Imperial Guard

[Ching]

I'd probably defect to the Tau empire. Their weapons are far better (play against tau if you don't belive me) and there ideals are far better i.e. actually allowing retreats when it's sensible instead of throwing men into the meat grinder and shooting them when there is clearly no hope. The only problem with that is i'd miss humanity as in women, socialising, but since were on about Imperial Guardsmen who never see home again anyway then For the Greater Good!

 

[Spacelord]

Yeah, I'd probably try to get reassigned to the tank division as soon as possible. Not that the chances are better or anything, its just I'd rather be blown up in a tank than suffer the many other myriad really nasty and unpleasant deaths awaiting the unarmoured guardsman.

Actually, your almost guaranteed to burn alive in a tank.

Reading a few of the Dark Eldar weapon entries, being burned alive sounds like a frickin' pic-nic. Tank division for me, please!

 

[blackcherry]

Apply to be a Liaison/Diplomat to the 'Sisters of Battle'.

As such I'd avoid warfare and be surrounded by an army of women. It could always be worse...

Remember, these are women who are religious fanatics. You make a pass at them or do something as silly as coughing at a service, before you can scream 'heratic' out come the flamers...

SOB are not Celibate. They are allowed, and DO have sex.

Oh yeah I know that. Just saying that what they have higher standards than most people is all. The kind of standards that will see you dead rather than 'tainting the purity' of a Sister of Battle.

 

[Simriel]

Apply to be a Liaison/Diplomat to the 'Sisters of Battle'.

As such I'd avoid warfare and be surrounded by an army of women. It could always be worse...

Remember, these are women who are religious fanatics. You make a pass at them or do something as silly as coughing at a service, before you can scream 'heratic' out come the flamers...

SOB are not Celibate. They are allowed, and DO have sex.

Oh yeah I know that. Just saying that what they have higher standards than most people is all. The kind of standards that will see you dead rather than 'tainting the purity' of a Sister of Battle.

Well apparently they sleep with overweight scribes.

 

[Volstag9]

knowing me I'll be the first one shot. =)

 

[blackcherry]

Apply to be a Liaison/Diplomat to the 'Sisters of Battle'.

As such I'd avoid warfare and be surrounded by an army of women. It could always be worse...

Remember, these are women who are religious fanatics. You make a pass at them or do something as silly as coughing at a service, before you can scream 'heratic' out come the flamers...

SOB are not Celibate. They are allowed, and DO have sex.

Oh yeah I know that. Just saying that what they have higher standards than most people is all. The kind of standards that will see you dead rather than 'tainting the purity' of a Sister of Battle.

Well apparently they sleep with overweight scribes.

Fair enough. I'm not as up to date with my 40K lore as I used to be now that I've had to get a life. Whats that info from then?

 

[irishstormtrooper]

Try to get into one of the heavy weapons crews.

 

[Aunel]

why is everybody here so tau fanboy?
why no eldar, if I were a guardsman, I would if I could have gone to eldar
but they would have used me as a meat shield too...

Tau actually accept humans, Eldar shoot you.

Awesome Fire Warrior or dead Eldar shield?

I would rather be dead then work with fish-people

They are blue, not fish. They have no gills or fins.

AHH heresy, blue means fish in my book
(remember that we are the guard)

 

[Simriel]

Apply to be a Liaison/Diplomat to the 'Sisters of Battle'.

As such I'd avoid warfare and be surrounded by an army of women. It could always be worse...

Remember, these are women who are religious fanatics. You make a pass at them or do something as silly as coughing at a service, before you can scream 'heratic' out come the flamers...

SOB are not Celibate. They are allowed, and DO have sex.

Oh yeah I know that. Just saying that what they have higher standards than most people is all. The kind of standards that will see you dead rather than 'tainting the purity' of a Sister of Battle.

Well apparently they sleep with overweight scribes.

Fair enough. I'm not as up to date with my 40K lore as I used to be now that I've had to get a life. Whats that info from then?

The Ciaphas Cane Novels

 

[nikomas1]

Your have been tithed to the Imperial Guard.

Roll a D100

61-65 Valkyrie Pilot


Use this to roll
http://www.wizards.com/dnd/dice/dice.htm

I rolled 62, Valkyrie Pilot, I guess that is good?

Hmm, I wonder if the tau would like a free Valkyrie, another tau fanboy

 

[USSR]

I would walk up to the Heroic RPGer, and state the following, "Halt, you've violated the law. Pay the court of fine or serve your sentence!"

 

[JtLaneside]

I would get shot first day for pointing out that the Emperor is really a warp being thus really a chaos god.
No, really, he is. Check his back story. He is a damn chaos god.

His backstory says that he is a man with divine powers (possibly aquired through genetic manipulation and/or religion) who sustained mortal wounds fighting a deamon prince and is now sustained somewhere between life and death and exsists partialy in the warp. How does this make him a warp being?

 

[Bretty]

I would pilot a fleet space fighter 8)

 

[Imat]

I dunno why you all are so down about being an Imperial Guard, those guys are the best of the best. Any job that lets you stand around doing nothing except looking intimidating 99% of the time is a good job in my book. The fact that you're defending the Emperor makes it a more difficult job, guys with lightsabers try to kill him occasionally, but for the most part you do nothing but stand around. Sure, you have to earn that right through many years of service as a Storm Trooper/field officer, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Oh, and BTW, Commissars are not Nazis, they are Soviets. Soviets killed there own, Nazis killed the enemy.

 

[rowan-thats-me]

Your have been tithed to the Imperial Guard.

Roll a D100

1 You are killed as a Heretic.
2-3 You are found to be a Psyker and sent to a Black Ship.
4-5 You given a bucket and a shovel and told to clean up after the Ogryn.
6-10 You are to be trained as an Officer.
11-15 You are handed a Lasgun, a Helmet, and a direction (forward) and become a conscript.
16-20 You are trained to operate a Vox Castor.
21-25 You are train as Sniper and given a Camo-Cloak.
26-30 You are trained with Special Weapons. Post Ending 0-2 (Flamer) 3-5 (Grenade Launcher) 6-7 (Meltagun) 8-9 (Plasma Gun)
31-35 You are trained with Heavy Weapons. Post End 0-1 (Heavy Flamer) 2-3 (Mortar) 4-5 (Heavy Bolter) 6-7 (Auto-Cannon) 8 (Missile Launcher) 9 (Lascannon)
36-55 You are trained with a Lasgun and Frag Grenades, and given Flak Armor.
56-60 You are given Carapace Armor, a Shotgun, Grenades, and Melta-Bombs and then trained to be an elite grenadier.
61-65 Valkyrie Pilot
66-70 Chimera Diver
71-75 Scout Sentinel Driver
76-80 Armored Sentinel Driver
81-85 Leman Russ Tank Driver
86-90 Leman Russ Tank Gunner
91-95 Leman Russ Tank Commander
96-97 You have been selected to go to Terrax and train to be a Commissar.
98-99 An Inquisitor take you as his Acolyte.
100 An Inquisitor has decided to send you to a Shrine World to become a "comfort" to the Sisters of Battle.

Use this to roll
http://www.wizards.com/dnd/dice/dice.htm

i did it twice 66, then 68, looks like im destined to be a cray tank driver woohoo, go traks and a few shitty guns

 

[Sanguinius- The Angel]

Your have been tithed to the Imperial Guard.

Roll a D100

1 You are killed as a Heretic.
2-3 You are found to be a Psyker and sent to a Black Ship.
4-5 You given a bucket and a shovel and told to clean up after the Ogryn.
6-10 You are to be trained as an Officer.
11-15 You are handed a Lasgun, a Helmet, and a direction (forward) and become a conscript.
16-20 You are trained to operate a Vox Castor.
21-25 You are train as Sniper and given a Camo-Cloak.
26-30 You are trained with Special Weapons. Post Ending 0-2 (Flamer) 3-5 (Grenade Launcher) 6-7 (Meltagun) 8-9 (Plasma Gun)
31-35 You are trained with Heavy Weapons. Post End 0-1 (Heavy Flamer) 2-3 (Mortar) 4-5 (Heavy Bolter) 6-7 (Auto-Cannon) 8 (Missile Launcher) 9 (Lascannon)
36-55 You are trained with a Lasgun and Frag Grenades, and given Flak Armor.
56-60 You are given Carapace Armor, a Shotgun, Grenades, and Melta-Bombs and then trained to be an elite grenadier.
61-65 Valkyrie Pilot
66-70 Chimera Diver
71-75 Scout Sentinel Driver
76-80 Armored Sentinel Driver
81-85 Leman Russ Tank Driver
86-90 Leman Russ Tank Gunner
91-95 Leman Russ Tank Commander
96-97 You have been selected to go to Terrax and train to be a Commissar.
98-99 An Inquisitor take you as his Acolyte.
100 An Inquisitor has decided to send you to a Shrine World to become a "comfort" to the Sisters of Battle.

Use this to roll
http://www.wizards.com/dnd/dice/dice.htm

Rolled a 100. *Win*

 

[Burnout54]

I wouldn't know... i would be dead before i could evaluate my first day.

 

[GonzoGamer]

How do you think you would do if you were an Imperial Guardsmen in the Warhammer 40k universe?

Me personally I believe I would be shot dead by my Commissar on the very first day after fleeing from the enemy after realising the lasgun is a piece of crap.

So how would you all do if you were an Imperial Guardsmen?

The same thing would probably happen to me if I stuck around but I would probably go awol and join the Tau; for the greater good of course.

 

[blackcherry]

Apply to be a Liaison/Diplomat to the 'Sisters of Battle'.

As such I'd avoid warfare and be surrounded by an army of women. It could always be worse...

Remember, these are women who are religious fanatics. You make a pass at them or do something as silly as coughing at a service, before you can scream 'heratic' out come the flamers...

SOB are not Celibate. They are allowed, and DO have sex.

Oh yeah I know that. Just saying that what they have higher standards than most people is all. The kind of standards that will see you dead rather than 'tainting the purity' of a Sister of Battle.

Well apparently they sleep with overweight scribes.

Fair enough. I'm not as up to date with my 40K lore as I used to be now that I've had to get a life. Whats that info from then?

The Ciaphas Cane Novels

Ha, it would be that, of all novels.

 

[Zac_Dai]

I bet it would of felt a bit like being a Soviet conscript during WW2.