"I'm not trying to..."

[Dastardly]

I just realized yesterday how annoying this can be. I'm talking about statements that begin with:

"I'm not trying to be [insert RACIST, SEXIST, MEAN, RUDE, A DICK, etc.] or anything, but..."

When used in a self-aware way, every once in awhile, it's a little funny. But lately, I'm hearing more and more people use it as some kind of Instant Criticism Shield. To those of you that feel this somehow shields you from being called on your biases, hear this:

It's called a "bias." A predisposition that, when unchecked, will automatically orient you in a certain direction. At some point, we're all going to tend to be a bit racist/sexist/rude/dickish in our thinking. Part of coexisting with humanity is recognizing when it happens and trying not to.

It requires no effort or "trying" to be racist, sexist, or a dick. You don't HAVE to "try" to be racist/sexist/rude/a dick. You have to "try" NOT to be.

 

[Daystar Clarion]

Why is it that when people say 'no offence', they really mean 'kiss my ass'?

I suppose they're a kind of disclaimer, but they always fail

 

[TheSteeleStrap]

Basically, "I'm not trying to be a d**k" means "I'm about to be a d**k."

 

[Colour Scientist]

When someone uses a disclaimer like that it just makes me more aware of the sexist/racist/dickish nature of what they're about to say.

It's like going into an exam or evaluation of some kind and saying 'Sorry if I'm shit at this', the other person is going to be more aware of your mistakes when, if you hadn't started with the shitty disclaimer, they may not have noticed.

I suppose they're trying to say something bigoted or rude without people thinking that they're bigoted and rude in general, or something.

 

[Relish in Chaos]

Sometimes people use it as a disclaimer when they're generally not trying to be racist/sexist/dick. For example, someone saying, "I'm not trying to be racist, but has anyone noticed how most of the leading Olympic sprinters are black?"

 

[Phasmal]

Yes, some people do think the phrase `I'm not trying to be-` means that you automatically aren't being the thing you are trying not to be.
My usual answer to such nonsense is `Well, you're managing to be`.

Unfortunately, I occasionally have to listen to such things from people I know quite well who should bloody well know better.

 

[EternalFacepalm]

I'm sorry, but... discussion value? I just don't get what on earth is supposed to be discussed here. Are we just supposed to talk about how annoying this, in fact, is?

 

[sky14kemea]

Basically, "I'm not trying to be a d**k" means "I'm about to be a d**k."

I agree with this. It pretty much works for all of them too.

I always use it when being self-aware. I find it hilarious. xD

 

[renegade7]

"I'm not trying to be offensive, but I just think being gay is [insert disgusting, perverted, unnatural, etc.] because of my beliefs, and I just don't trust them because of the gay agenda and, again not trying to be offensive, I think most of them are just attention seekers."

End quote.

 

[Canadamus Prime]

Basically, "I'm not trying to be a d**k" means "I'm about to be a d**k."

More like "I'm trying not to be a dick but I feel this is a harsh truth".

This.
Personally, I've always taken statements like those as a sign of some degree of self-awareness on behalf of the speaker and that said speaker doesn't, or at least tries not to, have a racist/sexist/dickish/etc. attitude.

 

[Powereaver]

I hate it when people say something to burst your good mood then go.. ITS JUST REALITY! .. its like sure .. youre just trying to make me sad

 

[Rawne1980]

My personal favourite is "i'm not trying to be funny"....

Well it's a damn good job because if you were, you did not succeed.

 

[Dastardly]

Basically, "I'm not trying to be a d**k" means "I'm about to be a d**k."

More like "I'm trying not to be a dick but I feel this is a harsh truth".

It's the same kind of logic folks use when they give you the, "Don't be mad, but I need to tell you..." Doesn't work that way. You may not want me to be mad, but it's not up to you. If you're being a dick, you're being a dick. If someone is that worried that they're about to sound dickish, they should change how they're saying it instead.

Otherwise, it's the equivalent of how my state (NC) handles road maintenance issues: instead of fixing the problem, they just label it with a sign ("Low Soft Shoulder" or "Uneven Pavement" or somesuch) and call it a day...

Sometimes people use it as a disclaimer when they're generally not trying to be racist/sexist/dick. For example, someone saying, "I'm not trying to be racist, but has anyone noticed how most of the leading Olympic sprinters are black?"

And yet, strangely, the only reason to so pointedly make such an observation is to lead into a line of discussion that is racist. It's just couched in that, "Hey, isn't this interesting?" voice.

 

[dyre]

Sometimes people use it as a disclaimer when they're generally not trying to be racist/sexist/dick. For example, someone saying, "I'm not trying to be racist, but has anyone noticed how most of the leading Olympic sprinters are black?"

And yet, strangely, the only reason to so pointedly make such an observation is to lead into a line of discussion that is racist. It's just couched in that, "Hey, isn't this interesting?" voice.

How is that racist? It's making an observation, not a generalization or an assumption about character. If I were to say "hey, I'm not trying to be racist, but has anyone noticed how most American presidents have been white?" that's simply an observation, not a judgment for or against whites or blacks.

 

[Dastardly]

How is that racist? It's making an observation, not a generalization or an assumption about character. If I were to say "hey, I'm not trying to be racist, but has anyone noticed how most American presidents have been white?" that's simply an observation, not a judgment for or against whites or blacks.

Right, and if someone says, "Not trying to be racist, but sure are a lot of black folks in prison," we're going to assume it was meant as just a random little factoid, meant to be a stand-alone statement? Or do we, as rational human beings, ask ourselves why this particular factoid needed to be brought into awareness at that moment?

Now, if someone is intentionally drawing attention, for discussion purposes, to the fact that until now all of our presidents have been white? Hey, there are many useful discussions sprouting from that. Absolutely zero of them start with, "I'm not trying to be racist..."

 

[NinjaDeathSlap]

Basically, "I'm not trying to be a d**k" means "I'm about to be a d**k."

More like "I'm trying not to be a dick but I feel this is a harsh truth".

It's the same kind of logic folks use when they give you the, "Don't be mad, but I need to tell you..." Doesn't work that way. You may not want me to be mad, but it's not up to you. If you're being a dick, you're being a dick. If someone is that worried that they're about to sound dickish, they should change how they're saying it instead.

Otherwise, it's the equivalent of how my state (NC) handles road maintenance issues: instead of fixing the problem, they just label it with a sign ("Low Soft Shoulder" or "Uneven Pavement" or somesuch) and call it a day...

Sometimes people use it as a disclaimer when they're generally not trying to be racist/sexist/dick. For example, someone saying, "I'm not trying to be racist, but has anyone noticed how most of the leading Olympic sprinters are black?"

And yet, strangely, the only reason to so pointedly make such an observation is to lead into a line of discussion that is racist. It's just couched in that, "Hey, isn't this interesting?" voice.

and what racist comment would they be paving the way for? That black guys are more likely to be good sprinters than white guys? That's not racist. It's certainly not racist against blacks, and it's not really racist towards whites either, because it on its own is not saying that whites can't possibly ever be as fast as blacks, or that white people have no business being on a running track. However, most importantly of all, it's not racist because it's a biological fact. People with African, particularly West Coast African, genetic roots have a slightly different muscle structure that Caucasians. They're muscles are naturally more suited to 'twitch-response' actions, releasing high levels of energy over a short period of time, which makes them more naturally inclined to be good sprinters.

So yeah, I'm with Matthew94 on this one. I think it's more "I know this has the potential to be read as racist by overly-reactionary people, but bear with me because I'm going somewhere with this" rather than "I'm about to be racist. Flame shield up".

 

[salinv]

Why is it that when people say 'no offence', they really mean 'kiss my ass'?

I suppose they're a kind of disclaimer, but they always fail

With all due respect, but I thought the phrase was with all due respect, not no offence.

 

[dyre]

How is that racist? It's making an observation, not a generalization or an assumption about character. If I were to say "hey, I'm not trying to be racist, but has anyone noticed how most American presidents have been white?" that's simply an observation, not a judgment for or against whites or blacks.

Right, and if someone says, "Not trying to be racist, but sure are a lot of black folks in prison," we're going to assume it was meant as just a random little factoid, meant to be a stand-alone statement? Or do we, as rational human beings, ask ourselves why this particular factoid needed to be brought into awareness at that moment?

Now, if someone is intentionally drawing attention, for discussion purposes, to the fact that until now all of our presidents have been white? Hey, there are many useful discussions sprouting from that. Absolutely zero of them start with, "I'm not trying to be racist..."

That isn't racist either. It's only racist if you're incapable of having a discussion on race at all. There are a lot of black people in prison, though obviously it has to do with a number of things, from the inner city culture that leads to gang violence to possible racism in the justice system. There are plenty of constructive conversations to be had on that.

"I'm not trying to be racist" can be used by some racist redneck who's about to say a whole bunch of racist things, but it can also be used by people trying to make it clear to other people who are hypersensitive about race issues that they are trying to have a legitimate discussion, not say something racist.

 

[SaetonChapelle]

I dont like or dislike this statement, although it might be because I have both heard it plenty of times in my life, and have said it before myself. You have to know the individual you are dealing with and know their personal feelings about the subject matter to know if they are in fact meaning their denied statement. With that knowledge in hand I can know what their intentions are. So I dont really have many issues with this.

Our society is very nervous about what people think of us as a person and very sensitive about certain topics. Its no wonder people have to tip toe around certain conversational matter.

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

Basically, "I'm not trying to be a d**k" means "I'm about to be a d**k."

More like "I'm trying not to be a dick but I feel this is a harsh truth".

It's the same kind of logic folks use when they give you the, "Don't be mad, but I need to tell you..." Doesn't work that way. You may not want me to be mad, but it's not up to you. If you're being a dick, you're being a dick. If someone is that worried that they're about to sound dickish, they should change how they're saying it instead.

Otherwise, it's the equivalent of how my state (NC) handles road maintenance issues: instead of fixing the problem, they just label it with a sign ("Low Soft Shoulder" or "Uneven Pavement" or somesuch) and call it a day...

Sometimes people use it as a disclaimer when they're generally not trying to be racist/sexist/dick. For example, someone saying, "I'm not trying to be racist, but has anyone noticed how most of the leading Olympic sprinters are black?"

And yet, strangely, the only reason to so pointedly make such an observation is to lead into a line of discussion that is racist. It's just couched in that, "Hey, isn't this interesting?" voice.

and what racist comment would they be paving the way for? That black guys are more likely to be good sprinters than white guys? That's not racist. It's certainly not racist against blacks, and it's not really racist towards whites either, because it on its own is not saying that whites can't possibly ever be as fast as blacks, or that white people have no business being on a running track. However, most importantly of all, it's not racist because it's a biological fact. People with African, particularly West Coast African, genetic roots have a slightly different muscle structure that Caucasians. They're muscles are naturally more suited to 'twitch-response' actions, releasing high levels of energy over a short period of time, which makes them more naturally inclined to be good sprinters.

So yeah, I'm with Matthew94 on this one. I think it's more "I know this has the potential to be read as racist by overly-reactionary people, but bear with me because I'm going somewhere with this" rather than "I'm about to be racist. Flame shield up".

agreed, the person generally saying it is giving context in saying "look, this might sound racist, and i can understand why you/someone might think that, but i'm really not meaning it in any such way, so please try not to take it that way".

does context not matter to people in the slightest?