I'm not successful when it comes to the ladies.

[Chris Tian]

...why the fuck do you care? Why do you care so much about sticking at bit into one of the countless sacks of meat walking around? Why don't you direct your efforts into something worthwhile, like studying. You know, the thing you are meant to be doing at the place you are at.

To put it another way, sex is not a Holy Grail that will solve any problems, amount to anything or even make you feel better in the long run, so I wouldn't worry about it in the slightest.

I'm sorry but to me that just seems like terrible advice. Sexuality is a huge part of our nature, perhaps in a more profound way then studying or work ever will be.
If you only focus on such a narrow aspect of the human experience now, in a time when your brain is really starting to settle down and form the personality you'll have for the rest of your life, then you are missing out a whole lot of what life has to offer.

Yes, you should study, you should work. But not to the detriment of everything else, do not forget to experience all those things, big and small, that makes life worth living.

Absolutly right. Completly ignoring your sexuality will, in the long run, make you very unhappy. Its just a way to important and basic part of human nature.

Essentially, yes. Sex with a girl has 'value'. You have to demonstrate in some way that you are worthy of this value. That's just the way it works most of the time.

I don't know about that, I am far more successful by acting like she has to prove to be worth my time.

 

[ShipofFools]

I don't know about that, I am far more successful by acting like she has to prove to be worth my time.

Wise words, but hard to pull off. It's best if you pretend nobody has to prove anything and you just want to have a good time together, as two human beings who are, after all, all alone in this world.

 

[Chris Tian]

I don't know about that, I am far more successful by acting like she has to prove to be worth my time.

Wise words, but hard to pull off. It's best if you pretend nobody has to prove anything and you just want to have a good time together, as two human beings who are, after all, all alone in this world.

My tpp: Bring to girls in the mix and make them compete against each other, you just have to make each one think the other one wants you by provoking fake signals of affection (fairly easy to do), and then you are golden.
That works like a f*cking charm.

But what you mention, more off a "look at me we are the only ones here"-approach often worked well too.

 

[Guffe]

I've got this too pretty much.

I work out, am average smart and maybe not bad looking but most tell me my body looks at least good.
SO where's the problem?

And for all that being to much hassle; of course it might be the case for you, but i often met guys who say this because they are frustrated. As soon as you start getting successful, its actually a lot of fun to met lots of different women, most of them are quite fascinating. Again thats only my expirience.

The thing is, I don't have a problem with meeting women.
I like meeting new people and chatting and having fun, it's just that I don't understand why people are so fixated on the whole "getting laid" part of socialising.
Can't a dude in the bar chat with new people, either women, without wanting to get laid with them, or a dude, because you want to get laid with the girl standing next to the guy?
Not frustrated so to say.

And as I said in the part you snipped from my first post, I don't need a GF and I'm not really for one night stands (no idea why...) and happy with my life as it is.

I probably misunderstood you, in my experience attitudes like yours often stem from frustration and a sort of subconscious resignation, and you quotet the part "Sure, I would love to get laid" and wrote "SO where's the problem"
that kinda sounded like you would like to change that situation. If thats not the case, sorry my mistake.

As for the "need" to get laid and why so much gets centered around that. Its just that we all (at least most of us) have the basic, primal and instinctive longing for affection, love and sex. Thats just how humans tick.

If you say meeting lots (or whatever number you'd like) of beautiful women, having fun, sex and/or loving relationships with them would not at all improve your life, okay only you can know that. I just fear you might miss out on some of the greatest things in life.
But if the thought of what i'm mentioning does make you think "well couldnt hurt, might be nice", just know that, thats nothing thats reserved for some sort of social savants or flirt geniuses or movie stars.


A lot of people say stuff like: "Be who you are and do what you do and you will find the right one".
Thats all goood and well, to each his own. Let me just say, if you met 5 women each year or if you met 100 women each year, in what situation is the chance of one of them being "the right one" higher?

Nice read you gave me there mate

Paragraph 1:
Me writing isn't the best way of expressing myself, never been my strong side so the misunderstanding, no prob

Par. 2
k agree on the primal instict too, not saying I don't feel drawn towards the other gender just that I might not be as natural around them as others (specifically the picking up/ flirting part)...

Par 3.
Yeah so... not saying it wouldn't improve my life, most likely finding "the right one" certainly would. But right now I'm doin OK without her and therefor not stressin too much over the fact that I'm single, going to move to another city in 2 months so maybe lady luck is there?.

I don't understand what you mean on your second thing, the movie star thing, might explain it to me? (the whole sentence)

Par. 4
Meeting 5 or a 100 women...
if the 5 are in a bar and the 100 on a graveyard I think I'll pick the 5
Just kidding with ya' mate

 

[Imperioratorex Caprae]

No risk = no reward. If you don't look you aren't just going to find it. Its not easy either. Not to say go out and fuck yourself raw or anything, be smart about it. Sometimes though a casual encounter can turn into a lifetime commitment, and not because she got pregnant.
Thats what happened to me and I'm very fucking happy I did.

 

[Jordi]

My serious advice is just to persue your own interests and eventually someone will come along.

Don't worry, OP. It seems hard now, but you never know when everything may change. Just keep on doing the things you like, and, yes, be yourself.
It's cliché, but it's true. One day, you'll meet someone and then everything changes.

No need to rush it. Along that path lies danger anyway. Live your life, meet people, do what you like doing and you might get lucky enough to find someone compatible with you.

I don't know if you guys literally meant to say "keep living your life as you always have and just wait until a right girl will eventually come along", but I just want to make sure that everyone reading this knows that that generally isn't the best advice. If you have been living your live in a certain way for an extended period of time and you haven't gotten certain results, don't expect to get them without changing anything ("Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results." -- misattributed to Einstein, but still rings true).

What you should do, is examine what is preventing you from getting those results and changing that. Even if you're a great person having fun with a varied and exciting life, if you haven't been able to find an interested girl who is interested in you too in five years, you've got to wonder what the reason for that is. It could be that it was just pure 100% bad luck and that you already did everything right, but that seems a bit unlikely. Even if it really was just bad luck, there is probably something you can do to increase your chances. Maybe you need to start hanging out at other places. Or maybe you're not as great as you think you was and you need to change your behavior/looks a bit.

I'm not saying that you always have to do everything and anything to accomplish your goals. You may have to wonder if it's worth making certain changes; maybe you want things for the wrong reasons and obviously there are other things to worry about in life. And you have to be smart about it. In the case of romance, you don't want to make a desperate impression. But going to different venues, taking better care of yourself, being nice etc. don't make you desperate, so you can still do things to help your chances.

 

[Chris Tian]

Par. 2
k agree on the primal instict too, not saying I don't feel drawn towards the other gender just that I might not be as natural around them as others (specifically the picking up/ flirting part)...

Combined with the earlier statement i read that like: You do well with women as long as you dont have or dont act on an intention to sleep with them (and/or everything that might lead to). Did i understand that right?

Par 3.
Yeah so... not saying it wouldn't improve my life, most likely finding "the right one" certainly would. But right now I'm doin OK without her and therefor not stressin too much over the fact that I'm single, going to move to another city in 2 months so maybe lady luck is there?.

I don't understand what you mean on your second thing, the movie star thing, might explain it to me? (the whole sentence)

Well, my point is basically that you can have both, not stressing yourself over being single or meeting women and still meeting women with ease. And i mean meeting in a way that they are attracted to you.
The chaotic sentence means, that almost every guy can do the above-mentioned, not only movie stars (or similar people).

Par. 4
Meeting 5 or a 100 women...
if the 5 are in a bar and the 100 on a graveyard I think I'll pick the 5
Just kidding with ya' mate

Well thats some irrefutable logic, got me there.

P.S.: If I misunderstood you or am unable to make myself clear thats probably due to the fact, that english is not my native language, like you probably noticed.

 

[Guffe]

Par. 2
k agree on the primal instict too, not saying I don't feel drawn towards the other gender just that I might not be as natural around them as others (specifically the picking up/ flirting part)...

Combined with the earlier statement i read that like: You do well with women as long as you dont have or dont act on an intention to sleep with them (and/or everything that might lead to). Did i understand that right?

Par 3.
Yeah so... not saying it wouldn't improve my life, most likely finding "the right one" certainly would. But right now I'm doin OK without her and therefor not stressin too much over the fact that I'm single, going to move to another city in 2 months so maybe lady luck is there?.

I don't understand what you mean on your second thing, the movie star thing, might explain it to me? (the whole sentence)

a lot of snip

So yeah, getting along woth females just fine, have female friends and chatting occasionally in the bar with ones I don't know, dancing etc. Not just going for the last part effectively, which I think is to some part intentional, or then I'm just telling myself that

hehe, language barrier since neither have English as mothertongue

 

[DudeistBelieve]

My serious advice is just to persue your own interests and eventually someone will come along.

Don't worry, OP. It seems hard now, but you never know when everything may change. Just keep on doing the things you like, and, yes, be yourself.
It's cliché, but it's true. One day, you'll meet someone and then everything changes.

No need to rush it. Along that path lies danger anyway. Live your life, meet people, do what you like doing and you might get lucky enough to find someone compatible with you.

I don't know if you guys literally meant to say "keep living your life as you always have and just wait until a right girl will eventually come along", but I just want to make sure that everyone reading this knows that that generally isn't the best advice. If you have been living your live in a certain way for an extended period of time and you haven't gotten certain results, don't expect to get them without changing anything ("Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results." -- misattributed to Einstein, but still rings true).

What you should do, is examine what is preventing you from getting those results and changing that. Even if you're a great person having fun with a varied and exciting life, if you haven't been able to find an interested girl who is interested in you too in five years, you've got to wonder what the reason for that is. It could be that it was just pure 100% bad luck and that you already did everything right, but that seems a bit unlikely. Even if it really was just bad luck, there is probably something you can do to increase your chances. Maybe you need to start hanging out at other places. Or maybe you're not as great as you think you was and you need to change your behavior/looks a bit.

I'm not saying that you always have to do everything and anything to accomplish your goals. You may have to wonder if it's worth making certain changes; maybe you want things for the wrong reasons and obviously there are other things to worry about in life. And you have to be smart about it. In the case of romance, you don't want to make a desperate impression. But going to different venues, taking better care of yourself, being nice etc. don't make you desperate, so you can still do things to help your chances.

Nonsense. I think if one is highly motivated and persuing their own interest they're likely going to come across other people that share those same hobbies. Friendships will form, and odds are one of them is going to let them stick their dick inside of them.

 

[Commissar Sae]

I went through my entire undergrad single and sexless. I wasn't really looking that hard mind you but I wanted a meaningful relationship and not just sex. By pure chance I starting talking to a friend of a friend who I had known for a few years at a Halloween party, and it just kind of took off. I've been with her two and a half years now and it has been a blast. We share very few of the same interests but she is fun to be around and the sex is generally good (if infrequent these days, seeing as she just moved away for her masters and I have a few classes to finish up here before I go join her.)

My advice is just go out to have fun, meet new people and forget about sex and relationships, one will pretty much fall into your lap. When I stopped caring about trying to impress people and just decided to have fun, good conversations and share jokes, the dating offers started flowing in.

 

[Vale]

20 and virgin. It's what happens when you are ugly and unpleasant.
My suggestion would be to manipulate them into thinking they like you. Pretty sure someone already mentioned above how you would go about it.

 

[Chris Tian]

So yeah, getting along woth females just fine, have female friends and chatting occasionally in the bar with ones I don't know, dancing etc. Not just going for the last part effectively, which I think is to some part intentional, or then I'm just telling myself that

hehe, language barrier since neither have English as mothertongue

Looks like you already got all your tools in the box, just use them. Add a good portion of boldness, rather too much than too little, to your interactions with the fairer sex and things will come your way.

Additional protipp: Use touch during conversation, take her hand and let it go again, gently touch her shoulder, pull her in close if you talk at a loud bar, and so on. That also builds up attraction like freakin sorcery.

 

[Tanakh]

-snip-

I am a straight guy, but for what is worth I wouldn't date you bro even if I was a girl. There's something in your redaction and expression that feels stiff and heavy.

My advice would be to relax and enjoy the ride, and good things will come along the way.

Also, there's a big difference between sex and love, don't let em fool you. It most certainly only exist in our mind, but it is damn huge. And sex is mainly a mind game anyway, especially for girls.

 

[rasputin0009]

Sex is fun. Simple as that. You can try it with a serious relationship, or you can keep it casual. And both are pretty effortless.

My surefire way of getting a girl is to ask her for a favor. Just asking her for help makes her feel wanted, and then she feels like you owe her in some way so she keeps thinking of you. And then I ask her out on a date if she's an interesting person, or I ask her if she wants to hook up if she's not that interesting.

 

[MegaManOfNumbers]

So you stated a fact. What do you expect us to take away from this? That you like stroking your own ego? that you suck at getting some of dat ass? Or that you really want that badge for thread with many comments?

 

[Nokturos]

Some people can live without sex just fine. They usually don't make threads like this, though.

 

[Belaam]

If you're thinking of it as "success with the ladies", that's probably coming across in your behavior, which is a bad thing.

Go places where people who share your interests gather and say "hi". Make friends. Or if you already have friends, flirt with them. Many of my best early sexual encounters were with friends who also wanted to safely experiment. Just made it clear I was up for it, but not demanding (as many have said, desperation is a huge turn off), and not expecting. Early college years, you'll be finding out that a lot of female friends are also looking to carefully explore. Talk about fantasies, work out safe ways to try them out. I had one friend who had slept with three different people, but never had sex anywhere but her car. I teased her about that for a bit, then one night offered to get us a nice motel room for the night so she could see what she could do in an environment where she could actually stand up and walk around. Ended up being a great night. Similar things happened with a friend who had never had an orgasm from receiving oral and another who'd always wanted a threesome. Both were otherwise non-sexual friends for years, we had a night or two fling, and are still friends.

And once I'd gained that experience, it became less of a big deal and regular dating went much easier.

TL;DR make friends who share your interests. Talk about sexual topics occasionally. Ask if they are up for experimentation.

 

[Chris Tian]

Essentially, yes. Sex with a girl has 'value'. You have to demonstrate in some way that you are worthy of this value. That's just the way it works most of the time.

I don't know about that, I am far more successful by acting like she has to prove to be worth my time.

What you failed to realise is that acting in this way shows value to her.

If you look at this way, thats true of course. It seems I misunderstood your first statement, when I assumed you meant the opposite of what I wrote as a response.

 

[Aramis Night]

First off, all of the people telling you to just be yourself and keep doing what you're doing are giving you bad advice. As someone else pointed out, expecting things to change by doing what you're already doing is insane. Most men throughout history did not have offspring while most women did( http://tierneylab.blogs.nytimes.com/2007/08/20/is-there-anything-good-about-men-and-other-tricky-questions/ ). This fact informs much of the male/female dating dynamics.

Also, unless you're in the upper 10-15% of attractive men, you do not exist to women unless you make them notice you in the context of a possible romantic partner. Women only tend to notice men who are very attractive or are already taken. As bad as it is women see taken men as having pre-approved mate value. Women like to compete with each other and see the opportunity to steal another woman's man as a way of affirming that she is more valuable than other women. This is something that can be exploited if you aren't above subterfuge, but not a good way to start a relationship.

Also the standards for what women find attractive are not something you will likely be able to objectively see yourself. If you believe that you are attractive, women may not share that opinion. Conversely if you think you look like something that probably gave your parents second thoughts about their decision not to abort you, women may in fact think your hot. Do what you can about hygiene, but anything else you do outside of that has as much a chance of making you ugly to women as it could make you more attractive. Individual women's tastes tend to be all over the map.

Remember, most women are pampered and catered to. Especially if they are attractive. Attractive women are used to special treatment and favors from men because most men are idiots who think that by doing this it will make them stand out to that women despite that most men do little things for them as well. Often times standing out means being firm with them. In some cases even mean if called for. Just don't be cruel. Though if you find yourself having to be mean to get them to respond to you DO NOT GET INTO A RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM!!! Just trust me on this. Sex is fine, but for the love of all things holy, do not get attached.