Insults without swears

[Shapsters]

Insulting without swearwords is the best way of doing it, because wit always beats anger.

You sir are as ugly as you are foolish and if you think I will succumb to your idiocy you are very much wrong. Now if you do not leave I will have to teach you a good lesson! Now good day!

I SAID GOOD DAY TO YOU SIR!!

 

[Iskenator67]

Idiot is a good insult to use.

Agreed. From the French, idiote.

 

[WhiteTiger225]

I like to use the phrase Picklesniffer, it doesn't have to make sense but it could if you sat and thought about it for a second.

Your mother is a misspelled witch! (I know I should say typo but then non-internet peoples would not understand me >.<)

 

[Dys]

They tend to work better when they are in some way personalised and not trivialized by profanity... Voluptuous heffer is a personal favorite (if a bit generic).

 

[WhiteTiger225]

Your mum is a HAMSTER and your father smelt of elderberries!

fixed it for ya mate

NO. As said previously, twice, I don't like hamsters.

Does it really matter if you like hamsters or not when you quote Monty Python, something that even non-fans are at least semi-familiar with? Misquoting one of the most quoted insults from that film just makes you look like the fool. Sorry.

A good insult...Obviously you were not burdened with an abundance of education. Or try calling someone "lisenchephalic" but in a positive way. It means smooth brained. Which has to do with lizards and lower levels of intelligence. Just look it up.

"The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug." -Mark Twain

 

[Sven und EIN HUND]

Your mum is your sister and your father was a dog.
That one I got from cracked.com. All credit to that fine site

 

[WhiteTiger225]

They tend to work better when they are in some way personalised and not trivialized by profanity... Voluptuous heffer is a personal favorite (if a bit generic).

I once told a girl in class (Got major detention for it)
"Wear some panties next time, your ankles are pale with cold"

Never had an oppurtunity to use that again in highschool because not many girls in my school were labeled "School Slut"

 

[Grand_Arcana]

Isn't Shakespeare's work riff with them?

Ironically, I find it easier to insult people on the web than IRL; more time to think of something good.

 

[comadorcrack]

I'm gonna quote Glen Wool here. "You Sir... Are The Guilty Orgasm of a R*** Victim"

Serch up Glen Wool On swearing if you can't guess what I blanked out (Didn't want to get a ban)

 

[Anarchemitis]

Of course it is you pusillanimous pencil pusher.

http://www.tintinologist.org/guides/lists/curses.html [http://www.tintinologist.org/guides/lists/curses.html]

 

[Dys]

They tend to work better when they are in some way personalised and not trivialized by profanity... Voluptuous heffer is a personal favorite (if a bit generic).

I once told a girl in class (Got major detention for it)
"Wear some panties next time, your ankles are pale with cold"

Never had an oppurtunity to use that again in highschool because not many girls in my school were labeled "School Slut"

Ohhhh that's brutal, may I ask what she did to deserve it?

 

[WhiteTiger225]

They tend to work better when they are in some way personalised and not trivialized by profanity... Voluptuous heffer is a personal favorite (if a bit generic).

I once told a girl in class (Got major detention for it)
"Wear some panties next time, your ankles are pale with cold"

Never had an oppurtunity to use that again in highschool because not many girls in my school were labeled "School Slut"

Ohhhh that's brutal, may I ask what she did to deserve it?

"Why do you type on the computer rather then write with pen? To hard with you you lazy fatass?" She and her two girlfriends laughed at that, I told her to mind her own. She then went off on my poor choice of clothes for the winter (I have been known to walk outside in the snow in nothing but shorts. I am a polar bear XD) So I retorted with that statement. She got pissed, bitched at the teacher "Are you going to let him insult me like that!? That's sexual harassment!" the FEMALE teacher (Ann Baker. She is a mix of Kramer and Doc Brown) shrugged and said "Well you kind of asked for it dear." and the girl got so pissy she left the room and walked home XD

 

[Radelaide]

Your mum is a goat mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!

Fix'd. Sorry. And I know you've had it before, but if you quote Python incorrectly a swarm of mildly annoyed ants will make a nest in your pants.

I do always love: You came to a battle of wits unarmed. And a variety of typically English words like Pillock and Dolt.

 

[Housebroken Lunatic]

I'm onto you. and if so have you ever used one? if so care to share?

Uhm, I really don't keep notes of all the witty innuendo's about people and their relatives I have used during my lifetime. I just improvise.

It is quite hilarious though, especially when you use it against someone who tries to insult you by using an extreme amount of profanity. : )

 

[Spineyguy]

Thou sanctimonious open-arsed ratsbane!

Thou reeky prick-eared promise-breaker!

Thou unwholesome clapper-clawed gudgeon!

I love these things.

http://www.william-shakespeare.org.uk/a2-shakespeare-insult-generator.htm

 

[UpcountryGecko]

You should have a tampon stuck in you.

 

[KarumaK]

You sir are as ignorant as you are ugly. You can replace the word ignorant with almost anything e.g stupid.
And there are thousands more insuts one can use without swearing. Swearing is for people to stupid to come up with something origional

Originality is for people too stupid to save time with the hard work of others.

Though I do like to tell people, "May your soul be raped by a thousand fumbling koalas."

 

[Housebroken Lunatic]

And there are thousands more insuts one can use without swearing. Swearing is for people to stupid to come up with something origional

Not true. Swearing can be used in very original and elaborate ways. Like this:


The use of profanity doesn't necessarily negate originality. It's just as much a vocal tool as anything else...

 

[amenfire]

Hmm it appears insults without swearing causes everyone to speak like a brit or some kind of thespian. BEGONE YOU CANKEROUS TOAD-FACED FRUMPET

 

[RufusMcLaser]

Allow me to share a favorite passage from Heinlein's Starship Troopers.

"...He looked at us. "You apes- No, not 'apes'; you don't rate that much. You pitiful mob of sickly monkeys ... you sunken-chested, slack-bellied, drooling refugees from apron strings. In my whole life I never saw such a disgraceful huddle of momma's spoiled little darlings..."
...
He went on and on and I began to forget my goose flesh in hearing him storm. He never once repeated himself and he never used either profanity or obscenity. (I learned later that he saved those for very special occasions, which this wasn't.) But he described our shortcomings, physical, mental, moral, and genetic, in great and insulting detail.
But somehow I was not insulted; I became greatly interested in studying his command of language. I wished that we had had him on our debate team..."

It's clearly possible to thoroughly insult someone without once dipping into profanity. Writers of ages bygone (which is to say, up until Tropic Of Capricorn and Naked Lunch were published) did it all the time.