Insult Swordfighting!

[000Ronald]

The lightning bolt, although powerful, was no match for The Logician's pure badassatude and awesometicity. It refracted off of his chest and hit bermyduck as he was retiring for the evening, pulverizing him (sorry, guy). The Logician then turns to the spirit of Darth Mobius, and hits him with an ecto-ray. As Darth Mobius writhes in pain, The Logician pulls out his Ghostbuster box and captures the ghost, sealing it forever. He then says,

"I apologized to add further insult to the massive injuries I'd given him, you twit. And because it was funny. And did you die from my mother's herpies? Or was it the Hepatitus B? AIDS? I did say she was a filthy hooker, right? You can't get to me by insulting my mother."

The Logician then apologizes for torturing and imprisoning Darth Mobius, and for f***ing his mother and little sister.

 

[000Ronald]

As The Logician hovers several feet in the air, he says to his adversary,

"Yeah. Wrong Galaxy, motherf***er!"

He then blasts Darth Mobius with a Kamehameha wave, knocking him over. "And it wasn't a boy; wrong genetalia. Might've been your girlfriend though."

The Logician then leaps into the air and plunges the blade Soulcutter through the heart of Darth Mobius. Apparently he has a fettish for piercing people's hearts.

"Sorry I broke your heart. Twice."

The Logician then punches himself in the face for saying something so incredibly stupid, and apologizes to anyone who had to hear/read it.

 

[Rolling Thunder]

Thanks for heads up Darth.

*Deploys Sasha the Khornate Weimeramr*

I am not suprised by the Logician's actions. After all, the very appearance of his avatar does suggest he has a liking for 'piercing' other men.

 

[InProgress]

Off-topic: No fair bringing in Chuck Norris! That's like using God Mode!

*Awakening (again) from his faint, he breaks Mobius' twitchy finger, making Chuck Norris dissappear, and shoves it up his rectum while saying:

I hope you can conjure other daemons from your birthplace you semen-encrusted piece of filth from a man-whores unwashed toenails!

*After kicking Mobius in the rear, he catches Almightyjoe by his cape and drags him back:

Where are you man-woman going? Ashamed of being mocked?! I fart in your nose!
and so he does leaving Almighty to faint because of the smell.

 

[000Ronald]

The Logician wakes from his standing doze. "Who just called me a girly-man!?!" he says in a fury. "This is a bust of Soren from Fire Emblem, Path of Radiance; he's more badass than any of you could ever be! Now die!"

Using his super speed, The Logician runs to Fondant, slashes off his arms and legs, and uses upwards of a thousand shorukens to turn his pathetic body into swiss cheese. "At least I have an avatar. Why don't you rename yourself 'Whitespace52?' It would suit you better."

The Logician the apologizes for turning Fondant into bloody swiss cheese, and admits that Soren does, in fact, appear a little feminine.

 

[Rolling Thunder]

You do have a point.....

*Attacks the Logician, breaking his girly Elfin nose with a hammmer-like glaswegian kiss.*

'White space is entirely preferable to your appearance sir, though I specualte the white on your avatar would more in line with stain on the trouser pants, rather than photographic licence.'

 

[000Ronald]

The Logician stumbles back; a blow that finally hit him! He jumps to his feet, though, slightly confused how a quadrapalegic swiss cheese-esque figure can land a blow on him at all.

"Is that it? Did you just break my nose? Pathetic; at least I cut off all your limbs, dude. I may not look like a man, but at least I fight like one."

The Logician then detonates the C4 underneath the varous parts of Fondant, and apologizes for destroying him completely. He then throws a Shoruken at AlmightyJoe, which hits him the shoulder, disabling his left arm: a call to battle.

 

[General Mostly Electrified Steel]

"Perhaps, Logician, you mean 'shuriken' or 'shoryuuken'? Or maybe a 'hadouken'?"

Returning to the fray, I kindly demonstrate the correct way to perform the destructive combat technique.

 

[Rolling Thunder]

*Downs a bottle of Bells Whiskey, which mingles with his Scots blood and makes hims uperhuman, which convenieantly protects from the blast AND regenerates all his limbs.*

Do you call that an explosion sir? Why, I have seen better explosions while staring at a brick wall, which has coincidentaly just landed on your head and punctured your skull.

 

[General Mostly Electrified Steel]

I raise one of my ascerbic eyebrows, and acid drips from my mouth:

"Ah, but no explosion could top that explosion of wit, my good sir!"

 

[Shatners Bassoon]

I look upon my foe, I notice his right hand, six fingers!

"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die!"

I couldn't resist.

 

[General Mostly Electrified Steel]

I hurl iocane powder at Shatners. As this was not a miracle feat, I did not invoke the powers of my God.

 

[000Ronald]

The Logician, conveniantly having forseen the attack, used Fareore's wind to teleport out of harm's way; right behind General Mostly Electrified Steel. Blood drips from the good general's mouth as he realizes he's been run through. He falls to the ground, dumbstruck.

"Your lack of decripition of such descriptive skill was your demise, friend. Describe how it killed me, or I'll still be alive."

The Logician then looks to Fondant.

"You know, I think I prefered the white space better. You're one ugly motherfu-"

Before The Logician can finish, a massive explosion engulfs the war zone. The mushroom cloud from the explosion is seen half a world away; everyone on the field (except The Logician), many innocent bystanders, and a cute puppy are vaporized instantly.

The Logician turns to his friend. "Thanks for showing how to really use a destructive move, Chuck."

Chuck Norris tips his hat, and walks away, as The Logician aplogizes to the families of all the innocent people Chuck Norris killed, and the people who owned the puppy.

 

[The Potato Lord]

Not to miss out The Potato Lord leaps in with a frozen shortsword and stabs The Logician between his ribs. "You would enjoy having chuck "show" you a "destructive move" wouldn't you?"

 

[000Ronald]

It would seem The Logician has fallen; but behold! The sheer awesometicity of his being protected him from harm. The blade, while appearing to skewer him alive, actually bent around his skin, as it was not worthy to make physichal contact with the badassatude of The Logician. The Logician counters the attack by drawing his katana and running both Swift and The Potato through. "C'mon," he says. "We all know both of you are as queer as a fruit basket! Now get you're gay on!" The Logician then sweeps the blade out of their sides, causing their intestines and other digestional facilities to fall to the ground.

A sly smile appears on The Logician's face. He rummages around in his robe for a moment before pulling a small golden statue out. "I've been saving this for a special occasion. Assist Trophy, Away!"

The Assist trophy shatters, and on the ground appears, cocked up cap and all, Ashton Kutcher! "This is Ashton Kutcher," He says. "And you've all been Punk'd! Nut Shot!"

Everyone on the field of battle experiences an immesurable pain where there testicles should be, and clutches their crotch as they fall to the ground. Ashton, laughing, disapears in a puff of smoke.

As The Logician rolls on the ground with uproarous laughter, we find he is too busy to apologize to any of you n00bs. So f*** off.

 

[Rolling Thunder]

And so I, Fondant did walk across to the logician, rolling on the floor like a drunken priest, and kick him in the head with such violence one of his ears was torn clean off in a spatter of blood.

And as Ashton disappears, Sasha the khornate Weimaramr did swallow him whole, destroying his body and casting his worthless soul down into the darkest depths of tartarus.

As the Logician rolls (this time to avoid being beaten and desperately attempting to protect his gimpy elfin girl-face) I, Fondant , do speak.

I may be ugly sir, but you are asexual. I may have children sir, wheras you cannot.

 

[000Ronald]

The Logician, tired of being beaten senseles, grabs the foot of Fondant and flings him into the air. He then leaps into the air himself and preforms a Falcon Dive, followed by a Falcon Kick (being as he's using Super Smash Brothers Attacks, no blood is spilt, but it does hurt). He then grabs Fondand and body-slams him into the ground, crushing every bone in his body. As The Logician gets up, he says, "You will only ever have children if you can find a woman. Who isn't your mom. Or sister. Dear god, you make me sick."

Then, for good measure, The Logician turns him into swiss cheese again, only more thoroughly. This time he turns Fondant into a fine powder. And urinates on it. And apologises for the smell.

 

[Rolling Thunder]

I rematerialise fifteen feet directly above the logician, landing directly on his skull and crushing him and his body into a bloody, intestinal pulp which, while demostrating the colourful nature of the human anatomy, also shows just how weak the Logician is.

'My family goos sir?! Kindly do not assume all of us are similar to you in your sexual preference. In fact, it would be best to assume that you are at all similar to me, or, for the matter, any male of the genus homo sapiens sapiens. Most of us have a bone structure made out of something other than glass.'

 

[000Ronald]

"You would, wouldn't you?" The Logician asks, reapearing behind Fondant. "Luckily, I have the ability to turn into any material of my choosing. So while you thought you crushed me, I, in all actuality evaded your attack. Now to kill you in the most humiliating way possible."

The Logician pulls out a small brass flute. Before Fondant knows what is happening, The Logician plays a particular note on it; Fondant clutches his stomach and moans "No, anything but this!"

That's right, The Logician thinks. The E Note! You are litterally going to shit yourself to death!

Fondant begs and pleads for awhile, then stops moving. The smell is horrid. The Logician tucks the flute back in and says, "Might wanna wash your clothes out now. You smell really bad." And apologizes to everyone who had to smell that.

 

[000Ronald]

Swift, walking away smugly, suddenly realizes that he has no left arm. Or right. Or a body for that matter. In fact, he seems to be flying from-

Swift's head stops thinking as it hits the ground. The Logician, unscathed by the mama joke, had lobbed off his head. Picking up Swift's head, The Logician says, "Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggareted. You, on the other hand, are mincemeat." He then refuses to apologize, becuse that was funny.