a change of happiness a few years down the line.
BUT, marragie is something that's needs to be worked at 24/7 it's a life long commitment and if you know you cannot commit, don't bother smashing other peoples dreams.

 

[ham and red bull]

Good thing I knew this shit before ever even considering marriage.
Both my mom and my dad (divorced) would always walk past a marriage and say:
"They'll regret it!" My mom once almost yelled out "SAY NO!!!" to a girl whose partner was proposing to her.

I don't see the point of binding yourself down. Look at a forest, lots of awesome trees. But wait, there is this one tree that is fucking amazing! I'm going to tie myself to it. 30 years later, the tree slowly starts to die and get ugly, guess what, all the other trees are still awesome, and you're stuck to the rotting one. Have fun!

 

[Retosa]

Oh how I have mixed views on this one. On the one hand, I believe that a marriage is something that is good, and CAN be a happy thing. But I do think that a lot of people either rush into it, or push themselves into it (for example, if there's a kid involved, they push themselves into getting married).

Personally, I love my wife. But if things don't change (similar position to teh_lurker) then I can see myself turning out like him. She has never cheated on me, but she is lazy and a great procrastinator. It's hard to deal with it, especially with a daughter. We take turns, sometimes I do more taking care of our daughter, sometimes she does. But I do ALL the work around the house. All the cooking, etc. I also am the only source of income in the house.

It can be very stressful, and difficult. And you DO eventually get to the point where animosity starts to brew. I believe our marriage is fixable, but if it isn't, I will eventually end it. It would suck for our daughter, and I want to do everything I can to prevent it. But I believe that if it gets to the point where neither me nor my wife are happy, it would be worse for our daughter to grow up with parents who can't stand each other, than to grow up with parents far apart.

 

[dalek sec]

Not sure. I know that when I worked with a bunch of married men they had this dead look in their eyes. I never made a point to talk to any of them but they would always converse with me when I walked in the door. I smiled, complimented their work, talked about simple things and then carried on my own work.

If married life turns me into what I've seen...

Edit: I said married men because I worked with airplane mechanics. Very male dominated field. Maybe 1 or 2 female mechanics against 8000 male mechanics.

This is something of a dumb question but what's up with the picture? I don't get what it has to do with the subject at hand.

As for me I'm not sure what's gonna happen if I get married since I haven't really talked to a girl outside of work since highschool.

 

[Eekaida]

I'm not married and I don't know anyone who is (how sad is that...)

However to me, they don't have to be married - if they're with someone, married or not, they are UNAVAILABLE. Don't even try. Walk away, dignity intact. The security guard where I work had been bragging about his unborn son for months, absolutly smitten with the whole situation. On his last shift, my supervisor spent the whole time following him around the store, shamelessly flirting with him (by which I mean she couldn't have been more obvious if she was naked).
It made my blood boil becuase he was happy the way he was, and by making an advence on him, she was trying to take that happiness away. You can be friendly and complimentary without flirting.

 

[BonsaiK]

That's why school teaches people to be an unquestioning drone

And here I thought Geometry class was about math

Sure it's about doing math - when you're told. Or you have to stand in the corner and look at the "geometry" there.

 

[Pimppeter2]

I disagree whole heartedly.

I can picture my married life, and it would be filled with traveling, romance, fun, as well as stability, security, and fulfillment. Two wacky and adventurous children running around in our house, sharing adventures with me and their mom. Going all over the world, seeing her eyes light up whenever we go someplace new. And of course, getting the chance to fall asleep with that special someone, and waking up to their sweet good-morning is exactly what I'd always want.

You just have to find the right person.

 

[Outright Villainy]

Well, I'm not big on marriage, because I don't see any romance in it. I can see it's utility for tax purposes I guess, but I wouldn't care about that until I ever decided to have children.

The actual long term relationship, however...

Well, I can only speak from personal experience, but then so does everyone.
It's fucking awesome.

 

[Varrdy]

Scientists recently discovered the substance that kills the sex drive and, just for good measure, causes frequent headaches in women.

It's called "Wedding Cake".

Wardy
Young(ish), Free(ish), Single(ish)