Is asking a person if they are single right off the bat being too foward?

[Blair Bennett]

Don't even ask if she's single. Tell him to just introduce himself, say she looks nice, then give her his phone number. Then the ball's in her court, pressure's off him, and he makes a ballsey intoduction. Women love that shit.

Actually, that might come off as wussy, ask her for her number, most women will give you their number if there's ANY chance that they'd wanna go out with you in the first place, AND it leaves you with options, and not just the knowledge that she'll probably never call you...

Actually, if he plays it right he'll just stick out in her memory more. Think about it: every guy asks for a girl's number, but how many are confident enough to give her theirs and just walk off? It says a lot about your confidence, and she won't instantly forget him like every other slob that hits on her every day.

There is, however, a fine line between confidence and arrogance. If someone were to walk up to me and do nothing but shove their number into my hand and then prance away, I probably wouldn't call them regardless of whether or not I were in a relationship. All I know about this person is...well, nothing, except for the fact that they seem to think this one action is so impressive that I would be left swooning in his wake.

Personally, I think GenericJim101 has a decent idea: small talk cannot hurt his chances. All it does is make the question as to whether or not she's single less awkward/abrupt, and it also connects a personality to a face/name/number. This girl will remember your friend better if she has an actual personality that she can consider being interested in, rather than just a number and a face that she might correlate to someone grotesquely arrogant.

 

[Giftfromme]

I agree with most people in this thread. Just assume she isn't single and if she is in a relationship to assume she isn't happy. If she is in a relationship and is happy, she will communicate this to your friend. And he can move on, because at that point there is no real need to pursue her.

Also, he doesn't have to ask her out as such, or make it into a big deal, he could just ask to go on a coffee/hot chocolate session or something. Something relaxed and informal.

 

[Zack Alklazaris]

Depends how you ask it, I myself prefer the direct approach.

 

[sir.rutthed]

Don't even ask if she's single. Tell him to just introduce himself, say she looks nice, then give her his phone number. Then the ball's in her court, pressure's off him, and he makes a ballsey intoduction. Women love that shit.

Actually, that might come off as wussy, ask her for her number, most women will give you their number if there's ANY chance that they'd wanna go out with you in the first place, AND it leaves you with options, and not just the knowledge that she'll probably never call you...

Actually, if he plays it right he'll just stick out in her memory more. Think about it: every guy asks for a girl's number, but how many are confident enough to give her theirs and just walk off? It says a lot about your confidence, and she won't instantly forget him like every other slob that hits on her every day.

There is, however, a fine line between confidence and arrogance. If someone were to walk up to me and do nothing but shove their number into my hand and then prance away, I probably wouldn't call them regardless of whether or not I were in a relationship. All I know about this person is...well, nothing, except for the fact that they seem to think this once action is so impressive that I would be left swooning in his wake.

Personally, I think GenericJim101 has a decent idea: small talk cannot hurt his chances. All it does is make the question as to whether or not she's single less awkward/abrupt, and it also connects a personality to a face/name/number. This girl will remember your friend better if she has an actual personality that she can consider being interested in, rather than just a number and a face that she might correlate to someone grotesquely arrogant.

Why are we so hung up on finding out if she's single? I mean damn who the Hell cares anyways? Going on one date isn't diving into a relationship. I do agree that small talk doesn't hurt, but if this guy's as nervous as the OP made it seem, it may behoove him to put on a brave face for a few seconds and get out before the cold sweats start in. And he shouldn't just "shove their number into my hand then prance away". As I said, give her a sincere compliment, maybe a little chit chat and segue into "Hey, I think you're cool. Here's my number. Gimme a call some time".

 

[Erana]

If someone flips out and reads way too far into "Hey, are you dating someone right now?" then do you really want to be dating them?

 

[JMeganSnow]

If you're asking from friendly curiosity, it's a fine question for right off the bat. If you're asking as a prelude to a desperate "I like you" speech, best not to bother.

It's not the question so much as the attitude in which you ask it that is off-putting.

Also, there is no B.S. so off-putting as a guy who doesn't even know you well enough to figure out whether you're single or not declaring that he "likes" you. Finds you interesting, maybe, but you like someone when you *know* who they are, and he knows nothing about you other than how you look and what your voice sounds like.

 

[ripdajacker]

I usually inquire a little about them to find out if they're single, but just follow your intuition. She'll more likely go out with you if you show you have some balls and can be direct.

 

[Last Hugh Alive]

It'd be nice to know right away, but unfortunately I do think asking them almost first thing if they are single is a little to strong.

However, he should still go ahead and ask her if she'd ever like to get together some time. Hell, I think the possibility of her being spoken for may actually help. I'd rather be turned down by a girl because she already has a boyfriend, rather than being turned down by a single girl. To me that would feel even more crushing (although in that case she'd probably say "Sorry I have a boyfriend" anyway).

Either way, by getting it out of the way he's still going to benefit, even if just for getting a huge load off his shoulders. Besides, its not like the girl at the convinience store is the only woman in the world, right?

 

[MassiveGeek]

Why not just ask her out? Outcomes:

If she's not single, she'll mention it then.
If she is single, and wants to go out with him, she'll say so.
If she's single, but doesn't want to go out with him, she'll either lie about being single or simply reject him then and there.

No need to prolong it with (potentially) two questions.

This.

Just be forward damnit, it'll save you a lot of hassle and headache. Also:

She might be gay.

You never know.
However, regardless of the case, being asked out is really flattering, even if saying no might be a bit awkward.

 

[Dogstile]

these are the situations were wingmen shine, the less shame they have the better,

This, you should go find out and report back to him. Wingmen are good at this sort of thing.

 

[deathninja]

You can't think of a better icebreaker?

Just kidding; be bold and throw it out early, but as the first thing your mate says it's a little forward.

 

[holy_secret]

So my friend is interested in this girl and he has no idea if she is single or not. The girl is a cashier at a store that he goes to regularly and he arranges to always pass at her cash when he goes there. Now he wants to ask her out but is too nervous about being rejected. The problem is , if he knew if she was single or not would help , because if shes not single he'd just give up since he wouldn't have a chance and it would save him the embarassement. Now if she is single well he'd at least try knowing that it's not 100% sure she'd say no. Now my advice to him is to simply ask if she's single , this would serve as a ice breaker and if she says she is he can immediately ask her out. The problem with this is that he think it's being too foward and might turn her off whether she is single or not. So my question is : is asking a person if they are single being too foward or pushy? Or is it normal for people to ask this to a semi-unknown person that you are interested in?

Oh come on.
I was chatting up some cashier and had an awesome 10 minutes with her until other costumers needed her. As I walked away and said goodbye, I turned around, ran back to her and asked her if we could have dinner sometime.
She smiled, blushed like crazy and said that she already has a boyfriend but that this was the cutest thing anyone has done for her.

Oh yeah. Winning.

It's only awkward or embarrassing if you feel it. Just the fact of doing it is a reward in itself. Your friend shouldn't stray away from simply asking her out.

And it's not too pushy to ask someone if they're single. But they would know for sure you're interested, if that's a problem for you.

 

[Speakercone]

Why not just ask her out? Outcomes:

If she's not single, she'll mention it then.
If she is single, and wants to go out with him, she'll say so.
If she's single, but doesn't want to go out with him, she'll either lie about being single or simply reject him then and there.

No need to prolong it with (potentially) two questions.

One more possibility:
she's not single and does want to go out with him.
My response then would be to run.

 

[Blow_Pop]

Why not just ask her out? Outcomes:

If she's not single, she'll mention it then.
If she is single, and wants to go out with him, she'll say so.
If she's single, but doesn't want to go out with him, she'll either lie about being single or simply reject him then and there.

No need to prolong it with (potentially) two questions.

This.

Just be forward damnit, it'll save you a lot of hassle and headache. Also:

She might be gay.

You never know.
However, regardless of the case, being asked out is really flattering, even if saying no might be a bit awkward.

I agree with these two. It is a huge ego boost even if it is coming from the wrong gender. Though if you are a creepy person in general you might want to watch how you do it.

 

[Strain42]

"What is the polite amount of time to pretend to still care what a woman has to say after she tells you she has a boyfriend?" ~ Russel Brand

Anyway, lemme tell you a little story. Two stories actually, both very similar.

One is from when I was frequenting the hospital for something I'm not going to go into. Most visits there, the girl at the front desk would help me sign in and etc. etc. I liked her, she was cute, and we usually chatted when we were waiting in the lobby. The last day I was ever going to be there, I asked her out. She was flattered, but had a boyfriend.

Cut ahead to earlier this year. Borders was closing and there was a girl who worked there I'd always thought was cute. We had similar taste in books, I know she was a gamer. When Borders started doing their Going out of business sale, I walked right up to her and basically told her "Look, the store is closing, I may never see you again. You wanna grab a cup of coffee?"

Again, she was flattered but seeing someone. What makes the bookstore girl different from the hospital girl is that her and I are still friends and still chat.

The point is, you don't have to do what I did and wait for your final chance. Just go ahead and ask.

I know it sounds cliche, but the worst they can say is no (whether it's because they have a boyfriend or not)

 

[the Dept of Science]

Why not just ask her out? Outcomes:

If she's not single, she'll mention it then.
If she is single, and wants to go out with him, she'll say so.
If she's single, but doesn't want to go out with him, she'll either lie about being single or simply reject him then and there.

No need to prolong it with (potentially) two questions.

Yea, pretty much this. If you clearly state your intentions then she will catch you up to speed on where you stand. The only way you can create problems is by pussyfooting around, playing games or being deceptive.

 

[Blair Bennett]

Don't even ask if she's single. Tell him to just introduce himself, say she looks nice, then give her his phone number. Then the ball's in her court, pressure's off him, and he makes a ballsey intoduction. Women love that shit.

Actually, that might come off as wussy, ask her for her number, most women will give you their number if there's ANY chance that they'd wanna go out with you in the first place, AND it leaves you with options, and not just the knowledge that she'll probably never call you...

Actually, if he plays it right he'll just stick out in her memory more. Think about it: every guy asks for a girl's number, but how many are confident enough to give her theirs and just walk off? It says a lot about your confidence, and she won't instantly forget him like every other slob that hits on her every day.

There is, however, a fine line between confidence and arrogance. If someone were to walk up to me and do nothing but shove their number into my hand and then prance away, I probably wouldn't call them regardless of whether or not I were in a relationship. All I know about this person is...well, nothing, except for the fact that they seem to think this once action is so impressive that I would be left swooning in his wake.

Personally, I think GenericJim101 has a decent idea: small talk cannot hurt his chances. All it does is make the question as to whether or not she's single less awkward/abrupt, and it also connects a personality to a face/name/number. This girl will remember your friend better if she has an actual personality that she can consider being interested in, rather than just a number and a face that she might correlate to someone grotesquely arrogant.

Why are we so hung up on finding out if she's single? I mean damn who the Hell cares anyways? Going on one date isn't diving into a relationship. I do agree that small talk doesn't hurt, but if this guy's as nervous as the OP made it seem, it may behoove him to put on a brave face for a few seconds and get out before the cold sweats start in. And he shouldn't just "shove their number into my hand then prance away". As I said, give her a sincere compliment, maybe a little chit chat and segue into "Hey, I think you're cool. Here's my number. Gimme a call some time".

Because dating someone and being in a relationship are two different things. If she's just dating someone, there's no reason she can't say yes, but if she's in a relationship that is at least considered serious by her own standards, the odds are not nearly as good. It is implied that the OP's friend wants to know this so he knows whether to bother or not. That said, I really don't think she'll be too offended if he asks her outright (though not as a conversation starter), and at that point the worst she can say is that she isn't single.

Also, I should clarify my statement. I wasn't saying that complimenting her, maybe talking for a short period of time, and then exchanging numbers is a bad idea. In fact, at first, I wasn't totally certain as to why you would think that at all, seeing as how that was my own suggestion. If you thought that the bit about shoving a number in her hand and then walking off was in reference to your post, then I apologize, my statement was unclear. I was using an extreme to demonstrate that incredible forwardness is not synonymous with incredible confidence. I was using this to encourage the OP to understand that, if his friend is truly so nervous as he appears to be, that a healthy medium can be found between knowingly making himself uncomfortable and being an ass.

That said, different people respond to different things. She may respond well to a quick chat and an exchange of numbers, or she may prefer to have several short conversations before considering you for a relationship, or she may even wish to have known you for a much longer period of time beforehand. However, this is something we cannot know ourselves, and is not meant to discourage your friend from whatever course of action he chooses.

 

[Vanguard_Ex]

Wouldn't a girl be flattered if someone asked her out, regardless of being single or not?

I don't know. Women, how the fuck do they work?

I think your friend should just follow your advice.

Fucking magnets and wizards and rainbows shit I don't know.

Yeah, just give him a slap and the old 'Man up' with a straight face. Repeat until profit.