Imperial Guard

[samsprinkle]

For me it would be either the Tau or the Tyranids just because I like aliens and hate humans.
Most likely Tau specifically because I love Kroot.

Hell yeah these guys over humans anyday, if you disagree I'll eat you.

Well too bad you want to be a Kroot for as Inquisitor Lucretius VII says, "It is our destiny to rule the universe just as it is the destiny of the xeno to pave our way."

So too bad you want to be an alien for it will be your destiny to die at the hands of the Imperium of Man.

Don't you start with the whole 'humans are superiour to everything else in every way' BS you know as well as I do that humans are weak. The imperium of man has a single destiny, I'll be picking the imperium of man's remains out of my teeth thank you very much.

Try to do that to a Space Marine and you will be crushed under his boot for the glory of the Emperor of Man.

Space marines are pussies who cower in big armour and follow ludicrous ideologies of superiority so as to give them some false belief that they have the right to do truly immoral things. Any emporer who leads his people like that should be six feet under not at the top. I'll never compromise this view.
So if mister big pussy Space marine tries anything I'll simply eat his foot, then slowly tear him to pieces and make him watch as I carve him up. I hate human supremacists Bob, you know that.

In a final answer to your question I would be an Kroot philosopher. And I would be hired by the Imperial guard as part of a 'new way of thinking' demographic after I killed the old Emporer and fed his remains to my Kroot Hounds and Krootox nad replaced him with the new emporer future space Barack Obama.

Or so you would, but due to your tiny kroot brain's inferiority you were captured and fed to other kroot who have been trained to be slaves because their brain is likewise tiny and inferior...

 

[PurpleRain]

Yeah, I'd probably try to get reassigned to the tank division as soon as possible. Not that the chances are better or anything, its just I'd rather be blown up in a tank than suffer the many other myriad really nasty and unpleasant deaths awaiting the unarmoured guardsman.

Actually, your almost guaranteed to burn alive in a tank.

Reading a few of the Dark Eldar weapon entries, being burned alive sounds like a frickin' pic-nic. Tank division for me, please!

Bwahahaha! *He says rubbing his Dark Eldar mits*

Basically, it's glass being shot into your body, that breaks into more glass. Designed not to kill you but to put you in so much pain you can't fight anymore. Then we take you back to our planet... and that's where the fun begins.

 

[KiKiweaky]

seeing as I could be fighting daemons.. very badly

 

[KING BOB 2896]

In a final answer to your question I would be an Kroot philosopher. And I would be hired by the Imperial guard as part of a 'new way of thinking' demographic after I killed the old Emporer and fed his remains to my Kroot Hounds and Krootox nad replaced him with the new emporer future space Barack Obama.

Do you know how heavely guarded the Emperor is? A Tau ship would be blasted away before you could even reach Terra. And even if the Emperor died it that would just bring the birth of a new savior. For as all the druids died to give birth to the Emperor apon the Emperors death it will give birth to the Star Child. And with that all xeno, hertics and witches will be purged by the Imperium.

 

[KING BOB 2896]

I would walk up to the Heroic RPGer, and state the following, "Halt, you've violated the law. Pay the court of fine or serve your sentence!"

Wrong universe.

 

[USSR]

I would walk up to the Heroic RPGer, and state the following, "Halt, you've violated the law. Pay the court of fine or serve your sentence!"

Wrong universe.

No shit..
T'was a joke

 

[KING BOB 2896]

I would walk up to the Heroic RPGer, and state the following, "Halt, you've violated the law. Pay the court of fine or serve your sentence!"

Wrong universe.

No shit..
T'was a joke

On the net you cant really tell if someone is joking or not. Like someone saying a Kroot can beat a Space Marine. Surly the puson must be joking but he sounds so serious.

 

[sms_117b]

I'd be one of "Colonel Schaeffer's Last Chancers"

How I'd get there I'm not sure, but I would

 

[USSR]

I would walk up to the Heroic RPGer, and state the following, "Halt, you've violated the law. Pay the court of fine or serve your sentence!"

Wrong universe.

No shit..
T'was a joke

On the net you cant really tell if someone is joking or not. Like someone saying a Kroot can beat a Space Marine. Surly the puson must be joking but he sounds so serious.

Well, just give it a safe bet that I'm not retarded.

 

[Neotericity]

I'd be a commissar. "Fear ensures loyalty! Where do you need me?"
"By the Emperor, it will be done!"
"Forward, you dogs, to victory!"
"What is your wish?"
"You have the honor of serving me, now!"
"Fear me, but follow!"
"It is only fitting we ride into battle!"
"From here on, we march!"
"Victory...is assured."
"Where is His will needed?"
"On charges of cowardice, you are sentenced to death!"
"Glory to the first man to die! Charge!"
"If you will not serve in combat, then you will serve on the firing line!"
"I will have someone's head for this!"
"They cannot withstand us!"
"The end of days is upon them!"
"Tremble before my wrath!"
"Only the faithful shall win the day."

Badass

 

[Stikibunn]

Apply to be a Liaison/Diplomat to the 'Sisters of Battle'.

As such I'd avoid warfare and be surrounded by an army of women. It could always be worse...

Remember, these are women who are religious fanatics. You make a pass at them or do something as silly as coughing at a service, before you can scream 'heratic' out come the flamers...

SOB are not Celibate. They are allowed, and DO have sex.

Oh yeah I know that. Just saying that what they have higher standards than most people is all. The kind of standards that will see you dead rather than 'tainting the purity' of a Sister of Battle.

Well apparently they sleep with overweight scribes.

Fair enough. I'm not as up to date with my 40K lore as I used to be now that I've had to get a life. Whats that info from then?

The Ciaphas Cane Novels

Ha, it would be that, of all novels.

Although this is true Amberley Gail does in fact havce a footnote added that although they don't take celibate vows they normally don't have interest in it anyway

Also Sisters that are assigned to witchhunting normally chosen for their inability to be corrupted by the chaos gods, this would probably include my personal fav Slaneesh (good ol' Slaneesh)

 

[Simon Hadow]

Pathetic humans, I have long ago ascended past your grovelling masses of Imperium Soldiers, and given myself to choas! All bow to the great changer of ways, the Raven God!!!

Or, in Tyranid terms (In somesort of phsycic temporary plot hole mind connection)

We will devour your civilization with our might, all are sustanance for our ever expanding empire! You're bodies will feed our strength, and further the destruction of every species in the galaxy!!!

 

[blackcherry]

Apply to be a Liaison/Diplomat to the 'Sisters of Battle'.

As such I'd avoid warfare and be surrounded by an army of women. It could always be worse...

Remember, these are women who are religious fanatics. You make a pass at them or do something as silly as coughing at a service, before you can scream 'heratic' out come the flamers...

SOB are not Celibate. They are allowed, and DO have sex.

Oh yeah I know that. Just saying that what they have higher standards than most people is all. The kind of standards that will see you dead rather than 'tainting the purity' of a Sister of Battle.

Well apparently they sleep with overweight scribes.

Fair enough. I'm not as up to date with my 40K lore as I used to be now that I've had to get a life. Whats that info from then?

The Ciaphas Cane Novels

Ha, it would be that, of all novels.

Although this is true Amberley Gail does in fact havce a footnote added that although they don't take celibate vows they normally don't have interest in it anyway

Also Sisters that are assigned to witchhunting normally chosen for their inability to be corrupted by the chaos gods, this would probably include my personal fav Slaneesh (good ol' Slaneesh)

'Good old slannesh!' Next you will be saying papa Nurgle is a kindly old man!

 

[Stikibunn]

Apply to be a Liaison/Diplomat to the 'Sisters of Battle'.

As such I'd avoid warfare and be surrounded by an army of women. It could always be worse...

Remember, these are women who are religious fanatics. You make a pass at them or do something as silly as coughing at a service, before you can scream 'heratic' out come the flamers...

SOB are not Celibate. They are allowed, and DO have sex.

Oh yeah I know that. Just saying that what they have higher standards than most people is all. The kind of standards that will see you dead rather than 'tainting the purity' of a Sister of Battle.

Well apparently they sleep with overweight scribes.

Fair enough. I'm not as up to date with my 40K lore as I used to be now that I've had to get a life. Whats that info from then?

The Ciaphas Cane Novels

Ha, it would be that, of all novels.

Although this is true Amberley Gail does in fact havce a footnote added that although they don't take celibate vows they normally don't have interest in it anyway

Also Sisters that are assigned to witchhunting normally chosen for their inability to be corrupted by the chaos gods, this would probably include my personal fav Slaneesh (good ol' Slaneesh)

'Good old slannesh!' Next you will be saying papa Nurgle is a kindly old man!

I like Slaneesh. If I was gonna be chaos I'd be Slaneesh-y.
Every chaos god has a benevelant side to them. The way they work is that they're controlled by the collective thoughts off the most common psychic race (guess what race that is!) so when they're all collectivly happy the chaos gods are less bad.... The only thing is Khorne is the most powerful and won't let the others work indipentantly. Nurgle for example has a good side as he can heal all deciese. When people hope beyond all common sence that someone will recover from a terminal illness and they do..... that's Nurgle.

 

[blackcherry]

I like Slaneesh. If I was gonna be chaos I'd be Slaneesh-y.
Every chaos god has a benevelant side to them. The way they work is that they're controlled by the collective thoughts off the most common psychic race (guess what race that is!) so when they're all collectivly happy the chaos gods are less bad.... The only thing is Khorne is the most powerful and won't let the others work indipentantly. Nurgle for example has a good side as he can heal all deciese. When people hope beyond all common sence that someone will recover from a terminal illness and they do..... that's Nurgle.

Oh I know. I'm a fellow chaos fan myself .I just tend to follow the idea that they will be eventually be dominated by the negative side of the emotional spectrum as that is the more abundant side of emotion in the 40K verse.

As such even though there are very beneficial and positive sides to the gods, in Slanneshs' case; supernatural charisma; the quest for perfection; or appreciation of the higher parts of humanity, by the very nature of the Gods being dominated by negativity and mankind's dark side, I feel that eventually even the most well meaning of people will fall to damnation.

Ha, look at me. You can tell I've been into this for too long, lol.

 

[Internet Kraken]

I would cry, and then I would die.

You shouldn't ask what you would do as an Imperial Guard. Instead, you should ask how you would die as an Imperial Guard, because odds are that you're going to die.

I would prefer to be killed by a Lictor. At least then I got killed by something that's a genetically trained assassin, rather than a stray bullet fired by some grot that kills me because my armor is made of cardboard and tissue.

 

[General Torg]

With my luck, the tyranids and the necrons would show up on my planet at the same time. They would fight for a really long time and then get bored, because the necrons don't have any material that the tyranids can harvest and Tyranids don't have souls. No point in either of them being there. Then the Witch Hunters would come and kill every last human but me to purge any remaining taint. I would live because I took such a massive dump in my pants that the W.H. would think that I had already died (because of the smell). Then a massive ork invasion would come and the Eldar would also be there just to snuff it out. After surviving all that, a meteorite would kill me. Happy days.

 

[Yokai]

Were I a Guardsman, I'd defect to the Tau. Because commissars are douchebags and Kroot are badasses. Either that or I'd become an Assassin. Then I could chill behind the front lines with a hugeass freaking sniper rifle and an awesome ninja-like outfit, and mutter clever one-liners in a Solid Snake voice while exploding heads all day. Being an Assassin has to be satisfying.
Addressing another issue on this thread: the lasgun, at least according to the canonical Ciaphas Cain novels, is quite a powerful weapon, it's just that most of the hideous daemons and undead robots and berserk orks that the Guard fight on a daily basis are all but immune to most weapons anyway. The ridiculous truth is that Guardsmen are at least as well-equipped as the US army today, only just about everything they fight against is so stupidly powerful that they end up as cannon fodder.

 

[DerpyDerpyDerp]

On the note of IG, their new codex gave them a lot of nice new upgrades.

 

[KING BOB 2896]

I would walk up to the Heroic RPGer, and state the following, "Halt, you've violated the law. Pay the court of fine or serve your sentence!"

Wrong universe.

No shit..
T'was a joke

On the net you cant really tell if someone is joking or not. Like someone saying a Kroot can beat a Space Marine. Surly the puson must be joking but he sounds so serious.

Well, just give it a safe bet that I'm not retarded.

Ok then I will next time.