Is it rude to ask someone how much they make?
- Thread starter Mersadeon
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Yeah, its rude to ask someone how much money they earn. For multiple reasons.
Firstly:
In most contexts it does not matter whatsoever. Why does the amount someone else earns matter to you? How does it affect your opinion of them in any way.
Secondly:
95% of the time it is being used as a method of competitiveness or to try and rate how successful and important someone is. It is rude because in most cases the only reason you are asking is to try and find out if you are superior to someone else.
Now, there are some cases where this is different. If you are actively talking about living expenses (I asked my friend who lives in Dubai how much she earns cause she lives in Dubai.), then its fine. Stuff like that. But in most cases it is just simply rude. Or pointless. So yeah.
Meh. I would get annoyed if someone asked me how much I was earning. Hell, I get annoyed if someone asks me what I do for a living fullstop. When they find out I am a student, I get pretty pissed off when people ask me how I am doing, grade wise. It is always to be competetive. If it is from a relative, it is so they can go "Oh, well, I guess [REDACTED] is not as good of a University as Oxford, Tom is getting a First!", if it is from a stranger they will either boast about their grades being better or go silent.
I guess I am saying we should have better ways of comparing ourselves to each other than how much money we are making and how well we are doing on an arbitrary academic scale. "What was the last book you read" is a good start, followed by "Have you seen Black Mirror?" or "Were you at the protest trying to save the NHS?" or just about fucking anything but how much money you are making.
Because if you really care about how much someone is making, just as an arbitrary thing, then you are a ****. And if someone randomly volunteers that information they are a ****.
tldr;
Its rude and actively pisses me off.
Firstly:
In most contexts it does not matter whatsoever. Why does the amount someone else earns matter to you? How does it affect your opinion of them in any way.
Secondly:
95% of the time it is being used as a method of competitiveness or to try and rate how successful and important someone is. It is rude because in most cases the only reason you are asking is to try and find out if you are superior to someone else.
Now, there are some cases where this is different. If you are actively talking about living expenses (I asked my friend who lives in Dubai how much she earns cause she lives in Dubai.), then its fine. Stuff like that. But in most cases it is just simply rude. Or pointless. So yeah.
Meh. I would get annoyed if someone asked me how much I was earning. Hell, I get annoyed if someone asks me what I do for a living fullstop. When they find out I am a student, I get pretty pissed off when people ask me how I am doing, grade wise. It is always to be competetive. If it is from a relative, it is so they can go "Oh, well, I guess [REDACTED] is not as good of a University as Oxford, Tom is getting a First!", if it is from a stranger they will either boast about their grades being better or go silent.
I guess I am saying we should have better ways of comparing ourselves to each other than how much money we are making and how well we are doing on an arbitrary academic scale. "What was the last book you read" is a good start, followed by "Have you seen Black Mirror?" or "Were you at the protest trying to save the NHS?" or just about fucking anything but how much money you are making.
Because if you really care about how much someone is making, just as an arbitrary thing, then you are a ****. And if someone randomly volunteers that information they are a ****.
tldr;
Its rude and actively pisses me off.
Out of the blue it seems weird as with most things, but it's considered rude as it implies how you view them is dependent on how much money they make.
Although, more often on the internet people just ask out of interest rather then any actual malice.
Although, more often on the internet people just ask out of interest rather then any actual malice.
It's also considered rude here in Switzerland. Context still matters though. If someone has problem with his job/salary and needs help from others a comparison can be helpful.
But my generation is alot more carefree about those discussions. Specially since most people know what others earn anyway, since we've general contracts in most jobs.
At least among friends/family i don't see a reason why it should be a completly forbidden topic, but as i already mentioned: Context is important.
But if strangers ask you that out of the blue? That's definitly considered rude.
But my generation is alot more carefree about those discussions. Specially since most people know what others earn anyway, since we've general contracts in most jobs.
At least among friends/family i don't see a reason why it should be a completly forbidden topic, but as i already mentioned: Context is important.
But if strangers ask you that out of the blue? That's definitly considered rude.
I'm from the US and here, in my experience, it's not generally considered rude, but it is kinda gauche. It's just not something you bring up with someone you don't know fairly well, and people seem to be uncomfortable talking about it with people they don't know very well.Mersadeon said:
Personally, I find that hesitation kinda silly and pointless, but I'm also the kind of person that has precisely zero fucks to give about money, so I'm probably not the best person to ask.
Edit:
The only time it's really considered pretty uniformly to be rude to discuss your wage is with coworkers, mostly because of the competitive and "wtf why am I being paid less?" aspects.
I'm British and it's definitely rude to ask, in fact I remember as a kid asking my step-dad how much he earned out of childish curiosity (I knew he made a lot due to being a senior site manager in construction), only for him to jokingly quip that he'd have to kill me if he told me, so he was really good about it and didn't take offense, but now I know better.
Honestly I'm not sure. I rarely ask someone how much they earn, but no-one I know my age would hesitate to answer if I asked what their hourly wages are. Now this might be because most of my friends are students and they don't really care that much, they're also not revealing how much they actually make (and I don't ask).
I guess it's all about the context though. If I ask my friend how much he/she gets paid an hour and then blurt out that I (most likely) earns 3 times that an hour then yeah, it's rude. I have a high paying job, but I don't work very often or frequently.
I guess it's all about the context though. If I ask my friend how much he/she gets paid an hour and then blurt out that I (most likely) earns 3 times that an hour then yeah, it's rude. I have a high paying job, but I don't work very often or frequently.
In Canada I think it's a bit rude. I know in the UK that social class is still a really big deal and is kind of ingrained into the cultural consciousness.
Over here, it isn't to the same level as over there. However, it's kind of odd if someone just walked up to me on the street and asked. In that case, I wouldn't tell them. If they're my friends and family, yeah I'd tell them no problem.
Over here, it isn't to the same level as over there. However, it's kind of odd if someone just walked up to me on the street and asked. In that case, I wouldn't tell them. If they're my friends and family, yeah I'd tell them no problem.
Depends, really. If you're asking while you are pointing a gun at someone, with the intent to rob them, it might hint at your less desperate and more humanitarian leanings (think Robin Hood).
If you just bluntly ask people you don't regularly sleep with (or who you pay to be allowed to regularly sleep with them), then yes, it is considered to be quite rude. Generally because money wants to be made, spent, lost as a sort of very personal pastime, and the folks that make either very little or way more than average will either fear for their lives or switch to a very depressive, pensive or aggressive mood, none of which would result in super great moments in your life.
If you just bluntly ask people you don't regularly sleep with (or who you pay to be allowed to regularly sleep with them), then yes, it is considered to be quite rude. Generally because money wants to be made, spent, lost as a sort of very personal pastime, and the folks that make either very little or way more than average will either fear for their lives or switch to a very depressive, pensive or aggressive mood, none of which would result in super great moments in your life.
It's totally situation dependent, really. If you're just asking someone out of the blue for no real reason whatsoever, then yeah it is kind of rude. On the other hand, if, for example, you're talking to someone who works in an industry you are interested in getting into, then it's acceptable.
Think of it this way: it's generally considered rude to ask someone how much they weigh, but if you're talking to someone who is a professional boxer (where weight determines your class) then it's fine to ask.
Think of it this way: it's generally considered rude to ask someone how much they weigh, but if you're talking to someone who is a professional boxer (where weight determines your class) then it's fine to ask.
It's kind of rude in Sweden too. Some friends of mine has mentioned once or twice how much they made in a month, or told me their hourly rates, but I never thought to ask even when it was relevant to me(considered getting into the same line of work).
Wouldn't be too bothered with answering the question if a friend asked me. If some stranger did I wouldn't say though.
Wouldn't be too bothered with answering the question if a friend asked me. If some stranger did I wouldn't say though.
I live in the US and have been taught that matters of income are pretty...not intimate necessarily but, not the kind of thing you would just ask about with anybody. I'm living with my girlfriend now and I'm still not 100% sure what she's making.
If anybody wants to know how much I make: Less than I'm worth and just barely enough to keep me coming back.
If anybody wants to know how much I make: Less than I'm worth and just barely enough to keep me coming back.
Yes it's quite rude. I thought that that would be rude in pretty much any western culture.
Our culture tends to use wealth as a major determinant of a person's value. So that is a very personal and probing question that is really not the business of a stranger, and usually not even of someone you know quite well.
Our culture tends to use wealth as a major determinant of a person's value. So that is a very personal and probing question that is really not the business of a stranger, and usually not even of someone you know quite well.
well... unless you're talking finances, like helping someone make a budget, it's kinda personal... I can talk about anything with my mother, I could even tell her my favorite positions (mostly because i enjoy shocking her, but that's beside te point) but I'm just not very comfortable talking about my financial situation. perhaps it's because I live on a student loan and I don't really like to have to depend on someone/thing else for my income, but I really prefer to keep that stuff to myself.
USofA. I think it can depend on the context of the conversation.
If you're talking with a friend about a job you/they just got, then the issue of pay is probably going to come up. If you're talking with your boy/girlfriend about taking your relationship to a higher level (living together or even marriage) then blah blah pay blah. If you're blahing with a blah about blah blah, sometimes pay blah blubbedy meow.
You see how this blahs, blah?
But like I said, it depends on the context.
Let's say you're having a nice first date. No pressure, just having a nice, casual time with someone new. Out of goddam nowhere, they ask how much you make. Well, this might not necessarily be rude, but it sure as hell is weird and off-putting.
Personally, I know if someone asked me so suddenly, I would not be offended, but I would be turned off immediately. Gold digger, and all that.
If you're talking with a friend about a job you/they just got, then the issue of pay is probably going to come up. If you're talking with your boy/girlfriend about taking your relationship to a higher level (living together or even marriage) then blah blah pay blah. If you're blahing with a blah about blah blah, sometimes pay blah blubbedy meow.
You see how this blahs, blah?
But like I said, it depends on the context.
Let's say you're having a nice first date. No pressure, just having a nice, casual time with someone new. Out of goddam nowhere, they ask how much you make. Well, this might not necessarily be rude, but it sure as hell is weird and off-putting.
Personally, I know if someone asked me so suddenly, I would not be offended, but I would be turned off immediately. Gold digger, and all that.