Is Being Too Nice to Strangers a Liability?
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When I first arrived in India it took me several days before I found out from the locals I was paying at way, way over the odds for basically everything. I continued to do so, although not as much, and it still doesn't bother me now. People there as so less well off compared with me it simply doesn't matter when you're there. If you try to bargain with them too much you just feel like a huge prick, even though that is the norm. If I help someone feed his family and still get by myself then it's good for both sides, not a 'liability'.
I had a similar experience the other day in fact, it was in a Publix shopping center near dark. The lady flagged me and my friend down in an SUV and said she'd just come off the interstate from the children's hospital and she was running low on gas and if she could barrow five. She even went as far as to promise to send it back to us. The whole situation reeked of fish, I mean at a Publix of all places and if you're coming off the interstate looking for gas money, wouldn't you stop at a gas station and ask there? The Publix was off the same road as the interstate, but it was still a fair distance along.
If she was acting, she did put of quite a show, her eyes were all red and she had tears, so I gave her a ten, because I didn't have any fives and told her not to worry about sending any of it back (I didn't want to give her my information and she probably wouldn't have sent it back anyway). If she wasn't acting then I've done a good thing, if she was, I've only lost ten bucks. I'll consider it my price for a well done improvised show and move on with my life.
That being said, I live in a city with a high homeless population and a lot of panhandlers, and people pull this scheme often, this is the second time I've been flagged down in a parking lot from somebody always in a vehicle asking for money. The first time wasn't nearly as convincing and we'd seen him doing it before, so that guy got a big fat "no" from us.
These scams are also thankfully much less harmful than people trying to sell you $3000 speakers for a mere $700! out of their truck or something along those lines.
If she was acting, she did put of quite a show, her eyes were all red and she had tears, so I gave her a ten, because I didn't have any fives and told her not to worry about sending any of it back (I didn't want to give her my information and she probably wouldn't have sent it back anyway). If she wasn't acting then I've done a good thing, if she was, I've only lost ten bucks. I'll consider it my price for a well done improvised show and move on with my life.
That being said, I live in a city with a high homeless population and a lot of panhandlers, and people pull this scheme often, this is the second time I've been flagged down in a parking lot from somebody always in a vehicle asking for money. The first time wasn't nearly as convincing and we'd seen him doing it before, so that guy got a big fat "no" from us.
These scams are also thankfully much less harmful than people trying to sell you $3000 speakers for a mere $700! out of their truck or something along those lines.
I don't think anyone would think your an idiot for trying to help someone. I mean everyone gets duped by scams like this at some point and it always sucks. I remember someone constantly harassing people at a pub for money and it worked only for them to reappear and try again with me. The best you can do is to hope you did what you thought was right at the time, the rest is uncontrollable.
Quoted for wisdom.Zhukov said:
Anyway, I had a somewhat similar experience, although it wasn't really a scam. Basically some guy ended up asking for some money for the bus, and I ended up giving him a $5, mostly because I was heading to class and didn't really feel like arguing with the guy. But for some reason before talking he first asked me if I smoke weed, and seemed to try to use it as some kind of shared stoner cause or something, since he was apparently heading somewhere to pick up weed. Afterwards I felt kind of stupid for giving him the money, since if he has the money for drugs then he certainly doesn't need my help. But I'm only out $5.
If you want to be helpful then just give that money to charity. You cant trust anyone. That guy pulled a disability trick to make you feel bad for him. In London their are people who pretend to be homeless just to beg money off people. So now i never give money to strangers and only stick to given to official charities. Rather that than give a criminal scumbag money.
Meh... It can be the same way not being nice can be a liability... <color=white>That's all I got to say on that...
Anyway, from my experience, there's this one woman that always comes to my church's Thanksgiving feast, where we serve food and give out clothes and hygiene packs to those in need like homeless people and the like... For several years now, this lady has been constantly showing up to this particular event, always asking for more food than what was served on average and, especially, asking for more clothes/hygiene packs than what is usually given to just one person alone... At first, we all assumed that she was doing this for her family or something to that effect, but as it turned out, some of us noticed her pulling out a cellphone out of her sock when she was outside, calling up someone, and telling them, in Spanish, that she has the stuff needed to sell back over to Mexico "when the time comes"...
Now, of course, she doesn't know that we now all know this, but at this point, it didn't deter our goal of just helping others that needed help the most around that time of year... Hey, at least she wasn't just going to throw the clothes and the hygiene pack in the trash bin outside and, to that, I say our good deed was a success in the long run...
Anyway, from my experience, there's this one woman that always comes to my church's Thanksgiving feast, where we serve food and give out clothes and hygiene packs to those in need like homeless people and the like... For several years now, this lady has been constantly showing up to this particular event, always asking for more food than what was served on average and, especially, asking for more clothes/hygiene packs than what is usually given to just one person alone... At first, we all assumed that she was doing this for her family or something to that effect, but as it turned out, some of us noticed her pulling out a cellphone out of her sock when she was outside, calling up someone, and telling them, in Spanish, that she has the stuff needed to sell back over to Mexico "when the time comes"...
Now, of course, she doesn't know that we now all know this, but at this point, it didn't deter our goal of just helping others that needed help the most around that time of year... Hey, at least she wasn't just going to throw the clothes and the hygiene pack in the trash bin outside and, to that, I say our good deed was a success in the long run...
Yeah, I had a similar situation. The night before Christmas eve my best friend, brother, and I headed to Atlanta for a comedy show. We are all from the burbz and rarely head out to the city. We stepped out of our car, and within one minute of being in the city my brother and friend were had. We parked and went to pay for our ticket at a parking meter when a man wearing a reflective jacket and tags approached us saying that the parking cost five dollars. My brother and friend immediately began producing the five dollar fee. I knew it was a con, but didn't know how to respond. I probably should have just called him out, but instead I tried explaining to the man that we'd prefer to use the meter and that the printed ticket was suppose to have our parking spot number on it. He said he'd remember our spot, handed my brother a stained ticket and made off with the money. When he was out of ear shot I told the two of them that they had been dupped and we bought a ticket from the machine.
Hrmmm... maybe the stories aren't so similar, mine doesn't have a good samaritan, but it does share one common theme- FAPPY GOT CHUMPED!
But, on a more serious note, you're not an idiot for falling for something like that. Just because people are shitty doesn't mean you have to be shitty in return. It's okay to skeptical, but don't let it get in the way of doing what you think is right. I'd say giving money to a person in need is good, even if the perceived need is fabricated, because you didn't do anything wrong.
Hrmmm... maybe the stories aren't so similar, mine doesn't have a good samaritan, but it does share one common theme- FAPPY GOT CHUMPED!
But, on a more serious note, you're not an idiot for falling for something like that. Just because people are shitty doesn't mean you have to be shitty in return. It's okay to skeptical, but don't let it get in the way of doing what you think is right. I'd say giving money to a person in need is good, even if the perceived need is fabricated, because you didn't do anything wrong.
In conversation, yeah, I try to be friendly(prolonged conversation, not just someone saying "hi").
If someone immediately approaches me with expressly asking for something, then I'd likely ignore them and continue on.
The neighbourhood in which I live isn't the best of places: I remember there being an illegal brothel running parallel to the high street. Best to just continue on like the rest of London
If someone immediately approaches me with expressly asking for something, then I'd likely ignore them and continue on.
The neighbourhood in which I live isn't the best of places: I remember there being an illegal brothel running parallel to the high street. Best to just continue on like the rest of London
You're not an idiot, just doing what you felt like was the right thing. It's a shitty feeling, because you feel like not only did you not really help this person, you also got taken advantage of, I've been there.Fappy said:
As much as I hate to say it, I'll help people, but it's always completely on my terms. For example, I will never just give a homeless person money, but I will buy them food. Sadly, I've found it to be quite common for them to just say "never mind" when you offer to buy them food instead of just giving them money.
In a case like yours, I would have said "ok then, we'll wait for the cops to get here and I'll just give them the money".
It sucks to not be able to trust people, but I honestly feel like I'm doing the world good as well by not falling for these cons, because then in theory they'll quit doing them if it continuously doesn't work. The less people out there conning others, the more likely people will be to help and not be worried that they are being taken advantage of.
Are we supposed to stop doing the right thing because some asshole might be trying to trick us? I have experienced the same issue, and all I can say is that I am who I am and I'm not gonna stop being who I am just because someone might be a less than exemplary human and try to rip me off. I feel really bad for people that feel like they need to rip others off for money or whatever. It must be really sad to not know how to fend for yourself without stealing from others.
Don't let them get you down, man!
Don't let them get you down, man!